by Lucy | Aug 12, 2019 | emotions, whole health wellness |
Have you ever had a time when everyday stress overwhelmed you? Everyday stress is an emotional or mental strain that can happen to anyone but isn’t life altering like witnessing a mass shooting or receiving a cancer diagnosis. As I share my own everyday stress story, let’s remember the comforting truth that God promises to stick with us.
God’s your safe place. Always.
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That said, we also need biblical solutions for handling the anxiety that comes with everyday stress. I’m sharing three of my best stress smashers. With the help of God’s word, we all can regain the peace the soul desperately desires … even when our circumstances do not change.
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This everyday stress was a surprise
Mine began as many bad things do — with no warning. A while back, I skipped several days of exercise. Feeling guilty for eating too many cookies and skipping workouts, I decided to exercise for ten minutes in my living room.
First I stretched. Then I did sit-ups. But …
rather than doing my usual crunches — which, in retrospect, I SHOULD HAVE DONE — I tucked my feet under the couch, laid on back, and rolled all the up to sitting and back down. On sit-up numero ocho, something in my back didn’t feel right. Nonetheless, I pressed on and completed two more full sit-ups, far short of my goal. I rubbed my back and called it a day — and didn’t think much of my situps
until the next morning
when I awoke to an intense clenching in my lower back muscles and numbness in my legs. I elbowed my snoozing husband.
Steve, something’s wrong. I need your help. Steve, wake up. I need you.
He heard fear in my voice, listened to my story of super-tight back muscles, and got me a pain reliever. He assured me, “You should be better in a few days. Just rest. We’ll take care of the house stuff. Don’t worry.”
Then it got worse
My family cooked, laundered, and swept while I was laid up and my kitty curled next to me. I began to feel a bit better, but then I learned that a close family member needed daily injections. Nothing life threatening, but important and another thing to deal with
while my back continued to spasm and the numbness in my legs lingered.
I remember thinking and praying, “God, the doctor said I should be better in four to eight weeks. I’m not. Walking and standing hurts, and my legs and feet feel bubble-wrapped, and now a family member is hurting. Help us.”
And worse
Things seems to happen in threes, right? Another family member received bad health new. So I prayed again.
And again. More intensely. Desperately. I remembered this quote:
God whispers to us in our pleasures. He speaks to us in our conscience, but He shouts to us in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. –C.S. Lewis
God had my attention. Soon, fear accompanied the pain. And my thoughts turned inward and became increasingly negative.
Will the doctors have a treatment that works?
Has God forgotten me? Is He punishing me? Does He care?
It turned out that my back got better after physical therapy. I continue to do the exercises to this day. As God providentially worked in my circumstance to bring healing, I learned at least three strategies to smash everyday stress.
3 Strategies for Handling Everyday Stress
We face everyday stresses of all sorts every day: unexpected bills, car problems, an argument with a loved one, traffic. Our reactions to these stresses reveal what’s in our heart (or, our true inner person). For instance, when stressed, we may become angry and lash out, or anxious and worry, or sad and mope. Scripture says,
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13).
Here are three ways to handle stress anxiety by learning to trust God.
1. Agree with God
Agree with God that he cares about you, is with you, and is more concerned with conforming you to the image of his Son, Jesus, than making your everyday stress vanish like the wind. We live in a fallen world with all sorts of troubles.
REFLECT: What troubles are you facing now? Will you agree with God that He has a purpose for your problems?
2. Accept Your Situation (and improve it, if you can)
Give thanks to God in all circumstances; for this is the will of Christ Jesus for you.
What this verse is saying is the proper response to everyday stress is thanksgiving because we recognize that He is supremely in control of whatever comes your way for your good and his glory. We accept our situation as God’s good plan, thanking Him for how he is using it to transform us. Yet, if we can improve our circumstance, we often should.
Didn’t David kill Goliath when the giant taunted the Israelites? The men who spied out Jericho found a place to hide at Rahab’s home, right? And Jesus often slipped through the crowds who wanted to detain him. I sought help from a doctor, physical therapists, and medication.
ACTION: An excellent way to give thanks in all circumstances is keeping a list of reason to give thanks to God and adding to it daily.
3. Affirm the Truth
As your mind and your thinking are renewed by the Word of God, you gain a godly perspective of your everyday stress anxiety and are able to discern God’s will. Read Romans 12:2 carefully. Take time to meditate (or think carefully) about each phrase. Commit it to memory. Then consider what passages such as Psalm 23 and Romans 8:28-39 say about God. Ask yourself, What do these verses reveal about the character of God and His heart toward his children?
THINK: In light of God’s character and His loving-kindness toward us, how might we regain the peace that the soul desperately desires when we face everyday stresses?
Are you in the midst of S-T-R-E-S-S now? Need help?
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As a biblical counselor certified by ACBC who has counseled women and families worldwide by Skype, FaceTime, and Zoom, I invite you to look over my articles and to contact me with your questions.
by Lucy | Jul 3, 2019 | emotions, identity in Christ, People Who Hurt, thoughts
My funk came out of nowhere and I forgot to thank God. Not for the funk. That would be insane, right? But in the craziness of normal life.
Example 1: I sent my water bill payment to the electricity company, and the water company threatened to turn off my H2O.
Example 2: My cat tossed his cookies. And she boot-scooted, drawing criss-cross lines on the carpet. I’ll spare you a visual.
Example 3: Okay, this next one isn’t crazy but super stressful.
My college-age son, who lives 1,200 miles away, had to find a new place to stay fast. So I worried, and when I worry, I wake up a million times during the night, covers off, covers on, covers off. Not only that, my back tightens and my feet go all numb-y. Then I dwell on The Injury. And I fear a repeat.
Don’t Do What I Did
In the middle of my funk I focused on me. I failed to think about the all-powerful God who has my back. And I forgot to thank God.
But thanking God is his will!
Many times when I counsel hurting women they ask about God’s will for their lives, and we have rich conversations. I listen to their life story in the light of God’s redemptive plan for them. And it becomes clearer — God’s will.
Annie’s husband just lost his job. And she’s concerned but hopeful. Her husband’s a good guy, a harder worker, an amazing dad to their three kiddos. But now they don’t have health insurance. And the youngest needs physical therapy. And so she worried.
We opened to this snippet of Scripture:
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 2 Thessalonians 5:18
There it is. Thank God.
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Instead, Thank God
Often I give a “thank God” assignment to counselees. For 20 minutes, they list everything going on in life: the vacation to Hawaii, a costly car repair, a kid’s high school graduation, a husband’s lost job, and so on. You’ll note “good” and “bad” stuff on the list.
Then we give thanks.
Lucy, are you nuts? How could anyone possibly thank God for the bad stuff, right?
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But God says give thanks in all circumstances. In is not for. Really, who thanks God for cat barf and boot scoots? As we thank God in all circumstances, we recognize he’s is in control and knows exactly what we face. He is with us, in us. Thanking God becomes worship.
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When Annie made her list and thanked God in her circumstances, her focus shifted from self to God and her worry disappeared.
My 7 Things (plus one)
Now let’s give it a go. List everything happening in life. I’ll share the first 7 that come to mind.
- The pistachios I ate for lunch.
- My messy desk.
- Birds tweeting.
- My daughter’s MS (yes, that).
- Books!!!
- Wednesday nights studying Revelation with 20 others.
- Friends all over America but none near me in my new town.
- BONUS: My husband — I really don’t deserve him.
As expected, when I wrote my list, my spirit lifted. Remembering God for the little things, even the hard things, helped put my circumstances in perspective, and thank him. I entered into worship.
May I encourage you to set your timer to 20 minutes and list everything going on in your life? You’ll probably get stuck 5 minutes in. This is normal. Don’t give up. Keep going. Then thank God in all circumstances.
Let me know how it goes.
by Lucy | Jan 22, 2019 | biblical counseling, emotions, whole health wellness |
Food cravings can come on quick, right? You’re driving along singing to KLOVE or whataver, and out of nowhere food cravings strike.You may crave a Snickers or chips or a Ding Dong. Or you may crave strawberries!
And up the road a 7-Eleven beckons.
In this short article, let’s look at…
- Biological food cravings versus emotional food cravings
- A biblical solution to food cravings
Choose Your Choice
So what should you do when hit by food cravings?
A. Try your very, very best to ignore them.
B. Proceed to the 7-Eleven and get the goodies..
Well, it depends! Biological food cravings differ from emotional food cravings.
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It’s wise to fill the biological kind because your body needs what is craves. Just think of how delicious a glass of water is when you are super thirsty. So when you fulfill this type of craving, you’ll think and feel better. But fight the temptation of emotional food cravings. If you cave, you’ll feel worse, and you’ll miss out on God’s best too.
So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Biological or Emotional?
Here’s a simple what to tell whether your food cravings are biological or emotional
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:
When you have a biological food craving and fulfill it, you feel nourished. And it doesn’t take much food to meet such a need either. One bagel, a wedge or two of low-fat cheese, or a couple of chocolates–that’s it.
But emotional food cravings aren’t about food. Giving in is an attempt to meet a need apart from God. That’s right: An emotional eater looks for comfort in food. Sometimes it follows “I’m a loser” self-talk.
Solution to Food Cravings
The good news is by obeying and trusting God, you can have victory over food cravings.
You make this break when you begin desiring what God desires and, with God’s help, change your heart. His power helps you make good and godly food choices, straighten out your thinking on food, and practice, practice, practice. A great resource for we who mess up — and this is all of us, right? — is Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by biblical counselor Elyse Fitzpatrick.
God wants you to live life based on truth, not emotions. The truth of who he is. The truth of who you are. His truth is sure.
But our emotions go up and down like an elevator. Now emotions are fine; God gave them to us. Just be sure you don’t let them yank your around. Rather, live out truth.
7 Quick Stop-Craving Tips
Here’s truth talk on healthy eating. Yes, you’ve heard it before … except maybe the last one … but it’s the best.
- Choose water over coffee and soda pop.
- Shrink your portions by using smaller plates.
- Limit your consumption of sugar.
- Skip foods with ingredients you cannot pronounce.
- Sit down during meals.
- Eat slowly.
- Remember eating becomes sacred when it becomes worship.
Remember the Bible verse I mentioned? So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Let it guide your choices.
And when you do, then everything — from washing dishes and sweeping floors to writing blog posts to selling — can be worship. As long as you line up your thoughts with God’s, the simplest things become sacred.
And so it is with food.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Dec 11, 2018 | biblical counseling, emotions, thoughts
Has sexual sin taken you hostage, my sister in Christ? I want you to know there really is freedom. It is among the top issues I counsel biblically.
Now this reassurance:
Sexual sin is no worse than any other sin. Adultery / porn use / transgender issues / same-sex attraction — these are not the “unforgivable” sin. Yet sexual sin can destroy relationships and opens wide the door to anxiety and shame, even addictions. And it grieves the Holy Spirit.
In this article, you’ll discover 3 paths to freedom from sexual sin and to renewal.
- Share your story safely.
- Have an “escape plan.”
- Guard your heart.
1. Share Your Story of Sexual Sin
First, choose a safe person such as a trusted, female Christian friend or a pastor’s wife to share your story of sexual sin.
But what if you don’t have a safe person in your life? Then please contact me or another counselor on the Heart2Heart Counselor Directory at my website. We listen deep and don’t condemn..
And when you share your story, and someone really listens, you will begin to sense hope. Even shame and fear start to dissipate. Soon you’ll think that you really can change, that you aren’t stuck.
2. Have an Escape Plan
Second, as you share with someone you trust, you’ll also need an escape plan. Wonderfully, God has provided the way of escape. Consider 1 Corinthians 10:13, which is full of hope and promise.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
On your plan, you may want to include these items:
- names of trusted godly girlfriends to call when tempted.
- specific Bible verses to think on.
- Internet protection like Covenant Eyes.
- a list of places to go when tempted, such as the gym or coffee shop.
Remember, Jesus was tempted by Satan for 40 days in the desert and didn’t sin. (Temptation itself is not wrong.) Check out Matthew 4:1-11 and see how Jesus responded.
3. Guard Your Heart
Third, guard your heart by daily Bible reading and prayer, and learn to replace the world’s lies with God’s truth.
As you guard what you put in your mind, your heart responds. Your heart is the part of you that thinks, feels, and make choices. It is your spiritual inner person.
So freedom from sexual sin requires a heart set on pleasing God, not self. We act on what we think, and this is why biblical counseling focuses on right thinking as defined by God’s standard, the Bible.
Changing Heart Desires
In counseling women in sexual sin of any kind, I’ve discovered a two-fold process in renewing the mind and changing the desires of the heart.
Be encouraged: Sexual sin wants to take you hostage but Jesus has a radical love for you, and his radical love changes you. There’s hope.
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Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Dec 4, 2018 | biblical counseling, emotions
The storms of life are unpredictable and scary. But God’s up to good. And you can trust him in them.
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Featured in Heart2Heart Counseling Directory, Shannon Kay McCoy shares 3 lasting lessons on the storms of life. Be sure to check out her personal counselor page here.
Her article appeared first here at The Biblical Counseling Coalition and is used with permission.
While growing up in South Carolina, I loved thunderstorms. I watched the howling wind blow leaves from the tree branches and the raindrops beat down on the grass under the dark, gray sky.
If we were at my Granny’s house, she would make us unplug everything electrical. That meant no TV or radio (there was no internet in those days). My siblings and I had no other choice but to play with each other. We found a way to endure the storm until it blew over.
Sometimes storms can cause much damage and wreak havoc in the lives of many. While the news focuses on environmental storms, there are other storms just as devastating that people experience every day, such as sickness, financial hardship, and broken relationships. These storms of life threaten our peace, comfort, and joy, and often bring about fear, doubt, and hopelessness.
Jesus Calms a Storm
In Mark 4:34-41, the disciples found themselves caught in a ferocious storm while on a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee and simultaneously in a spiritual storm of fear and doubt. They feared for their lives. Jesus was fast asleep in the stern of the boat while the storm was raging. They woke Him and said,
“Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (4:38).
Jesus woke up, calmed the storm, and questioned their faith in Him (4:40). They were no longer afraid of the storm, but very afraid of the supernatural power of Jesus that led them to wonder who He was, that even the wind and sea obey Him (4:41).
The disciples learned significant lessons that day that transformed their lives. We can learn much from their experience as we face the storms of our own lives.
God Ordains the Storms of Life
The idea that God permits bad things to happen to His children is a very hard pill for some of us to swallow. “It doesn’t make sense for a loving God to allow His followers to suffer,” some would say. This is a simple conundrum to solve.
Jesus tells us in John 16:33,
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Jesus promises us that we will have trials and tribulations in this world, but because He has overcome the world, we can trust Him in the storms.
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When storms hit, we often wonder, “Why is this happening?” In James 1, we see that God has a purpose for every trial that we experience. God uses trials to test the genuineness of our faith.
The disciples’ faith in Jesus was being tested in the storm. They questioned the very character of Jesus, implying that He did not care for them. We may feel the same way when we face a health crisis or a financial hardship that may cause us to lose our home. But 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast all of our cares and concerns on Jesus, because He cares for us.
God Is in Control of the Storms of Life
The disciples were filled with great fear when Jesus rebuked the wind and told the sea, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:39). Jesus displayed amazing supernatural power over nature. We learn, along with the disciples, that Jesus can be trusted in the storm. This is because He is sovereign.
God’s sovereignty is described in Psalm 24:1-2:
“The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters.”
God is in perfect control of the universe. He is involved in everything in this world and is directing all things, people, nature, etc. to fulfill His divine purposes. When facing the storms of life, understanding the sovereignty of our amazing God is essential.
The disciples showed us both what to do and what not to do. They were right to go to Jesus in the storm. However, they fell short because they went to Him in fear and doubt. Jesus wanted them to have faith in Him in the midst of the terrible storm. In Philippians 4:5-6, we learn how to replace our fear and anxiety with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving.
We are released from the grip of fear and anxiety when we thank Him for His sovereign power and purpose for the storms. We can trust His promise that His peace will guard our hearts and minds so that we will not be fearful or anxious during the storm (Phil. 4:7).
God Is for You in the Storms of Life
In their fear, the disciples questioned if Jesus cared for them. He asked them, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40). Not only did Jesus rebuke the wind and the waves, but He rebuked the disciples for their unbelief.
Their unbelief caused their fear, and their fear caused them to question whether Jesus really cared. Jesus expected them to know that He was for them and that He did not want to destroy them.
Isaiah 41:10 states,
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”
Believing that God is for you can transform your life. When trials come, you will not be tempted to doubt God’s love, care, and concern for you. When it seems like there is no sound coming from Heaven, you can still believe that God is for you.
The storms of life are part of God’s sanctification plan, revealing your heart, and growing you into His image. Do not let the difficult storms become bigger than the promises of Jesus.
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He promises to be with you through any storm that He allows in your life (Isa. 43:2). Allow the storms of life propel you to trust God as your refuge and deliverer.
Questions for Reflection
- When the storms of life hit, what is your first reaction?
- Can you look back on previous storms in your life and accept that God ordained the storm and was in control of it?
- How will the realization that God is for you impact your fear?
Resource for YOU
I have the awesome privilege of counseling women and families by Skype and FaceTime all over the world! If you’d like to know more about this wonderful resource of online counseling, please look over this and be sure to request a complimentary counseling phone consult. Cheers!
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Nov 7, 2018 | emotions, relationships |
What are the top needs of moms?
A while back, I queried a few hundred moms in a Facebook group, asking their top 3 needs. My imperfect scientific study revealed these three top vote-getters:
1. A support system of family and/or friends
2. Time alone
3. Encouragement
In this short article, let’s focus on #1. Your can read more about time alone and encouragement here and here.
Family: I Need a Mother Too
Are you old enough to remember the 1970’s TV show “The Waltons“? Watching reruns warmed my toes many an afternoon. Ma and Pa would have a problem on the farm, and the family and neighbors would stick together to solve it. The bonded in tough times.
John Boy was kinda cute in a geeky way. Me and Mary Ellen–we could have been best friends. Grandma had a sour personality too, but she cared, really cared. You could tell.
Back then, in my grade school years, I ached for the sense of belonging too. A network of caring people take note of your needs. They help you and pray with you and for your. They listen. And no one does this better than famiy–usually but not always. Read more about overcoming pain caused by family.
Finding Close Friends at Church!
A couple decades ago, when my family moved to a new home in a small city away from family and friends, I put a plan in action.
Join a friendly church and — presto! — embrace a new, big family.
But my plan was a fail! You see, once we settled into our new church, our friendly “friends” quickly turned back to their own tight circles of longtime buddies.
Have you looked to a church or other group as your support system because you lacked family and friends? How did it go for you? Could you be at home at a church where you were close to Jesus yet not so close to the people? Did you reach out too?
Making Mama-Friendly Connections
The women I queried shared a bunch of ideas on creating a support system when family and friends. Here are some.
Friends to Listen
Babysitter!
- One mom had to return to work when her baby was a newborn. “A reliable babysitter who was prompt, a woman who truly loved children and was extremely dependable.”
- Another woman with four small children says she needs “a friggin’ baby sitter during the day so that I can go get things done without kids, or so if one child has an appointment, I don’t have to lug all of them with me.”
- “Before I had my boys, we lived in a neighborhood where the mothers would trade time, watching each others kids, so they could have some time to do something else. Kind of a babysitting co-op. I think for every hour you put in, you got one back.”
A Mentor
- When family is far away, having an older woman helps. Her wisdom, her laughter, her presence. Also mentors for kids!
“One of my top needs or desires while they were younger (and even now) was/is for older mentors or adults to be in their and our lives. They have no grandparents, no uncles, aunties or cousins and at times I would just love someone to encourage and give advice and just be proud of our children like we are.
I can only imagine what it might be like to ring my parents up and say help or come to this show to watch the kids! I guess I’m saying mentors or adopted aunties or uncles would be a dream come true.”
- Shares a mom who husband travels a lot: “My youngest (has) ADHD. A male mentor could have helped him in his social maturity and awkwardness.”
Friends, please share one of your mama needs in comments. Let’s encourage one another.
Counseling Hearts to Hope!
