Is there life after divorce? Yes! There definitely is.
No one needs to tell you divorce is a type of death. Your dreams cracked, and you feel broken. Shattered.
“Will I ever be happy?” a recently divorced woman asked me.
“Yes, as God fits together the pieces, and as you apply God’s Word to your life, you’ll experience a joy that’s deeper than circumstantial happiness,” I replied. “Do you want to get better?”
She twisted the tissue in her hands. “Yes.”
In this article, I’ll share hope and help in three significant ways:
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- Identifying the ultimate cause of divorce
- Giving encouragement from divorced Christian women.
- Three tips toward wholeness after divorce.
Ultimate Cause of Divorce
The ultimate cause of divorce is sin. Sin is selfish, prideful, and misaligned with God’s written Word, that is, the Bible. In the Bible, God gives two legitimate grounds for divorce Click & Tweet! :
- Unrepentant, sexual adultery. (Matthew 5:31, 19:9)
- Desertion by an unbeliever. (1 Corinthians 7:15-16)
Even though these are legitimate grounds for divorce, God always meant for marriage to be for life. In Malachi 2:16, God says he hates divorce because it’s borne from sin and brings destruction.
In what ways have you experienced the effects of destruction? Have you received care or condemnation from your Christian friends? Remember, for Christians:
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1, ESV)
God doesn’t condemn you, dear friend, even though you and your ex sinned against each other. When God brings together two sinners in a marriage, guess what? They sin. God uses marriage to chip away at your character flaws–and his. Sometimes marital conflict seems unbearable, doesn’t it?
Could You Use Encouraging Words?
“I used to feel rejected,” Lana said. “That first year was unbearable. My sleep was awful and I couldn’t stop eating junk food.
A neighbor asked me over for coffee. This was a turning point.
“We talked and I began to see that it wasn’t just his fault. I was selfish too. My friend listened. I thank God for her.”
“I went back to bed after I got the kids off to school,” Annie shared. “Life seemed black after the divorce. What kept me going were my kids and going to church on Sundays.
“I thought I went to church for them so they could be in Sunday School, but…
the worship songs melted my hardened heart.
“I began to look up again. It still hurts and money is still tight, but I have hope now.”
“My husband was into porn,” Jess said. “I didn’t know about his addiction when we married. We talked to the pastor. Justin would stop for a while then I’d catch him at it again. I felt so numb, I didn’t know what to do. He said he didn’t want to hurt me so he divorced me.”
“I guess the good that came out of it was getting counseling and growing closer to the Lord.”
Three Tips Toward Wholeness
- Learn conflict resolution. A main reason for bitterness in marriage is failing to work through problems. Commit to speaking the truth in love to family members, coworkers, and people at church and in your neighborhood. When you speak the truth in love, you communicate your feelings lovingly and work toward a solution.
- Figure out what kindles your anger and fear. As your identify the thoughts that prompt your emotions you can change them. “Take every thought captive to obey Christ” (1 Corinthians 10:5).
- Cling to your identity in Christ. You are God’s beloved child. Get my 64-page eBook to savor the “5 Amazing Names God Calls You!”
Join the Conversation
How has divorced touched your life? Where did you find hope and healing?
AN OFFER: Get a free consultation! Great for any woman going through hurt or who has questions. Contact me now.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
My first husband and I were married fourteen years. I had never kissed another man and the best way I can explain what happened is……like a plant in a pot that is small, I felt twisted and unable to move or be myself. This hardship of divorce I felt was the only way for me to grow. I admit ‘it was all about me.’ We had two young sons. I made many wrong decisions when left to my own wisdom and the fact I had been given away by my parents and never felt loved. When I met my current husband, that I have been married to for 28 years, I would not even give him my phone number. God had plans to plant us together..married…Now in this larger pot, we both can establish our new roots in the Lord Jesus and grow and realize our potential to help and heal other damaged people.
I love your plant analogy, Kc. God hates divorce. He doesn’t hate people who have divorced. Some reasons for divorce are biblical. When you and your first husband wed, you were not believers in Jesus so how would you know any better? Or how to communicate biblically?
Marriage isn’t easy for anyone. Yet it is a place for us to grow and become more like Jesus.
Thank you for sharing!!! Awesome!!! :o)
You’re so welcome! How has divorced touched you or someone you care about?
Hey sweet friend. You’re an inspiration! Thanks for being so vulnerable. I really am grateful I know you.
I appreciate Kc’s deep sharing too. It’s healing. And hopeful. ~Lucy
I dont think divorce is always a bad thing; at least not in my case. Leaving a bad marriage, filled with alcohol and abuse, actually led me to the Lord. This person was NOT Gods plan for me; but having gown up Catholic, I never knew, or had a personal relationship with my heavenly Father. It took getting out of that nightmare…..”For where envying and strife is, so is confusion and EVERY EVIL work”….James 3:16. Notice, not “some” evil….. After I left that marriage is when God began to lead me to Him, and finally to His total Salvation. I am now married again; to the man my Father brought me to, and am so very happy and in love with the “love of my life”. Together we are living in the abundance and blessing of God, through Christ Jesus. God IS the center of our life, and we have the fullness of Him~
Denise, I too was in an alcoholic and verbal abuse marriage for 34 years. After he left with my best friend and I taking the time to heal. (It has been 13 years) I soon figured out that God was calling me which was not going to be part of our marriage. I renewed my faith and today I am stronger, more peaceful, and have the best relationship with God that I never imagined. It has opened doors with speaker to other women, author, Life Purpose Coach, and Pastor. No man yet but hoping one day this will happen for me again and find the one who will respect me and love me the way God intends it to be.
Linda, God treasures you, and your life is an example of beauty from ashes, isn’t it? You’ve grown throught the pain, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My parents divorced each other twice, and my dad had another marriage that ended in divorce. Divorce hurts the kids too. God redeems.
Denise, I rejoice with you. You came out of a crazy-difficult marriage, led by the Holy Spirit to salvation in Christ alone. Amen. I too am a former Catholic. I became a Christian at 23 while in the Catholic Church. I was willing to stay there if that’s where God wanted me. He called my husband and me to a Bible-preaching church several years later.
May our most awesome God and Father continue to bless you and your marriage, as I know He will. Ephesians 1:3
Lucy