The ultimate goal of biblical counseling is to bring about heart change so that we live fruitfully for Jesus Christ and God is glorified. The heart is one’s inner self. It includes our thoughts, motives, attitudes, and will.
But sometimes we are willing to settle for pain relief, right?
It’s better than relief.
Often people who seek counseling, biblical or secular, just want a better life, perhaps a less painful life. But “pain relief” falls short in the end.
A Christian couple I’ll call Bob and Katie sought counseling for their teen daughter’s angry outbursts. In a few sessions, it became clear that the primary underlying counseling issue was Bob’s drinking and his disconnection from the family. The girl’s anger was, in part, directed toward the dad’s choosing alcohol over a loving relationship with her and the family.
Yes, ditching the booze and choosing to love God above all might be excruciatingly difficult for Bob, who confesses Christ. But teaching the wife and daughter how to get along with a detached and delinquent dad wouldn’t truly help anyone. He needs lasting change and so do they.
It aims for life transformation.
Biblical counseling aims for lasting heart change. Its goal of heart change for life transformation means living for God, not self. First Timothy 1:5 says:
But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
The goal of instruction in biblical counseling is love. Many verses in the Bible emphasize that people who love God obey his commands.
Obedience in a Christian is not a “have-to”; it is a “want-to.”
God gives us everything we need to bring about change and experience the abundant life he promises in John 10:10. Yes, making this change requires submitting to God’s plan for your life. It takes your cooperation as God guides you to the ultimate goal of biblical counseling.
3 Essentials of Heart Change
Expect your biblical counselor to listen to your story, pray with you and for you, and help you move forward. As you move forward you’ll learn God’s instructions that help you live successfully (or “victoriously,” in biblical terminology) for your good and his glory. Here are three of these essential.
1. Confess and repent.These go together like peanut butter and jelly. Whenever your thoughts, emotions, and actions are against God’s command to love him and love your neighbor, you agree with God (i.e., confess) that you messed up, confessing to him in prayer and to the wronged persons, and you repent (i.e., commit to turn away from sin and turn to God).
2. Renew your mind. As you cooperate with God, you’ll begin choosing your thoughts and learn to keep every thought captive.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
This is a battle fought in the mind, and it is a war. Your old sin nature battles with your new spiritual nature. See Galatians 5:17.
But remember that the temptations that come into your life and no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.
As you embrace the ultimate goal in biblical counseling, you will see improvement. Change takes time. Remain hopeful. God never wastes anything, not even our failures. Through the cross, Jesus has already won the war for you.
So what now?
Friend, are you considering biblical counseling? Please poke around my site. I have nearly 1,000 articles and other resources for you to read and listen to. If you’d like to make an appointment for Counseling via Video and Live Chat, please contact me. You may also ask for a free, 15-minute phone consult to help you decide. Ask for it here.
Your habits — wouldn’t you like to toss out the bad habits like garbage and put on good ones. . .God’s way? Guest writer Suzanne Holland, listed on Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, shares practical help and hope with you. Her article appeared first on her website and is used with permission.
My husband spent several years in the military. One of the first things they taught him was to salute a superior officer. It didn’t take long before the habit was established, and the salute became almost involuntary after just a few days. Whenever a superior officer entered the room or walked by, his hand would go to his forehead almost automatically in a salute. When he got out of the military after six years, that salute was a tough habit to break. We would see his former superiors at the mall or grocery store, his arm would start to move in that familiar way, and he would have to stop himself.
Power of Habits
The same is true of our habits that are sinful or ungodly. Somewhere along the way, we formed a habit or pattern of thinking that became automatic.
Now, the Lord has revealed to us that it is sinful or displeasing to Him in some way, and we need to change it. Once out of the military, with no reason to continue saluting, it didn’t take a lot of effort for him to stop. But you and I are probably not going to get out of the circumstance that has brought about this habit that needs to change. We’ll have to put it off, right in the middle of the temptation:
…that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man, which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
So as I read this, I see three steps to stopping a habit or thought pattern that needs to change:
Put off the old habit.
Renew your mind.
Put on a new habit.
Put Off
The first step is to put off the old habit. The language here pictures putting off a garment you’ve been wearing. Chances are, if you’ve been nurturing this behavior or way of thinking for a while, it’s pretty comfortable by now.
This is one of the biggest challenges in the “put off” step. We are comfortable in it. Even when we know that it’s sinful; even when we really want to stop, it is hard because we are so used to it.
The key to this step is to remember that, no matter how comfortable it is, the Lord can make the new, godly way of thinking just as comfortable—even more so, because we will be free of the guilt of knowing that we are indulging a sinful habit.
So begin with prayer, and ask the Lord to give you a greater desire for repentance and heart change than for the comfort of that old habit.
Renew Your Mind
The next step, according to our Ephesians 4 passage, is to renew your mind. What does it mean to be renewed in the spirit of your mind? The JB Phillips paraphrase puts it this way:
…fling off the dirty clothes of the old way of living, which were rotted through and through with lust’s illusions, and, with yourselves mentally and spiritually re-made, to put on the clean fresh clothes of the new life which was made by God’s design for righteousness and the holiness which is no illusion.
I like how he says to fling off the old ways, seeing them as distasteful, dirty, and rotten. This is how we need to see our sinful habits and thought patterns, and it is an action on our part. Notice in contrast though, that being mentally and spiritually re-made is stated in the passive voice—this is something we must submit to, and that God does for us. He is the one who renews our mind, through His Word and prayer.
After that, we’re right back to the active verb…
Put On
Now that we have flung away those dirty, used garments and the Lord has renewed our mind about this particular habit, we are to put on a new habit. This is a very important part of heart change.
If we put off the old habit through the renewing of our minds, but fail to put a new habit in its place, that old garment will begin to look pretty comfortable again, and we may find ourselv
es picking it back up in moments of weakness. Every sinful habit MUST be replaced with a godly one. That’s why Paul follows up this passage with examples of change:
Put away lying and speak truth (v 25). Let the thief stop stealing and begin to work with his hands (v 28). Stop speaking corrupt words and start speaking gracious, edifying words (v 29).
What sinful habit are you convicted of lately? Is it gossip? Put on humility and encouraging words. Is it arguing or dissentions? Put on peace and a gentle, quiet
spirit. Self-pity? Put on gratitude and praise.
I promise you, there is godly clothing to replace every ungodly garment you are led to fling away from you! With God’s help to renew
your mind, through the Word of God and th
e power of the Holy Spirit, you can (and must) change!
My husband has been out of the military for nearly a quarter of a century now, but he can still remember how quickly that salute could fire. I’d like to encourage you now to examine your heart for just one “filthy garment” you’d like to fling off. Pray and ask the Lord to help you be finished with those rotting clothes; to mentally and spiritually remake you in this area; and to show you His Designer clothes that are perfectly suited to replace the old ones. He is faithful, and will do it!
Just for YOU!
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When you slow down, you will feel calmer and have time to spend with Jesus.
You remember one of the Lord’s most famous invitations to rest, don’t you?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Jesus says “will give you rest.” This means it’s a God-given promise. He spoke it to Jews burdened by their own spiritual bankruptcy and by their hope to save themselves by keeping the Mosaic Law.
In this article, you’ll hear five simple ways to slow down. Today’s age of distration tempts you to update your Facebook status every other minute, doesn’t it? Then you’ll hear a plan to implement a new habit of slowing down.
5 Simple Ways to Slow Down
1. In every way imaginable, SLOW DOWN: Walk slower. Drive slower. Think before you speak. James 1:19 says,
Be quick to listen, slow to speak.
2.SCHEDULEFREE TIME. On purpose have nothing to do for a half-hour here and a half-hour there. Use this free time to watch birds or play tic-tac-toe with your child or read Scripture or draw.
3. Take time toANTICIPATE. You can anticipate special events like birthdays or a daytrip to the lake or the city when you space them out. If you jam your calendar, you run from one activity to the next. You have no time to anticipate.
4. CHAT with a neighbor or co-worker about little things: her children or grandchildren, the latest book she read, her favorite hobby, and so on. As you deepen your relationship with your neighbor or coworker, you show love to her.
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-39)
5. UNPLUG from television, Facebook, Pinterest, and other social media fora week. Is a week too long? How about a single day?
What would you add to these slow-down suggestions? What has worked for you?
Sadly, many Christians today don’t know how to put their faith into practice. Let’s say godly parents want their preteen to consistently put away her shoes when she comes indoors, but she leaves them them in the kitchen day after day. What would you recommend they do? And why? (I’ll tackle this topic in a future blog post.)
Let’s start with a two concepts for slowing down or any new habit: goals and scheduling.
What is the long-range goal of slowing down? What are short-term goals (or objectives) that help you meet your long-range goal?
Did you know that without a schedule of how you’ll attain your goals, your efforts will most likely faill?
You can sense God’s goal-setting in Galatians 4:4-5: “But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.” The goal? Redemption. The schedule? When the time had fully come.
Design Your Plan
First, prayerfully and biblically define your goal. Your long-range goal might be, “Spend my time wisely,” based on this verse:
“Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.” Ephesians 5:15-16
Second, determine your short-term goals. This might include study a bible passage each morning at 7 a.m., turn off the cell phone at all meals and after 8 p.m., and take a walk or work in the garden daily, weather permitting.
Third, before you implement your goal, jot down everything you do and their start and end times for a week (or at least 3 days). Use a small spiral notebook that you can easily keep with you,.
Fourth, review your time use. Identify possible obstacles and solutions to meeting your short-term goals. For example, a possible obstacle to studying a bible passage at 7 a.m. may be hectic mornings at your home. A possible solution: study the passage at during part of your lunch break.
Lastly, try out your slow-down plan and review it in a week. Make adjustments as needed. And celebrate your success in slowing down!
Habits. Without them, life as you know it would be impossible.
You’d need to relearn how to dress, eat, drive a car, make coffee–everything!
Poor habits harm us. Consider the habit of drinking a 12-pack of beer daily. Or the habit of turning to ice cream when you feel sad or angry, then depressed because your clothes are too tight.
Why bother developing godly habits? Godly habits let you live life well. A habit of ample rest and eating healthy foods energize you. The habit of continual prayer brings peace. The habit of putting God first is true happiness and in the muck of life too!
Holy Sweat of Godly Habits
The apostle Paul encouraged his young friend Timothy to discipline himself “for the purpose of godliness.” 1 Tim 4:7 The Greek word Paul uses here for discipline is where we get our word for gymnasium. Paul’s message to Timothy was that genuine growth toward godliness requires hard work and “holy sweat.”
Right relationship requires right habits.Where do bad habits come from? How can you replace a bad habit with a godly habit?
Bad Habits Come from Wrong Beliefs and Wrong Thinking
Wrong beliefs and wrong thinking produce wrong habits.
Paul’s instructs Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:4-6 to adapt the disciplines of the farmer, the soldier, and the athlete into the spiritual realm. Listen.
No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops.
In our walk with God, if we’re not faithful with the fundamentals, we cannot enjoy life as he intends. He has given us everything we need for “life and godliness.”
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3, ESV
You and I need to discipline ourselves in our thinking (Romans 12:2) and in our actions (John 13:17; James 1:25). Then the Spirit works in us to grow in our faith (2 Peter 1:5-10).
The key to discipline is one choice at a time, daily.
5 Godly Habits to Practice
Here are habits to think through and DO throughout the day in God’s power. These habits accomplished in your own power amounts to secular behaviorism. Submit to Christ’s rule. He promises to guide you and be with you. Click on the Bible references to read them.
DIE TO SELF
Dying to self is denying personal control of one’s life. This is possible only through Holy Spirit power.
As you submit to Christ’s rule in your life, you will want to obey him. Obey is not a dirty four-letter word. It’s a path to contentment and peace. The Holy Spirit will work in you to produce godly habits. You are not alone.
Question: What godly habit God is calling you to develop?
Need Help with Habits?
Are you ready to rid yourself of an ungodly habit like worry, addiction, or angry words? Do you want help in developing the “5 Godly Habits to Practice,” listed above? Contact me. We’ll talk and see how Jesus through biblical counseling wants to transform your heart and give you abundant life now.
ty? Put on 
