by Lucy | Apr 11, 2019 | People Who Hurt
When you’re a Christian and struggle with doubt, you may wonder what’s wrong with you. You may even think your doubts prove you were never a Christian in the first place or, at best, a horrible hypocrite.
You might be tempted to give up, right?
The truth is, struggling with doubt is lonely and overwhelming and discouraging. But your struggling can also bring you closer to God.
What doubting sounds like
Struggling often sounds like this: A counselee I’ll call Katie began thinking God just didn’t care. First, her husband pushed her away. He kept playing video games late into the evening, even though he has promised he’d let up. So she thought–>Why did God give me an insensitive husband?
Second, her church made the news in a bad way. Under allegations of financial mismanagement and of a temperamental pastor who bullied the staff, her church was hurting. People were leaving in droves, disheartened. And she thought–> Couldn’t God have stopped this?
Finally, stress at work was getting worse. And her divorced dad kept bugging her to spend more time with him. And a good friend moved across country. It was just too much. Again, her thoughts questioned God –> Why isn’t God helping me? Don’t You care?
Doubt sounds like tears dripping on parched land.
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So why hasn’t God — all powerful and all wise and all loving — made Katie’s life turn out better? And why can’t she know with certainty right here, right now that everything will turn out okay and she’ll feel peace again?
And what about you? What about your cries for relief from life’s struggles?
So we walk by …
… Faith. The Bible gives the reason for our struggles.
We walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7
Yet, with physical bodies in a physical world, we very often rely on getting our certainty through our physical senses of touch, hearing, smell, taste, and sight. Elyse Fitzpatrick in Doubt: Trusting God’s Promises adds that another way we know what’s cetain is having been taught it. Consider the Civil War, or anything of historical record. Indeed, how would we know the Civil War actually happened but by studying it and seeing artifacts and visiting battlefields?
You’re in good company
Abraham, Moses, John the Baptist — these three faithful men each had their doubts too. You’re in good company, dear Doubter.
- Abraham and his wife Sarah doubted God’s promise that he would give them a son in their old age (Gen. 17:17, 18:12).
- Having parted the Red Sea and witnessed many other miracles, Moses still harbored unbelief (Num. 20:12).
- John the Baptist had expected Jesus to bring judgment and, while in prison, he sent a message to Jesus: “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” (Matt. 11:3).
And we cling to our hope
When you struggle with doubt, you may wonder if you’re the problem. Or that this whole Christian thing is a joke. Or that you’ve been taught all wrong.
“Perhaps you started your Christian walk with a strong faith but have faced difficulties and setbacks, and now you’re wondering whether if any of it is true,” Fitzpatrick wonders. If this sounds like you, please don’t worry or think you’re the worst Christian ever.
Everyone questions the truth they had once believed wholeheartedly.
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So what’s the hope?
I encouraged Katie, as I’ve encouraged my own heart (yes, I’ve struggled with doubt too), with biblical truth reminders from J.I. Packer in his classic Knowing God.
- I am a child of God.
- God is my Father.
- Heaven is my home.
- Each day in one day closer.
- My Savior is my brother.
- Every Christian is my brother too.
My prayer is you’ll wrestle with your doubts and not give up. Choose to keep reminding yourself of the truth your clung to when you first came to faith in Jesus Christ. You are not alone. God is with you.
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I’d love to answer your questions and encourage you. Simply send me an email. If you think you may be interested in biblical counseling by Skype or FaceTime, read this. It answers some FAQs. Let’s connect.
Counseling hearts to hope,
Lucy
by Lucy | Feb 11, 2019 | biblical counseling, thoughts |
The new “Transform Your Thoughts e-Journal” is a simple, effective, and biblical way of journaling your thoughts. As you change your thoughts, you’ll also change your heart and even experience a tranquil life. Get the downloadable here.
In this article, I’ll introduce you to part of the thought journal I developed for my counselees.
Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Romans 12:2a, NLT
Wonderfully, the Transform Your Thoughts e-Journal shows you how to replace life-sapping thoughts with uplifting, God-honoring thoughts. And as the Holy Spirit transforms your thoughts, four things happen. You’ll–:
- Become aware of life-sapping, ungodly thoughts.
- See a connection among your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
- Exchange uplifting, God-honoring thoughts for ungodly thoughts.
- Have better emotions and actions.
Your Thoughts Reveal Your Heart
Know these two truths:
- Your thoughts flow from your heart, which is the seat of your deepest desires.
- A healthy heart is Christ-centered; an unhealthy heart is me-centered.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7, NKJV
Indeed, your thoughts become part of your beliefs. And your beliefs remain until new thoughts challenge them. Then new beliefs elbow out the old ones. Thought transformation is NOT behavior modification; it is renewal of your core BELIEF system.
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How to Use the Journal
First, describe a difficult circumstance. Then ask, what was going on? Here is an example.
“My husband and I have argued a lot ever since our teen began using marijuana.”
Next, write your thoughts, emotions, and resulting actions. You may think your emotions come first. Actually, thoughts do. Then emotions and actions follow thoughts.
Your journal might look like this:
| LIFE-SAPPING THOUGHTS |
EMOTIONS |
ACTIONS |
| “I’m a horrible mother.” |
Anger, fear, sadness |
Yelled at teen. Took away her phone. Cried. |
Now select a real circumstance from your own life and try it yourself. You’ll benefit the most when you actually do the work of thought journaling. Reading about it isn’t enough. Rather, you need to do it.
Turn Your Thoughts Around
Let’s start with the “I’m a horrible mother” thought. First, begin with a question: Ask if your thought is true. Is it a fact that you are a horrible mother?
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Chances are, you are a loving, stressed-out mom who feels scared, angry, and overwhelmed, searching for solutions to help your teen.
Now replace the life-sapping lie “I’m a horrible mother” with an uplifting biblical truth such as, “Even though my daughter’s choice to do drugs upsets me, God promises that he is with me, guides me, and comforts me. He is trustworthy.”
Begin your new thought with something like, “Even though _________________,
God promises __________________________________________.
New emotions and actions replace your old emotions and actions.
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Here’s what it looks like:
| NEW THOUGHTS |
NEW EMOTIONS |
NEW ACTIONS |
| Even though my teen has made poor choices, God promises to give us wisdom when we ask for it and to be with my family and me. |
Peace, hope |
With your spouse, pray and ask God for wisdom.
Thank God.
Smile |
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|
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Transforming your thoughts is absolutely necessary to live the Christian life!
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If you’d like one-to-one help with transforming your thoughts and experiencing a tranquil life, consider setting up a complimentary phone consultation with me to talk about receiving biblical counseling by Skype or FaceTime or Zoom.
Counseling hearts to hope,
by Lucy | Jan 22, 2019 | biblical counseling, emotions, whole health wellness |
Food cravings can come on quick, right? You’re driving along singing to KLOVE or whataver, and out of nowhere food cravings strike.You may crave a Snickers or chips or a Ding Dong. Or you may crave strawberries!
And up the road a 7-Eleven beckons.
In this short article, let’s look at…
- Biological food cravings versus emotional food cravings
- A biblical solution to food cravings
Choose Your Choice
So what should you do when hit by food cravings?
A. Try your very, very best to ignore them.
B. Proceed to the 7-Eleven and get the goodies..
Well, it depends! Biological food cravings differ from emotional food cravings.
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It’s wise to fill the biological kind because your body needs what is craves. Just think of how delicious a glass of water is when you are super thirsty. So when you fulfill this type of craving, you’ll think and feel better. But fight the temptation of emotional food cravings. If you cave, you’ll feel worse, and you’ll miss out on God’s best too.
So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Biological or Emotional?
Here’s a simple what to tell whether your food cravings are biological or emotional
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When you have a biological food craving and fulfill it, you feel nourished. And it doesn’t take much food to meet such a need either. One bagel, a wedge or two of low-fat cheese, or a couple of chocolates–that’s it.
But emotional food cravings aren’t about food. Giving in is an attempt to meet a need apart from God. That’s right: An emotional eater looks for comfort in food. Sometimes it follows “I’m a loser” self-talk.
Solution to Food Cravings
The good news is by obeying and trusting God, you can have victory over food cravings.
You make this break when you begin desiring what God desires and, with God’s help, change your heart. His power helps you make good and godly food choices, straighten out your thinking on food, and practice, practice, practice. A great resource for we who mess up — and this is all of us, right? — is Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by biblical counselor Elyse Fitzpatrick.
God wants you to live life based on truth, not emotions. The truth of who he is. The truth of who you are. His truth is sure.
But our emotions go up and down like an elevator. Now emotions are fine; God gave them to us. Just be sure you don’t let them yank your around. Rather, live out truth.
7 Quick Stop-Craving Tips
Here’s truth talk on healthy eating. Yes, you’ve heard it before … except maybe the last one … but it’s the best.
- Choose water over coffee and soda pop.
- Shrink your portions by using smaller plates.
- Limit your consumption of sugar.
- Skip foods with ingredients you cannot pronounce.
- Sit down during meals.
- Eat slowly.
- Remember eating becomes sacred when it becomes worship.
Remember the Bible verse I mentioned? So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Let it guide your choices.
And when you do, then everything — from washing dishes and sweeping floors to writing blog posts to selling — can be worship. As long as you line up your thoughts with God’s, the simplest things become sacred.
And so it is with food.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Dec 24, 2018 | biblical counseling, thoughts
Does a truly beautiful Christmas mean newly fallen snow, gingerbread houses, and piles of sparkly presents under the tree? Of course not. A truly beautiful Christmas is so much more.
God adorns you on the inside, beginning in your thoughts. Yucky, God-dismissing thoughts are disgusting like dirty snow. But beautiful God-glorifying thoughts spill into new attitudes and new actions.
What’s truly beautiful: a Christ-focused Christian woman!
But how do we get from ugly, dirty snow thinking to the truly beautiful? This is a favorite question, one I use to counsel my own heart and to help my counselees. Indeed, if we don’t know our hope, then how can we get there?
In today’s enouragement…
You’ll see how to focus your thoughts on God’s glory, which in turn changes your attitude and actions. And, dear sister, if now you have crummy thoughts and a humbug attitude, please keep reading because these words are for you.
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1. Focus on God in Your Thoughts
A truly beautiful Christmas begins with thinking on the truth that we love God because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). We couldn’t save ourselves. We need a Savior, born in a manger long, long ago, God’s answer to our deepest problem. That is, sin.
And this is important: we choose to focus on God’s glory with our minds, not our feelings. Please don’t let emotions rule you. For when you do, you may soar like an eagle one moment but drop like a stone the next.
Instead, focus on his glory no matter your feelings. As you do, nasty thoughts lessen in intensity and duration and new, God-glorifying thoughts take their place.
OUT GOES
Jealousy, bitterness, sadness, anxiety, doubt
IN COMES
Generosity, kindness, contentment, peace, confidence
2. Focus on God in Your Attitude
A truly beautiful Christmas becomes an amazing attitude. You see, as think on the God’s truth and agree with it, your attitude renews. To illustrate, let’s look at 1 Thessalonians 5:18 with my counselees. This verse says,
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
As you might expect, most of my counselees deal with tough stuff. Who wants to give thanks for the hard? No one, right? But this isn’t what the verse says. It says to give thanks in all circumstances.
Yes, it’s horrible to learn a husband looks at porn. And it’s awful a teen daughter skips class or that you may lose your job. But you can be thankful that God is in control and is working out all things even when you cannot see it (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Are you beginning to see how your attitude changes as you focus on God? No one is a lost cause, no situation is hopeless. To the contrary! If you need help to improve your thinking, contact me.
Focus on God in Your Actions
A truly beatiful Christmas also means new God-glorifying actions, whether in word or deed. But each of us are weighed down, right? The single mom, the empty nester, the woman in chronic pain, the perfectionist, and on and on and on.
And modern-day, busy-busy Christmas makes demands on our schedules and energy, and sometimes in the middle of it all, our thoughts go south and our attitudes stink. But when we focus on God, our actions and words can display Christ beautifully.
Remember, change does NOT start with behavior modificaiton. Rather, as mentioned, it begins with your thoughts. So if you (or a friend) notice you spoke sharply or complained about snow or lack thereof, or if you’re dissatisfied, choose to think about your thoughts.
Ask yourself–
- What thoughts just ran though my mind?
Then condider–
- Do my thoughts honor God? Do they line up with the Word?
If not, then determine to change them.
- First, identify right thinking.
- Second, agree with God to renew your thoughts.
- Third, ask his help to change.
- And finally, thank him for what he’ll do even before he does it. This is faith!
Indeed, focusing on God in your thoughts, attitudes, and actions ensures a truly beautiful Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
by Lucy | Nov 28, 2018 | biblical counseling, relationships
So you are not ‘in-love’ with your spouse anymore? Now what? Should you dump the relationship? Or rekindle passion? Or something better? This article by Eliza Jane Huie appeared first here on The Biblical Counseling Coalition webisite and is used with permission.
“I love my spouse; I’m just not ‘in-love’ with him/her anymore.”
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This is a statement I have heard pronounced in the counseling room many times by couples. Both women and men have said it. It is usually said in the context of a marriage counseling session scheduled because the couple has reached a crisis state, and in many cases, the one saying it is also declaring their desire to leave the relationship.
To Love and To Be in Love
What does it mean to love or be in love, and is there a difference?
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If you spend any time wading through the murky bog of the world’s messages as portrayed in movies, TV shows, and music you might come up with a definition like this:
Love is good-looking, emotionally exciting, and never boring. Love is always interested and supportive of my hobbies, and is never tired or discouraged. Plus, love makes me feel good about myself. And love is sexually in sync; love is totally into me.
So, when a relationship, and for our particular focus—a marriage—becomes dull there can be a temptation to believe that you are not in love. How can you be in love if there is no passion left? How can this really be love if desire for the relationship has fizzled?
Is there hope for a relationship when it has reached this state?
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To recover passion you must focus on the right things. As a famous preacher once said, “You have to focus yourself away from yourself.”
Building a marriage around your felt needs is a recipe for disappointment and is contrary to Scripture. Focusing on you is counterproductive. It may seem like it would help if your marriage met your needs, but the unintended consequences are that you become the center of attention and the center of focus.
This is a big problem. The relationship is no longer the point, but you and your needs are. The natural consequence of this is when you feel like your spouse is not meeting your needs, you no longer want the relationship. You may not initially leave, but you begin to check out.
The Scriptural Purpose of Marriage
Scripture speaks of a very different purpose for marriage. You get married to forget about yourself, to set yourself aside, to lay your life down. To die.
I will often bring up this point when doing premarital counseling with a couple. It is sometimes a bit humorous to see the look on the face of the dreamy-eyed couple as I tell them that marriage is death.
Marriage, in essence, is an “other-centered” relationship. When you begin to focus on yourself and your needs you begin the deconstruction of the relationship.
For anyone playing the devil’s advocate, I am certainly not talking about essential needs for life and survival. Any time a person is in a marriage that is threatening their safety or well-being it is absolutely appropriate to get away from that relationship and seek help.
Loving Your Spouse
The death that we are called to in marriage is the laying down of your life described in Scripture as the mystery of marriage which points to Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32).
How do you know you love your spouse?
- Are you living in your marriage in a way that reflects the relationship that Christ has with his Bride?
- Are you willing to become obedient to the point of death; the death of your own interests and preferences?
- And will you humble yourself and think of your spouse’s interests more than your own?
- Are you willing to count your spouse as more significant than yourself? This is death (see Philippians 2:3-11).
So, what can you make of the original question of what it means to love or be in love? If you have lost that loving feeling, you need to build a new foundation of what love is and what it means. It means you get yourself out of the way. This can only be done as you focus on your Lord.
To love your spouse means that you look to Jesus and learn from Him what love is. “Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for u.” (Ephesians 5:2). To love and be in love requires you give yourself up, to die.
Join the Conversation
What does it mean to love or be in love and is there a difference?
What difference does it make in marriage to see marriage as a call to die to self and to live for Christ as you love your spouse?
Friends,
Does your marriage need help? Maybe you are even ready to call it quits. Why not set up a free 15-minute phone consultation with me and ask your questions about restoring your marriage. I meet with folks in person and by Skype/FaceTime/Hangouts worldwide.
