When you hurt, you sometimes look for relief. . .in a bottle. This relief, this pleasure plays peek-a-boo. You see it then it’s gone, obliterated.
Kc Hutter, author of her memoir A Broken Heart, flirted with alcoholism. She began drinking during her first marriage while her husband traveled out of town week after week. She drank with friends. She drank when she wanted to feel better about herself. She writes, “I drank a lot of vodka and developed a ‘come here, go away’ personality. This made me feel safe.”
This is the sixth post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” blog series. You can read the other posts (on divorce, a child’s death, and other losses) here. You can learn more Kc’s book and buy it here.
Bondage Buster
An addiction is bondage of the heart and body to something that produces immediate pleasure and relief, but at a price. This bondage is to “feel good now.” Rather than submitting to Christ’s rule, an addict bows to the “feel-good” god that is her preferred object of achieving pleasure and relief, however fleeting.
Indulging in it becomes the addict’s greatest treasure, the one thing she’d choose over anything or anyone else.
Her body deteriorates over time. Her soul experiences pain with each indulgence.
By God’s grace, a self-described “booze-happy” woman — yes, Kc — who had become a Christian and read the Bible and prayed to Jesus finally hits bottom and turns to the ultimate Healer for help. Listen:
Holding a glass of vodka with a floating olive had always made me feel glamorous. Isn’t this what actors do on TV and in the movies? At a cocktail party, a happy hour, or visiting a friend, I often heard, ‘Do you want a drink?’
After years of drinking, my stomach would hurt and my head pounded every morning. My heart filled with anguish and sorrow. What words did I say last night? Did I lose control and embarrass myself? I wondered.
Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed, even thought I knew the pain of having a loves one killed by a drunk driver.
Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’ The Lord heard and answered by prayers.
Yes, even Bible-reading Christians succumb to addiction. Easy to break the chains of bondage? No. But God can and will pull you out of the pit when you submit to Christ’s rule.
Beyond Booze
You can become addicted to almost anything: food, sexual gratification, exercise, money, power, praise, shopping, pain pills, and so on. It’s idol worship. In the life of an addict, Christ is rejected and sin becomes master. People will be ruled by something. It’s our nature
The addiction cycle begins when a person wants to avoid pain or feel pleasure–or both. She medicates her distress and discomfort.
She indulges without concern for the consequences. Sometimes her conscience is pricked; a warning flag waves, a Holy Spirit correction. If ignored, and she indulges, she will get a momentary lift or numbness. Then reality sets in: Her indulgence failed to solve her problem; it only make it worse. Shame and regret, regret and shame.
What to do?
Seek pleasure? Avoid pain?
If she indulges again and again, the addiction cycle becomes entrenched. A sick pattern. Depending on the substance of addiction, she may develop a physiological dependence and experience symptoms of withdrawal without it.
The problem is deeper than physiology, however. It’s a spiritual disorder of disordered worship.
The Answer
In A Broken Heart, Kc outlines the “how” of breaking the bondage of addiction. You read it up top and I repeat parts here:
1. Kc recognized booze enslaved her, and she experienced healthy guilt leading to repentance: My heart filled with anguish and sorrow.
2. She realized the futility of her way of dealing with her addiction: Many times I tried to quit drinking on my own. All of my attempts failed.
3. She asked God for help, humbling herself while she worshiped God: Finally I prayed, ‘Lord, take the need of alcohol from me, make the taste repulsive.’
Please do not misunderstand me. Shaking an addiction is difficult. Kc tried many times, remember?
My mom was addicted to cigarettes and managed to quit a handful of times, only to light up. Again. She died on a frigid January night long ago. Heart disease by puff after puff after puff –this is what her cardiologist told me, in nicer terms. I wish I could have held her hand when she breathed her last. I love her so.
Me? I confess to people-pleasing. An addiction to what others think of me. I have repented of this ugliness and once in a while I return to this vomit like a dog, and repent again.
I rejoice with Kc that vodka never got a hold of her again. She asked God to make alcohol repulsive to her. He did. And she found healthy God-honoring ways to deal with her pain. You can too. Do you believe this?
Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her second divorce. She told the Lord in prayer, weeping and clutching her uncle’s Bible: “I’ve made such a mess of my life doing it my may. I forgot how much you love me. Forgive me.” God gave her the strength to pen a memoir and the hope to guide those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts.
Kc is married and lives in Washington State. She is the mother of two adult sons, one of whom died of cancer and is now with the Lord, and a grandmother.
A Few Questions
1. Have you or a loved one struggled with an addiction? A substance like alcohol or cigarettes? Or an addiction like people-pleasing?
2. How has addiction pulled you down? Financially? Relationally? Emotionally? Spiritually?
3. Are you willing to denounce your addiction and choose to put God first in your life?
Hope for You
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife?
Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises?
Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine,’
who go to sample bowls of mixed wins. . ..
In the end it bites like a snake
and poisons like a viper.
(Proverbs 23:29-30, 32, NIV)
Hope and Blessings!
1983..Single again, second divorce…my sons are in college in another state. “One night I drove to my favorite bar on the beach for happy hour. One, two, three, four vodka martinis with olives….I felt very happy. Unable to drive, I walked home on the sandy beach. Happiness faded as I sobered. Someone help me; make this hurt go away.”
“Oh, Lord, how can I hang on? There are so many cards stacked against me; my life and body are crumbling. Can you mend my broken heart?” (from my memoir, A Broken Heart)
2013…I now say, “Praise God the Father and Jesus the Messiah. They came alongside of me when I was going through hard times and softened & mended my broken heart, Now I can be there for another person as God was there for me.”
Thanks for sharing, Kc. It’s tough to admit a problem with drinking. Your sharing helps other struggling women feel less alone and that God loves us all the time, even when we mess up, however we mess up.
Thanks again for sharing!!! God is a great BIG GOD!!!! :o)
Yes, He is.
I was addicted to shopping for a long time…I would buy all types of clothes, take them home, try them on and then return them if they didn’t fit or didn’t look good on me. I would spend hundreds of dollars. Also, I loved buying shoes. I prayed and prayed that the Lord would help me change my lifestyle and…He did! Now I no longer shop like I did and I praise God for this!
Marlene, thanks for sharing your struggle and your victory. How God free you of your shopping addiction? Do you have a suggestion for other women with a shopping addiction? Thanks, Lucy
It’s true! Addiction comes in all shapes & forms… it’s not necessarily a substance. I love where KC & Molly both focus on the humility part… God is always there & when WE make HIM the biggest , greatest focus & trust in our life… relief comes. Thank you both for sharing, it’s a joy & a blessing! <3
God bless you, Freddie. We can become addicted to ANYTHING. God alone deserved and demands our worship. If we don’t worship him, we’ll worship something or someone else. Thank God, he shows us the way out of addiction as we submit to Christ. Blessings, Lucy
This message is one of hope for everyone. To be self-less and share it
to help others honors and glorifies God.
It reveals to us how much God loves us, and loves us right on through
our weaknesses, even when we choose things over Him! He alone, is
able to break an addiction and heal a wounded broken heart. I know, I’m living proof.
In Christ alone is our hope. My addiction has been food for comfort, strength and even companionship…each time I’m hungry for something other than food and choose Jesus I
am amazed at the peace and great joy that fills my heart! there’s nothing
as satisfying and fulfilling as the love, grace and compassion of our Lord!
Food addiction is prevalent and tough to break. We have to eat, right? What manner of eating glorifies God? It’s wonderful that God opened your eyes to see how you were misusing food and how to change. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for your words of encouragement to all who have addictions, that they may learn they
can be healed as well. God is so ready to heal us if we only ask for his help & love. Thankful to God for healing your Broken Heart! You are a witness to his word. May you always remember to
find love in your heart for our Lord. He is there for us.
Your book tells how you remembered the Lord & how he healed you of your addictions.
May God Bless you.
Elaine
God can heal anyone of any addiction. It comes down to one thing, really: Choosing Christ above all. Easy to say, hard to practice. Yet I’ve seen many women find healing from addiction through biblical counseling that’s based on God’s Word, is loving, and exalts Christ.
This book sounds like a good read for all women who have a broken heart one way or another. Thanks for sharing honestly about your struggles. I’d love to win a copy! Blessings.
I am struggling so…. we have a 42 year old daughter incarcerated because of an addiction to embezzle. I am so looking for help to get through this with her and for her. I would be so pleased if your book could help us.
Hey Dee Kamp,
“…each time I’m hungry for something other than food and choose Jesus I
am amazed at the peace and great joy that fills my heart! there’s nothing
as satisfying and fulfilling as the love, grace and compassion of our Lord!”
Did you always feel as satisfied turning to God instead of the food,or was there growth? Because right now I honestly don’t.