2 Steps to Get Unstuck

2 Steps to Get Unstuck

You need to repent of idols of the heart. Idols of the heart are ruling desires of your heart. Begin by identifying the heart with these two questions:

1. Is your desire, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42, NIV)?

2. Or does your cry sound more like demands for security, approval, comfort, and love? 

When you want security, approval, comfort, and love, and get want you demand, pride will fill you. Underneath the veneer of pride and self-righteousness are emotions like anxiety, anger, and discouragement and actions like seething, shouting, nail-biting, insomnia, overeating, and self-loathing.

Just as the prodigal son demanded his way, just as the older son self-righteously sneered at his brother when he returned home, chances are you too have ruling desires of the heart that are unholy.

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you negative thoughts, critical speech, gossip, bitterness, immorality, and anything else that exposes a self-ruled heart.

You may want to jot down what the Holy Spirit reveals to you. What are the “rotten fruit” that expose the ruling desires of your heart?

Did you know that what rules your heart, rules you?

Faithfully yours,

Lucy

Overly Dependent on a Person?

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Do you think you may be overly dependent on a friend, or your friend is overly dependent on you?

Three clues:

1. You do something for someone else that she can do for herself and/or

2. You’re dependent on another person to the point of being controlled or manipulated by that person and/or

3. You lie (or sin in another way) to keep the peace or get the other’s approval.

A modern term for this sort of dependence, or “people addiction,” is co-dependent. Psychologists first used in the 1970s to describe family members of alcoholics who adapted to destructive behavior in unhealthy ways, such as calling the boss of a hungover alcoholic and saying she has the flu.

The Bible has a better term, a more accurate term: a misplaced dependency.

A person with a misplaced dependency cares more what another person says and thinks than she seeks God. You could call it idol worship of . . .a person.

You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3, NIV 

Strong Is Weak?

Says radio show host, biblical counselor, and author June Hunt:

One person is seen as weak and the other as strong. The weak one appears totally dependent on the strong one.

But the one who appears strong actually is weak because of the excessive need to be needed by the weak one. In fact, the strong one needs for the weak one to stay weak, which in turn keeps the strong one feeling strong.

This craziness played out in my relationship with my own mom. Growing up I learned to agree with my mom. Disagreement invited her silent treatment. And I hated silent treatments . . . so I agreed with my mom. I wanted her approval badly enough to lie. Have you lied to keep peace? 

If she said she did back flips on Chicago sidewalks, I said, “Wow. Cool.” If she said I was tone deaf, I chimed, “Yeah. I know.” She needed my affirmation and I needed hers. Was she the weak one? Or me?

In your friendships, do you have an excessive need to be needed?

Making Up Problems

A person with a misplaced dependency may manufacture a crisis then come to the rescue. She’s crazy-glue connected and overly responsible.

Sometimes after a legitimate crisis — such as a monstrous flood or a death in the family — a “helpful” person gives help long after it’s needed or wanted.

Then there are the little examples, such as:

  • a dad who ties the shoes of his able-bodied 10 year old.
  • a mom who writes her son’s high school English paper.
  • a friend who insists on buying lunch every time you get together even though you can afford it.

The strong one wants to help but. . .harms.

What God Says

God understands. Co-dependency stories dot the bible, and we discover the high cost of misplaced dependencies.

Remember Samson and Delilah? Delilah manipulated weak-willed Samson. What about Rebekah and her son Jacob? Rebekah easily convinces Jacob to lie and deceive his father, Isaac, to obtain the birthright of the firstborn (which belongs to Esau).

God’s desire for you is this: living each day dependent on the Lord. As you submit to the Lord, you will have peace, you will have contentment, and you will experience his presence.

This is one reason why God says:

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” Jeremiah 17:7

What’s Next?

If you think you may have misplaced dependencies or know someone who is, you can:

  1. Learn more. A great book is Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick.
  2. Have a heart-to-heart with a wise, compassionate Christian friend of the same gender.
  3. Talk with a biblical counselor at your church or community, or with me. A seminary-trained, certified biblical counselor, I’ve counseled hope to thousands of women by Skype and in person. Click here for FAQs.

Sharing hope with your heart,

Say ‘No’ and Flee from Idolatry!

Say ‘No’ and Flee from Idolatry!

Idolatry is making a god of something or someone who is NOT the God. All of us are tempted to cozy up to idols. Guest writer Ellen Castillo, one of the counselors in Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, reveals her go-to idol and how she–and you–can learn to say “no” and flee. Her article appeared first here on her website and is used with permission. 

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What do you run to? What should you run from?

 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry. 1 Corinthians 10:15

It’s humbling to admit this. For many years my go-to idol has been. . .food. Sin is always humbling, isn’t it? And it can be embarrassing and even humiliating, except that the Gospel takes care of that kind of self-focus and self-condemnation.

I’ll take the humbling, because that is what keeps me from turning back to idolatry. I’ll keep purposing to reject the embarrassment and humiliation, because I know that my sins are forgiven. To try to pretend that I am not the worst of sinners is just silly because it’s written all over me. And you.

Let’s remember this: we have a Savior.

Idolatry Everywhere! 

Idolatry today comes wrapped in a lot of different packages. Food, alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, sex, materialism, shopping, anger, status, playing the victim, seeking aproval and attention, relationships, celebrities, pride of all kinds, and so many more.

There is no end, really, to what we allow to become idols in our hearts. Whatever we put before God, wherever our treasure is, whatever we worship, those are our idols.

There is a reason these idols are called “false gods.” They are counterfeits. They ultimately fail us. We actually “become like them” and that is, to put it bluntly, disgusting.

Disgusting Idols

The psalmist wrote:

The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see; they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them! Psalm 135:15-18 

This disgust gripped me a few months ago when I got a serious medical diagnosis that is worsened by my idolatry. I realized I had “eyes, but did not see, ears, but did not hear, and there was no breath in my mouth.”

I won’t say my idol is entirely gone now, but I am seeing consistent victories along the way. Praise God, it is His work in me, not my own. I am too weak apart from His strength. I have a long ways to go, but I am daily choosing to go toward Christ rather than my toward my false god.

Where are you going?

The Gospel Ensures Victory

One of the beautiful things about Jesus’s Gospel is that we do not need to strive for victory.

Yes, there is a part we must engage by obedience, but when (not if) we fail at times, we can praise God because He does not see what we see. Even if my hand gets caught in the cookie jar, I am forgiven.

That does not excuse my behavior nor does it give me the green light to worship my idols. It does offer me grace to get back up again and press on in obedience because of the indwelling Spirit in me. I need to know that God’s love for me does not change (nor does my eternal security) when I fail at times, and I do fail. But by God’s grace you and I can experience more victories and fewer setbacks as long as we are not relying on our own strength.

How does God deal with our idolatry? How are we to be rid of it? We see in Scripture that His dealings with His people were consistent and blatant. We see the same kind of dealings with our current culture (just view the news or your Facebook feed and you will see it.)

The Word Reveals Our Need

The commands are clear: we are to have no other gods before Him. God is a jealous God.

You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:3-6 

In our personal lives, if you have a personal relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus, God deals with us and our sin of idolatry very individually and specifically. For example, my conviction came as a result of that scary medical diagnosis that requires a change of habits if I want to be healthy and live to know my grandkids, Lord willing.

We fashion our idols and enjoy them for awhile, until God reveals to us the thoughts, beliefs, and desires that lie at the core of our hearts. Those are the things that mold and transform in to our idols.

Heart Matters

Out of that core of our hearts flow the things we worship, and we must remember that those things are not going to satisfy ultimately because:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

God’s Word is clear. When God reveals our idols to us, we are then responsible to flee them.

Ephesians 4 instructs us to put off the old man, and put on the new. Through the conviction, empowering, and enabling of the Holy Spirit, we can do this. We can say no.

Titus 2:12 reminds us that grace actually teaches us to say no.

Grace. The Gospel. Spirit indwelling. SAY NO. Flee!

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

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