by Lucy | Apr 6, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions
Contentment. Isn’t this something we all want but difficult to get? In this warm and insightful article which appeared first here, Heart2Heart Counselor Karen Gaul walks you and me toward contentment. Karen poses these questions:
- What gets in the way of contentment?
- What do you value most?
- How do you respond when God says no?
- Will you choose eyes of faith?
I really thought I would have this one figured out by now. Life has been filled with all sorts of joys and sorrows and struggles and pleasant valleys, I have had years to learn to be content, and yet it seems that with each new cloud comes yet another time to learn this great character trait.
The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4 that he “learned to be content in all things.” Did he learn contentment once and for all? Or did he have to relearn it each time something happened to him? I’m just curious.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11-12
I can say that it takes me less time each time to find my way to that contented place but is it my initial go-to? I’m thinking not usually.
What Gets in the Way of Contentment?
So what keeps getting in the way? Me, that’s who. I still value things above what God values, and I value things above God. I wish I could say I don’t but that would not be truth. Then I read Romans 7 where Paul struggled with getting things right as well. This was in the later years of his life so was contentment one of those things he struggled with?
Then I am reminded,
“He who began a good work in me WILL bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil 1:6).
So there remains hope for me. Paul penned those words too, and believed them.
Will there always be a measure of depravity left inside of me? Yes. I will never be perfectly perfected until I walk through the gates of heaven.
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I will only be glorified and fully sanctified when I get there.
My salvation will be absolutely finished when I see Jesus face to face.
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So what keeps getting in the way? What things do I value that have the ability to bring me to a discontented (dissatisfied, disgruntled, unhappy, sullen, grumpy or grumbly) place? That is a good question and one worth digging into.
What Do You Value?
We can value all sorts of things.
- We can value comfort,
- We can value money in the bank,
- We can value time,
- We can value a person,
- We can value pleasure,
- We can value being in control and having our own way.
- We can place a very high value on being married or having children.
What things do you value?
Is it wrong to value the things I listed above? I like comfort, I like to feel good, I like things to go my way. Again I’m going with Paul.
He said everything is “permissible but not to be mastered by anything.” So if my valuing something causes me to be discontent, grumbly and sullen, then yes it is a value that has way too much importance attached to it.
What Is Your Response When God Says No?
It is a value that I am screaming that I need, and I want whomever to give it to me. And if I don’t get it then I will be sinful in how I respond. I don’t rationally think that through, but that is what my heart says and that is what comes rolling out of my mouth and works its way into my actions when I respond wrong. How I respond says a lot about what I think and believe about God.
It says He isn’t good, He can’t be trusted. Don’t most of our sin issues and our sinful responses come because we don’t trust God?
We are like the children of Israel who long for Egypt’s sweet veggies and fish, all the while in shackles. How absurd you think but that is us. We want our creature comforts and demands met (sweet veggies and fish). But they don’t deliver contentment or peace. Rather, they leave an empty ring of incompleteness, a hollow and endless tune.
Will You Choose Eyes of Faith?
What is your current position? Are you seeing it through the eyes of faith? Or, are you yearning for it to be different? Are you counting your struggle a privilege because you know God is up to something good in it? Or, are you frustrated and depressed because your life turned out or is currently where it is?
Truths to Ponder:
He is enough. He is enough when your life isn’t what you had dreamed it would be.
God is your strength when you can’t get out of bed to face one more day.
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He is your Rock and your sure foundation to stand on when it feels like everything around you is falling away.
He is enough when you really, really want what you value. God is enough when life is overwhelming and confusing.
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In fact, God is more than enough, you will see.
Paul learned contentment.
The most important thing to Paul was being able to reflect the glory of Jesus, to preach him, to live him and then to be with him. There is no greater prize. My prayer is, “Lord, let me value you above all more and more and more each day, and learn contentment.”
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
by Lucy | Mar 21, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions |
Theology–are your beliefs off-kilter? Or are they bringing you closer to Him?
Three decades ago, my personal beliefs dissed God and elevated self. This was my off-kilter theology. I was the center of my tiny universe and miserable. You see, my happiness meant the acceptance of others–girlfriends, teachers, parents, guys, and especially me.
God freed me from me. Read my freedom story, if you’d like. And he taught me theology.
What’s Theology?
Theology is the study of God. This sound terribly boring to most people, but did you know that what you believe about God is the most important thing about you? And about the direction of your life?
When your beliefs line up with biblical truth, you’ll experience contentment even when your circumstances are cruddy. When your beliefs are based on the world’s idea of happiness, including
- more money
- more success
- more acceptance
- more security
- more, more, more
. . .then you’ll experience unhappiness or a temporal and lonely kind of happiness dependent on getting the next happy high. This false happiness promises to deliver. It doesn’t. Instead, you receive misery.
God wants to give you peaceful contentment.
[The Lord says,] I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25, ESV
You’ll receive peaceful contentment–whether you’ve been a Christ follower for a month or many years–when you believe God is who he says he is. You and I could zero in on a number of truths about him. For now let’s pick one that trips up many women: goodness.
God Is Good Even. . .
. . .when your husband cheats on you, your toddler becomes very ill, you lose all your savings, horrible childhood memories surface. God is good in manageable circumstances like a flu or when a close friend forgets your birthday. What difficult circumstance do you face now? Does it concern family, a shattered dream, health, or something else?
In counseling someone I’ll call Marilyn, I discovered that her core theology was tangled in a misunderstanding of the word “good” and how it applied to her everyday life. She felt frustrated over Romans 8:28 and its promise that all things work together for good.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
A Christian since her teens, Marilyn had misinterpreted the meaning of this verse and couldn’t practically apply it to her difficult, loveless marriage. She had a simplistic view of Romans 8:28, thinking that since she loves God, he must change her husband into a selfless man since this would be good. Most assuredly, selflessness is good. But this isn’t the meaning of the verse.
Marilyn and I explored this verse together like theologians.
We discovered that the “good” is this: God is works in us to make us more like Jesus. The next two verses showed that our thinking was on the right path. So we read Romans 8:28-29 too.
For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
As Marilyn’s theology aligned with biblical truth, she came to accept that God might not change her husband–or make her healthy or wealthy–and she learned something something wonderful: God was changing her and she hungered to know him better.
Let’s Make It Personal
Is your theology off-kilter? It’s skewed whenever you elevate your desires and turn them into must-have needs. Yes, God gives us good things; however, sometimes we twist what is good into an idol.
An example: sex. Sex is a gift of God to be shared by a husband and wife in marriage. When the gift of sex becomes a craving for porn, it is now an idol.
When desires become needs, you expose that your life is more about what you want than what God wants. Here are a few questions posed by biblical counselor, author, and speaker Paul Tripp:
- Desire: “You should do _____ for me.”
- Need: “You will do _____ for me.”
- Expectation: “I expect you to do _____ for me.”
- Disappointment: “You didn’t do _____ for me.”
- Punishment: “You didn’t do _____ for me so I’m going to make you pay in some way.”
You know God deserves your unadultered love because he not only created you but also loves you and knows what’s best for you.
Little children, keep yourselves from idols. 1 John 5:21
You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3
What idols do you possess? Did you know that they often fall into the areas of love, security, and significance? Do you want to be free of them?
Do what Marilyn decided. She chose to readjust her thinking into a God-centered way of looking at her life rather than sticking with her old way of thinking. Her old way led to misery. Her new way opens wide the door to true happiness.
Hope for Your Heart,
by Lucy | Jul 19, 2016 | biblical counseling, relationships, thoughts
Did you know you can have a forward-focused, loving attitude about almost anything?
In this post you’ll learn how to improve your attitude by
- Choosing an attitude like Christ’s.
- Taking a very practical step.
Choose God’s Way
True happiness comes to you as you choose God’s plan for your life.
Choosing God’s way over your own isn’t necessarily easy, is it? It’s humbling! My friend Kara wants to serve women at her church but her offer has been rejected. This discourages Kara. She has adopted the attitude that God has another plan, a better plan. Kara has adopted a God-centered attitude.
Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done. (Luke 22:42, ESV)
Not my will, but yours be done: This is the heart’s cry of a believer who desires God’s plan for her life.
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Are you in. . .
Choose God’s way and you’ve won more than half the battle.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12, ESV)
Step Out!
Ready to learn HOW to improve your attitude?
Try this simple exercise. In a journal or on an index card, write:
“I choose to _________ (a godly action) so I will ___________ (a godly result).
Here a few ideas to get you started.
- I choose to deepen my friendships so I will have people to turn to when life gets tough.
- I choose to save an extra $100 a month so I will build savings and avoid using credit cards for surprise expenses like a car repair.
- I choose to talk with the kids about skipping their chores so I will stop holding in my anger toward them.
Do you see how a God-honoring attitude helps you move forward?
Your turn: I choose to ______________ so I will ___________________.
As you make God-honoring choices, you will rid the junk that blocks you. As John Piper said,
So the point is: Don’t stroll. Don’t meander. And don’t wander about aimlessly. Run as in a race with a finish line where everything hangs on the race.
May I encourage you to subscribe to my blog? When you subscribe, you receive a complimentary eBook.
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
by Lucy | Feb 9, 2012 | biblical counseling, biblical counseling, emotions |
Can something as simple as a smile make your happier? Strange but true: quite possibly YES!
When you are happy you smile. Did you know that smiling can bring on happy feelings? This is what a growing body of research is saying.
I still have doubts.
Forcing a smile isn’t a real smile; it’s a “say cheese” upturn of the lips, with eyes dull, cloudy. But. . .
the research.
Can something as simple as a FAKE{!} smile tickle your happiness.?
Listen to Michael Lewis.: “It would appear that the way we feel emotions isn’t just restricted to our brain—there are parts of our bodies that help and reinforce the feelings we’re having,” says Lewis, a co-author of a study conducted in 2009 at University of Cardiff in Wales. “It’s like a feedback loop.” (Here’s the article in Scientific American.)
Theories why a simple smile may gladden you abound and I don’t think they really know. . .except for God.
The bible also says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Psalm 17:22). Notice cheerfulness precedes healing. Hmm. So how do you or I or anyone become cheerful? A real smile? Sparkly eyes?
In three words: abundant joy overflowing! (Tons more on making this happen in your life in my forthcoming book: Refills!)
The healthy path to a joy-filled life is to recognize your deep need for Jesus and to grow in the knowledge of God’s love, and He loves you BIG. Listen to your heart controlled by Christ and do the outrageous: smile.
Your Smile Challenge: For the next three days, smile on purpose a few times a day. You can pick natural points in your day: your drive to and from work or school, mealtime, AND whenever sadness or discouragement sneak up. BONUS: Memorize Psalm 17:22. Please report back and share the results of Your Smile Challenge.
With Joy Overflowing!
