Trusting God in the Storms of Life

Trusting God in the Storms of Life

The storms of life are unpredictable and scary. But God’s up to good. And you can trust him in them. Featured in Heart2Heart Counseling Directory, Shannon Kay McCoy shares 3 lasting lessons on the storms of life. Be sure to check out her personal counselor page here.

Her article appeared first here at The Biblical Counseling Coalition and is used with permission.

While growing up in South Carolina, I loved thunderstorms. I watched the howling wind blow leaves from the tree branches and the raindrops beat down on the grass under the dark, gray sky.

If we were at my Granny’s house, she would make us unplug everything electrical. That meant no TV or radio (there was no internet in those days). My siblings and I had no other choice but to play with each other. We found a way to endure the storm until it blew over.

Sometimes storms can cause much damage and wreak havoc in the lives of many. While the news focuses on environmental storms, there are other storms just as devastating that people experience every day, such as sickness, financial hardship, and broken relationships. These storms of life threaten our peace, comfort, and joy, and often bring about fear, doubt, and hopelessness.

Jesus Calms a Storm

In Mark 4:34-41, the disciples found themselves caught in a ferocious storm while on a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee and simultaneously in a spiritual storm of fear and doubt. They feared for their lives. Jesus was fast asleep in the stern of the boat while the storm was raging. They woke Him and said,

“Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (4:38).

storms of lifeJesus woke up, calmed the storm, and questioned their faith in Him (4:40). They were no longer afraid of the storm, but very afraid of the supernatural power of Jesus that led them to wonder who He was, that even the wind and sea obey Him (4:41).

The disciples learned significant lessons that day that transformed their lives. We can learn much from their experience as we face the storms of our own lives. 

God Ordains the Storms of Life

The idea that God permits bad things to happen to His children is a very hard pill for some of us to swallow. “It doesn’t make sense for a loving God to allow His followers to suffer,” some would say. This is a simple conundrum to solve.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33,

“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus promises us that we will have trials and tribulations in this world, but because He has overcome the world, we can trust Him in the storms.

When storms hit, we often wonder, “Why is this happening?” In James 1, we see that God has a purpose for every trial that we experience. God uses trials to test the genuineness of our faith.

The disciples’ faith in Jesus was being tested in the storm. They questioned the very character of Jesus, implying that He did not care for them. We may feel the same way when we face a health crisis or a financial hardship that may cause us to lose our home. But 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast all of our cares and concerns on Jesus, because He cares for us.

God Is in Control of the Storms of Life

The disciples were filled with great fear when Jesus rebuked the wind and told the sea, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:39). Jesus displayed amazing supernatural power over nature. We learn, along with the disciples, that Jesus can be trusted in the storm. This is because He is sovereign.

God’s sovereignty is described in Psalm 24:1-2:

“The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters.”

God is in perfect control of the universe. He is involved in everything in this world and is directing all things, people, nature, etc. to fulfill His divine purposes. When facing the storms of life, understanding the sovereignty of our amazing God is essential.

The disciples showed us both what to do and what not to do. They were right to go to Jesus in the storm. However, they fell short because they went to Him in fear and doubt. Jesus wanted them to have faith in Him in the midst of the terrible storm. In Philippians 4:5-6, we learn how to replace our fear and anxiety with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving.

We are released from the grip of fear and anxiety when we thank Him for His sovereign power and purpose for the storms. We can trust His promise that His peace will guard our hearts and minds so that we will not be fearful or anxious during the storm (Phil. 4:7).

God Is for You in the Storms of Life

In their fear, the disciples questioned if Jesus cared for them. He asked them, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40). Not only did Jesus rebuke the wind and the waves, but He rebuked the disciples for their unbelief.

Their unbelief caused their fear, and their fear caused them to question whether Jesus really cared. Jesus expected them to know that He was for them and that He did not want to destroy them. 

Isaiah 41:10 states,

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”

Believing that God is for you can transform your life. When trials come, you will not be tempted to doubt God’s love, care, and concern for you. When it seems like there is no sound coming from Heaven, you can still believe that God is for you.

The storms of life are part of God’s sanctification plan, revealing your heart, and growing you into His image. Do not let the difficult storms become bigger than the promises of Jesus.

He promises to be with you through any storm that He allows in your life (Isa. 43:2). Allow the storms of life propel you to trust God as your refuge and deliverer.

Questions for Reflection

  • When the storms of life hit, what is your first reaction?
  • Can you look back on previous storms in your life and accept that God ordained the storm and was in control of it?
  • How will the realization that God is for you impact your fear?

Resource for YOU

I have the awesome privilege of counseling women and families by Skype and FaceTime all over the world! If you’d like to know more about this wonderful resource of online counseling, please look over this and be sure to request a complimentary counseling phone consult. Cheers!

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

5 Tips for Handling Un-Happy Holidays

5 Tips for Handling Un-Happy Holidays

1. Identify trouble spots. 

As you look at the calendar, identify dates and places that may prove painful during the holidays. For me, Christmas Eve is tough because my mom always hosted Christmas dinner at her home, but now she’s gone. So years ago, my husband and I began a new tradition of making Christmas pizza with the kids. It helped us handle the grief.

You may also choose to not attend a certain party, or stay for an abreviated time, or attend with a caring friend who’s aware of your pain and helps you as needed.

I think of a former counselee with an abusive family member whom she needed to avoid. She made sure her close cousin was aware of this trouble spot, and she stayed by her side at a holiday dinner where he’d be present. Identifying this trouble spot and telling her cousin made all the difference.

2. Loss is not the boss!

Yes, the loss of a broken dream or a loved one’s passing may seem impossible to survive. But remember that loss is not the boss. Rather Jesus is Lord over all, including your losses. Here’s a verse that has helped me and many counselees:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

3. Grieve on purpose.

Yes, grief can come out of the blue when you least expect it. But you can take charge and grieve on purpose on your time. Some ways to do this:

  • Journaling
  • Listening to music
  • Walking in nature
  • Have a meaningful conversation with a friend

As you grieve on purpose, you honor the memory of your loved one. You can also begin to dream new dreams that replace the broken one.

4. Recognize that you’re not alone.

No one has it all together. And this includes that woman at church who’s all smilles and pep. (In fact, she may be hiding a hurt.) 

One struggles with grief, another with memories of a broken marriage, a wayward child, or a past regret. We each hurt in different ways, right?

But be sure to not go it alone during the holidays. Reach out to a trusted Christian friend or a biblical counselor. Psalm 56:1-4

5. Surround yourself with other believers.

When you hurt, it’s tempting to stay under the covers on Sunday morning and every morning. But you’ll be glad you flung off the blankets and put your feet on the floor. 

Consider my counselee Nicole who struggled with loss (a divorce as well as the death of a loved one). When her grief began to pull her into despair, she reached out for counseling, and I listened deep to her story.

She had gotten into a bad habit of lingering in bed and mulling over her problems, leading to more hopelessness. So we put together an action plan including a simple morning routine. Soon she noticed her spirits lift as she followed the action plan. Of course her grief didn’t go away immediately. In fact some of it will probably stick around as she misses her loved one and life as it once was, especially during the holidays. 

But now she is living with purpose. She meets with friends, volunteers at a school, participates in a women’s Bible study, and attends church where we believers are called to “bear one another’s burdens.” Having friendships with Christian women has helped greatly in her healing.

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

What About You?

Are you looking to the holidays joyfully or are they a source of pain? Think of one step you can take to lessen your own grief or that of another. Now plan how you’ll put this step in action and do it. Let me know how it goes. 🙂

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

4 Tips to Help Overly Sensitive Wives

4 Tips to Help Overly Sensitive Wives

HELP & HOPE for overly sensitive wives! Has your husband claimed you’re overly sensitive? Maybe you are overly sensitive. Maybe you aren’t.

Scroll to the 4 tips below. 

This article by biblical counselor Andrea Lee appeared first here at The Biblical Counseling Coalition website and used with permission.

Touchy. Moody. Easily offended. Has your husband ever said this about you? Does he walk on eggshells around you or fear you will misinterpret his comments? Are you overly sensitive to his assessment of your performance or character?

To define my terms, an “overly sensitive wife” is excessively hurt by the delivery and content of her husband’s comments.

Her emotional frailty makes playfulness in the marriage rare. Furthermore, she overreacts to any reproof, making it hard for her husband to help her grow. Instead of overlooking a poorly timed comment or opinion with love, she is devastated. She is allergic to criticism and assumes her husband is trying to hurt her.

Let me be clear.

There are times when you as a wife must address issues of biblical obedience or conscience with your husband.

You should confront your husband if he maliciously uses humor, constantly criticizes, or is regularly harsh and irritable. Such provocation is ungodly and if this is a pattern, discuss this with him, and if needed, seek help from your pastor or a biblical counselor.

But often believing husbands are not being malicious. Nonetheless, you might find yourself provoked, offended, and hurt. Even though your husband could grow in his ability to gently reprove you, you know you’re part of the problem.

Such emotionally disproportionate responses never lead to peace. As you examine the ways you contribute to low-grade conflict in your marriage, pay attention to the following four areas.

sensitive wives

1. Realize the connection between desires and interpretations

Our values and desires shape how we interpret our experiences. In other words, the things we desire, cherish, and love more than God influence the way we make sense of conversations and circumstances.

For example, because a wife wants to be perfect in an area (mothering, housekeeping, decorating, fashion, cooking, poise, entertaining, etc.), she might overreact when her husband mentions a weakness. The problem isn’t that her husband is wrong or spiteful, but rather she has assigned too much value to this area.

2. Recognize the link between idolatry and pride

When our desires are frustrated, we can respond with unreasonable hurt and irritation. This is idolatry. Idolatry is looking to, clinging to, and trusting in something other than God in order to achieve a desired experience or outcome (Is. 44:17; Hab. 2:18; Col. 3:5).

We either want what God says is wrong, or we want a good thing too much. Foundationally, idolatry serves self. We use things or people to exalt us or to give us pleasure, comfort, control, and approval.

Overly sensitive wives seek fulfillment in their achievement or performance. We are willing to pout, cry, or withdraw when our husbands minimize our efforts. This happens because we’ve merged performance with identity: “If I don’t perform perfectly, then I’m not worth anything.” This may sound like humility, but it’s really pride.

What are some signs that pride may be at work in your life? Stuart Scott pinpoints several markers of pride that fuel oversensitivity. These markers include being  …

  • devastated or angered by criticism
  • focused on self and wanting self to be elevated
  • consumed with what others think
  • defensive
  • convinced that you have little sin and others are more sinful
  • disheartened because you are not perfect and have weaknesses.

3. Repent of specific manifestations of idolatrous pride

So what are some desires that create conflict in this area?

Perfectionism

An overly sensitive wife focuses on areas where she wants to be the best. She wants her performance to merit approval from others. And when it doesn’t, she is devastated and reacts with quiet hurt or loud defensiveness.

Fear of Man

Perfectionism and fear of man go hand-in-hand.

The hypersensitive wife wants to be perfect so that others will praise her and have no ground for judging her. When she focuses on her husband’s evaluations and stops worshiping God, her performance takes center stage.

It devastates her when she fails to meet her own standards. Instead of repenting of pride and the way she exalts herself, she lashes out at the one who draws attention to her “failure.”

Control

We all use control as a strategy to get what we want.

And the overly sensitive wife believes she knows best and if everyone would do things her way, life would work at optimal speed and enjoyment. She is quick to defend her motives and ignore her sin. She wants to be seen as blameless in all ways and is unaware that her motives are mixed. And she underestimates how sinful she is and is easily hurt when her husband questions her motives.

Use these descriptions to evaluate the way pride impacts your interactions with your husband. This will help you repent more thoroughly and change more deeply.

4. Respond with worship and love 

Our God of all grace (1 Pet. 5:10) can help you to lay aside destructive sensitivity and to put on humble love for Christ and others. Turn to him. 

  • Ask God for grace and wisdom to repent of wanting your husband to regard you as perfect and worthy of constant praise.
  • Pray God will help you to cherish Christ’s perfection and put away attempts to establish your own righteousness.
  • Thank God He empowers your love and service (1 Pet. 4:11) and causes you to grow (1 Pet. 5:10; 1 Thess. 5:23-24).
  • Choose to believe the best about your husband. Assume he has good motives unless he confesses otherwise (1 Cor. 13:4-8; cf. 1 Cor. 4:5)
  • Focus on loving your husband and praying for him rather than on being loved perfectly by him (Phil. 2:3). Only Christ will love you perfectly.

What fuels your over-sensitivity?

1 Stuart Scott, From Pride to Humility (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002), 6-10. 2 For more on the ways sin is natural, see Ed Welch, Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide away from AddictionFacilitator’s Guide (Greensboro: New Growth Press, 2008), 31.

Want Help?

It’s miserable to be overly sensitive, right? You’re often anxious, afraid, and just plain sad. May I suggest that you consider getting help from a trusted Christian friend, a pastor, or a biblical counselor?

A great resource is Heart2Heart Counselor Directory! See it here. Look over the personal profile pages of experienced and vetted female biblical counselors, listed by location and speciality. Nearly all Heart2Heart counselors also counsel by Skype/Facetime too.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

Welcome to “How to Talk Like Jesus!” This 2-part series helps you communicate the truth in love with family, friends, and neighbors who “make” you want to scream or run like Forrest GumpIn case you want to see the first post in this series, click here.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgIn the first post in the series, you found out 2 reasons why godly communication is important to successful living: 1) to please God above all and 2) to be humble. The next 4 are listening well, well chosen words, nonverbals, and invest time to talk.

1. Listening Well

Listening well isn’t as easy as it sounds. It is more than hearing.

Haven’t you talked with a teen who looks at you and seems to listen but you just know he isn’t paying attention? How do you know whether he’s listened well? Try checking in with him by asking a super simple question: Could you tell me what I just said?

Here are 3 more essentials:

  • Not interrupting.
  • Paying close attention to what the other person is saying.
  • Refrain from planning your response while the other person is talking.

He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. Proverbs 18:13, NASB

Also, ask gentle questions to make sure you heard right!

A couple of examples:

“So what you’re saying is ____.” Fill in the blank with a short summary of what the speaker said.

“Could you explain a little more?”

Make it practical: In your next conversation, decide to not interrupt.

2. Use Well-Chosen Words

Careless words are worthless. Instead, choose your words well. Then improved communication helps with relationships at home, in the workplace, and at church.

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. Matthew 12:36, NASB

The best chosen words build up, encourage, and show you care. Recall a time that someone encouraged you. What encouraging words did you hear? How did their encouragement help you?

Make it practical: Select a person to build up with your words today.

3. Watch Your NonVerbals!

Crazy but true, at least 75 percent of your communication is your tone of voice and body language, not your actual words. One study puts is at 93 percent!

The phrase “Please bring me a glass of water” could communicate kindness or anger, depending on whether your face is relaxed or scrunchy and your arms are crossed or your tapping your foot or raising your voice.

When you notice that someone’s words and nonverbals do not match up, ask a followup question or make an observation. For instance, when your son says, “Mom, I cleaned my room, just like you asked,” but his voice sounds strangled and you see a sneer, you’ll probably wonder whether he’s lying or has a bad attitude.

Nonverbals to watch:

  • Tone of voice
  • Volume of voice
  • Hand gestures
  • Body posture
  • Facial expressions

Make it practical: Ask a close friend or family member to watch your nonverbals for a few hours or a day and jot them down and share them with you. As you review the list, choose one or two to change.

4. Take the Time to Communicate

Says biblical counselor and author Stuart Scott, who wrote The Exemplary Husband:

“We need to talk when we don’t want to and listen when we don’t want to. . . .Just because we are ill, tired, or not much or a talker, we are not released from the responsibility to work at good communication.”

Make it practical: Name one way you can communicate better even when you’re busy.

A Resource for You

Everyone needs someone to talk to. Would you like a complimentary counseling session to share what’s on your heart? Please leave a brief message here. Confidential. Learn more about my heart for women, marriages, and families who hurt here.

Counseling hearts to hope,

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How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

How to Talk More Like Jesus!

Welcome to “How to Talk Like Jesus!” This short series helps you communicate the truth in love with family, friends, and neighbors who might “make” you want to scream or run like Forrest Gump. Are you ready for the secret to godly communication? Let’s go.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgYour Talk Exposes Your Heart

Did you know what you say and how you say it reveals a lot about you? And about what you think of God? Your communication exposes your heart.

For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. Matthew 12:34, NASB

As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man. Proverbs 27:19, NKJV

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7, NLT

Here’s a time I handled communication poorly. The family member: my dad’s wife.

She doesn’t like me very much. I’m not sure why. A while back, she stomped into a restaurant where my dad and I were enjoying a late lunch, and her words flew at me like daggers: “Why are you here with him? He should be home with the children. You just want his money.” I said, “The children are young adults. And I’m here to see my dad, not get money.” He tried to quiet her and I moseyed toward the hostess at the cash register.

Honestly, I just wanted to feel safe, not talk like Jesus. I withdrew. Thankfully my dad’s wife soon left. I felt sad, confused. My dad felt worse. His smile had become a grimace.

Your Talk Reveals Your Beliefs

how to talk like JesusYour heart is highly important to God. Think of your heart as the control center of your inner self. It reveals your beliefs and your motivations.

What you believe guides your thoughts and actions. God cares about your communication because he cares about you and your beliefs.

He desires your focus to be on Jesus, not on yourself. When your beliefs are “me-centered,” you’ll show them by what you say and what you do. A “me-centered” heart is prideful, selfish, lonely, angry, fearful, and sad, and such is your communication.

Did you know that the Bible says if a person can control their tongue, they’ll be able to control all their desires/passions/affections?

For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. James 3:2, NASB

How to Talk Well

Dr. Stuart Scott, an author and a professor at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, shares six prerequisites to good communication. Here are the first two. In the next Wednesday Word, you’ll discover more.

  1. To talk like Jesus, you must want to please God more that anything else. Ask God for help in desiring to please him more than you want to have your own way or to be right. Desire to know him as he reveals himself in Scripture.

    For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10, ESV

  2. To talk like Jesus, you must be humble. The opposite of humility is pride. When you choose to communicate humbly, your words and your nonverbal communication will demonstrate patience. If you’re humble you’ll be patient when you’ve been misunderstood. You’ll lovingly speak truthfully, and you’ll listen much more than you talk.

Make It Practical!

To help improve your communication, choose this week to do two things:

First, do not interrupt when someone else is speaking. Instead, listen.

Second, when you’re talking, pause once in a while, so the other person has a chance to speak.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgFriends, are you interested in impoving communication with your spouse? Your family? A boss? I’d love to counsel hope to your heart and give you biblical solutions to the problem you’re facing. Send me a message and we can set up a complimentary 20-minute consultation by phone.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

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