What are the top needs of moms?
A while back, I queried a few hundred moms in a Facebook group, asking their top 3 needs. My imperfect scientific study revealed these three top vote-getters:
1. A support system of family and/or friends
2. Time alone
3. Encouragement
In this short article, let’s focus on #1. Your can read more about time alone and encouragement here and here.
Family: I Need a Mother Too
Are you old enough to remember the 1970’s TV show “The Waltons“? Watching reruns warmed my toes many an afternoon. Ma and Pa would have a problem on the farm, and the family and neighbors would stick together to solve it. The bonded in tough times.
John Boy was kinda cute in a geeky way. Me and Mary Ellen–we could have been best friends. Grandma had a sour personality too, but she cared, really cared. You could tell.
Back then, in my grade school years, I ached for the sense of belonging too. A network of caring people take note of your needs. They help you and pray with you and for your. They listen. And no one does this better than famiy–usually but not always. Read more about overcoming pain caused by family.
Finding Close Friends at Church!
A couple decades ago, when my family moved to a new home in a small city away from family and friends, I put a plan in action.
Join a friendly church and — presto! — embrace a new, big family.
But my plan was a fail! You see, once we settled into our new church, our friendly “friends” quickly turned back to their own tight circles of longtime buddies.
Have you looked to a church or other group as your support system because you lacked family and friends? How did it go for you? Could you be at home at a church where you were close to Jesus yet not so close to the people? Did you reach out too?
Making Mama-Friendly Connections
The women I queried shared a bunch of ideas on creating a support system when family and friends. Here are some.
Friends to Listen
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One mom experienced postpartum depression and thought it was grief. “I was far away from my family and support system, and one of my best friends had died only six months earlier. Too many life changes in too short a time.” No one was near to help her make sense of her hopelessness.
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“To be heard” is a single mom’s top need.
Babysitter!
- One mom had to return to work when her baby was a newborn. “A reliable babysitter who was prompt, a woman who truly loved children and was extremely dependable.”
- Another woman with four small children says she needs “a friggin’ baby sitter during the day so that I can go get things done without kids, or so if one child has an appointment, I don’t have to lug all of them with me.”
- “Before I had my boys, we lived in a neighborhood where the mothers would trade time, watching each others kids, so they could have some time to do something else. Kind of a babysitting co-op. I think for every hour you put in, you got one back.”
A Mentor
- When family is far away, having an older woman helps. Her wisdom, her laughter, her presence. Also mentors for kids!
“One of my top needs or desires while they were younger (and even now) was/is for older mentors or adults to be in their and our lives. They have no grandparents, no uncles, aunties or cousins and at times I would just love someone to encourage and give advice and just be proud of our children like we are.
I can only imagine what it might be like to ring my parents up and say help or come to this show to watch the kids! I guess I’m saying mentors or adopted aunties or uncles would be a dream come true.”
- Shares a mom who husband travels a lot: “My youngest (has) ADHD. A male mentor could have helped him in his social maturity and awkwardness.”
Friends, please share one of your mama needs in comments. Let’s encourage one another.
Counseling Hearts to Hope!
Lucy Ann, thank you so very much for these postings.
Mine was in one of your top three but I will not mention which one it is.
I definitely will be tuning in and follow up with your postings.
I love this site. It is perfect for new moms and old moms (me).
Blessings to you.
I’m an older mom too, Pat. My children are 23, 17, and 14. I was 37 years old when my youngest was born.
One of the things I’ve learned: no matter our age (or the ages of our kids) we need encouragement and hope. 🙂
I well I remember being a mother. Now, when I babysit my grandchildren, the youngest is 10 yrs. old) it is hard to remember the intensity of every minute of the day. Keeping up with young grandchildren is hard when you are over 70 years old. I found out they love the old stuff…albums, little wooden treasure chests, old Sunday School books. When grandpa comes home, I still need time out like a mother does, he plays with the grandsons and I quietly steal away for a cup of coffee.