FEAR. It’s the new four-letter word. It began long, long before 9/11, school shootings, and the controversy over our current president. Flip through the first pages of the Bible, and see its ugliness from the Fall to today.

In this brief article, you’ll discover:

  1. Fear often has its start in childhood.
  2. There’s a biblical solution to fear.

Fear usually begins early.

When fear begins early, it often takes on one of two main forms. For women: fear of rejection and abandonment creeps  For men: the fear of failure.

worthless

For me, my fear of rejection goes back to my childhood. My mom was often sad and chain-smoked. And my dad was present physically but absent emotionally. And so, like many of my counselees, seeds of difficulty began sprouting early. We biblical counselors call these “sharing influences.” Yes, these shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions. However, they do not determine them.

My dad didn’t do anything horrible to me. He just didn’t notice me, really. And he never smiled. But I hoped to make him happy. In fact, I longed for his acceptance.

What about you? What triggered your fear of abandonment?

When we try to control fear, it’s likely we’ll feel discouraged.

We each have ways of handling fear, right? But our solutions usually backfire.

My well-meant but messed-up solution: control. I attepted to control my to try to control him by being the perfect little girl who never got in trouble and brought home excellent report cards and who did everything right.

I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

And I felt sad.

Only much later did I learn he suffer manic-depression. Still, my fear of abandonment lingered.

God provides a better way.

God wants you to experience success, according to His definition. That is, he wants you to become more like Christ. God has planned that those who love Him “be conformed to the likeness of His Son” (Romans 8:29). Since Jesus is in us, and we in Him, we have confidence that no matter what happens–a home foreclosure, a child’s bad report card, illness, even the death of a loved one–He is with us and helps us.

Please know that everyone struggles with fear. You are not alone. Learning to defeat fear requires a shift in focus. So rather than focus on self, love God and love people more than their approval.

So now what?

  1. Recognize God is sovereign over your fears. He knows your struggle and helps you. So look to Him.  Jesus lovingly commands, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry. . .” (Matthew 6:33-34a).
  2. Choose to love people more than their approval. The apostle Paul wrote, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Please remember that becoming more like Christ is a life-long process. Keep taking  one step then another.

AN OFFER: I meet with women nearly every day by Skype/FaceTime/Zoom and help them find godly solutions to the problems they face. If you’d like a complimentary phone consult to see if biblical counseling is a good fit for you, simply contact me. NO spam, promise. 

 

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