1 Thing Every Friend Needs

by | May 3, 2016 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships | 4 comments

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Friend, I hope you’ll love this replay of one of my popular posts. I made a few edits and changed the photo but my heart on friendship remains true. Jill Savage and her daughter Annie have a new book on moms and friendship. It’s titled Better Together: Because You’re Not Meant to Mom It Alone. You might want to check it out.

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The one thing every friend needs is. . .someone who accepts our messiness and loves us in the messy.

Let’s be honest. Friendships scare you and me.

Friendships meet a God-given need for relationship, so why do few women make friends as easily as my college-aged daughter Julia? She collects friends like shiny pennies. She and her friends — girls and guys — always text, tweet, snap chat, and meet IRL (in real life) over lunch, dinner, snacks, more snacks — all their waking hours.

She’s the girl I wanted to be in high school, the girl with gravitational pull.

Could some of your and I fear we’re too messy to be lovable? accepted? to have a place of belonging?

Why a Friend Matters

A friend is “someone you feel close to, see often, and can count on when you need her” This is a definition Dee Brestin shared in her iconic book, The Friendships of Women.

A friend helps you know you matter to her. . .even when your life get messy.

And who doesn’t have a messy life? Sometimes “super women” look like that they have it all together. They don’t. They’re hiding behind masks. Perhaps perfection or busyness or materialism or career-climbing.

Please be assured that they’re messy too.

Listen to Elyse Fitzpatrick, a biblical counselor, conference speaker, and author:

Until recent years, even though I knew I was to serve God, I never had my priorities straight. I never understood that my problem was me — not my husband, job, kids, car, parents . . .you fill in the blanks. I was confused and the psychological pholosophies that had crept into my thinking were making things worse. Didn’t I neeed to learn to love myself? Didn’t I need to get my needs met? Didn’t I have a need for romance? For security? For significance? How could God expect me to pour my life out for others then I was so miserable myself? Didn’t I need to fill my own ‘love cup’ before I could fill others? (from Women Helping Women, Harvest House, 1997)

After digging deep into the Bible for God’s truth, her focus changes and she recognizes her messiness and the solution to it.

Now I understand that I’m not to be concerned with whether my perceived ‘needs’ are being met. These ‘needs’ are not issues for me anymore because I believe that God have given me everything for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). It’s not that I’m perfect, I’m not. In fact, I’m far more aware of my sin now than ever before. It’s just that life makes sense now and I’m confident that my loving Father is in control.

Yes, she needs friends. Just as I do and you do.

Real friends.Our real friends give hugs and listen when we have real hurts and laugh with us not at us. Because they listen, our friends encourage and strengthen us. They help us know we are not alone.

Do you have a friend you encourages you? How do you encourage your friends? Hugs? Notes? Listening? Laughing?

Are You Friend “Challenged”?

God is piloting me through a friend-free zone now, and I don’t like it. My once close friends got busy and I got busy too — with work, with family responsibilities. Does your busy life make time for friends? How can you schedule in friend time so you can encourage her and be encouraged?

I cried to God, “I feel friendless and I don’t like it.”

The Lord spoke to my heart: “Come to Me.”

Quiet sharpens my hearing.

Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10, NIV

I sensed that the Lord will renew friendships and bring new ones. . .in his time. He’s giving me another opportunity to trust him. Do you feel friend challenged too? If so does this bring on feelings of worthlessness?

You Matter

Whether you have a bazillion girlfriends like my daughter, Julia, or just a few — or none — God says you matter. When friendships become hurtful, you matter.

It’s not the number of friends on Facebook that matters most. So stop counting. Stop comparing.

What matters most is your friendship with your Maker, and he’ll take care of the rest. Honest. God knows your need of friendship better than you do. 

Now What?

Here are a few “You Matter” verses from God’s heart to yours. Why not memorize one or two this week?

“I am a child of God.” John 1:12

“I am a saint.” Ephesians 1:1, 1 Corinthians 1:2, Philippians. 1:1, Colossians 1:2

“I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.” Colossians 3:12, 1 Thessalonians 1:4

“I am God’s workmanship — his handiwork — born anew in Christ to do his work.”  Ephesians 2:10 

Sweet friend, be sure to read the next post. Simply subscribe to my blog now while it’s on your mind.

Sharing hope with your heart!

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love to eat, hate to eat

by | Jan 28, 2011 | biblical counseling, whole health wellness | 4 comments

mmsGot a few pounds to lose? More than a few? Or are you too skinny and want more weight? Chances are, you said “Yes” to one of these questions.

We women — Christian or not — grumble about our shape. To God, grumbling is a cuss word. It hurts the ear and pains the spirit. When the Israelites grumbled in the desert and showed unbelief, God left them to wander forty years before their crossing into the Promised Land.

A top desert grumble: food. They loved to eat and hated to eat. Listen in.

“In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, ‘If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.’” Exodus 16:2-3

They grumbled about food within a few weeks of freedom from their Egyptian oppressors.

Me? Guilty. Through my teens and twenties, I counted calories. If the scale flashed one number too high — before I dressed and after I peed — my day felt ruined and I avoided mirrors. It didn’t matter that my mom and later my husband told me I looked beautiful. I felt ugly.

Then God spoke to me through his Word (the Bible). Psalm 139 showed me my error in thinking. The psalmist David writes, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; all your works are wonderful. I know that full well.” v. 14.

How could I call myself ugly when God says I’m wonderfully made? Who’s right? Him or me?

Recently I read Love to Eat, Hate to Eat — Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits (Harvest House, 1999) by Elyse Fitzpatrick. This is a life-changing and hopeful book for women with eating disorders and anyone who wants to know a proven (because it’s biblical) way to win the battle with food.

Here are the four steps to freedom in Elyse’s words:

1. Become convinced that your present method of eating is sinful and cease from it.

2. Become convinced that God’s methods for disciplined eating are right and begin practicing them.

3. Seek diligently to change your mind and become conformed to God’s thinking, especially in the area of your eating habits.

4. Continue to practice these new thoughts and behavior, even when the struggle gets hard.

Of course, doing these four steps is not a piece of cake, pun intended. 😉 The Holy Spirit empowers you to change, particularly your thoughts. As he renews your thinking, you’re more likely to choose godly emotions but also godly behaviors. Do you need someone to walk beside you as engage in battle? Have you failed time after time in making peace with food? And losing weight?

I invite you to my next webcast called “Food Fight!” in February. Watch for more details.

Question: Name a food that you often overeat. I’ll go first: dark chocolate. Your turn. Please leave a comment.

You Are Amazing!orangesignature8

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