ABUSE REALITY: Chances are, a friend of yours has been sexually abused.

Let’s crunch numbers. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s National Crime Victimization Survey, every 98 seconds an Americal is sexually assaulted, RAINN reports. See more statistics on sexual violence.

The number increases when you add in little kids like Mary. Her story in a moment.

• About one in four women, and one in six men, experience unwanted or abusive sexual experiences by age 16, suggest various statistics.
• Victims of sexual abuse are. . .
• 3 times more likely to suffer depression.
• 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
• 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
• 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

Mary’s Story of Abuse

The teen boys rang the door bell and asked to play with little Mary. Her babysitter — an older woman who watched her after school — opened wide the door. She didn’t say, “Get lost!” She let the teen boys take the 5 year old to the woods to play.

Play? Seriously? Sexual violence is anything but play! Click & Tweet!

A best-selling author and international speaker, Mary DeMuth is an adult survivor of sexual abuse. The abuse was continual, painful, and secretive. Many teen boys abused her. She learned to fake afternoon naps to escape the sick “play,” to escape them, to try to escape shame. Yet shame clings like thistle to cotton socks of an adult survivor of sexual abuse.

Listen to her words in Thin Places, A Memoir (Zondervan, 2010).

Warning: If you’re a sexual abuse survivor and have had little healing, you may want to skip the recounting in blue. They may stir up intense emotion.

“I am living a nightmare that year, the worst year of my life.

“Every single day after kindergarten, I walk to my babysitter’s house. Her name is Eva, and she is grouchy. . . .She feeds me , and then waits for two older boys to stop by after school to take me off her hands.

“They take me all right. To deep ravines in tangles of sharp sicks and itchy weeds. They pull off my corduroys. . .then my flowered underwear.

“Don’t you want to have kids when you grow up?” one boy says.

“Yes,” I whisper. Because I do.

“Well, then, this is what you have to do.” They take turns with me in the forest behind my school. . . .”

To help abused women, Mary also wrote Not Marked, a self-published book she says is the book of she was meant to write.

The Grand Hope

Jesus heals the hurting. He binds the brokenhearted. He loves your friend just as she is, even though she may feel like trash and hopeless.  And beyond help.

Just as the Lord has healed Mary and me and many, many others including some of the hurting women I’ve counseled biblically, he can heal you.

If you’re among the healed — praise be to God — please help adult survivors of sexual abuse have hope. A few ideas:

What to Do

1. Talk with her privately and listen well. Read her body language too.

2. Remind her that God loves her and wants to heal and restore her.

3. Expect many emotional ups and downs as she heals..

What to Avoid

1. Don’t say, “Why didn’t you tell someone earlier?” or “Did you say ‘No’?” This is judgmental and insinuates that she is at fault for the abuse.

2. Don’t display shock or disapproval.

3. Ask for permission to hug your friend. She may be hypersensitive to touch, especially when it’s unexpected.

My Prayer for You

Were you sexually assaulted? I pray God gives you the courage to speak to a trustworthy woman. Healing begins when you find your voice, when you share that someone hurt you deeply.

Are you the friend or pastor of a woman who was sexually abused? I pray you ask for God’s wisdom in helping her find hope and healing from a godly and compassionate, same-gender mentor or a biblical counselor.

AN OFFER: If there isn’t a biblical counselor in your area, please consider counseling via Skype/FaceTime/Hangouts from me.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,