1. Identify trouble spots.
As you look at the calendar, identify dates and places that may prove painful during the holidays. For me, Christmas Eve is tough because my mom always hosted Christmas dinner at her home, but now she’s gone. So years ago, my husband and I began a new tradition of making Christmas pizza with the kids. It helped us handle the grief.
You may also choose to not attend a certain party, or stay for an abreviated time, or attend with a caring friend who’s aware of your pain and helps you as needed.
I think of a former counselee with an abusive family member whom she needed to avoid. She made sure her close cousin was aware of this trouble spot, and she stayed by her side at a holiday dinner where he’d be present. Identifying this trouble spot and telling her cousin made all the difference.
2. Loss is not the boss!
Yes, the loss of a broken dream or a loved one’s passing may seem impossible to survive. But remember that loss is not the boss. Rather Jesus is Lord over all, including your losses. Click & Tweet! Here’s a verse that has helped me and many counselees:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
3. Grieve on purpose.
Yes, grief can come out of the blue when you least expect it. But you can take charge and grieve on purpose on your time. Some ways to do this:
- Journaling
- Listening to music
- Walking in nature
- Have a meaningful conversation with a friend
As you grieve on purpose, you honor the memory of your loved one. You can also begin to dream new dreams that replace the broken one.
4. Recognize that you’re not alone.
No one has it all together. And this includes that woman at church who’s all smilles and pep. (In fact, she may be hiding a hurt.)
One struggles with grief, another with memories of a broken marriage, a wayward child, or a past regret. We each hurt in different ways, right?
But be sure to not go it alone during the holidays. Reach out to a trusted Christian friend or a biblical counselor. Psalm 56:1-4
5. Surround yourself with other believers.
When you hurt, it’s tempting to stay under the covers on Sunday morning and every morning. But you’ll be glad you flung off the blankets and put your feet on the floor.
Consider my counselee Nicole who struggled with loss (a divorce as well as the death of a loved one). When her grief began to pull her into despair, she reached out for counseling, and I listened deep to her story.
She had gotten into a bad habit of lingering in bed and mulling over her problems, leading to more hopelessness. So we put together an action plan including a simple morning routine. Soon she noticed her spirits lift as she followed the action plan. Of course her grief didn’t go away immediately. In fact some of it will probably stick around as she misses her loved one and life as it once was, especially during the holidays.
But now she is living with purpose. She meets with friends, volunteers at a school, participates in a women’s Bible study, and attends church where we believers are called to “bear one another’s burdens.” Having friendships with Christian women has helped greatly in her healing.
Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
What About You?
Are you looking to the holidays joyfully or are they a source of pain? Think of one step you can take to lessen your own grief or that of another. Now plan how you’ll put this step in action and do it. Let me know how it goes. 🙂
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
