The provocative memoir Scandalon, Running from Shame & Finding God’s Scandalous Love by Susan Elaine Jenkins angered me.

— that the author’s parents, a pastor and his wife, failed to teach her boundaries. She had to be the “yes” pastor’s kid.

— that her husband refused to love her the way she needed him, turning to pornography instead.

— that her pastor/boss manipulated her and used her for his sexual pleasures.

Scandalous!

I felt comforted too. . .that she discovered deep truths about herself in God in a mystical land: China. In her book she brings China, its ordinary people and its customs alive.

 Now I want to go to China.

After I summer in Tahiti.

Here is an interview excerpt with the author. If you’ve ever experienced pain in a church, you need to read Scandalon.
Q: Tell us a bit about yourself.

Susan: I am a teacher. I was born into a family of preachers and teachers, and I always had a keen desire to teach. After teaching in California private schools for 19 years, I moved to China, where I have focused on teaching performing arts in three different international schools. I am a seasoned foreign expatriate these days and yet, the daily adventures of living in Asia continue to surprise me.

Q: It seems that some parts of your book were passages right out of your journals through the years. Is that right?

Yes, they were taken directly from my journals — especially the conversations between Dr. John Travis [her pastor/boss, not his real name] and me. Those three difficult months were mind-numbing days. Writing everything that happened at the end of every confusing day helped me make more sense of it all.

Once I was in China, the conversations with Ouyang [her friend who became like a brother] were important to me, as well, and I also kept detailed accounts. I knew I needed to have those talks recorded somewhere where I could retrieve them — they were too special to forget.

Q: Was there any deciding factor that made you think you should try compiling your notes into a book and to try to get it published?

A friend from the UK convinced me to begin a blog. The idea of sharing my stories was inconceivable, at first, but as time went by, I got to know my readers. Little by little, I opened up the pages of my journals with them, interspersed with a few of the details of daily life in Asia. To my surprise, my online friends began commenting and sending me private letters filled with their own pain. I wanted to let them know that there really is healing and light ahead, that God’s promise really is authentic: He is a God who heals.

Q: Are there any character embellishments? Some people in your book seem almost larger than life.

No, the characters are written exactly as they are. Conversations are word for word, in most cases. I wanted to present the strong and good qualities of my former husband, Kyle, for example, as well as the perplexing reality of our marriage. The words of Dr. Travis were etched deeply into my memory, of course, as those were life-changing words of an experienced sexual predator — impossible to forget, much as I tried.

And then the amazing friends I met in China were such distinctive people! I remember thinking: How can I tell the world about Mrs. Hua and her cozy dinner parties with fish swimming laps in the bathtub? How can I explain how marvelous Apple is, with her heart that simply listens to God as she finds her way around the French Riviera? I wanted to share the story of Angel’s frustration at being 30 years old and single in the Chinese culture. These are incredibly real and strong people who desire the same things we do in America. They taught me so much.

Q: Why a book about China?

Well, this particular story began to be written in the summer of 1992. My friend, David, gave me the keys to his beach house in Pebble Beach, and it began pouring out, as I walked along the ocean and typed in his massive kitchen. At the end of the summer, I returned the rented computer, put all the pages into a plain cardboard box and shoved it into a closet. It wasn’t until five years later, in 1997, that I realized the story was not going to rest quietly, just gathering dust. It was almost as if it had a life of its own, and refused to be forgotten, so I took the box to China with me and kept writing for the next ten years. It seemed to evolve into a book that is really a combination of two lives: my life in California and my life in Asia; two very different worlds.

I think it seemed very natural at some point, to write of a remarkably poignant journey that met in a healing point while living in a crumbled country, broken by its own history. My life at that point seemed very much the same – broken, falling apart, and dark.

Q: You moved to China to get away from memories that were haunting you?

A great job offer came up, and yes, I was anxious to have a completely new start. Before I left for China, someone told me, “Susan, you can never get away from this. Sooner or later, you will need to face all that’s happened in your life. You will need to go through the grieving process and admit that you have lost so much.” He was right. I did have to face it, but that happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, over a long period of time. Being in China helped me gain perspective of what God wanted to do in me and through me.

I guess it was near the end of my first school year that I realized China had become a second home. I was walking along the hot, muggy streets with Ouyang, and I realized I was reluctant to go back to America. He said, “Do you have to go back? Why don’t you just stay?” That possibility hadn’t occurred to me until that point.

I think the idea of feeling at home in China has to do with the fact that I began feeling “at home” with God. And that, for me, involved a great spiritual healing and coming back to a point of rest within God’s heart; being glad to be in His loving presence; knowing that all my sins are utterly forgiven and cast away; and, sensing His divine heart of grace. Home has literally — for me — become His own heart.