by Lucy | Aug 19, 2019 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships
True happiness! Did you know that God made your brain in such a way that you can have this true happiness every day?
Many believers are taught that God wants us to be holy but not happy and that joy and happiness are fundamentally different. We’ve even been left with the impression that God himself isn’t happpy. Yet nothing could be further from the truth!
So says Christian author Randy Alcorn in his book Happiness.
If you’d like true happiness, consider these three parts of getting from where you’re at to where God wants you to be.
- Your thoughts make THE difference.
- Creating your own on-going happiness.
- Take the 3-minute focus challenge.
As you think healthy, godly thoughts, these new positive thoughts rewire your brain. Over time as they are repeated, your new thoughts become automatic positive thoughts that replace your old automatic negative thoughts. As your thoughts change so do your emotions. By the way, my popular “Transform Your Thoughts e-Journal” helps you learn to change your thoughts resulting in improved, godly emotions. Get it here.
Your thoughts make THE difference
Late last century, scientists began proving what God knew all along:
What you think every moment of every day deeply affects you.
Your mind is designed to control the body. Not the other way around.
While you and I cannot control the circumstances of life, we can control our response.
Neuroscientific research underscores the truth of this verse:
As a man thinks, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
Crazy as it may sound, your thought life may contribute to 75 to 98 percent of mental, physical, and behavioral illness, says Dr. Caroline Leaf, a specialist in traumatic brain injuries and learning disabilities, and author of several books including Switch on Your Brain (Baker Books, 2013). Our bodies and minds are always interacting. One affects the other.
Our Great Physician has a remedy. Call it the 4:8 prescription, if you like.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
True, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy — this is where God wants your focus. And isn’t God alone truly praiseworthy?
Creating On-Going Happiness
As you think about “such things,” you experience a peace and contentment, which the average Joanne describes as happiness. In his letter to his like-minded Christians in Philippi, the apostle Paul said, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” He encouraged them to follow his path to peace and contentment.
More great news: You can observe your thoughts and make decisions about them! Yes, you can become aware of what you’re thinking and choose healthy thoughts leading to happiness. As one friend likes to say: Respond thoughtfully, don’t react emotionally.
Click & Tweet!
Make no mistake. A happy life of contentment isn’t comfort. Choosing Jesus first is outrageously uncomfortable yet always the pathway to true happiness.
Click & Tweet!
CHALLENGE: 3-Minute Thought Focus
Important to a happy life of contentment in Christ is tuning in to your negative self-talk so you can identify it as decrepit. Then you change it to positive inner thoughts. Here are three steps
First do this:
- Find a quiet place to sit, and take two or three deep breaths. Feel your body begin to relax.
- For a minute or two minutes, tune in to your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself? Jot down a few of your thoughts.
Now do this:
- Ask yourself, Is my thought negative?
- Then ask, What positive 4:8 thought can replace this negative thought? Write it down.
EXAMPLE:
Negative thought: “My boss is a jerk. She says I can’t do anything right!”
4:8 thought: “I choose to work hard even though my boss is inconsiderate. I know God is with me and gives me wisdom in handling this work relationship, so I trust him.”
During the rest of the day:
Every time you have the negative job thought, replace it with the positive 4:8 thought.
Happy on Repeat!
As you replace your negative thought with the new positive, God-honoring thought, your brain makes new neural pathways, researchers have found. Just think–by improving the environment of your inner thought life, you’ll experience peace, contentment, and, yes, happiness.
If you need help with this, let me know. I’ve been counseling women and families by the effective, comforting promises and truth of the Bible since 2008 by online video worldwide.
by Lucy | Jun 5, 2018 | biblical counseling, emotions
Many of us say, “I’d only be happy if. . .” and then chase after temporal things like success, security, love, and acceptance. Donna Hart, PhD, listed here on Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, helps us think through what we value most. Her article first appeared here on her website and is used with permission. (Edited for length –LAM)
If you had to write down your dream for a happy life, what would you write? What would be your “if onlys”? How would you complete the sentence, “God, if you gave me this…then I could be happy”?
The events that occur in John 6 open our eyes to a clash that is going on between what people think “a happy life” should look like and how God might define it. In the account Jesus takes a little boy’s lunch and turns it into a meal for 5,000 people with 12 baskets of food left over.
The talk among the happy people must have been buzzing. “This is it,” they probably surmised. “He is the Messiah! He is the One we must make him king! And then we’ll be happy.”
A Curious Conversation
But Jesus doesn’t play their game. He withdraws and goes to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. In John 6:25 the people catch up with him and a curious conversation ensues. They ask, “Rabbi, when did you get here?” Jesus responds,
Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you.
The people ask what they must do to do the work of God. Jesus replies, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”
“Give Us a Sign!”
They wonder what sign he will give them so that they would believe. Jesus responds,
Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.
The people ask that they could have that bread. Jesus then responds,
I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe.
Clearly, the people were not getting the point; the physical blessing of bread was pointing to a much deeper spiritual reality. The people were not pursuing Christ out of a humble willingness to follow him as the Messiah. Instead, they were pursuing him for selfish gain and a hope that he would be the One who met their felt needs, their happy place.
Do You Want What God Wants?
What do you want from Christ? Whose dream are you bringing to Him? Is your dream nothing more than a happy life of ease?
1 Peter 1:3-5 gives us an understanding of what we have been given in Christ.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
Do we understand what we have been given? We have been chosen to be saved by God’s mercy. Our sins have been forgiven. We are a part of God’s family and have an inheritance waiting for us. Yet how often do we grumble, “That’s wonderful, but what about now?”
The message from God is that he is producing in us something greater, fuller, and deeper: a genuine faith.
Truly Abundantly Happy Life!
The blessings that God gives us are meant to point to a deeper and much fuller blessing, the blessing of the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ in our lives. Abundant life is not our relationships with husbands, wives, significant others, or children. It is not what we own or our jobs.
Jesus says that He is the bread of life. What kind of bread do we hunger for and feed on? Do we sometimes find ourselves acting like the people in John 6 who pursued Jesus only for the bread and fish? We can be coming to Jesus because we are holding on to our dreams and hoping somehow Jesus will help us achieve them.
If we are living for earthly bread, then we are going to be disappointed when we don‘t get it. But if we are living for a deeper communion with God, then all our relationships will become a place to live out that communion. And, yes, we’ll be truly happy.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Dec 22, 2017 | emotions
Doesn’t everyone want a happy home at Christmas? As we rush to finish shopping and baking and wrapping, did you know you have the better home?
You can experience this life in Christ at Christmas and all through the year even if you had a hard home life growing up. It’s just a little bit of heaven, a foreshadow of the best.
Happy Home?
My counselee “Suzie” balks at the word home. Many many years ago, her Christmas at her house was not cookies and hot chocolate, evergreens and gifts–or Jesus. Rather, her parent’s friends came over to party hard, just as they did every day. She felt unsafe, forgotten, and unloved.
As a kid, Suzie tried the booze that littered her house. By middle school, she looked for a safe place in one guy’s arms then another’s. That didn’t satisfy either. To forget her lack of a happy home, she drank and smoked dope and discovered a counterfeit happiness in “not feeling a thing.” Did you experience a difficult upbringing too? Where did you look for happiness? For hope?
We all seek a place to belong, a place of safety.
Home Came to Us
In a dream, an angel told Joseph, who was pledged to wed Mary, “She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” The day of his birth is the wonderful day we celebrate Christmas.
Jesus made his home among us with a purpose. Counselor Paul Tripp says,
The whole redemptive story marches toward Immanuel, the Redeemer who would destroy sin’s dominion in our hearts by making our hearts the place where he, in his power, wisdom, and glory, would dwell.
When you find your home in Jesus, you have rest. You rest from striving to earn salvation. Sometimes it’s difficult to believe you don’t have to do more or be perfect to get on God’s good side, isn’t it?
Home = Jesus
In Jesus you find true belonging and safety. A warm place to be real and breathe deep.
1. Belonging
Home is the place where your belong and find your identity. In Christ, you are a new creation ( 2 Cor. 5:17) and a child of God (Rom. 8:15).
2. Safety
Your home protects your from the cold and keeps you safe. Jesus is your true place of safety. When Jesus conquered sin and death, nothing can separate us from him, not even death.
Romans 8:38-39 proclaims,
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
As you yearn for a happy home this Christmas, remember you have your true home in Jesus. You belong to him, he is your safe place.
Suzie embraced this truth in an unlikely place: a 12-step group. She walked in addicted to booze, met a new friend there — a young Christian woman who had a spare room for her to live — and left with hope. The friend told her about Jesus’ love for her. Suzie said, “Yes, Lord.”
This is the true happy home she yearned for. What about you? Are you searching for your true home–a place of safety and belonging? Feel free to contact me and share your story.
Merry Christmas!
by Lucy | Oct 12, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, emotions |
Is regret messing with your peace? Is it so painful that you’d like to erase a part of your past? Let’s look at regret — what it is, the two main types, and how to move toward restoration.
Regret Defined
Regret is feeling sorrow or remorse for something you did or failed to do. Sometimes it turns into disappointment. This feeling of regret can be turned toward God as you seek him in your pain. Or it can become discontentment, even despair.
Discontentment is an ugly response to regret. It describes a person’s dissatisfaction with what God is doing in his life at the moment. She may have self-pity and see herself as the undeserving victim of unfair circumstances.
Regret Due to Human Error
Regret may result from an honest though awful mistake. Dr. Erwin Lutzer shared the story of a missionary airplane mechanic with an excellent service track record. One day while tightening a bolt, he was called away before he finished. He forgot to return and complete the bolt tightening.
The consequence of this one mistake proved disastrous. The plane took off. Gasoline leaked from the place where the bolt was loose. The plane caught on fire and all seven people on the plane died. Without a doubt, this mechanic wished he could erase the past. He feels deep regret.
Regret Caused on Purpose
This type of regret results when you choose a certain path that you know is wrong. The Holy Spirit impresses on your heart the your ugly choice rubs against God’s will but you continue on.
Think Peter the apostle.
He denied knowing Jesus Christ three times, then the rooster crows. Peter weeps tears of regret and emotional pain.
And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. Mark 14:72, ESV
2 Steps to Restoration
1. Bring it into the open.
Pushing down the past smothers you. Did you know that the more you try not to think about the regret, the more focus you direct toward it?
God’s plan for moving forward requires facing the past and acknowledging the sin, the pain, and the fallout.
2. Move forward.
To move forward means forgiving, repeatedly if necessary, letting God deal with those who have sinned against you, and continuing to respond in a godly way regardless of how they behaved.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19, ESV
When you choose God’s solutions, an upward and forward movement begins! It’s time, don’t you think, for a fresh start? Christ and His Word will move you in the right direction if you let Him!
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” Lamentations 3:22-24, ESV
Do you need help finding peace? I’d love to help you!
Sharing hope with your heart, I’ll provide you with solution-focused biblical counseling. Contact me today and we can set up an appointment in person or by Skype. (I’ve counseled women, couples, and families in five continents.) Check out more about me here.
Counseling Hearts to Hope,
by Lucy | Sep 14, 2017 | biblical counseling, emotions, emotions |
Friend, do you know your TRUE heart’s desire? Knowing and fulfilling your heart’s desire can change the direction of your life–from burned out to rest-filled, from down-in-the-dumps to delightful.
Listen to the story of three of my counselees. Notice how different they are. Yet each is making a difference for God’s kingdom. See if your story is similiar.
- Kim teaches Sunday school to preschoolers, showing them the love of God through simple Bible stories, songs, and Jesus “parties.”
- Dora has a decorative flair. She beautifies her church’s worship center, making it inviting to regular attenders and visitors.
- Tanya cleans the homes of elderly folks in need of a helping hand and conversation.
In this brief article you’ll learn:
- why you want to know your heart’s desire.
- 2 quick steps to discovering your heart’s desire.
Why You Want to Know Your Heart’s Desire
You want to know your heart’s desire because. . .this knowledge empowers and energizes you to make a difference in your own life and in other’s lives. Most important, God wants you to know your heart’s desire to honor him. Does this make sense?
When you know your heart’s desire, you are energized to make a difference, honor God, and be happy.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Sometimes this verse gets mangled. God doesn’t say he’ll give you anything you desire, though at first glance it may sound that way. Reread the verse part of the verse. God gives you the desires of your heart as you submit to Christ.
2 Quick Steps to Discovering your Heart’s Desire
God made you unique. There’s no one on this planet just like you. You have your own DNA, life experiences, upbringing, talents, and spiritual giftedness (1 Corinthians 12:1-3).
QUICK STEP 1:
What propels you out of bed in the morning (other than an amazing cup of coffee)? Are you keen on empowering single moms? Encouraging war veterans? Designing organizational systems? Taking photographs that tell a story?
It may help to jot answers to these questions:
- If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
- What do other Christians say you’re particularly good at?
- Which of the following people groups tug at your heart? The homeless; women who’ve had abortions; impoverished families; couples in healthy marriages; children with learning disabilities; substance abusers; families of prisoners; the elderly; the ill; women (or teens) in emotional pain; gifted children, other: ___________.
Look over your answers. Do you see a theme? Now write down: I believe my heart’s passion may be _____________.
If you’re not sure, this is OK. As you try out your interests, the Holy Spirit will guide you. Let’s go to quick step 2. It’s truth-telling!
QUICK STEP 2:
Did you know that usually people’s heart’s desire comes from their life experience, especially the difficult ones?
Click & Tweet!
On a 8 1/2 by 11 paper, turned sideways (also called “landscape”), write My Timeline at the top. Then make 3 long, parallel lines. Divide your current age by 3.
On the lines, you’ll record events (happy and sad and disturbing). The top line is for the first third of your life, the second line for the middle third of your life, and the bottom line for the last third of your life. Got it? Good.
Among the events to record are…
- Birth dates
- Death dates
- HS graduation
- Anniversaries
- Marriages and divorces
- Hospitalizations
- Moves to new locations
- New jobs, lost jobs
- Other important events
Now What?
Once you finish your timeline, prayerfully review it and notice what tugs at your heart. Perhaps you faced a home foreclosure and have a heart’s desire to minister to the homeless. Or, maybe you desire to write a book on fear or to teach Crown financial budgeting principles to others.
Maybe you lived in a blended family and have a heart’s desire to help second and third marriages stay intact. Or possibly you were a victim of a crime and your heart’s desire is to become a first responder, teach self-defense classes, or lead a Bible study in prisons.
Next, look over your timeline. Why not pray over what you discovered. Then, reread your answers to the questions in Step 1.
Finally, write a preliminary statement: my TRUE heart desire may be: _____________.
Chances are, over time you’ll refine your statement. Here’s mine.
Isn’t it amazing that God often uses your story to foster hope in others?
Click & Tweet!
The Takeaway
When you live your heart’s desire, you help others, avoid burnout, glorify God, and are truly happy.
Do you have questions? Would you like help making your heart’s desire a reality? Then contact me. It’s beautiful to hope.
Counseling Hearts to Hope!
