The Golden Rule

Mom, be authoritative. Be a benevolent dictator! Here’s why.

Our culture tends toward two parenting extremes: crass authoritarianism on one end and wimp-dom on the other.. Click & Tweet! God calls you and me to be neither authoritarian nor permissive but authoritative.

Yes, embrace the role as benevolent dictator. Click & Tweet!

Your job – which God gave you — is to be THE MOM. God gave you and your husband, if you are married, the authority to direct your children, to shape them, to benevolently dictate to them. You do NOT direct them for your own agenda or convenience but on God’s behalf for their own good and for His glory.

Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6, NIV

In this series on becoming the best mom ever, read the part 1 here and part two here and part three here. Here’s the acronym to remember.

1.    Prepare!

2.    Recognize you’re in a war.

3.   Assume your role as a benevolent dictator.

4.   Yield to God.

Does Your Child Have Too Much Power?

We moms often give our children too much power. It’s one thing to say, “Jarrod, do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt.” That’s OK. It’s quite another thing to say to your four-year-old or your 14-year-old, “It’s time to come to dinner, OK?”

OK?

Mom, are you asking your child permission? As in, do I have your permission to serve you dinner at such and such time? Yikes.

I know when moms tack an “OK?” at the end of their statements rarely do not really mean to hand over this power, that the kid gets to decide, but this is the message.

Your Child Needs You to Be Authoritative!

As Kevin Leman says in Have a New Kid by Friday, kids have a game plan to drive you bonkers. Look around and observe what’s going on in malls, stores, restaurants, and even your own home.

What about the toddler who cries until she wears her mother down and gets to go not only once but three times on the carousel?

The teenager who yells, “Bleep you!” at his dad and stalks off?

The 7-year-old who gives his mom the “I dare you to do anything about it here” steely glare as he pushes the broccoli off his plate and watches it fall to the floor to the floor at the restaurant?

The 14-year-old dressed in all black who has “attitude” written all over her and gives every sign of going the wrong direction?

The 3-year-old who spends his day screaming, to make sure his parents appease his every whim?

In their eyes the world owes them—and owes them big time. But when children rule, a home becomes chaotic. Click & Tweet!

Yet boundaries give them freedom to mature within the parameters of God’s gives in his Word under the guidance of parents. Then children have true freedom to to learn, explore, and have fun. Boundaries also help you refrain from ripping out your hair! Right?

How to Be Authoritative, not Wimpy

The main thing to remember is this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Maybe write it on paper and stick it out the fridge. Teach it to your children.

Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Matthew 7:12

The bible shows that there are consequences for disobedience and blessings for obedience. God’s rules to help parents to nuture children through structured discipline. But our real focus is the heart, especially motivations, beliefs, and desires. God’s rules also help us to admonish children when they make foolish choices and to give encouragement to make wise choices.

The wise and authoritative mom teaches her child what is expected and how to do it. And she emphasizes why obedience matters to God. Doesn’t it follow that parents rejoice when children understand God’s heart for obedience, and obey?

But this takes work, doesn’t it? Your’re right! Motherhood isn’t for sissies! Click & Tweet!

Next time we’ll finish up the “Becoming the Best Mom Ever Series” with lots of practical ideas. If you have not yet signed up to receives my blog posts in your email, please type in your email address below. Thanks.

Counseling Heart to Hope (and heal),