The old saying is true, People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.
Trust. This matters. If you don’t care, no one will trust you.
Seriously. Why would you? or me? Why would we trust someone whom we don’t know and get hurt again?
Like the Caddyshack gopher — yep, the one with the dance moves and destructo mindset — I dig a hole, hide in the dark, popping up only when I determine it’s safe.
WHAT IF SAFE IS, like, NEVER?
This is a cry of so many women: Keep me safe, hold me, make the scary stuff go away.
Because I’m scared
and if people only heard my thought or knew the real me
they would run
scream
flee in the other direction.
I used to be one of the scared, of the untrusting.
Now, I don’t hang out my dirty underwear for all to see but, hey, if my slip is showing, so what. Really, who cares?
In my scared, untrusting days, confiding in someone — even God — would unnerve me. More than that, it would send me running.
To. My. Dark. Hole.
One sunny morning, the hole became so dark, it caved in. I had to reach out or die. A slow death of losing myself.
Then I forgot myself, looked to Jesus and found myself in him.
This marked the day I decided to drag myself out of depression. I couldn’t do it alone. I needed God, my family and a counselor. I needed to take a chance and trust.
Not easy. It took time.
Lots of time.
This is the nature of trust. Built over time, trust can bridge the fear of being found out.
So what it my slip is showing.
You Are Loved, Lucy
P.S. Watch this and smile: The Caddyshack gopher and a Tiger. Enjoy.
Today was Day Two of my yard sale to Save the Girls: A Ministry of Message, Rescue and Care. The purpose is raising awareness and funds to stop child sex slavery. The crescendo sounded the last ten minutes. I’ll tell you about it in a sec.
If you missed Day One, you can read all about it atReal Hurts, Real Hope, my other blog.
My vision for this ministry is for people to get mad and host a Save the Girls yard sale so that they happen all over North America and girls are rescued and cared for in the name of Christ, that they know true freedom in him and that you and I experience the compassion and mercy and justice of our loving God.
Here’s me, wearing a Save the Girls tee.
Lucy wants more people to stop at the yard sale to Save the Girls. By the way, the stuffed animals are slow movers, even at 25 cents a piece.
Now the crescendo.
I’d love to say that the man with a ministry to the homeless in Chicago returned today, hefty donation check (as promised) in hand. He didn’t. Tomorrow? Only God knows.
I’d love to report that the yard saled pulled in more money today than yesterday. It didn’t. We got about half as much.
Instead, about 2 in the afternoon, as my friend Allyson and I began closing the yard sale, I noticed a man giving the box of books a thorough thrice-over. Thinking he must be choosing which Christian title he liked the best, I said something like, “You like Christian books?”
He pulled back his hand. . .fast.
“Then I better not touch them.”
This was the moment. The opportunity. The reason he stopped and I stopped for a God conversation.
“What do you mean?” My soft tone held no judgment yet he felt judged.
“Don’t I have to be good to touch them?” Good? Here we were, me in a tee shirt, shorts and sneakers and him in casual business clothes, nice shoes and a haircut that said, “I’m a successful, self-made man.”
“No, you don’t have to be good,” I replied. “They’re for sinners.”
“Then I guess they’re for me.”
Looking into his blue eyes, pretending not to see his smirk (or was it a crooked smile?), I said, “We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” I don’t know if he knew these words came from the Bible. He changed the subject to Save the Girls.
“So this is for charity?” he asked.
Then I shared my 15-second speech about saving girls out of sex slavery and getting them care, even job training. I cited some statistics. He appeared skeptical. At least this was Allyson’s interpretation. He asked the perfect question: “How do we stop it?”
“God can stop it,” I said. I felt kinda stupid. . .hoping he wouldn’t ask the next obvious question: If God can stop it, why doesn’t he?
He never asked it.
He handed me a five-dollar-bill for a fifty-cent book titled New Passages by Gail Sheehy and turned toward the sidewalk.
“Do you want your change?”
“No. Keep it,” he said and nodded at the Save the Girls donation jar.
This was the best money we made all day. A sinner chose to save the girls. And God humbled me. Praise our God. Pray for this man. I do not know his name. God does.
Allyson checks yesterday's blogpost.
JoAnna and Sarah sit among baby clothes, relishing the breeze.
Fifth grade. Gym class. Horrid blue boomers. All the girls wore these silly no-stretch, big-bottomed gym outfits in the ’70s.
Only God know where our male classmates were. This was girl time.
The woman gym teacher told us about Stranger Danger. We needed to look out for him. He could hurt us. He could touch us in bad places once he lured us in his car with the promise of candy or the opportunity to pet his puppy.
We all knew what touching in bad places meant. At least I think so. A few of us, I suppose, knew enough to imagine rape. Back then, they called it rape, not criminal sexual assault like today. I don’t like the latter term. It sanitizes this atrocity. The word “rape” fits better. It sounds ugly to my ear.
That day my heart beat double-time as I fast-walked eight blocks home the day of the stranger danger talk. My eyes darted left and right as I looked for the stanger and his candy and his puppy. I lost my taste for sweets. Puppies now spelled trouble. Even the cute ones. Especially the cute ones.
But I didn’t meet stranger danger the day of the talk.
Or the day after.
Or the day after that.
Rather, I met him at age 14 and he was no stranger. He was family.
Confusion garbled my thoughts. Should I tell? Should I stay quiet? Would anyone believe me? Did it even happen? Was it a dream?
The last time my not-a-stranger danger touched me, I snarled “No.” And he never bothered me again. Not ever.
Yet I kept watch. For days, weeks, months.
AND HE DIDN’T COME BACK.
My pain wrapped my heart in electrical tape. I shut down, thinking “I can’t share this now. One day I will.”
Twenty years later.
On a Saturday morning, seemingly out of the blue, I woke up sobbing down to my toes. Memories jabbed me inside out.
And I finally told someone what had happened. The healing began.
The weirdest thing, God gave me new insight into the Bible verse, “Speak the truth in love.” To follow this teaching, I had to speak. Speak. Not shut down or shut up. Or say nothing. But speak.
The Word freed my words and, praise God, the electrical tape tore in two, from top to bottom.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the freedom you gave me from my prison of memories of sexual molestation. I praise you that you are El Roi, the God who sees. Thank you for teaching me to speak. My “no” spared me from further abuse. Thank you that you empowered me to say “No” to the bad and “Yes” to the good. Please heal others with a story of sexual abuse. Help them to speak.
If you or someone you know needs someone to listen deep and counsel well, consider Real Hope Biblical Counseling, which I founded.
Freedom? Do you live it? It depends on how you think. Think right and you’ll live free in Christ and experience real hope.
Allie, a 20-something Christian woman, thinks wrongly about herself. “I don’t measure up,” she confided in me. “I never have.” Yet God sees her as a saint, as someone who possesses every spiritual blessing in Christ now, present tense. (Ephesians 1:1,3)
She measures up in the most important way. As a believer in Christ, she has become God’s child, can live victoriously, and is heaven-bound. Insistent that she doesn’t measure up, depression and anxiety stalk Allie, a pretty, accomplished young woman.
You may relate to Allie’s comment. Or you may know someone who does.
One of their her needs: To stop negative thinking and replace it with God’s truth. When negative thinking halts, so do negative emotions and ungodly behaviors.
This is how it works.
Let’s say I think, “I’m a horrible mother.” What’s my likely resulting emotion? Probably I’ll feel anger or frustration, sadness or fear, or self-pity. However, I may feel nothing at all.
Now what’s my likely behavior? Many possiblities exist. I could clam up and seek refuge before the TV or in my bedroom. Perhaps I seethe or snarl at the kids. I may use an irritated voice to tell them to pick up their toys or clean their rooms or do homework.
My dear hubby may become the target of my frustrations. He could be in an affectionate mood at bedtime, and I say, “No way, Jose!,” turn my back on him, and fall into a fitful sleep punctuated by nightmares.
I may find a way to numb my feelings: shop, spend hours on the Internet, or drink alcohol.
The list is endless.
What’s worse: Ungodly behavior spirals down into more bad thinking, negative emotions and nasty behavior.
Take a moment, grab paper and a pen, and try it yourself.
Make three columns. Label the first column “thought,” the second “emotion” and the third “behavior.” Now jot down a negative thought you had in the past week, then the resulting emotion and how it showed up in your behavior. Think about how bad thinking spiraled into more bad thinking.
Yes, thoughts are powerful.
Thankfully, you can choose godly thoughts and turn things around, dramatically.
When Allie replaced her thought “I don’t measure up,” a belief held since childhood, with “I am perfect in God’s sight because when he looks at me he sees Jesus,” her depression dissipated and she stopped looking to food for comfort. (Pigging out had led to more negative thoughts, like “I’m ugly” and “What a loser!” and “You’re never going to find a boyfriend.”)
When she learned to choose to think right — using biblical principles and Scripture to expose Satan’s lies — she felt and acted better immediately. However, changing one’s thinking is tough! It takes time. But God empowers us.
Look at this familiar Scripture on right thinking.
“Do not be conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2, NIV).
And this one.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things” (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
An important principle to note: Right living follows right thinking.
One of the messages of James, one of the books of the Bible, is when a believer thinks rightly about God and about herself, she wants to choose well because she wants to please Jesus, not to earn her salvation (this is a gift of God) but to express love and gratitude to him. God places this desire in every believer’s heart. James 2:26 reads, “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”
A hurting woman doesn’t need a check list of do’s and don’ts. This is legalism. Jesus ushered in the new covenant of grace. However, she needs to consider her thoughts. Are they true? If she is unsure, she should hold them up against Scripture.
If they turn out false, she must accept the help of the Holy Spirit and choose to believe God over lies. As she does this, her emotions will improve and she will live right.
Your emotions and behaviors are tied to your thoughts. Steer clear of negative inputs (some music, movies and other media) and to think about whatever is true,
right,
noble,
pure,
lovely,
and admirable.
Heavenly Father, you know that I struggle with my thoughts, and sometimes I believe lies. I admit this mistake, Lord, and choose to replace negative thoughts with right thinking. I know right thinking leads to right living. My heart desires to please you always. Amen.
On a day that began bad and slithered worse,Eve did what a lot of us women do: Go shop.
No upscale Macy’s near her garden home.
Not even a Wal-Mart. She sewed together leaves – fig leaves, to be exact – and slipped into her new outfit. Her husband fashioned a leafy garment, too. (Ain’t it great to have a husband who sews?!)
Why her sudden interest in fashion? Eve made a bad choice, a horribly sinful decision. She knew the rules of garden living and flaunted them. And invited fear into her life. She felt shame. She was naked, exposed . . . afraid.
Fear. We women live this four-letter word every day. Between worrying about our kids’ safety and how to pay the bills to stressing over our self-worth and questioning God’s goodness, over and over again we too pull an “Eve.” You and I go shop for fig leaves. And we cover up beautifully. Or do we?
In the Bible, God shows us a better way. The way of faith, not fear.
Inspired by the Holy Spirit, the apostle John wrote, “There is no fear in love.But perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:18).As we learn to pay attention to our fear and repent, God’s love is at work in us.The fruit of the Spirit grows in us:love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.Your faith in God has replaced your fear – and you experience peace.
What if the fear returns? What if I can’t handle it? I am a panic attack survivor and I still deal with fear. You know. . .we all do, every day.
When I fear, I check my heart. I consider my sins and my fig leaves. I ask myself, What am I hiding? And, when I come clean about my dirt, my faith grows and fear fades. So maybe bad fear isn’t so bad after all if I use it to draw me close to God.
STRANGER DANGER.
Freedom? Do you live it? 
