How to Reclaim Purity
Once a woman or girl has experienced sex, willingly or unwillingly, she is no longer a virgin. Medically speaking.
The average female loses her virginity at 17.4 years old, according to The Kinsey Institute, while males have their first sexual experience slightly younger. Those who make purity pledges may have sexual intercourse at an older age, thus are technically virgins but are more likely to engage in other types of sex, including anal penetration.
Enough statistics. This is not a medical blog. This is a heart blog. This is a hope blog. An our-hope-is-in-Christ place for you to come, relax and sip a latte of love.
Is Purity After Sex Possible?
Based on who God is, I must say “Yes,” blessed one. Our God is a God of grace and second chances. Moses murdered, and he’s listed among the faithful in Hebrews 11. David too. He committed adultery with Bathsheeba. Rahab is listed too. Rahab who? Rahab the prostitute who dared to embrace faith in God.
Faith is believing the Word of God and acting upon it, no matter how you feel, knowing God promises a good result.
Isn’t reclaimed purity a good result? If God’s promise of renewed life is good enough for a prostitute, doesn’t it also apply to you?
Yep, second chances.
Women and girls who lose their virginity before marriage fall in one of two camps: 1) they were sexually assaulted, or 2) they willingly shared their bodies.
When Someone Is Sexually Assaulted
Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact. It confuses a girl about sexuality. If an adult or child touches a girl’s genitals, she often has some good sexual feelings while also experiencing deep fear. This leads to turmoil, even intense guilt. She may believe she’s responsible for the sexual assault. The confounding mix of pleasurable sexual feelings with fear and guilt and confusion may occur in females of any age.
Here are two examples. Names and details have been changed.
- Susie, age 10, was nearly asleep on her Girl Scout camping trip when a peer knelt by her cot and touched her genitals. It felt ticklish and good, Susie confided in me. She kept quiet duing the touching and didn’t tell her Scout leader what had happened. Susie said she felt guilty because she wanted to shout “No” because she knew it was wrong but also liked the touch. On a Girl Scout camping trip the next year, Susie initiated unwanted sexual touch with another girl who also remained quiet.
- A freshman in college, Nicole was returning to her dorm at night after studying at the library. Two young men unknown to her grabbed her. She feared they would rape her. She yelled, pulled away, ran to her dorm room, and phoned the police. She told me she began carrying a hunting knife with her. Though she was not raped, Nicole said she felt violated.
When Someone Has Sex Willingly
Girls and women who willingly have even one sexual partner before marriage may get flooded with guilt and shame and intruding thoughts. Sex before marriage gets in the way of sexual freedom after marriage. So while you can reclaim a type of virginity that only God provides by making you pure, there is a cost.
May I encourage your to discuss what happened with your your husband (details aren’t necessary), a trusted female friend, or a female biblical counselor about premarital sex?
The reason you (or your daughter, granddaughter or niece) feels guilt or similar negative emotions: She disobeyed God’s command, for sexual intimacy belongs between a husband and wife only.
What do you do with the guilt and shame? Agree with God that you made an ugly choice, which the Bible calls “sin” and thank God for his gift of forgiveness that Jesus provided you at the cross.
Cleansed by God, you may now enjoy renewed purity. Sometimes guilt and shame may continue to entangle you. Confusion may mess with your mind. So what breaks us free?
Breaking Free
You can break free from guilt and shame through five ways at least:
- Whisper the Lord’s name.
- Spend time in his presence.
- Praise and thank him for his love for you.
- Continue to obey him.
- Practice trust.
The Lord provides all that we need to break free. Listen to this true story of God unchaining the apostle Paul and his friend Silas.
Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off! (Acts 16:25-26 NLT)
This is a picture of what God desires to do in your life. God wants to lift you above your circumstances and give you peace and contentment. My friend Lynn Mosher writes,
“Let not all the trials of life, the enemy’s efforts, or your fleshly doings become like tendrils of weeds, wrapping around your heart and tethering your spirit. May you be released from those things of earth that bind you to its surface, that you may experience new, abundant, and victorious living.”
Yes, you can reclaim purity. Believe that in God’s eyes you are beautiful, holy, and perfect. All because of Jesus and the free gift of grace.
photo credit: Walking Away via photopin (license)
