As Mother’s Day nears, you’ll hear the usual, gushy mom stuff. . .and this is OK. But for you women who need comfort for any reason — a death, infertility, divorce, loneliness — please know that God loves you and he understands.
The morning began like any other. A shower, a bagel, a cup of tea. Death was near. I just didn’t know it. . .yet.
“Time to get up, Sweetie,” I told Laura. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Do you want to wear your purple sweater to preschool? It’s very cold outside.”
“OK, Mommy. Could I have toast for breakfast?”
“Sure.” I padded to the kitchen and grabbed the Butternut.
Steve called from the bathroom. “We need more shaving cream.”
Then the phone rang. A phone call now? Strange. No one calls this early.
I answered and heard a woman’s voice, all business. Her words made no sense. My mom? Dead? Looks like a heart attack?
“Is this some kind of sick joke?” I blurted.
The woman repeated the horrible words I didn’t want to believe. When I heard my aunt’s voice in the background, I knew. Dropping the phone I fell to my knees. Tears rushed like a stream.
Fast forward two weeks.
Life seemed normal again after the funeral. I was back at work. Steve too. Laura asked fewer questions about Grandma Carol. But life was crazy on the inside. Crazy-bad. I knew I was grieving. I just never knew it could be this bad. I sped from denial to anger and flat-out asked God, “Why did you kill my best friend? Didn’t you know I needed her?”
You may think my questions were irreverent. Maybe they were. I don’t know. I only knew that I hurt deeply and that my God is sovereign. He picked the hour of her death. He was responsible. I didn’t like him very much right then.
Fast forward a few months.
It was Mother’s Day and tough to be in church. The ushers handed out roses. I gave mine to Laura. Sadness covered me like a wet, wool coat. Beyond uncomfortable. I wanted out. My days were dark. My nights darker.
Fast forward a few more months.
I visited my mom’s grave site and traced the words on the polished stone with my finger: Carol Gale Kuper ~ November 7, 1931 – January 10, 1994 ~ Through Death Into Life. And I cried. Again. Yet something was different. I was different.
You see, on this day, as I touched the stone, I made the decision to hope, to live again. I no longer allowed sadness and anger to rule my heart. I laid them in the safe hands of God, the same God whom I accused of killing my mom, my best friend. He didn’t kill her, he called her home to heaven. He’s not always likeable.
But he loves. . .
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
Death is a terrible thing. It hurts.
Has death come near to you? Keep reading this post at here at Basics Matters, where I blog on Mondays.
Please leave a comment below. Someone needs to hear your words today. Thank you.
God protects and is in control when you are in a world of pain. He loves you more than you imagine.
God protects. He is good. He is in control. Even in a world where tornadoes crush families, where misguided pilots zoom planes into skyscrapers, where twisted people hurt little girls, God protects.
Do you believe this?
I hope so. If you don’t, I understand.
In the weeks and months after my mom’s fatal heart attack, I railed against this God I love, the one who took away my best friend. And in my grief, I said to him, “If you cannot handle my anger, then you are not God because my God is mighty and strong and spoke the universe into existence.”
I knew God could handle my pain. Because, well, he’s God. . .
all-powerful
all-knowing
all-wise
all-loving.
This triune God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) held me together in black nights and blacker days.
And he loved me to light.
Finding Comfort
These Spirit-breathed words, these verses, crept into my heart then and now, and warmed me, a blanket of solace, of truth.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me,”
Even the darkness will not be dark to you;
The night will shine like the day,
For darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:7-12, NIV)
Yes, God allows bad things to happen. Yes, he is present. Yes, he sees and he cares. I choose to believe him. How about you? What challenge do you face? Do you still believe?
Question: When troubled by circumstances, which scripture comforts you? Please share a comment and encourage others. Thank you.
In-laws is one of those words that evokes deep feelings. If you want a better relationship with yours, meet this amazing duo.
In-laws.
The term evokes every emotion under the sun. Some of us just try to get along with our loved one’s closest relatives. Others move away from them, far, far away. Is Tahiti too close?
When a friend is grieving she needs your empathy, your presence, your prayers.
Naomi: “Go back!”
Ruth: “I will come.”
Naomi: “I am hopeless.”
Ruth: “I will carry your burden.”
Naomi: “I am bitter.”
Ruth: “Let’s walk together. Your God is my God.”
You can read the story of these two dear friends in the Old Testament book of Ruth. Both are widows. Both know deep pain. As they journey on foot from Moab to Jerusalem, I imagine Noami, the elder, spoke hard things. Ruth, I suspect, listened and empathized. She understood deep emotional pain.
When I interviewed Dee Brestin, author of the classic The Friendships of Women, on my radio show, she mentioned the several grief-producing Ds, including:
death
divorce
disease
Can you think of another D?
How about “distance”? When you or I move away from family and friends, or they move away from us, we experience loss and the resulting emotions.
3 ways to empathize with a friend in grief:
1.Listen well.
2.Be patient.
3.Offer specific help. Example: Say, “I’ll bring over dinner this week. Is Tuesday or Thursday best for you?” Or, “I’d love to help with the kids. May I take them to the park on Monday afternoon?”
When a loved one dies, it hurts — a lot — but we Christians have hope because Jesus conquered death.
A Facebook friend asked me to share a video on my blog. This is for you, Susan, and for everyone else who has grieved the loss of a loved one, who have shed tears of hope.
The good news:
When your loved one is a believer is Jesus Christ, the loss is temporary for you will see the person again. Read these reassuring words that the apostle Paul shared with the church in Thessalonica.
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thess. 4:13,14
Yes, the God of hope purposes that we hope too. What is our assurance? One thing and one thing only: Jesus resurrection, an amazing part of the glory story: the gospel. Because Jesus rose from the dead, we know that we who are in Christ will rise too.
In the next verses, Paul speaks of the rapture, when at the trumpet call of God, the dead in Christ will rise first. then we who are still alive will be caught up together with all the believers in the clouds and we will meet the Lord in the air.
“And so we will be with the Lord forever.” 4:17
Yes, it’s tough when someone dear to us dies. Grief is normal, even good. . .as we hold on to blessed hope. You may need Kleenex for this video. God’s grace be with you.
As Mother’s Day nears, you’ll hear the usual, gushy mom stuff. . .and this is OK. But for you women who need comfort for any reason — a death, infertility, divorce, loneliness — please know that God loves you and he understands.
