How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

Welcome to “How to Talk Like Jesus!” This 2-part series helps you communicate the truth in love with family, friends, and neighbors who “make” you want to scream or run like Forrest GumpIn case you want to see the first post in this series, click here.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgIn the first post in the series, you found out 2 reasons why godly communication is important to successful living: 1) to please God above all and 2) to be humble. The next 4 are listening well, well chosen words, nonverbals, and invest time to talk.

1. Listening Well

Listening well isn’t as easy as it sounds. It is more than hearing.

Haven’t you talked with a teen who looks at you and seems to listen but you just know he isn’t paying attention? How do you know whether he’s listened well? Try checking in with him by asking a super simple question: Could you tell me what I just said?

Here are 3 more essentials:

  • Not interrupting.
  • Paying close attention to what the other person is saying.
  • Refrain from planning your response while the other person is talking.

He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. Proverbs 18:13, NASB

Also, ask gentle questions to make sure you heard right!

A couple of examples:

“So what you’re saying is ____.” Fill in the blank with a short summary of what the speaker said.

“Could you explain a little more?”

Make it practical: In your next conversation, decide to not interrupt.

2. Use Well-Chosen Words

Careless words are worthless. Instead, choose your words well. Then improved communication helps with relationships at home, in the workplace, and at church.

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. Matthew 12:36, NASB

The best chosen words build up, encourage, and show you care. Recall a time that someone encouraged you. What encouraging words did you hear? How did their encouragement help you?

Make it practical: Select a person to build up with your words today.

3. Watch Your NonVerbals!

Crazy but true, at least 75 percent of your communication is your tone of voice and body language, not your actual words. One study puts is at 93 percent!

The phrase “Please bring me a glass of water” could communicate kindness or anger, depending on whether your face is relaxed or scrunchy and your arms are crossed or your tapping your foot or raising your voice.

When you notice that someone’s words and nonverbals do not match up, ask a followup question or make an observation. For instance, when your son says, “Mom, I cleaned my room, just like you asked,” but his voice sounds strangled and you see a sneer, you’ll probably wonder whether he’s lying or has a bad attitude.

Nonverbals to watch:

  • Tone of voice
  • Volume of voice
  • Hand gestures
  • Body posture
  • Facial expressions

Make it practical: Ask a close friend or family member to watch your nonverbals for a few hours or a day and jot them down and share them with you. As you review the list, choose one or two to change.

4. Take the Time to Communicate

Says biblical counselor and author Stuart Scott, who wrote The Exemplary Husband:

“We need to talk when we don’t want to and listen when we don’t want to. . . .Just because we are ill, tired, or not much or a talker, we are not released from the responsibility to work at good communication.”

Make it practical: Name one way you can communicate better even when you’re busy.

A Resource for You

Everyone needs someone to talk to. Would you like a complimentary counseling session to share what’s on your heart? Please leave a brief message here. Confidential. Learn more about my heart for women, marriages, and families who hurt here.

Counseling hearts to hope,

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How to Talk More Like Jesus (part 2)

How to Talk More Like Jesus!

Welcome to “How to Talk Like Jesus!” This short series helps you communicate the truth in love with family, friends, and neighbors who might “make” you want to scream or run like Forrest Gump. Are you ready for the secret to godly communication? Let’s go.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgYour Talk Exposes Your Heart

Did you know what you say and how you say it reveals a lot about you? And about what you think of God? Your communication exposes your heart.

For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. Matthew 12:34, NASB

As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man. Proverbs 27:19, NKJV

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7, NLT

Here’s a time I handled communication poorly. The family member: my dad’s wife.

She doesn’t like me very much. I’m not sure why. A while back, she stomped into a restaurant where my dad and I were enjoying a late lunch, and her words flew at me like daggers: “Why are you here with him? He should be home with the children. You just want his money.” I said, “The children are young adults. And I’m here to see my dad, not get money.” He tried to quiet her and I moseyed toward the hostess at the cash register.

Honestly, I just wanted to feel safe, not talk like Jesus. I withdrew. Thankfully my dad’s wife soon left. I felt sad, confused. My dad felt worse. His smile had become a grimace.

Your Talk Reveals Your Beliefs

how to talk like JesusYour heart is highly important to God. Think of your heart as the control center of your inner self. It reveals your beliefs and your motivations.

What you believe guides your thoughts and actions. God cares about your communication because he cares about you and your beliefs.

He desires your focus to be on Jesus, not on yourself. When your beliefs are “me-centered,” you’ll show them by what you say and what you do. A “me-centered” heart is prideful, selfish, lonely, angry, fearful, and sad, and such is your communication.

Did you know that the Bible says if a person can control their tongue, they’ll be able to control all their desires/passions/affections?

For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. James 3:2, NASB

How to Talk Well

Dr. Stuart Scott, an author and a professor at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, shares six prerequisites to good communication. Here are the first two. In the next Wednesday Word, you’ll discover more.

  1. To talk like Jesus, you must want to please God more that anything else. Ask God for help in desiring to please him more than you want to have your own way or to be right. Desire to know him as he reveals himself in Scripture.

    For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10, ESV

  2. To talk like Jesus, you must be humble. The opposite of humility is pride. When you choose to communicate humbly, your words and your nonverbal communication will demonstrate patience. If you’re humble you’ll be patient when you’ve been misunderstood. You’ll lovingly speak truthfully, and you’ll listen much more than you talk.

Make It Practical!

To help improve your communication, choose this week to do two things:

First, do not interrupt when someone else is speaking. Instead, listen.

Second, when you’re talking, pause once in a while, so the other person has a chance to speak.

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgFriends, are you interested in impoving communication with your spouse? Your family? A boss? I’d love to counsel hope to your heart and give you biblical solutions to the problem you’re facing. Send me a message and we can set up a complimentary 20-minute consultation by phone.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

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