Why I Wrote HELP! I Get Panic Attacks

Why I Wrote HELP! I Get Panic Attacks

In this article, I talk about victory over panic attacks and share an excerpt from my new book HELP! I Get Panic Attacks, available as a paperback and in Kindle. If you or a loved one gets panic attacks, learn how to find increasing victory and make progress even when panic attacks seem to have the upper hand.

This article appeared here at Biblical Counseling Center, where I’m on staff and offer counseling by video-conferencing worldwide

What? A biblical counselor who gets panic attacks? Yes, panic attacks can happen even to faithful Christians. I had full-blown, heart-pounding panic on and off for many years, though now this experience is rare for me.

In HELP! I Get Panic Attacks I share how my panic attacks began along with God’s solutions and practical assignments for you to use. The mini-book just came out this month and is available at Amazon and Shepherd Press. I wrote it to help panic attack sufferers (and their loved ones) know that there really is freedom from the terror that interferes with normal life and kills hope. There’s also a short section on the use of medication, reviewed by a medical doctor.

Here’s an excerpt. I hope it helps you. Please feel free to contact me with your questions.

My panic attacks started with a job promotion

My panic attacks started with a job promotion. When I became the new managing editor of a health and food magazine, Suzy, whom I replaced, advanced to the role of executive editor. This was a happy day for both of us, right? Wrong! On promotion day, Suzy gave me unsettling, steely stares all day.

Did I do something wrong? Why is she acting so weird? Does she hate me? Will I lose my dream job already?

Confused, hurt, and fearing Suzy’s disapproval, I practically sprinted from the office at 5 p.m. Once behind the wheel of my blue hatchback, I cranked up the tunes and zoomed toward the six-lane freeway that would take me to my “safe place”: a cozy Cape Cod house that I shared with my husband, Steve, and our fluffy feline. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I repeated, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”

As I drove, I tried to forget Suzy’s disapproving stares, but they stuck in my head like superglue. Then, suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, my heart beat triple-time. Sweat beaded on my forehead. I swallowed a lump in my throat. My knees became wobbly, like Jell-O. A horrific sense of impending doom settled on me. Then my mind went wacko as I came to a tight curve: Drive into the ditch, Lucy. Drive into the ditch. Drive into the ditch.  In panicky desperation, I spoke back to the crazy thoughts filling my mind: What’s wrong with me? Dear God, am I suicidal? Stay on the highway, Lucy. Just stay on the highway. Your exit is a mile ahead. You can make it. You can make it. What’s wrong with me? God, help me!

Panic attacks are terrifying. But you already know this, since you picked up this mini-book. If you don’t experience them yourself, you’re surely aware of how they affect someone you know. As I share my story and the extreme fear experiences of a few others, I want to help you understand three truths that have helped me. 

3 truths that helped me

First, you are not the only one who struggles with panic attacks. 

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

This Bible verse teaches that we all struggle, including those of us who are “fearful”—that is, who have a propensity for anxiety. The intensity and frequency of our fears may differ, but everyone at some point has freaked out.

Second, panic attacks often proceed from faulty thinking. But by God’s grace, you can change fearful thinking patterns into God-transformed, faithful thinking. This will require a willingness to trust and obey God, as well as perseverance. Your faulty thinking didn’t develop overnight, so it most likely won’t go away overnight. Mine didn’t.

Third, God promises to help you overcome the fear that precipitates your panic attacks, assuming they don’t have an organic, physical cause (more on this later). When you learn to realign your thoughts with God’s thoughts, your panic attacks can become a thing of the past. This is hopeful, isn’t it? 

God can also use your panic attacks for good

God can also use your panic attacks for good. Like me, you might begin encouraging others who have panic attacks by listening to them and by sharing your story. This verse in 2 Corinthians is dear to my heart because it gives meaning to my struggle, and I hope it will help you too:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)

Perhaps this is difficult for you to believe, but God knows your fears and is able to deliver you from all of them. As you read this mini-book, you will learn practical ways to turn fear into faith. Will it be easy? No. It will require diligent effort. Will it be worth it? Yes. Your fears are one means God can use to help you learn to trust him and depend on him. Addressed biblically, they can become a doorway to experiencing the peace of God which comes through the Prince of Peace who conquers fear.

Dealing with the NEW four-letter word: FEAR

Dealing with the NEW four-letter word: FEAR

FEAR. It’s the new four-letter word. It began long, long before 9/11, school shootings, and the controversy over our current president. Flip through the first pages of the Bible, and see its ugliness from the Fall to today.

In this brief article, you’ll discover:

  1. Fear often has its start in childhood.
  2. There’s a biblical solution to fear.

Fear usually begins early.

When fear begins early, it often takes on one of two main forms. For women: fear of rejection and abandonment creeps  For men: the fear of failure.

worthless

For me, my fear of rejection goes back to my childhood. My mom was often sad and chain-smoked. And my dad was present physically but absent emotionally. And so, like many of my counselees, seeds of difficulty began sprouting early. We biblical counselors call these “sharing influences.” Yes, these shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions. However, they do not determine them.

My dad didn’t do anything horrible to me. He just didn’t notice me, really. And he never smiled. But I hoped to make him happy. In fact, I longed for his acceptance.

What about you? What triggered your fear of abandonment?

When we try to control fear, it’s likely we’ll feel discouraged.

We each have ways of handling fear, right? But our solutions usually backfire.

My well-meant but messed-up solution: control. I attepted to control my to try to control him by being the perfect little girl who never got in trouble and brought home excellent report cards and who did everything right.

I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

And I felt sad.

Only much later did I learn he suffer manic-depression. Still, my fear of abandonment lingered.

God provides a better way.

God wants you to experience success, according to His definition. That is, he wants you to become more like Christ. God has planned that those who love Him “be conformed to the likeness of His Son” (Romans 8:29). Since Jesus is in us, and we in Him, we have confidence that no matter what happens–a home foreclosure, a child’s bad report card, illness, even the death of a loved one–He is with us and helps us.

Please know that everyone struggles with fear. You are not alone. Learning to defeat fear requires a shift in focus. So rather than focus on self, love God and love people more than their approval.

So now what?

  1. Recognize God is sovereign over your fears. He knows your struggle and helps you. So look to Him.  Jesus lovingly commands, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry. . .” (Matthew 6:33-34a).
  2. Choose to love people more than their approval. The apostle Paul wrote, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Please remember that becoming more like Christ is a life-long process. Keep taking  one step then another.

AN OFFER: I meet with women nearly every day by Skype/FaceTime/Zoom and help them find godly solutions to the problems they face. If you’d like a complimentary phone consult to see if biblical counseling is a good fit for you, simply contact me. NO spam, promise. 

 

Rewrite the Ending to an Anxious Life

Rewrite the Ending to an Anxious Life

Does your anxious life need a rewrite?

No one’s life turns out according to plan. Not yours. Not mine. Would you rewrite parts of your anxiety-dotted story? Whatever our past, God can use it all. 

Here’s a short introduction of why I embrace biblical counseling wholeheartedly and how it can help you make sense of your story too. Later this week, you’ll learn of my new book I wrote: HELP! I Get Panic Attacks. You can pre-order it here on Amazon.

Wonderfully, the all-knowing Author composed every detail of our lives, putting us right where he wanted us, giving grace to face whatever came our way. So here I am, a grandma and a doctoral student, meeting hurting women all over the world through the technology of video-conferencing. I am shepherding their anxious hearts with compassion and the timeless truth of Scripture.

Shepherding women’s hearts sounds like a happy chapter in a full life, right? It is. But it comes by way of pain, as do many good things: a difficult childhood, panic attacks in my twenties and thirties, and finally a calling to counsel with care.

Childhood, Interrupted

Climbing trees, doing cartwheels, and going to school—these activities filled my days. My older brother and I got along all right, but my mom seemed preoccupied much of the time, chain smoking and watching “Day of Our Lives” and game shows. My dad rarely smiled. This saddened me.

Things got scary on “the night of the twisted chairs.” There was yelling and crying in the living room and when I went to check, my mom and brother shooed me to my bedroom. My dad had gone berserk, tossing and bending chairs.

The next day my parents’ psychiatrist met them at the hospital, and my dad eventually received the diagnosis of manic depression, which is the old term for bipolar 1. I remember thinking, “I’m the daughter of a psychotic.” Melodramatic? Yes! I was 14 and confused and hurting.

I learned I was vulnerable and had little control. But I eventually understood that God knows what he is doing even when I don’t.

God Shows Up

High school and college swooshed by. I switched my major from psychology to journalism, met my future husband, graduated, and married. One day I went to the library for books on decorating but came home with a thin volume called Basic Christianity by John Stott. I read it in a few hours.

Convicted that I was a hopeless sinner, I confessed my need of the Savior and received Jesus by faith alone. This is not what you’d expect of a good Catholic girl, is it? God had better plans. That God would have mercy on me rocked my world. He changed my life from the inside.

A few years later, my world turned upside down again. Out of nowhere, it seemed, panic attacked me and my heart beat triple-time, sweat beaded my forehead, and my knees felt wobbly like Jell-O. Long story short, my faith in Jesus and help from my doctor pointed me in the right direction. Retraining my thoughts by the Word, and lots of practice, provided what I needed to overcome panic attacks. (I share my story and solutions to panic in my mini-book Help! I Get Panic Attacks, now available to order.)

Through this trial, I learned God is with me, especially in terrifying panic, and changing me into the likeness of Christ.

A Call, Answered

Three children later, I was back in school studying pastoral care to women online through Western Seminary in Portland, OR, answering a call to shepherd the hearts of hurting Christian women. My hope: to reach the women at church and in the community, who don’t get involved in women’s Bibles studies, teas, and retreats … because they are hurting.

Later I discovered a book by Jay Adams, the founder of the modern biblical counseling movement, and got biblical counseling training too. Five years ago, I joined Biblical Counseling Center’s staff, continuing to shepherd hurting women and families in person and online.

And forever a student, crazy me is on schedule to receive my doctorate in biblical counseling in May from Birmingham Theological Seminary. I tease my husband that soon he’ll have to call me Doctor Lucy. He thinks that’s funny.

I and many biblical counselors anchor our ministries on 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

This post appeared first here at Biblical Counseling Center, where she’s been a staff counselor for over five years, first in the Chicago area and now in Alabama, providing convenient and competent care online by Skype/FaceTime/Zoom. It has been edited for space. –Ed.

 

When Moral Relativism Comes to Counseling

When Moral Relativism Comes to Counseling

Moral relativism — it defines topsy-turvy postmodern culture and is coming to a counseling room near you. How might a counselor think compassionately about such things? This article appeared first here at The Biblical Counseling Coalition.

Remember the blind men and the elephant? Six blind sojourners come across different parts of an elephant in their life journeys and each, in turn, creates his own version of reality based on his experience. One proclaims the elephant is a wall, another says it’s a snake, another a spear, and so forth.

This illustration is the poster child of moral relativism, which insists that “what’s right for me is my truth.” It asserts that personal truth is the highest form of truth. Moral relativism dominates our culture and has likely barged into your counseling office, as it has mine, noisily demanding that one must “live their truth.”

Moral Relativism Is Old News 

It reaches back to the Garden. The smooth-talking serpent questioned the Truth-giver’s truth—that Adam and Eve may eat from all the trees but one, or “you shall surely die” (Gen. 2:17)—and the first couple gobbled Satan’s lie.

Adam’s new not-true “truth” sent him running and hiding and blaming. “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself” (Gen. 3:10). He hid because of the shame of his sin of disobedience. Then he compounded his lie in blaming the woman, who in turn blamed the serpent.

God hates lying. Proverbs 12:22 declares:

“Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

Its opposite is truth, of course. God determines the truth. Not me, not you, and not our counselees.

Moral Relativism in Modernity

Back in the ‘70s, I believed the lie of moral relativism packaged as a pro-choice argument. I admit this with great embarrassment. My friend Ellen was “with child,” thanks to her college boyfriend, a condom failure, and her belief that sex before marriage was “just fine, thank you.”

The good Catholic girl that I was, I thought abortion was wrong, and “I’d never get one,” but “if it’s right for you, then that’s your choice,” and thus I supported her decision. A mutual friend and I checked out the abortion clinic with the Better Business Bureau before she went because we cared about her.

And the baby? What baby? We all tried to forget. Moral relativism had won.

Now let’s zip to today and survey the cultural landscape: drag kids, transgenderism, an alphabet soup of gender “expressions” (whatever that means), pedophilia disguised as man-boy love, and of course abortion on demand through all the months of pregnancy. And when abortion “fails,” infanticide.

Moral Relativism in the Counseling Office

A little while back, the parents of a teen girl named “Kaylee” wanted me to talk with her about her older brother’s decision to transition to be “a female.” He had begun hormone therapy and was considering radical surgery to remove his genitalia. There was also talk of breast implants.

Equally confusing, my counselee’s brother was dating a bisexual. A man transitioning to a woman was dating a guy who admitted to liking men and women. Weird, right? Yet my counselee took it in stride. “She’s happier now,” Kaylee remarked, using the appropriate progressive pronoun. “She’s who she wants to be, who she’s meant to be.”

The parents professed Christianity as did Kaylee. The mom wasn’t outwardly upset over their son, but the dad seemed embarrassed and said so. Their concern now was making sure Kaylee was fine with their family’s new not-true truth while also admitting they walked a road where up is down and right is wrong.

Not surprisingly, when Kaylee and I read Scripture verses and discussed their meaning, she—like many counselees—was quick to say, “What this means to me is ….” That little prepositional phrase “to me” is a sign of our moral relativistic times and a bane to Bible study.

An Important Place to Reclaim Truth

As we open our Bibles and read Scripture, there may be no better place to reclaim truth in the counseling office than proper Bible study. Today’s prevailing cultural message to “live your truth” is demanding and noisy and a lie. It lures people, including Christians, to live whatever way feels right to them (Prov. 14:12).

But historical-grammatical Bible study provides a process to understand a text as God intended, protecting us from falling into error. Many excellent volumes have been written on how to study the Bible. I encourage you to ask your pastor or a spiritually mature Christian friend for recommendations. One of the many excellent resources is John MacArthur’s How to Study the Bible (Chicago: Moody, 2009).

Along these lines, let us start with three primary questions we can encourage our counselees to ask as they read a passage of Scripture:

  1. What does it say? (Not what does it say to me.)
  2. What does it mean? (Not what does it mean to me.)
  3. How should it change me? Here, the “me” is spot on and we might follow it up with these additional questions:
    1. What does this passage teach me about God?
    2. How does this aspect of God’s character change my view of self?
    3. What should I do in response?

Moral relativism is our culture’s precious grandchild now. It gets a pat on the head and sugar for supper. It demands its way like 2-year-old. And it barges into the counseling room. So how might you quiet it? Feed your counselee Truth.

Questions for Reflection

Which Bible study process helps your counselees have a correct understanding, interpretation, and application of Scripture?

Describe a time when you saw moral relativism play out in the counseling office, classroom, or church lobby. What was your response?

How are you guarding yourself and your family in today’s moral relativistic times?

Stop Food Cravings and Glorify God

Stop Food Cravings and Glorify God

Food cravings can come on quick, right? You’re driving along singing to KLOVE or whataver, and out of nowhere food cravings strike.You may crave a Snickers or chips or a Ding Dong. Or you may crave strawberries!

And up the road a 7-Eleven beckons.

In this short article, let’s look at…

  1. Biological food cravings versus emotional food cravings
  2. A biblical solution to food cravings

Choose Your Choice 

So what should you do when hit by food cravings?

A. Try your very, very best to ignore them.

B. Proceed to the 7-Eleven and get the goodies..

Well, it depends! Biological food cravings differ from emotional food cravings. It’s wise to fill the biological kind because your body needs what is craves. Just think of how delicious a glass of water is when you are super thirsty. So when you fulfill this type of craving, you’ll think and feel better. But fight the temptation of emotional food cravings. If you cave, you’ll feel worse, and you’ll miss out on God’s best too.

So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Biological or Emotional?

Here’s a simple what to tell whether your food cravings are biological or emotional:

When you have a biological food craving and fulfill it, you feel nourished. And it doesn’t take much food to meet such a need either. One bagel, a wedge or two of low-fat cheese, or a couple of chocolates–that’s it.

But emotional food cravings aren’t about food. Giving in is an attempt to meet a need apart from God. That’s right: An emotional eater looks for comfort in food. Sometimes it follows “I’m a loser” self-talk.

Solution to Food Cravings

The good news is by obeying and trusting God, you can have victory over food cravings.

You make this break when you begin desiring what God desires and, with God’s help, change your heart. His power helps you make good and godly food choices, straighten out your thinking on food, and practice, practice, practice. A great resource for we who mess up — and this is all of us, right? — is Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by biblical counselor Elyse Fitzpatrick.

God wants you to live life based on truth, not emotions. The truth of who he is. The truth of who you are. His truth is sure.

But our emotions go up and down like an elevator. Now emotions are fine; God gave them to us. Just be sure you don’t let them yank your around. Rather, live out truth.

7 Quick Stop-Craving Tips

Here’s truth talk on healthy eating. Yes, you’ve heard it before … except maybe the last one … but it’s the best.

  1. Choose water over coffee and soda pop.
  2. Shrink your portions by using smaller plates.
  3.  Limit your consumption of sugar.
  4.  Skip foods with ingredients you cannot pronounce.
  5.  Sit down during meals.
  6. Eat slowly.
  7.  Remember eating becomes sacred when it becomes worship.

Remember the Bible verse I mentioned? So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Let it guide your choices.

And when you do, then everything — from washing dishes and sweeping floors to writing blog posts to selling  — can be worship. As long as you line up your thoughts with God’s, the simplest things become sacred.

And so it is with food.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

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