Sometimes friendship hurts. Usually it is amazing, but sometimes. . .you’ll need to lovingly confront a friend.
Let’s be honest.
Sometimes friendship hurts. Usually it is amazing, but sometimes. . .well, you know how it goes: as messy as making cupcakes with a dozen preschoolers.
So what can you do to to restore a friendship? Yesterday I wrote on the two basic ways to mend a friendship. Now let’s dig deeper into how to lovingly confronting a friend. Tough, yes. Impossible, no.
Here are three steps. Please share your ideas in Comments. Your ideas encourage other women like you. 🙂
1. Pray. This may sound like a no-brainer, but do not skip this step. It may make or break your friendship. Do it. Ask yourself, Why am I confronting this person? What change do I hope for? What is the best time to have this difficult conversation and where?
2. Deal with your own anger BEFORE you lovingly confront your friend. You’ve been hurt; chances are your anger shows on your face, in your tone, even in how hard to slam your kitchen cabinets or how fast you drive or . . . (add your favorite anger expression). James 1:20 reads, “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” So talk to God about your anger. He listens and guides you to walk in His ways.
3. Ask God for the words to share with your friend. Tell her how you feel. You might say something like “I feel hurt that you forgot our lunch plans again.” Also tell your friend what you want to happen.
You might say, “I’d love to get together for lunch again. But let’s wait until you have less on your plate. Let’s continue to talk on the phone. When you know you can make a lunch, then tell me.”
A final practical point: Some friendships cannot be mended. You’ve tried but there’s an impasse.
God can use an impasse for good. An example of an impasse comes from Acts. Paul and Barnabas have a disagreement. Barnabas was John Mark to come on a missionary journey with them. Paul refuses, remembering the time that John Mark had bailed on them. So what happened? God multiplies his missionary teams in Asia Minor and Barnabas takes John Mark with him while Paul chooses Silas.
Sometimes friendships end. If this has happened to you, remember the good things about your friend and grieve the loss of the friendship but move on. God is with you. God is with her.
