Who Do You Aim to Please?

Who Do You Aim to Please?

Who do you aim to please? Your boss, your husband, your reputation, your bank account,  your dog … yourself?

Anything or anyone placed ahead of God can become an idol. These may include things like, 

  • approval
  • love
  • comfort
  • security
  • significance

These seem innocuous, but they can ensnare us. They keep wanting more and more. Feeding an idol is a  horrible, exhausting way to live.

In this article, we’ll first get a picture of what idol-worship may look like. It may be more common than you think. Then we’ll discover its antidote: growing in the fear of the Lord.  

Meet an idol-worshiper.

Linda (name and some details have been changed) deeply desires that her Christian husband stop binge-drinking. His problem is obvious, but what’s hers?

She thinks that if she acts sweet (by picking up the kids’ toys before he returns home from work and by making nice dinners, for example), then he’d quit drinking and she’d get what she wants.

But no matter how sweet she is or how often she pleads with him to stop drinking, he continues to buy a 12 pack of beer and guzzle all of the beers when he comes home after work. Not every night … but often enough to cause her concern and fill her with fear.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a husband who makes wise choices. But when a desire becomes a demand, we have begun to make it an idol.

What’s her idol? Security. She says to herself, “I must have a godly and sober husband who cares for me and the kids, or I cannot be happy.”

You worship what you fear. 

How do we tell if we are pleasing someone or something instead of God? Elyse Fitzpatrick nails it:

If she is willing to sin to obtain her goal or if she sins when she doesn’t get what she wants, then her desire has taken God’s place and she is functioning as an idolater.

Look back to the example of Linda. When her husband disappears into the garage with his 12-pack, she pouts and pleads, worries, and falls into self-pity. Her actions are understandable. Yet they are sins that she needs confess. This may not seem fair. We often sin in response to being sinned against.

A husband yells at his wife, the wife screams at the kid, the kid kicks the dog.

This dynamic may play out in your life too. It does in mine. When a friend failed to get back to me, and I feel ignored, I may sulk. When my husband seems more interested in TV than me, I may snap at him.

Choose better … please God only.

In her book Holy Fear, Christina Fox helps us to trade lesser fears for the fear of the Lord. Here are three ways she highlights.

1. Study God’s word.

To grow in the fear of the Lord, we must know him, and the very best way is to study God’s word. When we read scripture, we can ask ourselves, “What does this teach me about God?” The more we learn about who God is, the more we grow in our fear of him.

2. Remember God’s works.

As we recall that God rescued the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, the prophet Jonah from the belly of the great fish, the apostle Paul from death time and time again, we grow in the fear of the Lord and desire to please him only. Great ways to remember God’s works today: worship with other believers on the Lord’s Day, sing praises to him, and share at the communion table.

3. Pray for greater fear.

Prayer helps us to depend on God more and ourselves less. “We find our hearts reshaped to want what God wants more than what we want,” Fox says. “We grow to want his glory and fame spread throughout the world and not our own. Indeed, prayer not only feeds and nourishes us, it transforms us.

So who do you now aim to please?

God is jealous for our love. He hates your giving it to anyone or anything but him.

You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)

As we grow in the fear of the Lord, we will aim to please him, not a person or a thing like money, approval, security, or any lesser fear. When Linda came to realize that she wanted security above all things, even God, she agreed with the Lord that her desire was misdirected. She poured out her heart to the Lord, asking him to help her love him most of all.

Her husband still drinks sometimes, but less than before. Most importantly, she has a new attitude that God will provide her everything she really needs. The Lord is her safe place.

How to Smash Strongholds in Your Mind

How to Smash Strongholds in Your Mind

How should we destroy strongholds?

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2 Steps to Get Unstuck

2 Steps to Get Unstuck

You need to repent of idols of the heart. Idols of the heart are ruling desires of your heart. Begin by identifying the heart with these two questions:

1. Is your desire, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42, NIV)?

2. Or does your cry sound more like demands for security, approval, comfort, and love? 

When you want security, approval, comfort, and love, and get want you demand, pride will fill you. Underneath the veneer of pride and self-righteousness are emotions like anxiety, anger, and discouragement and actions like seething, shouting, nail-biting, insomnia, overeating, and self-loathing.

Just as the prodigal son demanded his way, just as the older son self-righteously sneered at his brother when he returned home, chances are you too have ruling desires of the heart that are unholy.

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you negative thoughts, critical speech, gossip, bitterness, immorality, and anything else that exposes a self-ruled heart.

You may want to jot down what the Holy Spirit reveals to you. What are the “rotten fruit” that expose the ruling desires of your heart?

Did you know that what rules your heart, rules you?

Faithfully yours,

Lucy

4 Keys to Victorious Faith

4 Keys to Victorious Faith


Imagine what would happen if we lived victorious faith.

In place of tired and weary hamster-wheel Christianity, people would see Christ in us, in you, right? We’d have a spring in our step, a genuine smile on our fact. Vibrant, authentic, compassionate — these words would describe us.

This description fit one of my counselees too. I met with this 40-something West coast woman by video-conference, where she peered at me through chocolate-colored eyes and shared her heart for women in prison. She visited them, cried with them, brought them hope through her own sad story of brokenness.

God gave her grace to love “the least of these.” In response, she believed God and acted on her belief.  She lived out of victorious faith, and so can you and I.

Remember this faith definition:

Faith is choosing to act on your belief

no matter how you feel.

Remember these 4 key faith words!

Believe. Act. Choose. Know.

1. Believe.

Victorious faith is believing in the Word of God. Do you believe the Word–that is, the Bible–and all it says about God and about you? You are chosen, loved, forgiven, and a daughter of the most high God of love and holiness.

2. Act.

Victorious faith is acting upon your belief. One thing I share with my counselees is believing the Word can be tough sometimes, but acting on your belief is often tougher. Indeed, your actions show whether your belief is true.

Several summers ago, I drove six hours alone to a writer’s conference. So what? you may ask. When I zoomed my Honda on the highways, I acted in faith that God is with me even if I had a panic attack. If you’ve experience panic attacks, you know this terror, a terror I wish on no one. (I wrote a mini-book on it too: HELP! I Get Panic Attacks. You can order it here.)

I had been plagued by highway driving phobia since my late 20s. Now was the time to act on my belief. What belief do you struggle acting upon? What is one step you can take toward acting upon your belief? 

3. Choose.

Victorious faith is choosing to act on your belief no matter how you feel. Was I scared during my drive from my home to the conference? At times, yes. I felt tense and edgy and shaky every so often and especially when the traffic got heavy or I had to make highway changes.

Yet I chose to act of my belief in my fear.

I could have let my fear keep me home. And, sadly, many times I’ve made the choice to let my feeling rule me. When have you given into to your emotions? Which emotions tend to get the best of you? What can you do differently and honor God?

4. Know.

Victorious faith is knowing God promises a good result. What do people say about life and lemons? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. God promises more than a refreshing beverage. He promises that faith in his Son Jesus brings everlasting life now to those who believe.

In fact all of his promises are wonderful. He promises provision and protection and peace as well as loving discipline, abundant life, and hope.

Savor this familiar scripture:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths. (Prov. 3:6-7)

Believe the Word of God and act on it, no matter how you feel, knowing God promises a good result.

Next Step to Victorious Faith

What helps you act on your belief that God is who he say he is and keeps promises? What gets in the way of your acting on your belief? May I encourage you swap faith stories with a trusted Christian girlfriend?

We all need encouragement. Be that person who loves like Jesus.

But sometimes we’re tired.

If you tired and weary, and you’d like counseling to reclaim joy and honor Jesus, please contact me. We can set up a complimentary counseling phone consult at your convenience. Click here to request a free consult.

Think About Your Thoughts

Think About Your Thoughts

Jennifer asked me how to change her thoughts. She had spiraled deep into discouragement and wanted to feel like her old self: upbeat, positive, happy. “This isn’t me,” she shared. “I keep thinking negatively about everything over and over and over. I don’t know how to stop.”

In this article, you learn three new ways to think about your thoughts and learn how to stop life-sapping thinking:

  1. Ask yourself if your thoughts glorify God.
  2. Change the thoughts he wants you to change
  3. Take every thought captive.

1. Ask Yourself an Important Question

What you say to yourself matters. What you think becomes who you are. You want to think well, don’t you? Then you need to ask if your thoughts glorify God.

Words kill, words give life;

they’re either poison or fruit–

you choose. Prov. 18:21

A helpful place to begin is writing down your thoughts in a small, spiral notebook that’s easy to carry with you. When a negative thought pops up, write it down and note what was happening around the time of the thought. Do this for about three days. Don’t concern yourself with changing your thoughts at first. The point is to become aware of them.

You may become aware of thoughts you didn’t even know you were thinking!

Do you say one of these uglies to yourself?

Very often women silently tell themselves things like:

  • I’m such an idiot.
  • No one likes me.
  • I’m ugly.
  • I can’t do anything right.

Did you have any of these thoughts?

Practical help: Review your list of thoughts. Which are the most common ones? When did you tend to have them? Are they glorifying to God? Jennifer had most of her automatic, negative thoughts in the morning before she got out of bed and asked God to show them to her. She wrote out Psalm 139:1-2:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 

Like Jennifer, you can ask yourself whether your thoughts are glorifying to God.

2. Change Your Thoughts

Which thoughts is God nudging you to change? Not sure? You could measure your thoughts by the instruction of Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Jennifer noted that one of her recurring thoughts was, “I’m never going to get better.” This thought is in opposition to “whatever is true.” As a Christian, Jennifer is promised by God to become more and more like Jesus Christ, who says “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10b). This process is called “progressive sanctification.”

When she told herself this life-killing lie, her discouragement worsened. Has this happened to you too? Sadly, negative thinking begets negative emotions. Conversely, says Brian S. Borgman in Feelings and Faith, “Right thinking about God produces and cultivates godly emotions such as peace, joy confidence, and hope.”

You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Practical step: Measure your thoughts against Phil. 4:8 and ask God which one you need to change.

3. Take Every Thought Captive

God wants you to walk in the truth. You Enemy has a game plan to get you to believe lies — lies about yourself, about your circumstances, and about the Gospel.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

To take every thought captive to obey Christ, you need to replace the lies with the truth. Go through the list of thoughts you wrote down. For each one that is not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, or commendable, find a Bible verse that replaces the lie with the truth. Jot down the Bible verses you’ve found on index cards or sticky notes.

Yes, it is work to find life-giving Bible verses and write them on card or notes but well worth it. Do you think that looking up verses isn’t worth the effort? Do you have other obstacles? What are they? Why not discuss them with a trusted Christian friend?

2 examples to get you get you started.

Life-sapping thought: God doesn’t love me. He doesn’t care.

Life-giving truth:For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8

Life-sapping thought: Life must go well for me. If it doesn’t, this proves I’m a worthless loser.

Life-giving truth:Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13.

Practical help: Each time your have a negative, life-sapping thought, read the index card or sticky note you made with the life-giving truth. As you repeat this process of taking every thought captive to obey Christ, you will discover that the negative thoughts diminish in frequency and power.

This was Jennifer’s discovery. As she read John 10:10 each time she thought “I’m never going to get better,” she noticed that she thought it less often and she experienced hope and joy. She’s applying the same process to other life-sapping thoughts she has. Her discouragement if lifting. She’s beginning to feel like her old self.

And it all began with thinking about her thoughts. Do you want to replace your negative thoughts too? May I invite you to contact me? We can set up a time to talk on the phone for a free 15-minute consult. I also have a downloadable ebook you make like — “Transform Your Thoughts Journal.”

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