by Lucy | Sep 13, 2016 | biblical counseling |
SUBMISSION? Use this S word among girlfriends in church or on a night out and toes curl.
Many people misunderstand what the Bible means when it says that wives are to “be submissive” to their husbands. This includes many married women I’ve counseled.
Forever I’ll remember the panicked call from a friend whose former college roommate fled her West Coast home, very pregnant and with two little ones in tow. The former roommate and I soon talked by phone. Through sobs the story came out:
Fearing for her children’s safety and her own sanity, she packed bags and drove east toward her childhood home.
Do you have a handle on the real meaning of submisison? Has someone use care about used this word against you in order to manipulate you or shame you?
For this article, I turned to Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper and Wayne Grudem for answers and discovered 7 lies about submision I share with your. Read 1 Peter 3:1-7 here and the 7 below. My prayer is for you to understand God’s plan for marriage and to learn common abuses over submission, like the one my pregnant counselee had encountered.
Lie 1: Put Your Huband in the Place of Christ
Christ is always first. 1 Peter 2:21 says,
Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men (1 Peter 2:13).
Rather, look to Christ and follow him.
Lie 2: Never Try to Influence Your Husband
You should influence your husband, wisely and winsomely. For instance, a wife whose husband is an unbeliever ought to win him over (to Christian faith) “without words by their behavior”–pure and reverent.
Lie 3: Stop Thinking for Yourself
Peter speaks directly to wives in 1 Peter 3:1-6, not to the husbands. He wants them to think about God’s Word and apply it to their lives. My former counselee who had put a safe distance between her and her husband reported that he told her what she should think. She wasn’t allowed to think for herself. Have you received a similar edict from your husband?
Lie 4: Give in to Your Husband’s Demands
When a husband demands that a wife sin, she must say “no” to her huband. Her refusal to sin lines up with Peter’s command to have proper conduct among unbelievers:
Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
Lie 5: You Are Less Competent Than Your Husband
This is another lie. In fact, some wives have far greater spiritual insight than husbands. This is certainly true when a Christian wife is married to an unbelieving spouse. She has the Holy Spirit dwelling within her. He does not.
Lie 6: Submission Means Wives Should Fear
On the contrary, Peter says wives should not “give way to fear” (verse 6). The instruction for husbands to respect their wives as “the weaker partner” has nothing to do with a woman’s lack of courage when endangered.
Lie 7: Submission Means Wives Are ‘Less Than’
Jesus submitted to God the Father, and he has dignitity and honor. A wife’s submission to her husband is similiar to Christ’s submission to the Father; they have equal importance.
What Submission Means
“Be submissive to your husbands” (verse 1) basically means that a wife willingly affirms the leadership of the husband.
Click & Tweet!
It doesn’t mean she’s a doormat or has no say or lacks value. Rather,
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28)
Both the husband and wife are called to self-sacrifice. Look at the word the apostle Paul selected for love. It is agape in the Greek. This self-sacrificing kind of love isn’t about sex or affection or brotherly kindness. It is the kind that lays down one’s life for the other.
As a Bible study author astutely pointed out, an argument in a home where a husband loves his wife and she submits to his leadership might sound like,
“I insist that you have your way.”
“No, no, really, I insist you have your way.”
Just imagine that was the tone of your arguments, with the husband trying to out-sacrifice his wife and the wife trying to out-submit her husband. Just imagine the number of marriages that would thrive. The kids too.
I encourage you to read Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood for yourself. It sheds light on many Scripture passages that have confused men and women, leading to clarity in the roles of husband and wife in the home, church, and personal life.
Let us live in harmony with one another, as God intends.
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
by Lucy | Feb 2, 2016 | emotions, relationships |
When you use the “S” word among friends, you’ll get a lot of opinions. Which one is correct?
SUBMISSION. Say this S word and may hear snorts and see eyebrows rise. You know what some are thinking: Submit? Me? You’ve lost your brain.
And yet. . .
God commands us to submit to Him and to one another, with additional emphasis on wives.
You may have heard this verse quoted, word by word, sometimes pridefully, sometimes timidly, and only occasionally with proper use:
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)
Two similar verses pop up in Ephesians.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:24)
A Timely Message
Whether you’re married, single or single again, this message is for you. The battle of the sexes, especially in our homes, endears us women to the devil, who loves marriage redefined — you know, guy with guy, gal with gal — but also destroyed.
Husbands, Love
While many can quote the “wives submit” verses, fewer remember its counterparts:
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:28)
Women: submit. Men: love.
Both husband and wife are called to self-sacrifice. Look at the word the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, selected for love: agape in the Greek. This self-sacrificing kind of love isn’t about sex or affection or brotherly kindness. It is the kind that lays down one’s life for the other.
It looks a lot like. . .submission.
As a Bible study author astutely pointed out, an argument in such a home would sound like,
“I insist that you have your way.”
“No, no, really, I insist you have your way.”
Imagine the tone of your arguments, if each tried to out-sacrifice the other. Imagine the number of marriages that would flourish. Imagine kids learning from their moms and dads how to lovingly treat their future mates. Just imagine. . .and try it in your own marriage.
Sharing Hope for Your Heart,
by Lucy | Jun 9, 2011 | biblical counseling, emotions |
Men — dads, brothers, husbands, friends — sometimes fail to appreciate a holy hug. . .but you understand: You are a multi-faceted woman. A jewel.
It is a well-known fact among men that we multi-faceted women can, at times, be moody. Men don’t get us. Even married guys don’t get their wives. Really, how hard can it be?
If you could see me now, my mischievous smile (think: Cheshire cat) and wink would tell you I’m kidding.
But you knew that already.
Because — if you’re married, now or then — you’ve been there.
I’m comfortable with crazy. The Hubs is not. I think he thinks I’m two Romaine leaves short of a Caesar salad. Bad joke. 
He’d use other words:
All meant lovingly.
Of course.
Didya see that wink again?
“Why are you slamming cabinet doors, Lucy. You’ll break the hinges.”
So you care more about stupid hinges than my feelings.
SLAM. SLAM.
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting.”
SLAM. SLAM.
No, I’m not overreacting.
SLAM.
I hurt. I can’t be a robot like you. Just because I feel emotions, Mr. Robot, doesn’t mean I’m weak or volatile or PMSing.
It means I’m real
and
I’m sick of stuffing emotions because stuffing emotions makes me sick
and I want to be whole
and hugged.
I need a sense of belonging.
Bad.
You do too. Thank God you belong to him. You are a jewel. A pearl. Precious. Our heavenly Father understands your needs. He loves you deep.
Q4U: What about you? Do you need a hug?
You Are Loved,
by Lucy | Mar 13, 2011 | biblical counseling
Does submission look like a doormat? God gives you a picture of a healthy marriage.
SUBMIT. Use this S word in church-y circles or even at Wal-Mart, and you may hear this verse quoted, word by word, sometimes pridefully, sometimes timidly, and only occasionally with proper use:
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)
Two similar verses pop up in Ephesians.
“Wives, submit to your hubands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:24)
Hit Pause. Like now.
Whether you’re married, single or single again, this message is for you. The battle of the sexes, especially in our homes, endears us women to the devil, who not only wants marriage redefined — you know, guy with guy, gal with gal. . .maybe even guy with gorilla! — but also destroyed, along with the couples’ innocent children.
If you have a kid or were a kid, read on.
OK, hit Play.
While many can quote the “wives submit” verses, few remember its counterparts, one in Colossians, two in Ephesians.
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:28)
The command the apostle Paul chose for women: submit. For men, love.
Hmm. Submit and love. It this unfair? shortsighted? out of wack? Are women suppose to obey? Be doormats?
No!
Rather, both the husband and wife are called to self-sacrifice. Look at the word the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, selected for love. It is agape in the Greek. This self-sacrificing kind of love isn’t about sex or affection or brotherly kindness. It is the kind that lays down one’s life for the other.
It looks alot like. . .submission.
As a Bible study author astutely poined out, an argument in such a home would sound like,
“I insist that you have your way.”
“No, no, really, I insist you have your way.”
Wow. Just imagine the tone of your arguments, if each tried to out-sacrifice the other. Just imagine the number of marriages that would not only survive and thrive. The kids too.
Friend, if you haven’t already, please subscribe to this blog. Lots of awesome info on finding God’s strength for life’s battles. Thanks bunches.
You Are Amazing!
by Lucy | Jun 14, 2010 | emotions
On Tuesday I welcome my first male guest to “The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors” radio show. He is Cec Murphey, a New York Times bestselling author whose books have sold well into the millions. Since he’s a guy, let’s consider him
our mighty warrior.
To listen to the show live or to the archive, click HERE. It airs at 1 p.m. CT.
Like the “mighty warrior” Gideon in the Bible who faced opposition, Cec slammed into a brick wall as he shopped his latest book to publishers. It’s titled When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation.
Though a mega bestselling author, Cec searched six long years to find an editor to believe in the book and champion it to the publishing board who says yay or nay. Pub boards usually says nay.
Kregal Publications said YAY.
A generation ago, we women began opening up about sexual abuse and found soul sisters who understood our pain. Now it’s the guys’ turn. God is crazy excited to bind up the brokenhearted warriors and make them mighty again.
Cec writes with great empathy. It is deep but not graphic. Though parts of the book were hard for me to read, I never thought too much information. I’d give it a PG-13 rating.
Yet
I
nearly
flung it
out the
window.
Why? Why so angry?
It took a day to process my emotions. This is the answer I managed: The suggestions on how to help the man you love seem so so so hard, like you gotta do it just right. I can’t do that.
I mess up.
If I were the wife of a man sexually abused during childhood, I’d want help! I know this sounds selfish and maybe it is. Cec says to his women readers, “You were the other victim.”
This is why I never envied my husband when I faced the pain of my own childhood abuse by an older male relative. Confusion, shame, deep sadness.
I reached out to my husband. And he held me. Not perfectly. But he held me.
He did his best.
This is why I felt the need to speed the book out the window.
But I resisted the temptation. Instead I’m reading it a second time.
When a Man You Love Was Abused moved me. Great books move readers.
Therefore, Cec Murphey wrote what kind of book?
And 2 + 2 equals 4.
Question: Do you plan to read this book?
You Are Precious,
