by Lucy | Nov 9, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships |
Preparation is a first step in becoming the best mom ever. God shows you the way. He guides your steps.
Becoming the best mom ever is within your reach. This doesn’t demand perfection. Not at all. If it did, we’d all fail! But it may require a shift in your approach as you. . .
Read the first post in my “Becoming the Best Mom Ever” series. There are four more to come. 🙂
First P.R.A.Y.
To become the best mom ever who shepherds her child’s heart, you need to:
1. Prepare!
2. Recognize you’re in a war.
3. Assume your role as a benevolent dictator.
4. Yield to God.
P Is Preparation!
My preparation for motherhood lasted nine months, but my labor was a different sort: paperwork! Nine months is EXACTLY how long it took from from finishing adoption paperwork until precious, newborn Laura snuggled in our arms.So far, so good. Right?
But when Laura turned 3 weeks old, she screamed out of no where. I checked her diaper. Nothing. I offered her her bottle. Not interested. I gently bounced her. She screamed louder. When she finally fell asleep, I read every book I could get my hands on.
The diagnosis: Colick!
Four months later she outgrew this stage, and I learned the value of preparation, big time. I began reading AHEAD to the next stage of child development so I could handle it better.
Preparation doesn’t solve every parenting dilemma but it helps immensely. Your two most important preparation tools: knowledge and wisdom.
Getting Knowledge and Wisdom
King Solomon wrote in Proverbs,
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
You’ll find knowledge and wisdom in the pages of Scripture. So read the Bible, soak in the truth, pay attention to the moms and dads in the Bible, what they did right, and what they did wrong. This prepares you for shepherding your child’s heart.
You can get wisdom from other sources too, such as parenting books from Ted Tripp and Lou Priolo. I highly recommend these five books:
Shepherding a Child’s Heart
Instructing a Child’s Heart
The Heart of Anger
Getting a Grip (for teens)
I use these books often in counseling hope to moms (in person and by Skype). Plus, another helpful tool I incorporate in counseling is this Thought Journal..
Around the time I inhaled Tripp’s and Piolo’s books, I was facing backtalk from my eldest and craziness other kinds from my two youngest. The middle child argued. And the youngest whined! (And I’m a biblical counselor, for crying out loud. . .I was crying!)
It’s little wonder I prayed and prepared, and prepared and prayed, and read parenting books more times than I care to admit. Now my children are adults. We survived! If I can, you can. We moms must stick together, right?
Click & Tweet!
My next post in this series at my website centers on recognizing that you’re in a war.
Join the Conversation
How have you prepared to shepherd your child’s heart? What help do you need?
Counseling Heart to Hope (and Healing!)
. . .
by Lucy | Nov 7, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships |
You can become the best mom ever. God shows you the way by focusing on the heart.
Becoming the best mom ever doesn’t demand perfection. Not at all. If it did, we’d all fail! But it may require a shift in focus, specifically. . .
a focus on your child’s heart!
So many of us moms — me, included — tend to major on the externals: In other words, the child’s behavior, whatever his or her age. God, however, emphasizes the heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Good Heart or Bad Yardstick?
Did you know that what your little angel or smart-aleck ruffian thinks, says, and does comes straight from their heart?
Click & Tweet!
We moms (and grandmas, dads, teachers, and so on) often measure our “success” based on the child’s behavior but what a faulty yardstick!
I imagine you may know a kid who had everything going for her from the outside, from excellent grades to great performance in sports or music (or both) to a 20-hour-a week, after-school job. I do. I’ll call her Leah.
Leah received mostly As in her honors classes. On her ACT test for college, she scored just a few points from perfect.
She also was a captain of the dance team.
And she played flute.
She had lots of friends from school and work. Her mom and dad praised her every accomplishment and demanded a photo-ready bedroom and designer outfits, and she regularly wrote thank-you notes with a reminder!
Then she went to college and things, well, you’ll have to read more of Leah story in my next post.
Becoming the Best Mom: P.R.A.Y.
Let me leave you with this encouragement: you can become the best mom ever by shepherding your child’s heart. To become the best mom ever who’s attentive to her child’s heart, you’ll need to:
1. Prepare!
2. Recognize you’re in a war.
3. Assume your role as a benevolent dictator.
4. Yield to God.
The next posts in the “Becoming the Best Mom Ever” series zero in to each of these heart-attentive topics.
P.S. It’s NEVER to late to start. 🙂
Counseling Hope to Your Heart,
by Lucy | Nov 2, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships |
Suicide. It’s nearly impossible to understand, but there are ways to help prevent it. This article, written by Sherry Allchin, MA, and listed on Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, gives hope to any counselor or a family member who provides care to a suicidal person. This article appeared first on Biblcal Counselor Center’s website and is used with permission.
NOTE: Always dial 911 immediately if you suspect
someone has attempted suicide or plans to attempt suicide!
Prevention strategies don’t always work. Someone who’s determined to die sometimes is “successful” and dies. It’s sad, tragic.
A while back,, I talked with a parent whose teen is struggling. Her 15-year-old friend killed himself after several years of bullying by other teens at school.
Could his death been prevented?
Why would a person we love want to end their life?
And what is our responsibility to help and how can we?
The Why of Suicide
When someone attempts suicide, it is not really that they want to die, but rather that they just don’t know how to live and have lost all hope that life will get any better. They have chosen to take matters into their own hands to end the pain they feel.
We as family and friends, or as counselors, can make a world of difference by our responses to their struggles and by knowing the warning signs. We may not save everyone from suicide, but if we can save even one, it’s worth finishing this blog post. Share it with your friends and family.
Grim Suicide Statistics
Did you know that suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States? That’s one death by suicide every 15 minutes! It is the third leading cause of death between the ages of 15 to 24 years, with half a million teenagers attempting suicide. More than 5,000 seniors kill themselves annually.
What Are Some Warning Signs?
A person considering suicide often shows several (though not all) of these warning signs.
- Talking about dying. Giving away valued items. When a person talks about suicide or death or makes statements like “I wish I had never been born,” and starts to give away things they have valued, or planning for the care of pets or dependents, be alert and ask more questions.
- Changes in habits. Burst of energy. Withdrawal. Recklessness. Another clue is a change in eating, sleeping or grooming habits, or a sudden burst of energy and joy from someone who has been depressed for a long time. This energy burst may indicate that a suicide decision has been made and a calm before the storm). Also be alert to the withdrawal from favorite people or activities, or being reckless with dangerous activities.
- Other warning signs. Other high-risk indicators includes a history of drug or alcohol use, physical or sexual abuse, or being in some kind of trouble. When there is a history of depression and antidepressant drugs are given, some people have the side effect of suicidal desires. Also, those who have previously attempted suicide or who have a close friend or relative that has committed suicide are more likely to try.
How to Help Prevent Suicide
Encourage the person to talk to you and really listen (James 1:19, 20) to determine suicidal intent. The more detailed their plan and the more access they have to their method of choice, the more likely they will follow through. Be compassionate as you hear their pain and suffering (Lamentations 3:22-24).
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!” Lamentations 3:23
Remember suicide is not so much about wanting to die as it is not knowing how to live with the problem. So they must gain a sense of hope, a reason to live, a hope that there is a solution to what to them seems unsolvable (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you don’t know how to help them, take them to someone who can help find that solution. A pastor, school guidance counselor, a biblical counselor, and a doctor or the hospital ER are a few who can often help.
The book of Ecclesiastes shows us that life apart of God is not worth living. Each one of us must ultimately come to a place of trusting Christ as their personal savior and starting to grow in their trusting God’s Word for answers to their life problems. Help them see that suffering is a part of God’s will to refine us in Christ, with the goal to change their focus from escape to godly contentment (Philippians 4:11-13).
As they begin to change, they will find their place of service among God’s people, helping others to realize that suicide is the ultimate act of self-love to avoid painful consequences (2 Timothy 3:1-2) and sharing the hope they have found in Christ.
Must I Get Involved?
Talking to someone about their suicidal intent does not encourage them to attempt suicide. Instead, it typically communicates interest and hope because you cared enough to ask.
Jesus commanded us to get involved with our neighbors (Luke 10:25-37, Matthew 22:36-40) and to restore a struggling brother to usefulness (Galatians 6:1-5). Trust God to use you as His instrument of hope to someone who needs help!
As righteousness leads to life, so he who pursues evil pursues it to his own death. Proverbs 11:19, ESV
Now What?
Foremost, if you suspect that someone is suicidal, call 911.
If he or she shares with you feelings of hopelessness, encourage them to talk. As mentioned, talking to someone about suicide communicates hope because you cared to ask, to notice, to help. This doesn’t encourage suicide.
If you don’t know what to say, bring the person to a pastor, biblical counselor, school guidance counselor, doctor, or the hospital ER. Tragically, someone intent of killing himself or herself will find a way to be “successful” and die.
When someone attempts suicide, it is not really that they want to die, but rather that they just don’t know how to live and have lost all hope that life will get any better.
Be a hope giver. Stand in the gap.
Counseling Heart to Hope and Healing,
by Lucy | Sep 19, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships
REAL LOVE: I stepped into “Little House on the Prairie” reruns when I visited friends’ homes during childhood. A home very different from mine.
People in these homes blessed each other with words of affirmation:
“Beautiful picture, honey. I can barely wait to show grandma.”
“You remembered to put away your books. You are so responsible!”
“I appreciate that you called home to say you’d be late. That meant a lot to me, that you cared.”
Raspberry kisses, tummy tickles, and high fives interspersed these blessing words. I watched these dreamy interactions unfold and harbored more than a little jealousy. Have you too wanted something you didn’t have?
Where’s Real Love?
But at my home, dad yelled and mom withdrew into stony silence. Often I covered my ears to muffle the hate words. I also tried make my parents happy. From age 8 or 9, I washed floors and tubs, dusted and vacuumed, finished my homework without reminding, and played with my older brother, Ted.
But my presence made little difference. And Ted just seemed to irritate them. A bonafide IQ of 148 and report cards with Cs and Ds–he had trouble finding a place of belonging at home or school. It seemed, we were side tables in a white clapboard, one-and-a-half-story house in a Chicago suburb. Just furniture. We believed we had no voice.
When Ted turned 16 or so, the drug scene lured him. I tried to fit in with the “popular” girls and failed. Again. Do you relate?
God Steps In
Perhaps the influence of an unhappy childhood is one reason I became a counselor. My work as a biblical counselor permits me the privilege of helping children and teens know God’s care, love, and purpose in their lives. It’s encouraging that very often a child’s pain evaporates like a puddle on a hot summer day as the child (or teen) and the parents choose to love God above all. (Matthew 22:37)
As God transforms hurting hearts, thoughts, actions, and emotions as well as beliefs come together and reflect the heart of Jesus. Did you know Jesus welcomes little children? Our wonderfully radical Lord invited them to come near.
Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.’ Luke 18:15-17, ESV
The truth: Children do matter. Toddlers or teens, they deserve our love. Real love. Christ-like love.
Click & Tweet!
Real Love in Good Times, Bad Times
What does real love look like during good times at home?
Conversation at dinner time, playing board games, and going for walks.
What does real love look like in bad times?
Repentance, forgiveness, consequences.
Reality is a phenomenal teacher. When a child does his homework, he gets the satisfaction of good grades. When a preschooler bites a 3 year old at the playground — yes, I am a mom of a former biter — she is escorted from park immediately. When a teen refuses to clean her room, her cell phone goes in timeout.
Real Love: Messy!
Healing came as I recognized I cannot change my family of origin. But my husband and I can rewrite the script for our children. With God’s help, we can leave a legacy of real love. We mess up, of course. Real love isn’t perfection. Rather, it’s hugs and tears and laughter in the middle of mess.
JUST FOR YOU: Would you like help with struggles that perhaps go back to childhood hurts? I offer a short, complimentary phone consult. Sign up here.
by Lucy | Aug 3, 2017 | biblical counseling, book reviews, emotions, relationships
Empty nest. My friend Karen excitedly watched her three young adult children take flight. But my frend Diane felt uneasy. Her son had made bad choices in high school. Would he waste college too? And Dee had one heck of a time getting her daughter to leave the nest.
All three are adjusting to the empty nest, but only one is loving it. So far.
In this two-part series on the empty nest, you’ll discover. . .
- Best way to prepare your empty nest, whether your kids are just out of high school or farther down the road. Read part one.
- How to adjust and love the empty nest, including finding romance and investing in grandbabies.
The Empty Nest Book!
Author Michele Howe has written a book for any parent who finds herself in the midst of an empty nest. Preparing, Adjusting, and Loving the Empty Nest tackles the questions moms face, the emotions they encounter, and the changes soon to come. I strongly recommend it. See the book on Amazon here.
In a friendly, interactive style, Michele shares spiritual wisdom from the likes of seasoned biblical counselor Paul Tripp, take-away action steps, personal stories, and prayers. Indeed, it is a cross between a devotional and a parenting how-to book.
While an older empty nest-er would find encouragement, hope, and practical ideas in the pages of Preparing, Adjusting, and Loving the Empty Nest, it best suits moms who are entering this season of life.
Adjusting to the Empty Nest
DEALING WITH LONELINESS: One day Michele looked at the tree where her kids loved to climb, then her heart hurt. She tripped down memory lane–Easter egg hunts, Fourth of July fireworks, Thanksgiving feast, and Christmas joy–and began to feel lonely and sad. Isn’t it true that the older we get, we see life differently?
Michele says that one way to reduce emotional grief is by learning to live in the present and to be present. She asks, How can spending too much time reminiscing bring on sadness? How can you be more present today and look out for others in need of friends?
Take-Away Action Thought
When I begin to dip into sadness, I will search for those who need encouragement, help, and hope.
INTERCEDING FOR YOUR CHILDREN: Don’t you agree that moms who take their worry to God in prayer fare better than those who don’t? One way to be consistent in prayer is by keeping a prayer journal. So how does it work practically?
When your son or daughter calls or texts to tell you of a problem their facing, turn to your prayer journal, jot the details, date it, and pray. “The more time I spend perusing my prayer journal, the more my faith is strengthened, and the more inner peace I experience,” Michele shares. Her prayer journal dates back ten years! (Another help is Transform Your Thought Journal — an ebook for godly mind renewal.)
How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
Psalm 31:19
Loving the Empty Nest
REINTRODUCING ROMANCE: Every couple struggles sometimes. So it’s important to honestly appaise your marriage, own up to your mistakes, ask forgiveness, and start afresh. But you also must plan time to talk and have fun together.
Take-Away Action Thought
I will proactively make plans for enjoyable activities together every single week by getting the calendar out and marking specific dates/time.
STEPPING UP HEALTHY LIVING PLANS: “When my fifty-something body rejects the idea of getting up and moving. . .I am grateful that my child-rearing days are over,” Michele quips. It’s time to reevaluate fitness goals and to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep. (A superbly helpful guide is this eBook: Fit for Life.)
INVESTING IN GRANDCHILDREN: This takes intentionality! Plans that truly matter don’t just happen. Rather, you pray, you plan, you proceed!
Click & Tweet!
When your grandkids live close, you’ll get to attend their school and church activities. But if you’re many hours away (by car or plane), you still can enjoy fun ways to love the little ones long-distance but you’ll need to plan. Right now list a plan of at least six different ways to practically show love to your grandchildren this month.
Friends, do you need prayer or have a question, why not contact me? I aim to answer within the day, God willing.
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
