Divorce is a bottomless well. It undoes the Christian woman divorced by her husband. It confuses the kids too. Friends sometimes scatter.

When Mr. and Mrs split, all relationships change but one. God loves you — divorced and broken. He loves your ex too.

Some folks in church may compound the pain of divorce. Tragic. While the Lord did not condemn the woman caught in adultery (John 8:2-11), some church folk shun the divorced. They may gossip, point fingers, and act holier than thou. Their pride reveals their own insecurities and loneliness.

Wouldn’t you like to know how to help a divorced Chirstian?

First, remember that she and her children are in crisis.

A Personal Story

My parents divorced when I was eight birthday candles old. My dad thought my mom was the problem. She withdrew into her hole: cigarettes and TV and food.

They both tried to find peace in division. Isn’t this how divorce goes? Disunity, pain, loneliness. For them, for my brother and me.

And Satan laughed.

Another marriage bites the dust. And another one’s gone. And another one’s gone.

I wish I could say I liked the independence of being a latch-key kid and coming home and starting dinner. I didn’t.

My Snoopy doll got a lot of hugs that year. My tears wet its polyester fur. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do. Loneliness became my unwanted friend.

Hope for YOU!

While divorce is a kiss of death, a black-hole loss — even worse than death in some respects: a ripping apart of of the one-flesh relationship — there is hope. Honest.

My friend Carol was divorced from the only guy she loved 20 years ago. She felt abandoned by friends, her church, even God. She wisely stayed out of romantic relationships for several years. During divorce recovery, you are extremely vulnerable.

An older friend at a nearby church befriended her. She invited her over to share coffee, to talk, to cry, to let her pain pour out. This good friend lovingly helped her see where the husband went wrong, where she went wrong. . .and right.

Divorced women — and their kids, young or older — need the support of compassionate, safe same-gender friends or counselors with listening ears, a compassionate heart, and the ability to draw the hurting to the one real hope: Jesus.

What to Say, What NOT to Say

Here are three things to say and do, and three things to avoid.

Helpful things:

“Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. God loves you.”

“How can I help with the kids?”

“Let’s get together on Friday at _____ so you can talk and I’ll listen.”

Hurtful things:

“You need to start dating again. Kids need a dad.”

“What did you do to make your husband leave you?”

“God hates divorce.” (Yes, this is true. A divorced woman may easily conclude the God hates her, which is false.)

An Offer

Often a divorced Christian woman fears she has no safe place to share. She may fear judgment or rejection from couples that had been friends.

If you need a safe place to share and heal, may I suggest biblical Christian counseling? I meet with women in person and on Skype. Please contact me and discover God’s hope and your healing.