EMOTIONAL ADULTERY: It can happen to anyone. Me. You. Him.

Emotional adultery is, in the words of my radio show guest Paula Friedrichsen, giving your heart to a man who is not your husband and doing everything “but the sex.” Listen to the podcast of my interview with Paula on my show “The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors”? Here’s the link to the podcast.

How Emotional Adultery Begins

Author of The Man You Always Wanted Is the One You Already Have, Paula shares a redemption story of recommitting to her marriage after a too-close, emotionally intertwined relationship with her pastor. Her inappropriate relationship began the usual way. Innocently. She first buddied up to the pastor and his wife.

Then she starting playing with fire. For you who’ve been there, you get it:

phone calls

inside jokes

a gentle touch on the shoulder

a little flirting

Through her trial, and a series of unwise choices, Paula found triumph and forged a stronger relationship with her husband and with Christ. Indeed she discovered,

It’s only as I am found in Christ that I can be content in my relationship with my husband.

5 Stages of Emotional Adultery

As you listen to the podcast, you may notice five things.

1. UNGUARDED HEART: Paula did not plan to become emotionally involved with a male friend. And she didn’t turn to Christ when tempted.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

2. LIFE GOING WEL: Paula had at the time (and has now) a good marriage.

3. FALLOUT! But the emotional adultery caused pain and confusion to Paula, her husband, the congregation, and no doubt the pastor and his wife. Just as Paula was asked to leave the church, so was the pastor.

Satan confuses, God brings order.

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. (1 Corinthians 14:32)

4. FORGIVENESS: Deeply hurt, Paula’s husband forgave her, noting that it would have been more difficult had she given away her body too. However, it took 10 years for her husband to forgive the pastor. His hurt was deep.

5. GOD IS FAITHFUL! Despite these terribly difficult circumstances, God proved faithful. And here are three examples:

Many Christian women who love their husbands become attracted to men — often spiritually mature men — who give them attention they deeply desire.

Now Paula says of her husband,

He’s predictable, proverbial, and prone to leaving his dirty clothes in a pile beside the laundry basket. He’s the big lug lying next to you every night–and believe it or not, he is your Prince Charming!

Questions to Ponder

  1. If you’ve been tempted to fall for a man who isn’t your husband, what are one or two ways you escaped giving in?
  2. Perhaps you had an emotional affair. If a friend were headed down that path, what godly advice would you give her?
  3. If you need counseling to overcome emotional adultery or other difficulty, please contact me for a free 15-minute phone consult. I offer biblical counseling in person and by Skype worldwide.

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