Who Do You Aim to Please?

by Lucy | Apr 24, 2021 | biblical counseling, relationships | 3 comments

Who do you aim to please? Your boss, your husband, your reputation, your bank account,  your dog … yourself?

Anything or anyone placed ahead of God can become an idol. These may include things like, 

• approval
• love
• comfort
• security
• significance

These seem innocuous, but they can ensnare us. They keep wanting more and more. Feeding an idol is a  horrible, exhausting way to live.

In this article, we’ll first get a picture of what idol-worship may look like. It may be more common than you think. Then we’ll discover its antidote: growing in the fear of the Lord.  

Meet an idol-worshiper.

Linda (name and some details have been changed) deeply desires that her Christian husband stop binge-drinking. His problem is obvious, but what’s hers?

She thinks that if she acts sweet (by picking up the kids’ toys before he returns home from work and by making nice dinners, for example), then he’d quit drinking and she’d get what she wants.

But no matter how sweet she is or how often she pleads with him to stop drinking, he continues to buy a 12 pack of beer and guzzle all of the beers when he comes home after work. Not every night … but often enough to cause her concern and fill her with fear.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband who makes wise choices. But when a desire becomes a demand, we have begun to make it an idol.

What’s her idol? Security. She says to herself, “I must have a godly and sober husband who cares for me and the kids, or I cannot be happy.”

You worship what you fear. 

How do we tell if we are pleasing someone or something instead of God? Elyse Fitzpatrick nails it:

If she is willing to sin to obtain her goal or if she sins when she doesn’t get what she wants, then her desire has taken God’s place and she is functioning as an idolater.

Look back to the example of Linda. When her husband disappears into the garage with his 12-pack, she pouts and pleads, worries, and falls into self-pity. Her actions are understandable. Yet they are sins that she needs confess. This may not seem fair. We often sin in response to being sinned against.

A husband yells at his wife, the wife screams at the kid, the kid kicks the dog.

This dynamic may play out in your life too. It does in mine. When a friend failed to get back to me, and I feel ignored, I may sulk. When my husband seems more interested in TV than me, I may snap at him.

Choose better … please God only.

In her book Holy Fear, Christina Fox helps us to trade lesser fears for the fear of the Lord. Here are three ways she highlights.

1. Study God’s word.

To grow in the fear of the Lord, we must know him, and the very best way is to study God’s word. When we read scripture, we can ask ourselves, “What does this teach me about God?” The more we learn about who God is, the more we grow in our fear of him.

2. Remember God’s works.

As we recall that God rescued the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, the prophet Jonah from the belly of the great fish, the apostle Paul from death time and time again, we grow in the fear of the Lord and desire to please him only. Great ways to remember God’s works today: worship with other believers on the Lord’s Day, sing praises to him, and share at the communion table.

3. Pray for greater fear.

Prayer helps us to depend on God more and ourselves less. “We find our hearts reshaped to want what God wants more than what we want,” Fox says. “We grow to want his glory and fame spread throughout the world and not our own. Indeed, prayer not only feeds and nourishes us, it transforms us.“

So who do you now aim to please?

God is jealous for our love. He hates your giving it to anyone or anything but him.

You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)

As we grow in the fear of the Lord, we will aim to please him, not a person or a thing like money, approval, security, or any lesser fear. When Linda came to realize that she wanted security above all things, even God, she agreed with the Lord that her desire was misdirected. She poured out her heart to the Lord, asking him to help her love him most of all.

Her husband still drinks sometimes, but less than before. Most importantly, she has a new attitude that God will provide her everything she really needs. The Lord is her safe place.