Do you desire gospel-centered friendships? If you’re a Christian, you probably want good friends who love the Lord like you do. Friendship is a gift. Click & Tweet!
Biblical counselor Shannon Kay McCoy, featured on my Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, shares her stories of friendships. Her article appeared first here on The Biblical Counseling Coalition website and is used with permission. (Edited for length.–LAM)
“Taking a break from our friendship.” Click & Tweet! That was the title in the subject line of an email I received from a dear friend. My jaw dropped and my heart sank. It felt weird—like a boyfriend breaking up with me in grade school.
First, she stated how much she appreciated our friendship; then proceeded to explain why she needed to take a break. She expressed her understanding of how busy I was with my daughter, work, etc., but felt that I had been “rude” and “flaky” about planning to spend time together and then cancelling due to other conflicts.
Although I was offended, she was right. At the end of the email, she left open the possibility to continue our friendship “at another time or season in life that is maybe less busy.”
It was clear what she needed from me; however, life got busier and I wasn’t able to give to her what she was asking. I received that email a year ago and my heart still aches over it.
God Made Us for Friendships
Friendships play an important role in our lives. From early childhood, children naturally gravitate toward forming bonds with other children. This tendency continues into the teens years and adulthood.
God created us as relational beings. He put the desire for friendship in our hearts. Just as God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, He instituted friendship.
However, just as Adam and Eve marred God’s purpose for marriage, the Fall marred God’s purpose for friendship.
A Friend of God
Webster defines friendship as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. God’s illustration of friendship goes a lot deeper.
He demonstrated a depth of intimacy when He spoke to Moses “face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend” (Exodus 33:11). God expressed such grace and kindness to Moses on a deeper level than a master to a servant. He entrusted Moses with a greater revelation of Himself. Imagine having a relationship with God like that!
Yet the fact is we do have that kind of friendship with God through Jesus Christ:
No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you (John 15:15).
Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection has given believers extraordinary access to the heart of God making us His friend for whom Christ laid down His life (John 15:13). Everything we have in Him, He wants us to give to others.
God gives the gift of friendship. Click & Tweet!
This type of friendship is gospel-centered. Our relationship with Jesus Christ is the bedrock on which gospel-centered friendships are based. The gospel is the power of God that transforms our earthly friendships. It frees us to be the kind of friend people need.
Characteristics of Gospel-Centered Friendships
Christ-centered
Gospel-centered friendships are centered on Christ. They are chosen by God. Here’s a story of a Christ-centered friendship.
1. A story of meeting — and missing.
Jan was a new employee. When I first saw her, I was immediately drawn to her. I knew I had to meet her.
A few weeks later, I approached her to introduce myself. Right away we became instant friends. To my delight, she was a Christian.
We both had great love and affection for Jesus Christ. We also encouraged each other in Christ, enjoyed discussing Scripture, and spoke from a Christian worldview. Our friendship grew based on that common ground.
And so we became kindred spirits and prayer partners. We took our workplace frustrations and walked the parking lot in prayer. We also experienced God’s great power in answer to our prayers.
Everyone at work knew we had a special friendship so that when she announced that she was moving, my coworkers approached me with sympathy. Now we only communicate occasionally. God had a purpose for our friendship for a season.
Although we don’t talk everyday like we used to, she is my gospel-centered friend for eternity.
Redemptive
Gospel-centered friendships are redemptive. Here’s a story of restoration after betrayal.
2. A story of betrayal and healing.
Linda and Nancy had a friendship that was thirty-years deep—until Nancy’s betrayal.
Linda was unable to attend the women’s Bible study for several weeks due to personal painful circumstances. Then she found out that Nancy told several women in the Bible study about her situation. So she dropped out of the Bible study and avoided Nancy at church.
They didn’t speak for two years. Linda heard from a mutual friend that Nancy was battling cancer. Linda’s heart was broken for her friend. God used Ephesians 4:32 to convict Linda’s heart—
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Linda laid aside her resentment and chose to forgive Nancy. God restored their friendship.
Sacrificial
Gospel-centered friendships are sacrificial. They are an investment of the heart. Here’s a story of sacrificial friendship.
3. A story of friendship during a difficult divorce.
After my husband left our marriage, I went through a three-year depression. Somewhere in the midst of that depression, I was talking to my dear friend on the phone who lived an hour away. I can still picture it.
There I was sitting on my bedroom floor sifting through a pile of bills and paperwork. I have no idea what I said or sounded like, but my friend told me that she was driving down to take my little daughter to the mall so that I can have some time to myself. (I think she felt sorry for my daughter being cooped up with a sad mommy!)
God used that time alone with me to get my attention. Through many tears and wrestling with God, a decision was made in my heart to release the pain and embrace Him.
I began to come out of my depression. Thanks to my friend’s sacrificial love and investment in our friendship, I was able to connect with God again. Indeed, she is truly a friend that loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17).
Join the Conversation
So what type of friendships are you cultivating? Do you drive your friends to God or to yourself? How has this blog topic changed your view of friendships?
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
