Desire. . .does your desire match God’s desire for you? The more your desire aligns with God’s, the happier your life. Especially when you deal with an evil like pornography. This article by Heart2Heart Counselor Karen Gaul appeared first here on her website and is used with permission.
Years ago I hated olives. I didn’t like anything about them, and one day my cousin told me that if I ate seven in a row that I would not only acquire a taste for them but would actually like them. So I rose to the challenge. He was so right! I shoved seven into my mouth (not all at once) with great difficulty and a few weeks later I wanted an olive, and the rest is history.
Unfortunately I don’t have to do something seven times before it becomes something that I really like. I wish it were so because we would be spared much trouble.
I was in a workshop with a well-known Christian artist, and he shared that while he was leading a men’s Bible study group in his church he came to learn that several of the men struggled with internet porn. Wanting to understand them better he decided to check out a website.
He did that once and he forever has wished he had not done so. It left a picture in his head. Pictures are indeed worth a thousand words. Vivid pictures leave a mark on your brain. What we put into our minds we do have to deal with.
What the Bible Says About Desire
“In the last days people will be lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).I think we are living in those days. Pleasure ads are all around us. We are encouraged to find it and hold on to it. We are told it is our right to feel good. We don’t need to work at desiring it.
Is it wrong to desire pleasure? Absolutely not. God delighted in His Creation, God delights in His Son. John Piper wrote a book called The Pleasures of God. He writes that God finds pleasure in all He does.
Is it wrong to want pain and suffering gone? Again absolutely not! When Jesus was in the Garden He asked for His “cup” to be removed. Paul asked threee times for his thorn in the flesh to be removed. The Psalmist frequently asked for his trouble to be gone.
In the garden Adam and Eve desired God, they were intimate with Him, vulnerable with each other. It was a time of perfect and pure pleasure and then the snake subtly brought a new thought. They could find pleasure elsewhere, so Eve looked at the apple and it looked amazing, so she took it and ate of it. She was enticed to find her fulfillment (he
r pleasure) in something other than God.
When then does desire for pleasure go awry? It goes awry when we want the fullness of pleasure now!
It goes awry when desire gives birth to a need and the need gives birth to a right or demand. James 1 says the temptation when conceived gives birth to sin.
It goes awry when we don’t know how to handle and deal with our trouble or pain or past.
It goes awry when we buy into the lie that pornography will satisfy.
It goes awry when we see it as a normal part of our existence rather than self-seeking.
It goes awry when what I want is more important than what God wants.
It may have started innocently enough You may have looked twice at a pop up on the computer, you may have accidentally connected with someone on Facebook, maybe you took too long a gaze at a magazine counter, maybe as a child someone shared something with you that you were too young to see, maybe you had an abusive experience when you were young and although you hated the abuse your body betrayed you by responding to the touch, maybe you were just curious. This list is endless as to how you were enticed.
Again we are creatures who were made to find pleasure, but. . .
Pornography promises release from pain, release from tension, a different focus, pleasure because it always will lead to masturbation. I wish I could say this was a male problem, but more and more it is also a temptation for women. I wish I could say it would satisfy but it won’t. It will leave you filled with shame and guilt and worse.
It will rule you. It is a horrid and heavy chain. It is done in secret, it brings with it lies, it leaves a path of broken homes and relationships.
One glance and Eve was done. It’s not like you have to look seven times as in eating olives, but the end result is the same you will want more.
The bite had Adam and Eve. . .
thrown out of paradise, out of Eden,
out of the place where pleasure with God was a daily experience,
Friend, pornography will not deliver either. If you are already involved in pornography you already know this. Find help. Make the call. Your relationships will be blessed if you do, your walk with God will be restored if you do, and you will open yourself up to experience the pleasures of God if you do.
Jesus came to set the captive free so if you are thinking “I am too stuck, I have tried it all, I have been involved for too long” hear this…Jesus came to give release to the captive, to give freedom from bondage, to give joy and fulfillment, to heal and restore relationships.
He is able! His love and grace and restoring ability is ALWAYS greater than our sin.
The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more. Romans 5:20
Is “biblical counseling” the same as “Christian counseling”?
Very often it’s not.
I’m going to share a short story of what I learned the hard way. I want to spare you unnecessary pain and confusion. Sound cool?
Before I made an appointment with a “Christian” counselor, I wish I had heard these words from Pastor John MacArthur: “Modern psychologies use hundreds of counseling models and techniques based aon a myriad of conflicting theories, so it is impossible to speak of psychotherapy as if it were a unified and consistent science.”
Sadly, what Christian women need to know to live an abundant life is not found in many of today’s ‘Christian’ self-help books. Instead of guidance in knowing and pleasing God, which is the way to finding abundant life, we are given man-centered philosophies on how to love ourselves more, how to get more out of life, how to assert ourselves.
I pray you’ll have more discernment than me when you decide to reach out for help. Would you like a great way to find profiles of excellent female biblical counselors who have been vetted? Check out my Heart2Heart Counselor Directory.
Finding a Counselor the Old Way
In my early 30s, I grabbed the phone book — Google had yet to come on the scene — and looked up “counseling,” searching for a Christian counselor. I figured he’d counsel by the Bible.Foolish me.
We prayed once in a while, but he also encouraged a crazy technique called transference. I became to depend on him for my happiness. I wanted his approval not God’s And every time I left the counseling office I felt worse, and my “counselor addiction” grew.
He said this transference meant I was healing. I was getting worse! He said to expect this as I got better emotionally. Are you shaking your head?
Rejection! You’ve faced it. So have I. Hasn’t every woman?
Isn’t it wonderful to know God accepts you, sweet sister? Acceptance is daylight to rejection’s black. When feelings of rejection creep up, you could be in the middle of a party and feel isolated, cut off, abandoned.
This short, 2-minute video speaks to the hurting heart and rejection. I have something to say afterward. After you watch, please read on. Thanks. 🙂
Do you want to overcome the pain of rejection? Do you want to be heard? Do you want a God-honoring solution?
Biblical counseling uncovers the root issues of the feelings of rejection (and other difficulties) and provides practical, God-honoring solutions.
Isn’t it amazing that God empowers you to live full and godly lives that please him?
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
Do you want everyday victory over rejection and follow Christ’s way?
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it hat no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. Colossians 2:6-8
I specialize in counseling women and families who want an action plan to get well. The problems they bring include:
Like you I’ve experienced pain. In Christ I’ve found healing. My healing was not complete in a day. I immersed myself in the Bible, praise music, and prayer. I now have peace in my circumstances and know what to do when I trip into an emotional pothole of misery.
Are you ready to find freedom from the feeling of rejection? Contact me for a complimentary 20-minute introductory consult by phone. I’d love to answer your questions and together decide whether biblical counseling is a good fit for you.
I’m an experienced, certified biblical counselor called by God to counsel women and families who want practical, Christ-centered help and hope. I also counsel female ministry leaders, who often struggle with problems too. Read more about me.
Counseling hope to the heart is God’s purpose for me. Do you need someone to listen to your story and find biblical solutions to your hurt? Please contact me today.
Many years ago, like many overly self-counscious teen girls, I stared in the bathroom mirror and my 14-year-old eyes spoke the question of my soul: Who am I?
A gangling eighth-grader; a highly sensitive, gangling eighth-grader, I tried to smile at the right times at my new school and not do something stupid. Basically I just wanted to fit in.
Did I mention I was shy?
Then the popular (aka mean) girls at my new school thought it hilarious to call me spacey. I wondered if this was who I was.
Was I “spacey” like the mean girls at my new school said?
Insecure, yes. Quiet, yes. Spacey, no.
Then, later that year — and I didn’t tell a soul at school — my dad spent more than a month in a psych ward, and his diagnosis of manic-depression scrambled my thoughts. Like father, like daughter? Did his problem determine my identity?
Even later that horrible year, a boy molested me several times. Was my identity now “victim”?
Where to Find Acceptance
For a long time, yes. I saw myself as an insecure, anxious victim who longed for acceptance. I tried and tried and tried to make people like me. My happiness depended on what others thought of me and how they treated me. I was a people-pleaser through and through, and that’s a horrible way to live, being jerked around by others’ opinions.
Think about it. Who knows me best? Who knows you best? The real you. Your Maker, right?
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31
In Christ alone, you discover your new identity and know God accepts you because of the Cross.
What Would You Add to the List?
Here’s the short list of who he says you are. Would you like the long list? I’d be honored to send you a complimentary download. Just leave a comment below or contact me.
Please notice they are present tense. They are true of you now.
You are blessed. (Ephesians 1:3)
You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7)
You are a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
You are complete. (Colossians 2:9-10)
You are eternally secure. (Romans 8:31-39)
You are God’s workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10)
You are God’s treasure. (1 Peter 2:9-10)
These statements are true of folks who are believers in Jesus as their Savior. If you are not certain that you are a believer, may I encourage you to go here to find out? Easy to understand. Interactive. Answers your questions.
Does anger sometimes get the best of you?If we’re honest, we’d all admit to flinging pointy words at a loved one or clamming up. Death by silence, right?
Anger is an emotion you experience when you’ve been wronged, real or perceived.
In this short article, you’ll learn–
Three commons lies.
A practical and doable solution.
Like you, I’ve believed lies about anger. When I was age 3, my mom snapped an embarrassing photo of me. My bottom lip protruded from Chicago to Shanghai, my blue eyes glared. Back then I believed the lie that the best way to handle anger was to not talk about it.
Then a couple years ago, when our family’s health insurance increased a chunk a money each month, I complained to my husband who said, “It could be a lot worse,” then resumed watching TV.
The insensitive clod, I thought.
I responded to his indifference with more quiet anger. Did you know this emotion ranges from mild irritation to frustration to self-pity to rage?
Lie 1: Anger Is Sinful
Anger is a God-given emotion. It is neither morally right nor wrong. Consider Jesus, fully God and fully man, who never sinned. He became angry at the sight of money changers in the temple.
Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.“It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’” Matthew 21:12-13, NIV
Some thirty times in Psalms the word anger is used, often referring to God’s anger. God’s anger is always righteous. Righteous anger is holy.
Shepherd-King David implored God regarding his enemies:
Pour out your indignation upon them, and let your burning anger overtake them. Psalm 69:24, ESV
Lie 2: Punch a Pillow
The way you express this emotion determines whether it becomes sin, or a violation of God’s will. Ephesians 4:26 says,
In your anger do not sin.
This means it is possible for you to angry without sinning. But let’s be honest: You and I almost always express this emotion by acting out loudly and destructively–yelling, slamming doors, using fists, name-calling, and punching pillows. Or. . .
When you believe that life should be fair, and you’ve been mistreated, you’ll probably think your anger is justified, even good. You may believe that expressing it–loudly or quietly–is your right.
Second, exchange your wrong belief with a right belief. This is was a right belief sound like.
Right belief: “God is in control of all my circumstances so I can trust him and give him my rights. I believe that when I act upon the truth of the Bible, no matter how I feel, God will bring about a good result. I choose to allow my anger to motivate me to do what God wants me to do.”
Finally, look upon anger as a type of warning signal. It tells you something is amiss. Recognizing you feel anger helps you stomp lies about it and choose to handle it well.
May I Pray for You?
Please help me when I feel angry. Let it be a motivator to speak the truth in love to the person who has wronged me or to simply accept a situation that seems unfair. Give me patience and deeper faith. Amen.
Did you know that I offer a complimentary phone consultation to women who are hurting? To ask for his consultation, please contact me and we’ll schedule it. No obligation. 🙂