2 Steps to Get Unstuck

2 Steps to Get Unstuck

You need to repent of idols of the heart. Idols of the heart are ruling desires of your heart. Begin by identifying the heart with these two questions:

1. Is your desire, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42, NIV)?

2. Or does your cry sound more like demands for security, approval, comfort, and love? 

When you want security, approval, comfort, and love, and get want you demand, pride will fill you. Underneath the veneer of pride and self-righteousness are emotions like anxiety, anger, and discouragement and actions like seething, shouting, nail-biting, insomnia, overeating, and self-loathing.

Just as the prodigal son demanded his way, just as the older son self-righteously sneered at his brother when he returned home, chances are you too have ruling desires of the heart that are unholy.

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you negative thoughts, critical speech, gossip, bitterness, immorality, and anything else that exposes a self-ruled heart.

You may want to jot down what the Holy Spirit reveals to you. What are the “rotten fruit” that expose the ruling desires of your heart?

Did you know that what rules your heart, rules you?

Faithfully yours,

Lucy

Overwhelmed? 3 Solutions to Peace & Quiet

Overwhelmed? 3 Solutions to Peace & Quiet

When you feel overwhelmed, your emotions can get the best of you, can’t they? And you feel out of control and all alone. The inner noise is deafening!

You need peace and quiet in your soul, don’t you?

When overwhelmed, you may self-sabotage and cut or snarf donuts or call yourself names like “loser” even though God says you blessed and beautiful in Christ. Years ago, I felt like a loser when my first job out of college stressed me to the max, and when I couldn’t get pregnant, and when my mood nose-dived into black after my mom died.

But God doesn’t call us to walk by feelings, right? He calls us to walk by faith!

 For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV

Through personal experience and my training as a Christian biblical counselor, I discovered at least 3 solutions to peace and quiet when you’re overwhelmed by life.

Solution #1: Tune In

Tune in to your emotions. They may signal something’s wrong.

a ding-dong hacks your Facebook account. . .ANGER,

your husband is home late, again. . .FRUSTRATION,

the basement floods. . .MORE FRUSTRATION,

your close friend moves away. . .SADNESS,

and the neighbor lady gets a shiny, new Lexis while your car pushes 100,000 miles. . .JEALOUSY.

Recognizing your emotions helps you decide your next constructive action and buoys your hope. In the examples above, you may have thought something like:

“Err! Did the ding-dong steal my personal information too? Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

“Doesn’t my husband care about me? Even worse … is he cheating on me?”

“Is that stupid sump pump busted? Replacing the carpet will cost so much. I am so mad.”

“Now I don’t have any friends.”

“Show off! I hope a tree falls on your pretty car.”

ACTION: Write down one of today’s hard emotions and ask yourself, “What was I thinking at or just before my emotions hijacked my peace”? What you think influences how your feel. Here’s a thought journal that may help.

Solution #2: Remember

Friend, you can’t choose your circumstances but you can remember to whom you belong: Jesus Christ. (If you’re not sure you are a Christian — a person to believes in the person and work of Jesus Christ — please contact me.) Remember:

You are the daughter of God. You have EVERY spiritual blessing now. And you are completely forgiven, now and forever.

Also, you have a home in heaven Jesus is preparing for you now.

ACTION: Read Ephesians 1:3-14 every day. Replace the pronoun us and we with your name.

Solution #3: Go to the One

When your emotions signal that you’re overwhelmed, go to Jesus. Talk with him. Stop trying to figure things out. Turn off the bad tapes that play likes over and over to ad nauseam.

Rather, tell Jesus your burdens. Trust him to work in you so he can shine through you. Your friends, family, neighbors and coworker will notice your bright eyes and smile.

This is what you want, isn’t it? Peace and quiet is the noise of life.

Now What?

I invite you to counsel with me to find hope, peace, and godly contentment. Simply contact me. Reaching out is the first step to healing. By the way, I also meet with counselees ALL OVER THE WORLD by Skype, FaceTime, and WhatsApp. So don’t let proximity get in the way of getting well, okay?.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

New Heart, New Desires, New Life! part 2

New Heart, New Desires, New Life! part 2

New heart, new desires, new life — you probably know the God “will give you the desires of your heart” verse in the bible. But what does it mean? This article by guest writer Deborah Smith, which appeared first here on Reviving Your Heart, tells a story of we all need to hear. Her story is used with permission. Part 2 in a 3-part series. Here’s part 1.hope icon

Consider these three beautiful truths:

  • Christians have new hearts.
  • Christians have new desires.
  • And Christians have new life!

Last time we heard Deborah’s story of overcoming addiction. Now let’s look at developing new desires!

New Desires

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart (Ps. 37:4).

Delight means to be pleased greatly, captivated, charmed, thrilled. Does that describe your relationship with Christ?

The fruit of being captivated, greatly pleased, charmed, and thrilled by Him is that He will actually give you the things you desire. You will want new things . . . godly things . . . things that are consistent with the new person that the Holy Spirit is crafting.

 We will want things that the Lord would be pleased to give us.

That doesn’t mean we won’t ever be tempted with fleshly desires, because we will—we are still sinners. But the deepest desire of our heart will be to please the Lord, so we will war against our flesh that wants otherwise. We will resist the devil until he flees (James 4:7).

You Hate the Things You Used to Love

Beloved, we are walking with Jesus now. We are “dead to sin” and have different desires. What a beautiful reality—that as a Christian, we are dead to things that we used to live for. Romans 6:10–11 says,

The death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Oh, I hope you get that! Jesus paid it all, all to Him we owe! So when the enemy tempts you with your old sin of choice, remember that “you are dead to that.”

When I stopped smoking cigarettes thirteen years ago, I remember a good friend telling me that if I find myself thinking, I want a cigarette, that I should simply say to myself, That’s crazy, you don’t smoke! Why would I want a cigarette if I don’t smoke?

Likewise, why would you want that sin when you are dead to that? Again, we are in a process, we will still battle ungodly desires. So we are to be careful to “make no provision for sin.” And we fight, knowing that the power that is in us enables us to “want” it without giving into that desire. We are now free!

New Life

If our hearts are new, and we now want new things, and we are doing new things— that equates to new life, loved ones!

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life (Rom. 6:1–4).

What does it mean to “walk in newness of life”? 

This new life is something that we have to participate in. It’s a gift we have been given, but we must live it out. Even though the good work has begun, we are in a maturation process and it takes time to grow.

At the moment of conversion, the Holy Spirit, who is our helper, came to live within us. He is the source of our power. But we must “be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

You Are God’s Workmanship!

Beloved, if you don’t get anything else, please get this: You and I are “his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we would walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). Do you see that? God’s workmanship . . . we are something that God is preparing, shaping and molding for His purposes.

In 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, the apostle Paul launches into a list of sins that characterize the life of one who is not saved—called the unrighteous—and in verse 11, he says this:

And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

We are not supposed to dwell on or glorify our sinful past, but I believe that God highlights those sins and reminds us that we were once slaves to those things for a reason.

WATCH for Part 3 in this 3-part series. You’ll come to understand that you need not life in the past! Be sure you get it — subscribe to my blog!

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

New Heart, New Desires, New Life! part 1

New Heart, New Desires, New Life! part 1

New heart, new desire, new life — every believer has this now. Crazy good truth, right? But sometimes we “forget,” don’t we? This article by guest writer Deborah Smith, which appeared first here on Reviving Your Heart, tells a story of we all need to heart: you are not what you were. Best of all, your hope is Christ. Her story is used with permission. Part 1 in a 3-part series.hope icon

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17).

On January 22, 1999, the Lord delivered me from drug addiction. He removed the desire for drugs and alcohol and replaced it with a deep desire for Him. He began a good work in me—one that He promises to complete until the day of Jesus Christ. (Phil. 1:5). My deliverance was so immediate and drastic, it was obvious to everyone who knew me that the Lord had done something miraculous!

Yes, my new life is a bonafide miracle. And if you are in Christ, so is yours! As a Christian, the Lord says that we are “new creations,” equipped with new hearts that will desire new things and will live a new life.

When is the last time you really thought about that? When you do reflect on it, what do you think? Do you walk in that truth or do you think things like, I’m definitely better, but I’m not sure about new?

While it’s difficult for some of us to believe this amazing truth because we still see sin in our lives, I want to encourage you to change your thinking. Yes, we still struggle with sin, but we are new, not perfect. Because of the very fact that you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, you’re not the same person.

Consider these three beautiful truths:

  • Christians have new hearts.
  • Christians have new desires.
  • And Christians have new life!

A New Heart

“I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezek. 36:26).

The first thing God does when He saves us is to give us a heart that’s sensitive to His Spirit and able to be shaped by His Word. Considering that we are told to guard our heart, for out of it flows the issues of life (Prov. 4:23), it makes sense that the Lord begins His work there. Maybe you think things like,

 I’ve got so much growing to do . . . or my heart still ain’t right! . . . or I don’t feel new.

Well, beloved, feelings are real, but they are not facts . . . and the fact is that the moment you and I confessed with our mouth the Lord Jesus and believed in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we were saved. From that day forward, we are being made new. Pretty astounding, right?

Oh, this was good news to me, because nineteen years ago, I desperately needed to be made new! And truth is I’m still in need, and I’m still being made new. Our justification is instantaneous, but our sanctification is a process, so press toward the mark and be patient with yourself. He is taking us from one degree of glory to the next (2 Cor. 3:18).

With a New Heart Comes Freedom

Before the Lord called us out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9), we were slaves to sin. Sin was our master, and it was a taskmaster! Consider the number of times you said, I’m not going to do that again or I’m not going to respond like that again, but found yourself unable to exercise any control.

For some reading this, you may remember indulging in sexual sin and even being soul-sick over it, but yet you had no power to resist. Or some of us were so completely self-centered in our thinking that we had no regard for others. Or perhaps you were consumed with jealousy and covetousness or anger and unforgiveness.

I remember wanting to be free from drugs and its accompanying sin years before I stopped. And when the Lord delivered me from those most obvious signs of my total depravity, I still struggled with heart issues: resentment, lying, greed, lust. Before the Lord’s grace in my life, I had no choice but to “be that person.” My friends, that’s bondage.

Here’s the good news: The Lord died to set us free! His Word says that those whom the Son sets free will be free indeed (John 8:36). Do you believe God’s Word? We will not be perfect this side of glory, but we are being perfected (Heb. 10:14). We aren’t yet what we’re going to be, but we aren’t what we used to be either. God says we have actually been reborn. My prayer is that we would believe God and embrace our new life, live free from regret of our sinful past, and walk boldly as children full of His Spirit.

Stay posted, friends: Part 2 covers new desires. You want new desires from what God has for you, don’t you?

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

 

Don’t Make This Counseling Mistake

Don’t Make This Counseling Mistake

I made a monster counseling mistake . . . as a counselee. My mistake?

Assumptions! I wrongly assumed a Christian counselor would counsel according to the truths of the Bible.

Before continuing, may I say this? There are wise Christian counselors trained as professional state-licensed counselors who counsel hurting people with the gospel of Christ. Perhaps you’ve received help from one of them. Maybe they pointed you to Jesus and to God’s words as the answer to your emotional problems. You are fortunate. That wasn’t my story.

Why I needed counseling: I was an emotional wreck. My thoughts raced, my appetite plummeted, and memories of sexual molestation in childhood by one family member and deep rejection by another bubbled up and I freaked.

My husband witnessed my tears, even my wailing coming from deep deep inside, a hiding place only God knew existed. My anger stuck him too. I tried to act normal near our four-year-old daughter. Now nearing 30, she says she doesn’t remember anything unusual about that tumultuous year. No doubt she picked up my tension and inattentiveness. When stressed I plopped her in front of the TV.

But Barney the Purple Dinosaur is a poor “babysitter” when a kid needs her mom, don’t you agree? 

How the Counseling Mistake Began

Back in the 1990s, I thumbed the Yellow Pages, landed on “mental health” and picked a Christian counselor based on the word “Christian.” When I phoned his office, I failed to ask questions about his counseling approach. The listing said he got his degree from a well-respected Christian college, so he’d steer me to Jesus, right? Wrong.

My counselor, though a Christian, was a proponent of psychodynamic psychotherapy, including transference, a Freudian tool. Transference messed me up big.

Here’s a definition of transference:

In psychiatry, the unconscious tendency of a patient to assign. . .to the therapist of feelings and attitudes associated with a parent or similar person from childhood. The feelings may be affectionate (positive transference), hostile (negative transference), or ambivalent.

My counselor said through transference, I’d experience healing. Instead I became more confused, more anxious, more depressed. He said feeling a lot worse was also part of healing. To crunch this story into a sentence: I had dump this counselor. 

From Counseling Mistake to Real Hope

Desperate for peace and wooed by Christ, I looked to biblical truth for the answers to my emotional pain. Like Elyse Fitzpatrick before me — who shares in Love to Eat, Hate to Eat how she ran to Christ and listened to God’s words to overcome an eating disorder — I also counseled myself with God’s words. God healed me of depression, though anxiety hung on.

A few years after the black cloud lifted, I stumbled on books on true Christian counseling, which I and others call biblical counseling. What a difference!

Biblical counseling weaves together God’s love and truth. It is comprehensive biblical wisdom and compassionate Christlike care. It addresses life’s problem (emotional and mental) with the hope Christ offers.

Here’s how Bob Kellemen describes the hope of biblical counseling in Gospel-Centered Counseling.

  • Biblical counseling helps you and me to develop confidence in how we understand and view the Bible and real life.
  • Biblical counseling helps you and me to develop the competence to use God’s words in solving real life issues.

We All Have Bad Days, Right?

Of course I still have bad days. And I keep making one mistake after another. We all do. My ongoing struggle with anxiety ended about three years ago when I took a very scary (to me!) chance and applied God’s words, no matter my feelings, to my various fears, including a highway driving phobia.

God continues to teach me who I am in Christ — loved, chosen, redeemed, forgiven, and more — and show me who he is: loving, compassionate, good, and holy. These are life-giving, hope-enlarging lessons. You see, I used to picture God as a dark, creepy giant ready to squash me for the tiniest mess-up. This is why I tried to be a good girl while believing lies that God screwed up when he made me.

Do you believe lies too?

Does Satan mess with your mind and convince you to believe his lives?

How My New Hope Became a Ministry

As God comforted me, I now comfort others through the ministry of biblical counseling. For nearly 20 years, I’ve counseled women and families in person and by Skype/FaceTime/WhatsApp, using the word of God, and modeling care.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, ESV

Counselees come with every sort of life struggle. Among them are a young mom who experienced panic attacks, a 30-something woman in an difficult marriage, a confused college-age 20 year old who self-injures, a wife who feels rejected by her husband, a woman dealing with addiction, and many more.

Would you like help? I encourage you to reach out to a family member, a friend, or a pastor for help. If you’re interested you could learn more about biblical counseling in person on by Skype/FaceTime/WhatsApp.

COUNSELING: Would you like a free consultation by phone to see whether biblical counseling could help you personally? Please contact me and let’s set it up.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

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