How to Smash Strongholds in Your Mind

How to Smash Strongholds in Your Mind

How should we destroy strongholds?

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Think About Your Thoughts

Think About Your Thoughts

Jennifer asked me how to change her thoughts. She had spiraled deep into discouragement and wanted to feel like her old self: upbeat, positive, happy. “This isn’t me,” she shared. “I keep thinking negatively about everything over and over and over. I don’t know how to stop.”

In this article, you learn three new ways to think about your thoughts and learn how to stop life-sapping thinking:

  1. Ask yourself if your thoughts glorify God.
  2. Change the thoughts he wants you to change
  3. Take every thought captive.

1. Ask Yourself an Important Question

What you say to yourself matters. What you think becomes who you are. You want to think well, don’t you? Then you need to ask if your thoughts glorify God.

Words kill, words give life;

they’re either poison or fruit–

you choose. Prov. 18:21

A helpful place to begin is writing down your thoughts in a small, spiral notebook that’s easy to carry with you. When a negative thought pops up, write it down and note what was happening around the time of the thought. Do this for about three days. Don’t concern yourself with changing your thoughts at first. The point is to become aware of them.

You may become aware of thoughts you didn’t even know you were thinking!

Do you say one of these uglies to yourself?

Very often women silently tell themselves things like:

  • I’m such an idiot.
  • No one likes me.
  • I’m ugly.
  • I can’t do anything right.

Did you have any of these thoughts?

Practical help: Review your list of thoughts. Which are the most common ones? When did you tend to have them? Are they glorifying to God? Jennifer had most of her automatic, negative thoughts in the morning before she got out of bed and asked God to show them to her. She wrote out Psalm 139:1-2:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 

Like Jennifer, you can ask yourself whether your thoughts are glorifying to God.

2. Change Your Thoughts

Which thoughts is God nudging you to change? Not sure? You could measure your thoughts by the instruction of Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Jennifer noted that one of her recurring thoughts was, “I’m never going to get better.” This thought is in opposition to “whatever is true.” As a Christian, Jennifer is promised by God to become more and more like Jesus Christ, who says “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10b). This process is called “progressive sanctification.”

When she told herself this life-killing lie, her discouragement worsened. Has this happened to you too? Sadly, negative thinking begets negative emotions. Conversely, says Brian S. Borgman in Feelings and Faith, “Right thinking about God produces and cultivates godly emotions such as peace, joy confidence, and hope.”

You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Practical step: Measure your thoughts against Phil. 4:8 and ask God which one you need to change.

3. Take Every Thought Captive

God wants you to walk in the truth. You Enemy has a game plan to get you to believe lies — lies about yourself, about your circumstances, and about the Gospel.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

To take every thought captive to obey Christ, you need to replace the lies with the truth. Go through the list of thoughts you wrote down. For each one that is not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, or commendable, find a Bible verse that replaces the lie with the truth. Jot down the Bible verses you’ve found on index cards or sticky notes.

Yes, it is work to find life-giving Bible verses and write them on card or notes but well worth it. Do you think that looking up verses isn’t worth the effort? Do you have other obstacles? What are they? Why not discuss them with a trusted Christian friend?

2 examples to get you get you started.

Life-sapping thought: God doesn’t love me. He doesn’t care.

Life-giving truth:For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8

Life-sapping thought: Life must go well for me. If it doesn’t, this proves I’m a worthless loser.

Life-giving truth:Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13.

Practical help: Each time your have a negative, life-sapping thought, read the index card or sticky note you made with the life-giving truth. As you repeat this process of taking every thought captive to obey Christ, you will discover that the negative thoughts diminish in frequency and power.

This was Jennifer’s discovery. As she read John 10:10 each time she thought “I’m never going to get better,” she noticed that she thought it less often and she experienced hope and joy. She’s applying the same process to other life-sapping thoughts she has. Her discouragement if lifting. She’s beginning to feel like her old self.

And it all began with thinking about her thoughts. Do you want to replace your negative thoughts too? May I invite you to contact me? We can set up a time to talk on the phone for a free 15-minute consult. I also have a downloadable ebook you make like — “Transform Your Thoughts Journal.”

Oh No! Truth About Teen Sex for Parents

Oh No! Truth About Teen Sex for Parents

TEEN SEX: The thought that your son or daughter is sexually active cuts Christian parents to the core. Biblical counselor Julie Ganschow, who’s listed on Heart2Heart Counseling Directory, describes the prevalence and dangers of teen sex, and she encourages parents too. Her article appeared first here on The Biblical Counseling Coalition and is used with permission.

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Fourteen-year-old “Angela” (not her real name) sat in my counseling office at the request of her mother. Angela had been displaying some behaviors that caused concern and led her mom to investigate her daughter’s activities. While checking Angela’s cell phone, she was horrified to learn that Angela had been sexually involved with her 16-year-old boyfriend.

Angela is one of nearly half of all students in ninth through twelfth grade who have had sexual intercourse. Sadly, 14 percent of those students have already had four or more sexual partners in their young lives.

Our teens live in a sex-saturated culture. Television and movies routinely show men and women who barely know one another having sex, and this promotes the idea that there is no difference between sex and love. It is critical that we communicate the message: Immoral sex is not “love,” it is only sex.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22).

Dangers of Teen Sex

There are many dangers for a young person who becomes sexually active. Parents are most often concerned about pregnancy, abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases. However, with the marketing of vaccinations to prevent cervical cancer and medication to treat herpes, there is a mistaken view among some adults that teen sex is not a big deal. Nothing could be further from the truth.

teen sexIn addition to physical issues that can result from sexual activity at a young age, there are significant emotional dangers. Teenage sexuality often leads to emotional distress, especially for girls. In a majority of teen sexual encounters, there is no “relationship” behind the sexual act being performed. Teens are taught that sex is little more than the satisfaction of a physical urge and that everyone does it.

The reality is they are not emotionally ready for sex. Teenagers are already experiencing a complicated array of emotions from the hormonal changes taking place in their bodies, and when sexual activity is added it only makes those feelings more intense and confusing.

Emotional Impact

Sexually active teens often report having feelings of self-contempt and worthlessness. Angela eventually realized she had been withdrawn, depressed, and angry since becoming sexually active. One study involving 8,200 students, ages 12 to 17, found that those involved in romantic relationships had significantly higher levels of depression than those not involved in romantic relationships.[1]

Angela was brought up in a home where morality is valued. Her mom taught her to cherish her virginity, so giving it away while young and unmarried brought her tremendous feelings of guilt, shame, and loss.

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18).

Angela expressed a sense of being trapped into having to say “yes” to sex since that door had been opened. She described being pressured to have sex on every date she had with her boyfriend. Angela also told me she didn’t like sex, but didn’t think she could say “no” to him. She considered it to be meaningless and it had become a pastime, more of a social activity that she and all her friends were doing.

Over the weeks we met together, Angela realized that her view of sex lacked the sacred beauty and richness that God intends for it to have.

Angela learned that while she could experience the physical aspects of unity, sex outside of marriage would never contain the critical spiritual element– the oneness– that is present between a woman and her husband within the covenant of marriage.

Parents Needed

Our kids are confronted with all the wrong images and ideas about sex from the moment they wake up until they close their eyes and sleep. Sexual messages fill their music, commercials, radio, computer, classrooms, peer groups, parties, music videos, movies, books, phone conversations, and even their drive down the highway. Unless parents speak up, there will be no counterbalance to these messages.

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Tit. 2:12).

Parents are the best, most qualified people to tell their children the truth about sexual issues. It should be part of the training that takes place in the home. Kids need to hear from their parents that God gave married couples the gift of intimacy to enjoy. Teach them that within marriage, a couple can have abundant, fearless love. Trust and commitment in marriage make it possible for both husband and wife to enjoy each other in a way that is devoid of guilt, shame, fear, and doubt.

Questions for Reflection

How can parents better engage their teenagers and help them navigate these difficult issues around teen sex? What are some ways to protect teens from the cultural and social pressures to be sexually active?

[1] Kara Joyner and J. Richard Udry, “You Don’t Bring Me Anything But Down: Adolescent Romance and Depression.” Journal of Health and Social Behavior 41 (2000) 369-391

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

Finding Hope in Gospel-Centered Counseling!

Finding Hope in Gospel-Centered Counseling!

HOPE: People seeking help desire HOPE. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Today’s guest blogger is Joshua Waulk, founder of Baylight Counseling in Florida. His wife, Christy, is one of our Heart2Heart Counselors listed here on my website’s biblical counselor directory for women. They often counsel together.(Edited for length.)

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In my work as a police officer, and now a biblical counselor, I have found that one common thread running through most, if not all, interactions with people seeking help is their desire for hopeWhatever circumstance they face, the hurting seek the assurance that things can change for the better.

The hurting also expect that I, as either a first responder or counselor, would be trustworthy. Additionally, they want me to either dispense hope or ensure them of a basis for it.

Hope, as it turns out, has much to do with why those in crisis or trauma call the police or seek wise counsel. My ability to earn the confidence and trust of the counselee is largely dependent on my skill in communicating that life can get better.

Plans fail for lack of counsel,
    but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22

Whatever else the counselor seeks to accomplish in the life of their counselee, the responsibility to impart Christ-centered hope in each and every session is of first importance (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Above All, Give Hope

Counselees in a trial of any kind want the very best outcome and resolution. We are not surprised then to observe people of all beliefs and faith systems expressing, in some way, a longing that the pain and trials of life have an answer.

In any counseling scenario, the absence of hope will be detrimental to the prospects of success in counseling.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

Dr. Wayne Mack writes that “biblical change cannot take place without hope.” He goes on to say that hope that is unbiblical, of the type offered in non-Christian settings, such as secular counseling and psychotherapy offices, “will inevitably crumble.” Mack’s words are remind us that not all hope is created equal (Matthew 7:24-27).

Substance of Hope

The substance of hope in biblical counseling, regardless of the facts and circumstances of a given case (i.e. marital infidelity, physical sickness, addiction, depression/anxiety, etc.), is the timeless, matchless, eternal word of God (Hebrews 4:122 Timothy 3:16-17).

Yes, we celebrate the advances of science and medical technology in the treatment of true diseases of the brain. But we also are persuaded of scripture’s centrality to the offering true soul care (Psalms 119:105).

Dr. Robert Jones writes that what makes biblical counseling biblical is the counselor’s vision for God’s redemptive work in Jesus Christ. He writes,

The Bible does not merely inform our counseling, as if it were simply one source of truth among several…the Bible drives our counseling.

Indeed, as the many theories of secular psychology are constantly refined, and new, even competing theories are developed, Christ and His Word remain the same (Hebrews 13:8Isaiah 40:8).

How Then Shall We Counsel

In an era of exploding medical advances, it is improbable that any one counselor would display omniscience in the latest discoveries and understanding of how to apply all available scientific data on every possible counseling topic. (This is particularly those not trained in the practice of medicine).

This begs the question, then, about how the clinically informed biblical counselor ought to approach his or her work. Are we striving toward becoming dispensers of clinical data or conduits of gospel-driven, Christ-centered hope?

Dr. Heath Lambert writes that today’s biblical counselor leaves the practice of medicine to those who know how to provide it. The biblical counselor also recognizes that spiritual problems do not have physical remedies. So the counselor’s task, through training and education, is to become adept at discerning the difference between the physical and the spiritual.

When counselees see that their counselor is interested in the wellness of their whole person and is not only concerned with identifying sin and memorizing Bible verses, as some outside of biblical counseling have suggested, hope is extended and confidence is instilled.

Hope-giving counselors who are committed to biblical change lead hopeful counselees.

Join the Conversation

How do you intentionally instill biblical hope in your counselees?

Permissions: This article (The Centrality of Hope in Counseling Biblically by Joshua Waulk) originally appeared on the Biblical Counseling Coalition website and is used with permission.

Winning the War! The Best Mom Ever ~ part 3

warTo win the war for your child’s heart, you’ll fight three forces. But first, you must recognize you’re in a war!

Winning the war requires you to focus on your child’s heart!

Read the part 1 here and part two here in the Best Mom Ever series, teaching you to–

1.    Prepare!

2.    Recognize you’re in a war.

3.   Assume your role as a benevolent dictator.

4.   Yield to God.

This post calls you to fight once you recognize you are in a war, a war you must win, God willing. . .and he is willing.

3 Battle Forces!

In this battle, you face three strong forces:

First, your child’s natural, selfish nature.

Second, a spiritual undertow.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

And third, our increasingly wacked-out, confusing, chaotic culture.

Our culture says the best kids are happy and successful kids. This is a lie. The best kids are not the ones who seem happy and successful, who look good on the outside. Rather, the best kids are GOD-honoring KIDS.

Ground Zero: The Heart

As I’ve mentioned, your Number One goal is to shepherd your child’s heart. Scripture teaches that the heart is the control center for life. A person’s life is a reflection of the heart.

Proverbs 4:23 puts it this way:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

From the heart flows your behavior.  What you say and do and think expresses your heart. That goes for your child, too.

So when your child misbehaves, he is revealing his selfish nature, his battle-weary soul, or his bent toward a sin-city culture.

OR ALL THREE!

You may be thinking, “No, not my little Ethan, not my little Emma.” The truth is, every child is selfish and foolish.

The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

Even kids who are believers in the Lord Jesus Christ miss the mark, as do their parents.

We all mess up. Our intentions may be good but, well, our own desire to please our little darlings can get the best of us. Here’s one of my many “what-were-we-thinking?” stories.

What Were We Thinking?

Laura was about 2.

And sneaky.

She knew my weak spot.

At bedtime after I laid her in her crib with five — yes, five —  pacifiers — I said a sweet good night, gave her an equally sweet kiss on her chubby cheek, and tip-toed out the door.

By the time I made it down the stairs, I heard:

CLUNK. . .CLUNK. . .CLUNK!

Three pluggies down. Two to go.

CLUNK. . .CLUNK!

Yes, my sweet, sweet Laura had a good arm. She had whipped her pluggies at the door, knowing I’d come back. She was barely 2 and she was telling us who was in charge. And what was I thinking? Doesn’t scripture say kids must obey their parents? Yes, it’s right there in black and white.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

Winning Your Child’s Heart

We were in a war. And so are you, Mom. The only way to win: Look past my child’s behavior and see what was going on in her heart. To win the battle for her heart, my husband and I needed to show that, with God’s help, we were in charge.

God gave us the job of effecting godly attitudes, behavior, and character in our adorable child. In the next post, we’ll look at assuming your role as a benevolent dictator. 🙂

Let’s Talk

  1. What behavior problems do you see in your child?
  2. What have you done about them? 
  3. How does focusing on the heart help your child glorfy God?

Be sure to read the next post on assuming the rightful role as the mom. To make sure you get it in your email, subscribe to blog. The subscription box is below.

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