full-grown child

Doesn’t your heart hurt when your beloved, full-gown child makes foolish choices?

If your full-grown child lives at home, you have leverage. Define expectations. Let her experience consequences to foolish decisions. In other words, don’t pay her speeding ticket!

But what about foolish young adults who get arrested, drop out of college, cannot hold on to a job, or who tell you Jesus is “a joke”? How do you teach these young adults to love the Lord?

In this article, you discover:

  • the best way to teach your full-grown child
  • handling your own emotions when he or she make a foolish choice

This article is the third in a four-part series on teaching your children. The first one focused on younger kids, the second looked at teens, and the last one on you, the parent. If you’re married, why not share these articles with your husband?

The goal: to encourage and equip you

with help and hope for your heart!

Loving a Wayward Full-Grown Child

My friend’s son flunked out of high school. She wondered, “What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t he just show up to school and pay attention?” Later he took the GED, passed, and now has a job — not a great job, but a job.

Her tears dried. She smiled again.

I recommend you take a cue from my friend: pray, speak of God’s wonderful plans, and encourage him to seek God’s will. This is how she taught him to love the Lord. 

PRAYER: She had prayed for that boy all the days of his life. Her prayers multiplied when he had school trouble and hung out with a rough group.

She had tried the usual punishments to effect godly change in her child. They didn’t work. She also tried positive incentives. Still, nothing. She reminded her full-grown child regularly that she prayed for him and loved him unconditionally.

Another way she taught him was through patience! Did you know that young people’s brains are not fully developed until 25 years old? Does this encourage you? It encouraged my friend.

WONDERFUL PLANS. God says the plans he has for his children are “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give them a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). Hold on to this truth and share it with your grown-up child, especially when stuggling.

Also, Paul says in Ephesians 2:10,

We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

BIBLE INSTRUCTION. Sometimes young adults and their parents struggle with knowing God’s will for their them. This may create anxiety. Isn’t it wonderful that God doesn’t keep his will top secret?

He spells out his will in many scriptures. Here are three.

  • “For this is the will of God: your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3).
  • “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
  • “For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people” (1 Peter 2:15).

Where God doesn’t clarify his will, he gives wisdom to you and your full-grown child wisdom. Pray for wisdom and follow his lead.

Handling Your Own Emotions

No mom wishes that her full-grown child does drugs, loses their job, gets divorced, or lives in their parents’ basement year after year.

Do any of these sketches of real people resonnate with you?

Andrea disagrees with her daughter’s lesbian lifestyle.

Carol feels sad that her son committed adultery.

Jana is confused that her college-educated son quit his job, moved across the country, and is living on government handouts.

So how do you handle your own fear, anger, and disappointment?

  1. Ask God to make his glory the deepest desire of your heart.
  2. Speak the truth in love to the one who hurt you.
  3. Provide counsel when your grown-up child is making foolish choices.
  4. Trust the Lord.

 

What’s a mom to do? How does she handle her pain when a full-grown child chooses a disastrous path? You must trust the Lord with your child and leave them in His hands.

This is easy to say and hard to do. Remember that God’s plan for your full-grown child is better than your plan. Find comfort in this. Desire God’s way above all.

My Offer to You

Is your adult child giving you grief? Do you want help in how to handle the situation and find contentment? Please contact me and we can talk by Skype or in person (greater Chicago). I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. Just ask.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

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