by Lucy | Jul 3, 2019 | emotions, identity in Christ, People Who Hurt, thoughts
My funk came out of nowhere and I forgot to thank God. Not for the funk. That would be insane, right? But in the craziness of normal life.
Example 1: I sent my water bill payment to the electricity company, and the water company threatened to turn off my H2O.
Example 2: My cat tossed his cookies. And she boot-scooted, drawing criss-cross lines on the carpet. I’ll spare you a visual.
Example 3: Okay, this next one isn’t crazy but super stressful.
My college-age son, who lives 1,200 miles away, had to find a new place to stay fast. So I worried, and when I worry, I wake up a million times during the night, covers off, covers on, covers off. Not only that, my back tightens and my feet go all numb-y. Then I dwell on The Injury. And I fear a repeat.
Don’t Do What I Did
In the middle of my funk I focused on me. I failed to think about the all-powerful God who has my back. And I forgot to thank God.
But thanking God is his will!
Many times when I counsel hurting women they ask about God’s will for their lives, and we have rich conversations. I listen to their life story in the light of God’s redemptive plan for them. And it becomes clearer — God’s will.
Annie’s husband just lost his job. And she’s concerned but hopeful. Her husband’s a good guy, a harder worker, an amazing dad to their three kiddos. But now they don’t have health insurance. And the youngest needs physical therapy. And so she worried.
We opened to this snippet of Scripture:
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 2 Thessalonians 5:18
There it is. Thank God.
Click & Tweet!
Instead, Thank God
Often I give a “thank God” assignment to counselees. For 20 minutes, they list everything going on in life: the vacation to Hawaii, a costly car repair, a kid’s high school graduation, a husband’s lost job, and so on. You’ll note “good” and “bad” stuff on the list.
Then we give thanks.
Lucy, are you nuts? How could anyone possibly thank God for the bad stuff, right?
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But God says give thanks in all circumstances. In is not for. Really, who thanks God for cat barf and boot scoots? As we thank God in all circumstances, we recognize he’s is in control and knows exactly what we face. He is with us, in us. Thanking God becomes worship.
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When Annie made her list and thanked God in her circumstances, her focus shifted from self to God and her worry disappeared.
My 7 Things (plus one)
Now let’s give it a go. List everything happening in life. I’ll share the first 7 that come to mind.
- The pistachios I ate for lunch.
- My messy desk.
- Birds tweeting.
- My daughter’s MS (yes, that).
- Books!!!
- Wednesday nights studying Revelation with 20 others.
- Friends all over America but none near me in my new town.
- BONUS: My husband — I really don’t deserve him.
As expected, when I wrote my list, my spirit lifted. Remembering God for the little things, even the hard things, helped put my circumstances in perspective, and thank him. I entered into worship.
May I encourage you to set your timer to 20 minutes and list everything going on in your life? You’ll probably get stuck 5 minutes in. This is normal. Don’t give up. Keep going. Then thank God in all circumstances.
Let me know how it goes.
by Lucy | Jan 11, 2018 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships
Laughter heals! In this uplifting post, which appeared first here, Dr Donna Hart, PhD, shares how having fun and laughing are not only good for you but also pleases God. Donna is listed on our Heart2Heart Counselor Directory.
At a family gathering over the holidays, I enjoyed good food, good friends, and. . .laughter. In a conversation with the family matriarch, affectionately called “Memaw” by her grandchildren, she commented about the embroidered decorations on her sweatshirt and the effects of their strategic placement.
We started to laugh about the private joke between us. And we couldn’t stop laughing. The tears streamed down my face as others around us to start to laugh with us. I cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard. Something about that laughter gave my heart such joy and companionableness.
Are You Too Serious?
Christians have a long-standing reputation for being serious-minded people who are not prone to humor, laughter, or play. In early church history in America, the Puritans did much to cement this reputation of serious piety. They spent long hours in church and rigorous hours in daily Bible study and prayer. They are also known for their restrictions against music, dancing, and bright colors. Holiness seemed to be likened to judgment, suffering, and severity.
But John Wesley recognized the danger of taking this serious attitude to the extreme when he said: “Sour Godliness is the devil’s religion.” And Martin Luther is quoted in Is There Fun After Paul?: A Theology of Clowning:
If you’re not allowed to laugh in heaven, then I don’t want to go there.
Even though we eagerly bring joy, laughter, and good humor into our family lives, often we hesitate to bring the same qualities into our relationship with God. Are we worried that God does not have a sense of humor? If we want to bring laughter and play into our relationship with God, will we need to expand our view of His attributes to include laughter and fun?
Seeing Comedy in Life
To move in this direction, let’s define what a “sense of humor” means. It is a perspective on life that has the ability to see th
e comic in creation, humanity, and the ability to laugh at ourselves. Human relationships do not survive well without the ability to have a sense of humor.
We are all too familiar with how struggles and communication barriers block our ability to know and be known to each other. When we can step back and see the humor in our predicaments, it softens our hearts to move forward toward each other.
The same principle applies to our relationship with God. If all of our prayers are solemn, serious, and focused only on weighty matters of importance, we will miss opportunities for light and playful prayers.
Tears and laughter are often linked in the Bible. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to weep and a time to laugh (3:4). Luke 6:21 offers the promise of laughter when he writes “…Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.” It is difficult not to love someone when you are laughing with them. Have you experienced the love that comes from shared laughter?
Laugh Well, Live Better
When we laugh together, we build relationships; we build sympathy for each other, and we become kindred spirits. Good humor and laughter depend on solid trusting relationships. We cannot command laughter nor can we dictate trust.
But we can be willing to seize the funny moments to laugh out loud when least expected, find humor in our own situations. We can share laughter with others and discover love. And we can delight in God and experience God’s unconditional love for us.
If we believe that God will laugh at us if we share our joys and excitements, then we will remain silent for fear of being ridiculed. However, if we can learn the joy of laughter that comes from the love of laughing with someone finding humor in human experiences, we will then learn to laugh with God.
Help for Your Laughter
If you have been hurt by laughter in the past, and this prevents you from laughing now, write a prayer to God about your specific need. As you write your prayer, detail the hurt you have experienced and how the memories still hurt. Be willing to ask God for what you need to heal these hurts. (You might want to try this journal.–Ed.)
Also think about the places in life where you would love to receive the gift of laughter. Pour out your heart and longings to God, for He will not scorn, mock, or belittle you. You can rest in confidence God will not laugh at you.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Jan 3, 2018 | biblical counseling, relationships
Reaching a child’s heart for Christ is something every Christian mom and grandma desires, right? This honest post by guest writer Barbara Reaoch appeared first here and is used by permission.
When I was asked to lead the Children’s Division at Bible Study Fellowship, I knew it was a great privilege. But how naïve and prideful I was to think my experience qualified me for the job. Teaching the Bible to women was good preparation, for sure, but I was unaware of the pitfalls in teaching the Bible to children.
Sadly, I was not clear about the difference between moralistic behaviorism and gospel-centered application.
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It seemed easy to say, “Stop sinning and start obeying.” Discipline issues were equally simplistic: “Stop acting like that and start behaving.” Kids need to learn obedience, right? And we need kids to obey for our own sanity. I was inclined to twist the beauty of the gospel of grace into a subtle deception called moralism. I needed to learn three things:
1. Moralism cannot reach a child’s heart.
It’s not hard to use Bible characters to teach a moral lesson. With the Bible character as the subject of the lesson, we can teach kids that they need to be righteous like Noah, faithful like Moses, and obedient like Abraham. Kids figure that if they live like these heroes of the faith they will earn God’s love.
But when we try to make kids into good rule-keepers, they decide one of two things. Either with pride in their hearts, they believe they have earned God’s favor. Or they see they will never be able to keep the rules and conclude there’s no use trying.
Truth: Moralism can only produce pride and fear in the heart of a child.
Moralism ends up making children think their relationship with God depends on them. If they are good enough, they win. If they blow it, they lose. Moralistic teaching breaks down when we read that Noah gets drunk, Moses gets angry, and Abraham lies. We may try to hide the fact that each of these guys struggled with sin, but the Bible doesn’t. God never says that good behavior is a prerequisite for His love.
2. Manipulation cannot reach a child’s heart.
If we simply want kids to obey, manipulation usually works. Kids respond to, “I can’t believe you would do that after what we just learned about Jesus.”
Or “You should be ashamed of the way you are acting.”
Or “Look at those people—you know the ones who ________ (insert the sin of your choice).” As if to say, “You better never be like them.”
Even worse, we use God to manipulate. “God is not pleased with you when you do that.” “It makes Jesus sad when you act like that.” “If you want God to be pleased with you, you will read the Bible, go to church, and obey your parents.”
We can easily manipulate kids because God has wired them to want to please us. Their behavior may change temporarily, but we are damaging their hearts. The only lasting and effective life changes happen from the inside.
No matter how hard kids work to keep clean on the surface, as they see their sin, they will think God can’t possibly love them. We twist the gospel when we imply that God’s favor depends on their behavior. Life changes are real when they come from the heart.
3. We reach a child’s heart for Christ through the gospel.
The gospel is the most important truth for us to teach a child. Paul emphasizes this in 1 Corinthians 15:3–4:
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.
Gospel-centered teaching says our behavior can never be good enough to make us right with God. Before we deserve it, God reaches out to us in grace and mercy. He forgives those who turn from sin and trust in Jesus. We receive His mercy instead of punishment for sin because God’s justice was met through the death of His dearly loved Son on the cross.
Jesus’ resurrection power gives us a new heart, a new mind, and new desires to live for God.
Gospel-centered teaching says God uses people who are weak and broken. Bible characters are imperfect. God did not choose Noah, Moses, and Abraham because of their character but because of His grace. God knows who we are. His love for us doesn’t change when we fail. His plan and His promises prevail in spite of our imperfections.
Truth: God reaches a child’s heart with the truth of the gospel.
Moralism and manipulation harden a child’s heart. But the gospel is God’s message of love and grace that transforms the heart of a child. Gospel-centered teaching wasn’t just for the Bible Study Fellowship children’s program. Something happened in my own heart as I became more amazed with the truth of God’s love and grace.
Joy and freedom are found in the discovery that God uses our weakness for His glory. He uses our brokenness to reveal His grace. This is a message of hope, not only for our children but for us all. As messed up as your life may be, there is hope. The gospel tells us this is true. To teach the truth of the gospel is to reach a child’s heart for Christ.
Counseling Hope to Your Heart,
by Lucy | Aug 25, 2015 | biblical counseling, emotions |
Does joyful mean “REJOICE ALWAYS”?
I bumped into this two-word Scripture just before life spun like a Tilt-o-Whirl. The command to “rejoice always” looked so good on the pages of my Bible that I selected it as a memory verse to lift me up.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV
Then the school year began and my rejoicing withered.
My basketball girl headed north for her first second of college, excited, and my eyes leaked. The eldest just found a few gray hairs and says she feels old. . .in her mid-twenties. My boy-man doesn’t like school and has told me so, over and over and over. I felt tempted to pop an Advil and stave a headache.
Does God really expect any of us to be joyful always? Always is a big word, wouldn’t you agree? What is an obstacle to your joy?
There are hurricanes and identity theft, AIDS and divorce, school shootings, Internet porn and battered women, meth labs, sex trafficking. . .
and the Bible says, “Rejoice always”? To be joyful. . .always?
An Impossible Command?
Was Paul philosophizing the impossible when he wrote these two words under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit?
Then I pondered the words that followed, and as my thoughts began to line up with God’s thoughts, my anxiety diminished
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. What helps your anxiety turn-around?
“Pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Think about it. When you and I choose to pray through my day, then we’re talking with and listening to God, right? And God knows us best and wants the very best for us. He wants you to be joyful in him.
By reminding myself of what God says in Scripture, I know I’m his daughter, beautiful and cherished. You and I don’t need to earn his love. He gives his love to us freely. This is grace. A gift, unmerited.
Pray, Thank, Know
And as I give thanks to God in all circumstances–not for them–I recognize that he is completely in control. Nothing takes him by surprise.
Thus, I can rejoice always. Cultivating a thankful heart matter and knowing he’s good and in control allows me to rejoice always. This really is God’s will (i.e., his plan, his purpose) for me.
My joy has little to do with my circumstances and everything to do with two choices: how I view God and myself.
Joyful Choice #1
Many, many years ago I thought God was out to get me, and I feared him in a bad way. This admission sounds horrible. How could I think such a thing? But like many women, I had someone in my childhood who should have protected me but didn’t.
Worse, his neglect exposed me to a painful situation. At a young age I wrongly thought, “If they say they love me but hurt me, God will hurt me too.”
As an adult, God cleared my eyes as I read my Bible day after day. My choice: to stubbornly hold tight to my twisted god or to agree with the one true God that he is absolutely nothing like the lie I believed.
Joyful Choice #2
Ugly to the core – this was how I summed me up. I saw myself as a crumpled up paper that belonged in a trash can. Do you relate? Do you know someone who does?
Beautifully, God says that you, me and everyone is wonderfully made with the deepest respect by him, the Creator. As God spotlighted another lie I believed, he gave me the strength to hold it up to the light of Scripture. My choice: to believe God is a liar and I really am trash or to agree with him that I am beautiful in Christ. I can be joyful.
With humility and awe, I attest that God says I am beautiful in him! You are too!
This is joy:
to know the one who made you completely loves you, wherever you’ve been, whatever is happening in your life now.
You don’t have to do anything to win his approval. You only need to accept the gift that Jesus bought for you. This gift is the truth that you are who God says who are: blessed, forgiven, complete and. . .beautiful.
by Lucy | Mar 25, 2015 | emotions, relationships
You don’t have to do more, more, more to be good enough.
You already are good enough. You already are amazing.
God says so. He made you, so wouldn’t he know?
Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. Eccles. 3:11, New Living Translation
You may not feel that you are good enough, that you are amazing. That’s okay.
The kids catapult peas over in kitchen table. Your husband plops in front of the TV and channel surfs. The dishes are stacked high in the sink. The laundry pile is nearly as tall as Mount Everest. Or perhaps there are no kids or husband or dishes? You just feel alone.
Don’t we all, at times, feel like a Not-Good-Enough gal?
Beautiful Belonging
You were made for so much more than what you can see and hear and touch. God himself planted eternity in your heart. Heaven is your home, sweet sister.
Heaven isn’t something you do. Do you remember when people said, “Let’s do lunch?”
You don’t do heaven. It’s the place you belong.
You belong to heaven because the God of heaven made you for it.
Do you feel that ache? That ache for something more?
This restlessness is not:
a need for new cute shoes.
a different job.
a skinny martini.
a yoga class.
This restlessness is God inviting your heart to come home to his.
Don’t Settle
Isn’t it easy to settle for “okay” when you long to be Good Enough?
When you settle, you become apathetic. Apathy is the worst thing. It’s neither love nor hate. It’s just blah.
Don’t you despise blah? Me too. And Mother Teresa and Coretta Scott King and a host of other Christian women who didn’t want to do the church-y thing but go out and get their hands dirty. . .
and jump in puddles,
run through sprinklers, and climb trees.
In a phrase, make a difference.
Delight in the Now
To be Good Enough is simple and hard.
It’s simple to get that God says you’re Good Enough because you belong to him. It’s hard to believe it because it sounds too good to be true.
Then distractions intrude. Some distractions are the stuff of life like paying bills and grocery shopping and keeping your dental check up. Other distractions are the condemning thoughts that hiss,
“You are NOT good enough. You never were and never will be. So give up.”
Don’t listen to these hellish lies. Instead:
1. Dare to live the truth you are Good Enough — more than Good Enough — right here, right now. Embrace this moment.
2. Resist looking back to what you wish you’d done.
3. Stop jumping ahead to tomorrow, hoping to do better next time.
Be who you are now.
God promises that he has a plan for you. When you look back or jump ahead, you may miss out on the peace and contentment of now. Did you know you really only have now? God loves you in your messiness and your imperfections.
He loves you and he makes you Good Enough.
photo credit: aja_2006_0102_001 via photopin (license)
