by Lucy | Feb 2, 2015 | emotions, relationships, whole health wellness |
Celebrate Friends IRL. . .and Online!
Friends are water to the soul. They lift you up and nourish you. Which is better for your overall well-being? In-real-life (IRL) friends or online friends? Or does it matter?
Friendships! Research shows that mutually supportive, caring friendships give us a sense a belonging, reduce stress, and increase longevity. They make life richer.
A scare-your-pants-off article in Newsweek hints that online friendships can be bad for you. Why? Spending time online — and thus sites like Facebook — may rewire your brain, resulting in loneliness, depression, even psychosis. Is this true?
Are online friendships bad for your health? Put another way, should you close your Facebook account? Today?
Ah, no.
Here is the view of another journalist who also looked at the scary research and takes a common-sense approach to spending time online.
What God Says
More important, what does God say about friendships?
Listen to this:
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)
and this:
The righteous choose their friends carefully,
but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26)
and this verse too:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God —I say this to your shame. (1 Corinthians 15:33,34)
By the way, there is no biblical command to avoid online friends. . .for good reason. 😉
Choose Friends Wisely
The meaning of these bible verses is clear: Spend your time with friends who are becoming more and more like Christ. You and I tend to model the words, actions, and thinking of the people we hang with. Of course, it’s all right — even good — to be in the company of sinners. Jesus was. This brief passage shows him breaking bread with messy people.
Like Jesus, when you and I have friends who do not love Jesus, our purpose needs to be this: putting their most important need first, that is, knowing Christ.
What if your best friend is your husband and he’s an unbeliever? God provides this comfort and instruction.
In Real Life
Nothing beats a hug from a reach-out-and-touch friend in good times and in tough times, and ((((hug))))) typed in a Facebook status is nice but not the same. Agree?
Also, in the bible, we hear this instruction:
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24,25).
The upshot: Make and keep Christian girlfriends.
Online Friends
Check out these stories of my kids’ assertion that my Facebook friend aren’t real friends AND how I met an online girlfriend in person and why it was meaningful to me. Hugs, tears, and more hugs, more tears. . .and my husband’s Cheshire cat smile.
Friends, please stop by my Facebook page — Lucy Ann Moll, Christian Counselor
Let’s Chat
What influence has Facebook and other “friend” sites has on your IRL (in real life) friendships?
by Lucy | Jan 29, 2015 | biblical counseling, relationships |
Sweet sister, you are God’s precious daughter. You belong to God’s family.
When I was a little girl, my dad lived in shadows. Quiet, even sullen, a rare smile. And yet, he taught me how to play chess and instilled in me a love of football.
Only years later did my dad get the medical help he needed. I was glad for him. Sad for us. Growing up, I had wanted a Brady Bunch kind of Dad. Daddy-daughter dates, shared jokes, tickles, and “I love you.” I missed out.
But did I? Really?
Yes, I lacked a warm relationship with my flesh-and-bones dad and felt confused over the term “Father” for God. (Since my dad was distant, I figured the Father was too.) But God answered my questions and quelled my confusion.
One of his answers: “You are my precious daughter.” Daughter.
God Calls Me ‘Daughter’
“Daughter” means family. It means I belong somewhere and to Someone. This thought warms me like a bowl of chili on a rainy day. I feel special, that I matter. What about you?
Have you embraced your true identity as a precious daughter of our heavenly Father? If not why not? Did you grow up without a dad at home? Was your father abusive? Or an alcoholic? Did he hurt you as no dad should?
If your dad wasn’t there when you needed him, if he wounded you, my heart cries for you and with you.
The good news for all daughters: Your Father in heaven adores you. You‟re Daddy‟s girl. The apple of his eye.
In Ephesians, the apostle Paul wrote, “He predestined us to be adopted as his [daughters] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will — to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves” (1:5,6; modification mine).
He Loves to Love His Daughter
Being adopted was a big deal in ancient Roman law. (Rome ruled this region of the world when Paul wrote Ephesians.) The adoptee was placed in a new relationship with a new father. All debts were cancelled too.
As adopted daughters, we Christian women are freed from the debt of sin and receive the rights of the God’s own children.
Wow. This my response. What’s yours?
I marvel that the God of all creation would even know my name, let alone embrace me as his precious daughter, safe and secure and loved.
Yet the Bible tells us God is love. Perfect love. In the “love chapter” often read at weddings, we discover the true nature of love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” 1 Corinthians 13:4,5,7, NIV.
What’s more, God not only loves us but also created each of us with care.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother‟s womb. I praise you for you are fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well” Psalm 139:14,15, NIV.
Whatever your shape, color, or socioeconomic status — you are perfect to your Father.
Click & Tweet!
Of course you make mistakes like everyone else. But you are not a mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes and he made you, sweet sister.
Every Daughter Is Welcomed
When my husband and I welcomed home our eldest child, my life turned upside down. I now had a tiny baby completely dependent on me. She slept through the first three weeks of life, or so it seemed, and woke up a holy terror. Yes, colic rocked her world and mine. I felt like such a failure. Why couldn’t I soothe her? Why won‟t she stop screaming?
Our heavenly Father never sees you as a failure. Ever.
He is your comfort. When fear mounts, he invites you to crawl onto his lap and get a daddy hug. His arms aren’t too big to hold you. He won’t abandon you.
You are God’s daughter, forever more.
COUNSELING: God has called me to counsel hope to the heart of hurting women, in person and by Skype. An experienced, certified biblical counselor, I’m on staff at Biblical Counseling Center in greater Chicago. Contact me to set up an introductory phone call. This 20-minute call is my gift to you.
Counseling hope to your heart,
by Lucy | Jan 24, 2015 | biblical counseling, emotions, identity in Christ, relationships
How I need grace!
You too?
The next few weeks, let’s discover your true identity in Christ. As you discover your true identity, you’ll see how God has extended you grace, or unmerited favor, which is a church-y way of saying that Jesus made a way for you to know him and love him, not because of your “good deeds” but because he loves you and took away your sins when you accepted the gift of faith in him. (Some people turn down his gift. Sad. It breaks my heart.)
Let’s peek at the first of many identity truths.
For starters, a believer in Jesus is a saint! Sure, you still sin. Yet God calls you a saint — all because of Jesus. How cool is that.
My Bad
I used to think I had my ducks in a row, quacking in perfect harmony. But life as I planned it wasn’t working. At all.
My emotions stuck. Confused. Panicky. Seething. Sad. I threw the best self-absorbed pity parties b. Really, who could blame them. I pity-partied even after I became a believer in Jesus Christ as my Savior.
Why? Why such inner turmoil as a Christian woman? Are you in turmoil? Want peace? Discover your true identity.
Do you know your true identity in Christ? It’s amazing.
Tweet: Do you know your true identity in Christ? It’s amazing.
Two Reasons I Felt Bad
I had yet to embrace the truth of: 1) who I am and; 2) whose as I am. Only by God’s grace — his gift to me — am I able to know and believe the wonderful truth of my true identity in Christ:
Chosen,
Blessed,
Daughter,
Saint,
His!
Once I embraced the truth of who I am and whose I am, my inner turmoil vanished. Well, almost. More than I care to admit, I fall back in my old ways, play old tapes of self-condemnation, and suffer anew. Thank God for his patience and loving-kindness because when I mess up, he graciously reminds me I am forgiven and I belong to him.
I am HIS!
What about you, sweet sister? Do you know and believe the twin truths of who you are and whose you are? Be encouraged. Our Father will show you. He is Truth and Love and the One in whom you may trust. In him you are safe. In him your life has meaning. You matter.
Tweet: In him you are safe. In him your life has meaning. You matter.
Are you ready for our truth journey to the heart of God? Please sign up to receive my blog posts by RSS or email. Thanks!
photo credit: jesse.millan via photopin cc (with words added)
by Lucy | Jan 18, 2015 | biblical counseling |
Are you lost on your way to your purpose? You’ve got company.
Lost!
Directionally challenged. That’s me. On the road and in life, getting turned around happens to me a lot. While following a path toward my goal of helping women have hope, I stumbled. My focus fuzzed.
What happened? Busyness invaded.
Finally, this crazy-busy-stumbling fuzzy-focused counselor looked to God in the messiness. (And I’m still learning to make peace with messy.) God’s voice cut through. “Come.”
Have you heard the Lord whisper an invitation to you too? What was the invitation?
I walked into the messy and asked God to remind me of the calling he gave me. After months of praying (and getting stuck), I got the message: Return to the message revealed when God called me to counseling hope to the heart. Read my story here.
Found!
God didn’t forget me or the call he gave me. I did. Are you crazy busy and stumbling like I was? Who helps you up?
Do you remember your purpose? The one God has for you?
Take a sec and leave a comment. I value your input. Or, you can contact me here.
by Lucy | Dec 20, 2014 | biblical counseling, emotions
When a police officer phoned me at dawn and told me my mom died, a bible verse pierced my heart.
God spoke priorities that morning in my kitchen. He talked money.
For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1 Timothy 6:7, NIV
My mom loved to spoil me with the things she lacked growing up. She spoiled herself too. Shoes and clothes, some with price tags attached, spilled from her bedroom closet. Never-used kitchen gadgets overflowed drawers. She filled up with stuff love. Still. . .
I praise our God of hope that by the Holy Spirit, she became a believer in her last days.
Financial Frenzy
My internet friend Carrie Stone was the first person I met who had a home foreclosure and career upheaval.
You can listen to her story of fear and foreclosure and more on this replay of my online radio talk show. Click this link. You may check out her book Defeating Fear here.
Then many For Sale signs poked lawns throughout my town. Friends lost their jobs. Husbands too. Teens hunted for fast-food work and few found it.
My husband switched careers. I found extra work to make ends meet. In the midst of the craziness, I’ve remembered the Bible verse I heard in my heart the day my mom died: We take no stuff to heaven. Stuff is stuff of next-to-no value.
My worth, your worth, isn’t determined by a back account balance or possessions. God determines your worth: YOU ARE ONE IN A MILLION.
Do you believe that you have amazing worth? What or who determines your worth?
What Financial Crisis Feels Like
Financial loss plays a huge part in emotional and spiritual life of a woman and her family. It can bring on feelings of anger, fear, and despair as well loss of self-confidence.
Second-guessing your decisions and actions suck up your energy and time, and spiral to more anger, fear and despair. “If only I had . . .” becomes a sick mantra.
On top of this, women and couples tend to keep money problems to themselves, compounding their shame. They fear what others will say. Sadly, some friends and family say highly painful things, like:
You should have known better.
You were irresponsible with money as a child. This prove you haven’t learned.
What did you do to lose your job?
How to Help Someone in Financial Crisis
3 things to do.
1. Listen attentively and do not judge. Consider asking, “How are you doing with this?”
2. If God have given you the ability to help financially, consider buying a week of groceries or paying a bill for the family in crisis. Ask your small group or Sunday school to help too.
3. Pray with your friend about God’s faithfulness and care. Great scriptures are Matthew 6:25-26, Isaiah 41:10, and Philippians 4:18,19.
3 things to avoid.
1. Hurtful responses are things like, “Didn’t you check out the history of the investment?” and “It could be worse” and “Look on the bright side.”
2. Make yourself available to support but do not take on their problem and try to solve it.
3. Don’t give unwanted financial advice. Rather, point her to church and community resources.
Ultimately, choose to trust Jesus. Say, “I will trust you, Jesus” when you feel discouraged or overwhelmed. God knows what you are going through and he has wonderful plans for all of his precious children.
Did you know that any crisis, including financial loss and unemployment, brings on emotional, physical, and spiritual turmoil? As a certified biblical counselor who has help thousands women — especially through meetings on Skype and Google Hangout — I’d love to point your to hope too.
COUNSELING: Check out my counseling page to learn more.
