Internet Porn: keeping your kids safe

Internet Porn: keeping your kids safe

Internet Porn: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe

Hi friends, this is another PG-rated post on keeping your kids safe online. I cannot tell you the number of moms of all ages who’ve contacted me on keeping kids safe from internet porn. In fact, it’s as close as your kids’ cell phone. But you know this already, right?

You can read my post on cyberbullies on the Internet and on gaming consoles here. It tells the sad mad story of a cyberbully threatening to rape my teen son in my own home.

FACT: 93% of boys–and 62% of girls–have been exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18. This means only 3% of boys and 17% of girls have never seen Internet porn. This statistic and some other material in this post comes from CovenantEyes.com

Even if you’ve put in place precautions to keep your kids safe, it isn’t enough to block all exposure to internet pornography. As you probably know, children and teens who’ve had frequent exposures to sexually explicit photos and videos are more likely to:

~ have multiple sexual partners.

~ develop an addictive habit of watching porn.

~ mimic behaviors seen in porn.

This Ain’t 1970 Pin-Up Girls!

Do you remember the famous swimsuit poster of Farrah Fawcett, dressed in a red one piece? Too sexy, right?

This picture is tame compared to the hundreds of millions of hard-core photos available online at the click of a button. CovenantEyes.com reports that scientists theorize that early exposure to Internet porn may interfere with healthy sexual development while a child’s brain is developing through the teen years.

Certainly, God who created us knows what’s best for us. Listen to what Jesus said:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27,28)

and what Paul exhorted:

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:13-14)

What You Can Do

Safeguard your computer and mobile devices by using parental controls and with software that blocks porn sites. Remember, keep in mind that your child may still see porn on others’ computers, smart phones, and tablets.

Also, know that the multi-billion-dollar porn industry uses tactics to seduce otherwise unsuspecting teens. Innocent word searches can bring up pornographic sites with banner ads that show “teaser” images. So armed with this knowledge you can talk lovingly and intelligently to you child about what to do when such sites pop up:

First, teach your kids to not click links.

Second, set an atmosphere where your children  know that they can come to you and talk about sensitive subjects without fear.

Third, consider using a well-respected Internet accountability service like Covenant Eyes. Such services monitors Internet use and proves accountability reports to parents.

You Can Keep Your Kids Safe

You can keep your kids safe from Internet porn. Yes, porn images are everywhere on the Internet, and television too. It takes some work on your part to set up parental controls and to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with your children, from 8 to 18.

But you can do it. And you can trust God to help them make wise choices and to repent when they make mistakes. You do NOT want them to become a statistic, like one of these:

13 percent of Web searches are for porn material.

About 55 percent of divorce cases involve either the husband or wife obsessively using porn websites.

Eight out of 10 unwanted exposures to Internet porn happens in the home.

Question: What are some ways you keep your children safe?

 

Lord, Thank You! Even when the world is crazy!

Lord, Thank You! Even when the world is crazy!

A “Thank You” prayer popped up in my e-mail box, and it was exactly what I needed amid all the craziness in the world. The pray-er wrote it after a natural disaster. But your trial might be something else — a wayward child, an illness, a difficult marriage, a financial setback, or another difficulty, right? Right now, I’m dealing with some family stuff.

And so I say “thank you” to God who is always with me and loves me.

I just want to say Thank You.

Lord, I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you because this morning I woke up and knew where my children were.

And I thank you because this morning my home was still standing, because this morning I am not crying due to my husband, my child, my brother or sister needs to be recovered from underneath a pile of concrete.

Because this morning I was able to drink a glass of water, turn on the light, take a shower, and because I was not planning a funeral.

Thank You for my voice

But most of all I thank you this morning because I still have life and a voice to cry out for the people who hurt.

Lord, I cry out to you, the one that makes the impossible, possible, the one that turns darkness into light.

I cry out that you give those mothers strength, that you give them peace that surpasses all understanding.

So I pray You may open the streets so that help can come, that You may provide doctors, nurses, food, water, and all needs in a blink of an eye.

Give us peace, hope, and courage

Father, for all those that have lost family members, give them peace, give them hope, give them courage to continue to go on!

Protect the children and shield them with your love and power. I pray all this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Friends, isn’t it tough to give thanks in trials? But this is exactly what God call us to do. Consider 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

… give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

So what does this mean?

  1. We give thanks in the circumstance not necessarily for it. Who in her right mind would give thanks for a tragedy like a child’s cancer diagnosis? But we say thank you to God for being with us in our pain.
  2. As crazy as it sounds, we give thanks in all circumstances, even the hard, for they draw us to the Lord.
  3. And we know giving thanks is God’s will. No question.

 

Sandwich Communication Tool!

Sandwich Communication Tool!

Use sandwich communication with kids to lovingly and effective engage conversation. This tool is helps make communication with loved ones … a joy.

Based on a biblical model, the sandwich communication tool helps you effectively communicate — even correct your child — by beginning and ending with the positive.

I recently watched a dad correct his daughter three or four times in a 10-minute conversation that left her with a downcast spirit.

Her expression said, “Can’t I do anything right?” She appeared to melt into the wall and disappear. 

Results—yes. Good results—no! 

This article by Sherry Allchin, MA, appeared first here on Biblical Counseling Center, which gave permission to reprint. Sherry is among the dozens of female biblical counselors listed on Heart2Heart Counselor Directory. See her contact info. She counsels in by Skype and in person in South Carolina. Edited for length.

Begin with the Positive

When communicating anything to your child, but especially a correction, begin with a positive. When Christ corrected the churches in Revelation 2 – 4, He began by telling each of them what they were doing right.

Each time we approach our children (even spouses!) we need to affirm their positives, what they do w\ell.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29, ESV

EXAMPLE: Let’s say a child is getting his tempera paints all over the place. Many parents might say, “You’re so messy; why can’t you do it like Joni?” This message communicates, “You are not as good as Joni. Messy is your nature so I guess you’ll never change.”

But a gospel-motivated parent might begin with a positive part of sandwich communication, such as “I like the colors you are choosing for your picture. Here, let me give you a paper towel to clean up some of those drips. I can’t wait to see your finished picture!”

The positive approach gets the child’s attention that he is doing something of value to you as well as to him, that he really does have some good qualities even though they may still need some polishing.

Time for the Negative (or Correction)

Now the middle part of sandwich communication.

I always hated it when a teacher told me I had it wrong but left me no clue about how to fix the problem. Some children are left feeling that same way by parents.

Yes, they know it was wrong, but they still don’t know what to do to correct it. How do you correct being a lazy slob if you’re told that’s who you are? How do you correct a math problem you don’t understand?

A child made in the image of God has wonderful potential to change any wrong thing she is doing, and she needs to be reminded of that continuously in the process of corrective sanctification.

So a child is not a lazy slob; she is failing to make her bed before breakfast or take out the garbage when asked. That is a problem that can and should be corrected. “This is what I want you to correct and how I want you to do it.”

Finish the Deal with a Positive

The last part of sandwich communication ends in a positive.

You might say something like,

You are a strong boy and very capable of carrying your load around our home.

And because we love you and want to train you for life, we must insist that you do ______ by dinnertime or face the consequences of ______.

We are confident you will choose to make a wise choice that honors God and your parents because we have watched you growing in your love and obedience in so many ways.

Yes, sandwich communication quickly reaches the heart of most children (or adults, for that matter). But if a child’s spirit has already been deeply wounded, it may take some consistency on your part for the child to respond well. He must come to believe he has intrinsic value because he is made in the image of God and because he can change to become more and more like Jesus in everyday life.

Practical Help

  • Ask the children in your life if they think you are made at them “rarely,” “sometimes,” or “often.” If the answer sometimes or often, please ask their forgiveness. Remember, man’s anger never produces God’s righteousness.
  • Recognize that your anger is usually about what is inconveniencing you, not what your child truly needs to correct.
  • Plan the “Sandwich” that you will give your child, first a positive related to what needs correcting or overall positive character you see in him. Then carefully word the Correction in a way that guides him to biblical change for God’s glory. Finish the Sandwich with the Bread of Life, God’s love for him, your love for him and your confidence in his ultimate maturity (Hebrews 12:5-10).

Next Step

Consider getting biblical counseling for you and your child if home is a war zone. Contact us and learn more about biblical counselinghby Skype.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

Lucy

Christian Meditation: What Is It? Why It Works!

Christian Meditation: What Is It? Why It Works!

Meditation: this word unnerves some Christians. They think it is Eastern-New-Age woo-hoo mysticism. But is all meditation … bad?

On the daily it seems a new yoga studio opens in town or a mindfulness article pops up online. In a 2012 survey by the National Institute of Health, 21 million adults and nearly 2 million children practice yoga, a mind-and-body practice with origins in ancient Indian philosophy.  Mindfulness has roots in religious and philosophical systems, too.

BUTChristian meditation focuses on the Word of God (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:2). It is a truly awesome Christian discipline when you fill your mind with God’s truths. Underline: fill your mind with God’s truth!

So the important question is this: What are you meditating on? Three quick questions to consider:

  1. What is Christian meditation?
  2. Can Eastern meditation hurt you?
  3. How to begin Christian meditation.

What Is Christian Meditation?

The dictionary’s defines meditation this way: “To focus on one’s thoughts on; to ponder, think on, or muse.” But focus on what? Christian meditation has a very clear focus: God and his glory. Here are a few verses:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

And,

May my mediation be pleasing to Him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:34

So what kind of meditation is acceptable and pleasing to God?

Psalm 1:2 and Philippians 4:8 provide answers.

But his delight is in the lawof the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Can Eastern Meditation Hurt You?

meditation

No doubt you’ve heard that meditation lessens anxiety as one empties her mind of the cares of the world and “turns inward.” The focus: your feelings.

But relying on your feelings leads you away from the God’s truth. Here’s a crucial question:

  • What happens when you dwell on your fears or difficult circumstances?

You lose your peace, don’t you? And you may forget the freedom you have in Christ. And turning inward and focusing on your feelings, rather than God’s loving truth, creates havoc in your soul, doesn’t it? Your heart may be filled with despair or anger or fear.

The antidote: Meditate on God’s promises and presence!

Colossians 3:2-4 says;

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.

How to Begin Christian Meditation

Christian meditation is focusing on Scripture. Like any new habit, you’ll need to stick with it for it to become second-nature, but you can do it! God will help you! Here are a few ideas on getting started.

Time and Place

Set aside a specific time for reading God’s Word daily. Ideally, choose the same spot to read and meditate on God’s Word. Begin with prayer.

Choose Scripture

It may be tempting to read the latest Christian bestseller. Don’t. Instead, choose a book of the Bible to read through slowly or a section of Scripture.

Read and Reread

Read your selected Scripture once, then read it again. Slow down the second time.

Ask Questions

After reading your selected Scripture twice, ask questions:

  • Who is the author and who is he addressing?
  • Why is he writing?
  • What do the verses say about God? about his audience?
  • How does it apply to living a godly life today?

Write a Verse to Meditate On

Now write one of the verses in your selected Scripure to meditate on throughout your day. You may prefer a notecard or the “notes” section of your smartphone.

Pray

Thank God for revealing his truth to your mind. And ask him to help your walk in the loving truth he has revealed.

Counseling Hearts to Hope!

Oh No! Truth About Teen Sex for Parents

Oh No! Truth About Teen Sex for Parents

TEEN SEX: The thought that your son or daughter is sexually active cuts Christian parents to the core. Biblical counselor Julie Ganschow, who’s listed on Heart2Heart Counseling Directory, describes the prevalence and dangers of teen sex, and she encourages parents too. Her article appeared first here on The Biblical Counseling Coalition and is used with permission.

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Fourteen-year-old “Angela” (not her real name) sat in my counseling office at the request of her mother. Angela had been displaying some behaviors that caused concern and led her mom to investigate her daughter’s activities. While checking Angela’s cell phone, she was horrified to learn that Angela had been sexually involved with her 16-year-old boyfriend.

Angela is one of nearly half of all students in ninth through twelfth grade who have had sexual intercourse. Sadly, 14 percent of those students have already had four or more sexual partners in their young lives.

Our teens live in a sex-saturated culture. Television and movies routinely show men and women who barely know one another having sex, and this promotes the idea that there is no difference between sex and love. It is critical that we communicate the message: Immoral sex is not “love,” it is only sex.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22).

Dangers of Teen Sex

There are many dangers for a young person who becomes sexually active. Parents are most often concerned about pregnancy, abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases. However, with the marketing of vaccinations to prevent cervical cancer and medication to treat herpes, there is a mistaken view among some adults that teen sex is not a big deal. Nothing could be further from the truth.

teen sexIn addition to physical issues that can result from sexual activity at a young age, there are significant emotional dangers. Teenage sexuality often leads to emotional distress, especially for girls. In a majority of teen sexual encounters, there is no “relationship” behind the sexual act being performed. Teens are taught that sex is little more than the satisfaction of a physical urge and that everyone does it.

The reality is they are not emotionally ready for sex. Teenagers are already experiencing a complicated array of emotions from the hormonal changes taking place in their bodies, and when sexual activity is added it only makes those feelings more intense and confusing.

Emotional Impact

Sexually active teens often report having feelings of self-contempt and worthlessness. Angela eventually realized she had been withdrawn, depressed, and angry since becoming sexually active. One study involving 8,200 students, ages 12 to 17, found that those involved in romantic relationships had significantly higher levels of depression than those not involved in romantic relationships.[1]

Angela was brought up in a home where morality is valued. Her mom taught her to cherish her virginity, so giving it away while young and unmarried brought her tremendous feelings of guilt, shame, and loss.

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18).

Angela expressed a sense of being trapped into having to say “yes” to sex since that door had been opened. She described being pressured to have sex on every date she had with her boyfriend. Angela also told me she didn’t like sex, but didn’t think she could say “no” to him. She considered it to be meaningless and it had become a pastime, more of a social activity that she and all her friends were doing.

Over the weeks we met together, Angela realized that her view of sex lacked the sacred beauty and richness that God intends for it to have.

Angela learned that while she could experience the physical aspects of unity, sex outside of marriage would never contain the critical spiritual element– the oneness– that is present between a woman and her husband within the covenant of marriage.

Parents Needed

Our kids are confronted with all the wrong images and ideas about sex from the moment they wake up until they close their eyes and sleep. Sexual messages fill their music, commercials, radio, computer, classrooms, peer groups, parties, music videos, movies, books, phone conversations, and even their drive down the highway. Unless parents speak up, there will be no counterbalance to these messages.

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Tit. 2:12).

Parents are the best, most qualified people to tell their children the truth about sexual issues. It should be part of the training that takes place in the home. Kids need to hear from their parents that God gave married couples the gift of intimacy to enjoy. Teach them that within marriage, a couple can have abundant, fearless love. Trust and commitment in marriage make it possible for both husband and wife to enjoy each other in a way that is devoid of guilt, shame, fear, and doubt.

Questions for Reflection

How can parents better engage their teenagers and help them navigate these difficult issues around teen sex? What are some ways to protect teens from the cultural and social pressures to be sexually active?

[1] Kara Joyner and J. Richard Udry, “You Don’t Bring Me Anything But Down: Adolescent Romance and Depression.” Journal of Health and Social Behavior 41 (2000) 369-391

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

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