by Lucy | Feb 4, 2016 | emotions, emotions, thoughts |
Isn’t it encouraging that you and God can rewrite old tapes that are negative and discouraging?
These tapes, these words you repeat to yourself, may have a tidbit of truth.
An example:
You may have made a mistake–we all do–but your mistake doesn’t define you.
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To God, you are not a failure.
The old tapes you play may say you you’re a mess-up or lack value or beauty. The most important and wonderful truth: In Christ, you are God’s child and he loves you beyond your imagination.
He loves you, so you can share love with others. . .family, friends, people at church, neighbors, co-workers, the cashier at Walmart, anyone, everyone.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19, ESV
Tapes Start in Childhood
The old destructive tapes often began in childhood. An exception may be that you married an abusive man who puts you down day after day after day. He may tell you that you’re stupid and a loser. Even with a great childhood, hearing this vitriol in your marriage can undo you and cause you to question your worth.
In childhood, did your dad say or insinuated that you’d amount to nothing or that you were a bother? Did he make unwelcome comments about your looks or women’s beauty (or lack there of)? Did your mom seem preoccupied or highly critical? Did she have her nose in a book or her eyes fixed on TV, and shooed you away when you wanted her attention? Did she give you the silent treatment or yell at you when you failed in her eyes?
If this happened to you, my heart hurts for you. This isn’t the childhood God wants parents to to their children. You can get a picture of God’s plan for parenting here and here and here.
The messages you believed in childhood morphed into tapes that we adults repeat to ourselves regularly, if not daily,
and especially when stressed.
Overcoming the Discouragement of Old Tapes
God loves you so much he wants you to rewrite the tapes from childhood and end the sinful habits you learned from them. You may have tried to overcome your sinful habits–whether worry, bitterness, or laziness–through prayer, Bible study, talking with trustworthy friends, and even counseling. Still, they may plague you.
These sinful habits have lodged in your heart. From the heart flows our thoughts (Proverbs 4:23).
What you believe about yourself and God–whether true or false–becomes part of your thinking, but you can change!
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When negative thoughts pop us, they may seem to come out of nowhere. It’s as if they have a life of their own. When plagued with negative thoughts, isn’t it easy to feel helpless?
You may be tempted to give up on changing them. As a Christ-follower, you know God wants to thinks thoughts pleasing to him. Doesn’t Philippians 4:8 say. . .?
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
There is hope!
Rewriting Old Tapes Is a Process
You can rewrite the old tapes that began in childhood. This won’t happen overnight; it’s a process. As you replace lies you believe with God’s truth–wonderful changes ensue:
- Your thought patterns improve.
- Your beliefs line up more and more with the Word of God.
- You begin to desire what God desires–that his will be done.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4, NIV
Most important, your life glorifies God. Isn’t this the real reason God created us?
As you meditate on scripture, you create new tapes, encouraging and godly and life-giving tapes. These new tapes replace the old ones. and your thoughts, emotions, and actions follow suit. Your heart is revived!
“Heart” is the biblical term for your beliefs and motivations from which your thoughts, emotions, and actions flow. When the Bible speaks of the heart, it is almost exclusively refers to the inner workings of the soul and mind. It is the immaterial part of your being.
At first change may seem slow. As you continue to internalize the God’s truths, the greater and faster these changes will be!
Awful thoughts and sinful habits that plague you will lessen, even disappear. You’ll feel joy–and dare I say, true happiness.
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Your Next Step
Look up the Bible verses listed below. Memorize them one at a time and meditate on them.
Some of my counselees like to write them on index cards or sticky notes and place them on their car dashboard or bathroom mirror to reread them often. Others like to “draw” the verses, using the words with sketches.
Romans 12:1-2
Ephesians 4:22-24
2 Peter 1:3-4
Soon you’ll have new tapes because your mind cannot have both sinful and righteous thoughts at the same time. Tell me how it goes. I love hearing from my readers!
OFFER: I offer a complimentary 15-minute, phone consultation with any woman who has questions about counseling. To take advantage of this offer, simply contact me and say “I’d like a consultation.” I’ll email you and we’ll set up a time to talk on the phone.
Sharing Hope with Your Heart!
by Lucy | Dec 31, 2015 | biblical counseling, emotions, relationships
Training for happiness requires a winning plan.
My cousin Lydia has trained for marathons, even a few ultra-marathons of 100 miles. A 100-mile run–this blows my mind! It took her just over 25 hours to run an ultra-marathon, and a friend joined her at night and held the flashlight as they ran together.
To succeed Lydia developed a year-long plan that disciplined her to run the distance. While she prepared, never did I think, “The race is still nine months away! She’s running for no reason!” Rather, I cheered her on and knew if she skipped her daily runs, she’d set herself up for failure on race day.
The same is true for you and me. If we desire true happiness, then we need to “train” to develop it.
Before you skip to the three keys, check your heart. Ask yourself, “What motivates me to desire happiness? Do I want to bring glory and honor to God, and am I trying to prove my worthiness?” The latter reveals legalism and self-righteousness.
You cannot earn God’s favor, not ever. In Christ you already have it!
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What are the three keys to train for true happiness?
1. Spend Time in God’s Word Regularly
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV)
Delectable food to a believer’s heart is time spent in the Word.
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Reading the Bible, memorizing it, and learning to apply it–these matter greatly to developing true happiness. Isn’t it true than you are prone to drift from the truth when you skip spending time in God’s Word regularly?
In the last post, you received a practical assignment for improving your attitude. If you missed it, why not review it?
This time you get another special assignment. You’ll attach a result and a time to your goal.
Goal: Result: Time:
Read Bible Know God better 7 a.m.
Memorize verse Learn God’s peace 9 p.m.
May I encourage your creativity? If you prefer to listen to the Bible and are time-crunched, why not use an audio Bible and listen on the way to work? Do you have little ones at home? Perhaps read a section to your children just before naptime; choose an easy-to-read version like this one.
2. Pray Persistently
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV)
For many of us–me included–prayer can be difficult because so much demands our attention. Your noisy mind keeps you from focusing on Jesus, who desires to listen to your struggles, when you’re weighed down with anxiety or burdened with anger.
When I went through a tough time of depression twenty years ago, I discovered that journaling my prayers helped me focus. I put my pain on paper. I wrote where it hurt.
Some of my prayers were simple requests that I dated. I’d review these requests every so often and, as God answered them, I’d jot and date the answer. Some were not answered as I preferred, and I embraced the truth that God knew best. Others I marked “still waiting” when a few months passed and Jesus has yet not given a “yes” or a “no.”
Expect trouble during prayer for another reason. Prayer gives us direct access to Jesus, who is changing us into his likeness. Satan hates this. He hates prayer. Be prepared for this battle by determining to pray persistently.
3. Put Off, Put On
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. (Colossians 3:8-10, ESV)
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:14, NIV)
You have a particular area of struggle, don’t you? Don’t we all?!
One counselee shared she struggles with jealousy. Another said she lies when truth-telling may cause confrontation, and she hates confrontation. Still another counselee used prescription pills to numb emotional pain and became addicted to them. Another is dealing with bitterness after her husband committed adultery.
There is no easy way to find freedom life-dominating sins.
If it were easy, they wouldn’t need solution-focused, caring biblical counseling to deal with their obvious problems, and more importantly, their root problem, which lies at the heart of their desires and motivations.
The starting point is stated in 1 Kings 22:5:
First seek the counsel of the Lord.
Your map on the road to transformation is the Bible. Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever.”
Biblical counseling relies on truths of the Bible as the counselor seeks to give compassionate, wise counsel while relying on Christ to provide the power for change.
In training for true happiness, it’s wise for us all to seek wisdom in the Word, prayer, and counsel. Then we can see what ungodly habits to put off and which to put on. With God’s help we can change our thinking so our thoughts line up with his. We hate what he hates. We love what he loves.
You live your life wanting to joyfully do God’s will. The gospel becomes your goal, and true happiness is the resulting enjoyment!
Friends, do you need counsel to achieve true happiness? Are you weary? Burdened? Has life knocked your down? Is your marriage in turmoil?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, may I suggest biblical counseling with me by Skype or in person (Chicago area)? Contact me and let’s set up a time to talk. I offer a complimentary 15-minute consultation by phone.
Counseling Hope to Your Heart,
