by Lucy | Aug 12, 2019 | emotions, whole health wellness |
Have you ever had a time when everyday stress overwhelmed you? Everyday stress is an emotional or mental strain that can happen to anyone but isn’t life altering like witnessing a mass shooting or receiving a cancer diagnosis. As I share my own everyday stress story, let’s remember the comforting truth that God promises to stick with us.
God’s your safe place. Always.
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That said, we also need biblical solutions for handling the anxiety that comes with everyday stress. I’m sharing three of my best stress smashers. With the help of God’s word, we all can regain the peace the soul desperately desires … even when our circumstances do not change.
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This everyday stress was a surprise
Mine began as many bad things do — with no warning. A while back, I skipped several days of exercise. Feeling guilty for eating too many cookies and skipping workouts, I decided to exercise for ten minutes in my living room.
First I stretched. Then I did sit-ups. But …
rather than doing my usual crunches — which, in retrospect, I SHOULD HAVE DONE — I tucked my feet under the couch, laid on back, and rolled all the up to sitting and back down. On sit-up numero ocho, something in my back didn’t feel right. Nonetheless, I pressed on and completed two more full sit-ups, far short of my goal. I rubbed my back and called it a day — and didn’t think much of my situps
until the next morning
when I awoke to an intense clenching in my lower back muscles and numbness in my legs. I elbowed my snoozing husband.
Steve, something’s wrong. I need your help. Steve, wake up. I need you.
He heard fear in my voice, listened to my story of super-tight back muscles, and got me a pain reliever. He assured me, “You should be better in a few days. Just rest. We’ll take care of the house stuff. Don’t worry.”
Then it got worse
My family cooked, laundered, and swept while I was laid up and my kitty curled next to me. I began to feel a bit better, but then I learned that a close family member needed daily injections. Nothing life threatening, but important and another thing to deal with
while my back continued to spasm and the numbness in my legs lingered.
I remember thinking and praying, “God, the doctor said I should be better in four to eight weeks. I’m not. Walking and standing hurts, and my legs and feet feel bubble-wrapped, and now a family member is hurting. Help us.”
And worse
Things seems to happen in threes, right? Another family member received bad health new. So I prayed again.
And again. More intensely. Desperately. I remembered this quote:
God whispers to us in our pleasures. He speaks to us in our conscience, but He shouts to us in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. –C.S. Lewis
God had my attention. Soon, fear accompanied the pain. And my thoughts turned inward and became increasingly negative.
Will the doctors have a treatment that works?
Has God forgotten me? Is He punishing me? Does He care?
It turned out that my back got better after physical therapy. I continue to do the exercises to this day. As God providentially worked in my circumstance to bring healing, I learned at least three strategies to smash everyday stress.
3 Strategies for Handling Everyday Stress
We face everyday stresses of all sorts every day: unexpected bills, car problems, an argument with a loved one, traffic. Our reactions to these stresses reveal what’s in our heart (or, our true inner person). For instance, when stressed, we may become angry and lash out, or anxious and worry, or sad and mope. Scripture says,
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13).
Here are three ways to handle stress anxiety by learning to trust God.
1. Agree with God
Agree with God that he cares about you, is with you, and is more concerned with conforming you to the image of his Son, Jesus, than making your everyday stress vanish like the wind. We live in a fallen world with all sorts of troubles.
REFLECT: What troubles are you facing now? Will you agree with God that He has a purpose for your problems?
2. Accept Your Situation (and improve it, if you can)
Give thanks to God in all circumstances; for this is the will of Christ Jesus for you.
What this verse is saying is the proper response to everyday stress is thanksgiving because we recognize that He is supremely in control of whatever comes your way for your good and his glory. We accept our situation as God’s good plan, thanking Him for how he is using it to transform us. Yet, if we can improve our circumstance, we often should.
Didn’t David kill Goliath when the giant taunted the Israelites? The men who spied out Jericho found a place to hide at Rahab’s home, right? And Jesus often slipped through the crowds who wanted to detain him. I sought help from a doctor, physical therapists, and medication.
ACTION: An excellent way to give thanks in all circumstances is keeping a list of reason to give thanks to God and adding to it daily.
3. Affirm the Truth
As your mind and your thinking are renewed by the Word of God, you gain a godly perspective of your everyday stress anxiety and are able to discern God’s will. Read Romans 12:2 carefully. Take time to meditate (or think carefully) about each phrase. Commit it to memory. Then consider what passages such as Psalm 23 and Romans 8:28-39 say about God. Ask yourself, What do these verses reveal about the character of God and His heart toward his children?
THINK: In light of God’s character and His loving-kindness toward us, how might we regain the peace that the soul desperately desires when we face everyday stresses?
Are you in the midst of S-T-R-E-S-S now? Need help?
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As a biblical counselor certified by ACBC who has counseled women and families worldwide by Skype, FaceTime, and Zoom, I invite you to look over my articles and to contact me with your questions.
by Lucy | Sep 6, 2018 | emotions, whole health wellness |
My mistake began as many bad things do. . .with no warning.
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I had skipped my gym workout. So to appease my guilt, I decided to stretch gently for a few minutes then do 25 full sit-ups. Bad mistake. You see, very soon I’d injure myself. And soon after my physical injury, emotional pain would hit me upside the head.
And as my pain worsened — physical and emotional — I learned 3 lessons I’ll share in just a moment.
Have you made a mistake too? What pain did you experice?
My Sit-Up Mistake
Now back to my sit-up story.
On that day which I’d love to erase from the calender, I tucked my feet under the couch, laid on my back, and rolled all the way up. (Seriously, friends, do NOT perform sit-ups this way. Too late I learned this truth from Bob and Brad, popular YouTube physical therapists. Check out this video of 15 exercises to never do.)
On my eighth full sit-up, something in my back felt weird. But I pressed on and completed two more sit-ups, far short of my goal. I rubbed my back and called it a day — and didn’t think much of my situps
until the next morning
when I awoke to an intense clenching in the muscles in my lower back and numbness in my legs. I elbowed my snoozing husband.
“Steve, something’s wrong. I need your help. Steve, wake up.”
I worried. (Yes, I know worrying is a sin.) Yes, pain had gotten my attention.
More Problems Hit
As I rested and got pampered by my family who cooked, laundered, and swept, as my cats curled next to me, I found out that a close family member needed daily injections. Nothing life threatening, but just another thing to handle. Time passed. My back injury lingered. And my emotional pain intensified. Dare I admit, I asked “Why me?”
I remember thinking and praying,
“God, the doctor said I should be better in four to eight weeks. I’m not. Walking and standing hurts, and my legs and feet feel bubble-wrapped, and now a family member is hurting. Help us.”
Then, health difficulties slammed two more family members and I prayed again.
And again.
More intensely.
Louder.
Desperately.
You may have heard this quote by C.S. Lewis:
God whispers to us in our pleasures. He speaks to us in our conscience, but He shouts to us in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
God was rousing me.
3 Take-Ways After a Mistake
You and I each have dealt with mistakes of all sorts–physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual. Until we see Jesus face to face, more pain will come. Sometimes a drizzle, sometimes a thunder and lightning and darkness.
As I’ve pondered these things and sought God’s counsel, I learned three things from my mistake.
1. God wants to meet with us. In other words, He wants us to talk with him and listen to him, prayerfully. Psalm 10 is great example.
2. God blesses you and me. Ephesians 1:3 underlines the truth that we who love Jesus have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms. Every means every. You do not need to get more blessing. You have it all. Now.
3. Whatever happens as a result of a mistake, God knows what He is doing, for his glory and our good.
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It’s unimportant we understand it all. God does. He is in control. I am not.
What’s the bottom line? I believe God is good and sovereign and all-wise. He remains true when I falter. And so I hope in him. Even when I’ve made a mistake. Even when pain comes.
Question: What have you learned when you’ve made a mistake? If you have a moment, please leave a comment.
Counseling Hearts to Hope!
by Lucy | Apr 2, 2018 | biblical counseling, emotions
Powerful Promises: When hardships happen — and they will — God provides a pathway for you to endure them and escape temptation to sin.
Let me share several powerful promises in 1 Corinthians 10:13. I pray it helps you gain 4 insights:
- Hardships are unavoidable.
- You are not alone.
- God is faithful.
- You have a way out.
Here’s the verse penned by the apostle Paul:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Now let’s see these powerful promises.
Harships Happen
Right off, you can see that you will face hardships and temptation in this life. This is unnerving, isn’t it? And it’s a powerful promise no one likes! The term translated “temptation” in New Testament Greek carries the sense of temptation to sin or of trial to test and strengthen your faith.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
Yes, you can count on hardships. Read 2 Corinthians 12:5-10. But what’s most important is how you handle them.
You Are Not Alone
Others have faced temptations and trials too. Throughout the bible you can read stories of those who’ve been rejected, harmed, abused, or tormented, and so on. Some have hungered. Others thirsted. Still others wanted to die.
Romans 15:4 provides encouagement:
For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
There truly is a purpose in your pain. Others have walked the path you’re on now; foremost, Jesus himself.
God Is Faithful
“God is faithful” — these are my favorite three words in 1 Corinthians 10:13. I am reminded, and remind my counselees, that God is caring and mighty and perfect. Nothing surprises him. He is with you in your hardship whether it is dealing with panic attacks or enduring depression or a difficult marriage.
But get this: How you handle your hardship is critical.
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When you handle your problems as God instructs, you’ll not only survive, you’ll be better off because of them.
I am reminded of my temptation to wallow in self-absorbed jealousy when life doesn’t go my way but she (whomever “she” is) has the perfect life (or at least how it looks on Facebook!). While this tempation dogs me from time to time, God has faithfully showed me his way. Now every time my thoughts begin to trip me in the comparison trap, I remind myself that I am already amazingly blessed and that I have everything I need in Christ. Having this action plan to take my eyes off myself and onto Jesus, I think of his powerful promises.
You Have an Escape
Among his powerful promises is “a way out.” But a way out from what? From the hardship? No. Another biblical counselor reminded me that God’s powerful promise is a “way out” of a sinful response to temptation. It is not a way out of the hardship.
God provides a pathway to escape sin in the midst of hardships and trials and temptations.
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Real quick, let’s move to verse 14: “Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.” This “therefore” connects the verses 13 and 14.
So God’s powerful promises provide a pathway for you to endure hardship and escape sin. Yes, hardships happen. But you are not alone. God is faithful and he provides a “way out.” As you choose to believe these powerful promises, you’ll draw near to Jesus and continue to seek his answers.
Counseling Hope to Your Heart,
by Lucy | Sep 7, 2016 | biblical counseling
Chronic pain and disability are constant companions of Suzanne Holland, one of the featured counselors in Heart2Heart Counselor Directory. She shares her story of renewing her disabled parking permit and all the emotions that rode along. Suzanne writes at Near to the Healer and is a biblical counselor. Her article was used with her permission.
I got a notice in the mail this week that it’s time to renew my disabled parking permit. Even just typing that sentence brings up emotions and feelings that I don’t want to be having.
Now, I will say that I am not as disabled as some who have these permits, and I might be one of those whom people would judge as they see me walking away from my handicapped spot. I look like I walk fairly normally.
But I must limit the number of steps I take if I am to get through the whole day with a manageable amount of pain. I try very hard not to use the handicapped spots, but sometimes it is necessary, and during those times, I am very grateful to have it.
That doesn’t eliminate the feelings about it. I have written now hundreds of blog posts about managing the emotions that come with chronic pain and mobility restriction, yet I still feel frustration and sadness when I see my neighbors out for a walk, and envy when my husband reports his Fitbit step score each evening. I always commit these feelings to the Lord, and lay them at His feet, but the sting remains, and it is a battle to calm it down.
Discovering the Meaning of Renew
As I was searching the DMV site for a way to get my new permit without actually entering their building, I kept having to type the word, renew. Of course I couldn’t help but think of the biblical meaning of that word, and the many Scriptures I have memorized about the renewal of the mind. So, I had to take a pause in my search to meditate on mind renewal as it relates to these emotions about the handicap placard.
The Lord and I have worked hard at renewing my mind about my “new normal.”
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Most of the time I do quite well with keeping my heart submitted to His will for me in this area.
One of my favorite verses about mind renewal is Romans 12:1.
With eyes wide open to the mercies of God, I beg you, my brothers, as an act of intelligent worship, to give him your bodies, as a living sacrifice, consecrated to him and acceptable by him. Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God re-mold your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity.
I love this JB Phillips paraphrase, because it holds the exact encouragement that I need. Let’s go through this passage bit by bit, and just think it through together.
Pain and Mercy
The first thing I am reminded about here is that God has shown me mercy in allowing my body to become something other than what I would like it to be. I need Him to open my eyes so that I can see clearly that this is sanctifying me in a way that no other trial could have done; and accomplishing God’s purpose to the degree that nothing else would have reached.
To me, this first sentence says, “Open your eyes, and see God’s mercy in this situation. Give your body to Him, and trust Him to use it for His glory.” This is a much-needed reminder for me, practically every minute. As I’m thinking about this placard that I want—but don’t want—I must remember that getting and using it is an act of submission to God’s will for me.
Pain and the Mind
Next, I read that I am to let God re-mold my mind from within. So, He has changed my body, and now He wants to change my mind. The two are intricately related!
God knew that nothing would bring me to my knees (at least figuratively!) like a physical affliction.
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He knew that my strength, stamina, and fitness had become an idol, and He absolutely cannot tolerate any other God in my life. I’m not saying that my current condition is necessarily some kind of consequence or punishment for sin, but it certainly has accomplished the knocking down of that idol.
The Lord has done an amazing work in my heart, humbling me and drawing me near to Himself with every step I take. My relationship with Him is completely different from what it was before. I am dependent on Him now in ways I never was in my able body.
While I am far from perfectly humble, He has shown me the distance that my pride and self-focus had brought between us. Even better, He has shown me the beauty and wonder of intimate fellowship with Him. I had never imagined the level of closeness with Jesus that I could have until He brought me this affliction.
New Thinking!
This passage tells me that I am to use my new thinking to show myself and others that this plan of His was good! This is why I must stop and meditate on Him when I begin to feel sad or am tempted toward self-pity about my situation.
You know, we are always talking to ourselves. Maybe not out loud (ok, out loud sometimes!), but whenever we are awake, we are thinking. Thinking is self-talk, so if we’re going to talk to ourselves, we might as well say something good! When we are telling ourselves true things about God and our circumstances, our countenance will tell others about our trust in Him.
Much of what we call mind renewal really boils down to telling ourselves something different from what we’ve been telling ourselves.
So, in this case, if I want to prove to myself that God’s plan for me is good, I need to stop lamenting over my need for a handicap placard, and start being thankful that I have it!
So I tell myself as I park in that space, “What a blessing to have this privilege of getting to park close to the store on those days when it’s hard to walk. Thank you, Jesus, for providing this for me!”
Gratitude is almost always a mind changer, and it is my go-to thing when I want to put off self-pity and put on joy.
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Becoming Like Jesus
Friends, as this passage wraps up, we see that the goal is maturity. How are you doing in this area?
I have to admit, I think sometimes that I am stuck at the toddler stage, tempted to throw a tantrum because I didn’t get what I wanted. But then I remember that God calls us His children no matter what age we are. I believe this is because He knows that we will not reach full maturity in this life.
“Let the little children come to me,” he says in Matthew 19:14-15. Sometimes, I am that little child. As I come to Him, He offers me comfort, reminds me of His Word, and my mind is renewed. Hallelujah! What a Father! What a Savior!
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Sep 29, 2015 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships |
Do you know how to help a woman with sexual stain? She may have had many partners before age 25 or had been sexually active in junior high, or earlier. Perhaps she was abused as a child then later chose a promiscuous lifestyle?
Do you know what to say? What not to say?
Do you know how to listen? How to guide her? Please know there’s hope. Jesus did not condemn the woman caught in adultery; he doesn’t condemn your friend or you. He has compassion for the broken-hearted. Listen:
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” John 8:3-11
(If you have a sexually stained past, do you want help? Feel free to send me a message. Click HERE.)
Sexual Stain Is No Surprise
What you have seen in movies — and movie trailers, and prime time TV, and daytime TV, and DVDs, and video games, and billboards — is in your church. Many women in your church carry pain caused by sexual sin.
Are you surprised? Don’t be. The Bible predicted increasing sexual perversity.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God (2 Timothy 3:1-4, NIV).
Abusive? Yeah. Without love? That too. Rash? You’ve heard of hookups no doubt; even girls in junior high boast which guy they “slept” with the previous night — and she may not know his name! Without self-control? Ditto. Lovers of pleasure? A counterfeit pleasure.
A while back, my then teenaged daughter told me an eighth-grader at her school was pregnant. She was bothered but not upset. It seems every other young movie star or singer is carrying some guy’s baby. Like, whatever.
Many of our daughters and sons may have a blase attitude toward promiscuity. So do adults, many of them believers. Satan has deceived them. Sex is wonderful in the confines of biblical commands: one man, one woman, married. The enemy has had a field day. Let’s refuse to believe lies and help our hurting sisters.
Empowered by the Holy Spirit, as is every believer (who, by definition, has a saving faith in Jesus), I have counseled women who used to lead a promiscuous lifestyle. The Lord has healed them. Are there consequences from bad choices? Of, course. Some STDs cannot be treated. Some bad memories refuse to die. Virginity cannot be reclaimed. Marriage is more difficult due to previous sexual relationships (including intimate touch and oral sex, the latter being the “new” third base).
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows (Galatians 6:7, NIV).
At least half of the women I’ve counseled — all believers — were sexually or physically abused by a family member or a family friend as a young girl. This abuse put the wheels in motion for her poor decisions regarding sex as a preteen or teen. A commonality: They felt a deep sense of self-worthlessness and looked to guys for affirmation using sex to please him and feel desired, compounding the sense of self-worthlessness.
How to Help Prevent Sexual Stain
Since sexual stain often begins in high school or earlier — I’ve talked with third graders who regularly participated in sex “play” — here are a few ideas to help your own kids.
Communicate.
Promote open communication in your home so your kids (or grandkids, nieces or nephews) will tell you the tough stuff. Know who their friends are. Know where they are. Tell them to check in regularly. For school-age kids, ask the parents what DVDs are in the home. Years ago, a friend allowed her young boy attend a sleep-over where the parents showed an PG-13 movie. Oh man, did he get an eyeful! (Remember, PG-13 today would have received an R a decade or two ago.)
Trust your gut.
The Holy Spirit promises to help protect you and yours; follow the insight he gives you. One of my children used to play at a friend’s house where the dad wrestled with the kids on a bed in his son’s bedroom. I was uncomfortable beyond words when I learned of this “play” and forbid my child to go into the house.
Believe your child.
If your child tells you that another kid or an adult said something sexually suggestive to him or her or touched him or her improperly, choose first to believe and engage in a gentle conversation to draw out the details. As you hear the details, you may find out that a boy called your daughter a “fagot” — this happened to one of my children — but that was all. No need to get overly concerned. Or, you may learn that the older boy or girl across the street has suggested a game. A touching game. And he or she has threatened to kill her (or little sister) if she said anything. Serious! Time to call in the authorities and get help for your child.
Prevention is best. Keep your daughters and sons safe as best you can. Terrible things can happen despite your efforts and prayers. Just make them less likely.
And if your child — or a friend at church — chooses promiscuity, love them unconditionally and seek God. Jesus showed compassion toward the woman caught in adultery … shouldn’t we?
