Top 3 Reasons for Anger!

anger 3Anger: Some women bottle it up; others let it blow. The important question: What’s the best way to handle anger?

You’ve experienced anger, haven’t you? We all have. The reasons for anger outnumber summer dandelions. Like a dandelion, it has a root. Just as weeding can rid dandelions from your yard, you can learn the best way to let go of your anger.

In this article, you’ll get these two practical helps to grow hope in your soul:

  1. Identify 3 main reasons for anger.
  2. Discover the how to zap anger at its root.

The last thing you want is a place for the devil. The word devil come from the Greek diabolos, which means “one who makes malicious false statements; a false accuser; a slanderer.” It is the a title for Satan.

His main goal is to deceive people, including Christians. He wants to convince you to reject the truth and believe lies.

‘In your anger do not sin.’ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV)

Reasons for Anger

Hurt: Tami’s husband is MIA — “in the worst way,” she says. “He’s here but not here. I’m so hurt I could scream.” After dinner, he disappears into his man cave, where he reclines in a La-Z-Boy and flips cable channels. He has next-to-know conversation with Tami or their two young school-aged children during the evening. She cleans up after dinner, helps with homework, and gets them ready for bed — and seethes.

A normal response to a hurt is anger. When hurt, do you stuff your anger? Do you yell or slam doors?

Lack of control. When your life gets squirmy, you may feel out of control and angry.

“What are you? Stupid?” Suzanne yelled into her cell. Her teenage son had forgotten to pick up his little brothers from soccer practice. A single mom, she depends on her eldest for help. Her mocking putdown reveals her feelings of lack of control. She didn’t get what she wanted so she got angry.

Can you think something you got that you didn’t want? Perhaps a parking ticket? A poor performance review? A snub from a friend? What was your emotion?

Godly indignation. Sometimes — but not often, if we’re honest — you and I feel anger when we hate what God hates. God hates hypocrisy. He hates evil. God hates the trafficking of children. God experiences anger yet never sins. His anger is holy.

Here’s a scene in the Bible where Jesus displays anger:

Jesus goes into the synagogue on a Sabbath where there were Pharisees and a man with a withered hand and “looked around at them [the Pharisees] in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus” (Mark 5:6).

What’s something you hate that God hates? Does it make you angry? This is godly indignation.

How to Kill Anger

Hold on to your godly indignation and let it propel you to good — this is holy anger. My husband and I hate the suffering of families in poverty. Our anger has led us to support a child through World Vision and to organize a food drive to stock a local food pantry. But. . .

Uproot ungodly anger. It ends up hurting you and the people around you. It also grieves the Spirit (Ephesians 4:30).

Unresolved anger can become bitterness that poisons your relationships and you. The sure “cure” for anger is forgiveness. Let’s look at forgiveness from two angles.

When you’ve been wronged, you can become angry and sin. Or you can choose forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t easy. It costs you. It cost God (Colossians 3:13). When you forgive someone, you no longer hold the person’s sin against them. Forgiving doesn’t excuse their behavior or pretends the wrong never happened. However, you choose to let it go.

Your also deal with your hurt in a godly manner. It is wise for Tami and Suzanne to seek God’s perspective and determine to obey the Word in spite of how they feel. Both women need to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) to their family members.

Tami could let her husband know how his disappearing act hurts her and the family. She can be confident that God will work in her husband’s heart, convicting him of his need to ask forgiveness (2 Timothy 3:16). Suzanne could lovingly remind her son that she counts on him to help out and if he’s unable to follow through on his commitment than he needs to let her know so she can make alternate arrangements.

In addition, Tami needs to ask her husband’s forgiveness. She has anger toward her husband that she need to confess. Suzanne needs to ask her son’s forgiveness too. Angry words cut like a knife.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

3 Parts of a Message

Did you know that the words you say are just one part of your communication? Your body language and your tone of voice make up a far larger part of your message than your words. Would you believe that they account for more than 90 percent of your message? This is an essential you need to know — that I need to remember too — in all of our relationships.

Please subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! When you subscribe you also will get a complimentary e-Book on your indentity in Christ. Also, order the quick download “7 Steps to Putting the Past in the Past. . .and Keeping It There.”



Sharing hope with your heart,

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Domestic Abuse: How to Help a Victim

domestic abuseDOMESTIC ABUSE: Here’s wisdom on counseling victims. Guest writer Joshua Waulk, director of Baylight Counseling, says domestic abuse is anti-gospel and anti-Christ. His article appeared first here and is used with permission. PLUS: Get a safety plan! 

hope icon

Domestic abuse, in all forms, represents a gross departure from how Scripture portrays biblical marriage, including the example of self-sacrificial love modeled for the church by Jesus.

Recently, I read an article at the site of a counseling ministry that addressed a wife whose husband had the whole family “walking on egg shells.” He had explosive behavior. While physical abuse was not alledged, there was clear indication the family was suffering emotionally since the husband and father subjected them to his fits of anger.

Reading this wife’s story was disheartening, but not surprising. Socially, we know that domestic abuse is now and has been for many a debilitating, sometimes years long reality. Authors Justin and Lindsey Holcomb, in their book, “Is It My Fault? Hope and Healing for Those Suffering Domestic Violence,” wrote the following:

Abusers often find ways to hurt the whole person. They shred their victim’s sense of self-worth, crush their wills, and violate their bodies. The effects are widespread and catastrophic—including physical, social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual damage. If left untended, these effects will be ongoing, no matter how long ago the abuse happened. This is why it is important to deal with them honestly now.

I would like to think that these truths are not novel to anyone in counseling or pastoral ministry. Yet there’s a reason many keep pounding the drum.

We Don’t Question Victims of Domestic Abuse

“I don’t know whether you’re a great wife or your kids are angels…”

The line you just read was inluded in the counselor’s response to the wife mentioned above. She was exasperated at her husband’s erractic and sinful behavior, so she sought wise counsel from a third party. This is no small thing. We cannot afford to miss an opportunity to come to the side of an abused wife or child. Frankly, we may not get a second chance.

Often times, wives and children suffering at the hands of a manipulative tyrant are too overcome with fear to reach out for help. Perpetrators of domestic abuse often convince their victims that to seek help is to risk much more in retrobution and fallout than they might wish to endure. Examples include severe physical harm, loss of children, loss of finanical support, and so on..

Counselors, especially those who serve the church in any official capacity, must be aware of indications of domestic abuse. They must be resolved to never tolerate or give quarter to an abuser or their abusive behavior, regardless of the consequences that follow. Where marriage and family is concerned, biblical counselors must be resolute about this:

In the life of the family, domestic abuse, in all forms,

is anti-gospel and anti-Christ.

We Comfort Victims of Domestic Abuse

This makes questioning the personal, in-home performance of potential victims of domestic abuse a potentially grievous error. Such questioning often shows a lack of care, compassion, and concern for the safety of those involved. It threatens to re-victimize them by sending them into an emotional retreat, potentially convinced of their aggressor’s lies that help is out of reach.

In sum, it shows a lack of understanding and preparation to work with and provide care for victims of domestic abuse. These descriptions must never be true of those who serve as biblical counselors. Biblical counseling, as well as the church proper, ought to represent one place where perpetrators know, without question, they cannot hide their sin.

Domestic abuse represents a dynamic milieu of emotional and spiritual issues. However, addressing the victim and aggressor in the posture of marriage counseling is not the proper place to begin counseling.

In domestic abuse, the problem is not the victim’s alleged shortcomings or even their own sin. The problem to be addressed in counseling first is the condition of the aggressor’s heart that gave rise to abusive behavior in the main. This issue is second only to securing the victim’s safety, a paramount concern.

We Help Victims of Domestic Abuse

Biblical Counselor Brad Hambrick writes,

Until safety is no longer in doubt, other concerns should be only a way of understanding how to create a safe disposition or environment for the individual.

Biblical counselors and those in church ministry must be unwavering here: personal sin and shortcomings are never an ocassion for another, especially one’s own spouse or family member, to engage in acts of domestic abuse.

Whenever biblical or pastoral counselors suspect domestic abuse, let them trust that this is the first issue to be addressed in counseling. And, let the manner in which they counsel, speak hope to victims, repentance to perpetrators, conviction to the church, and the gospel to the culture. (Note: When someone is in danger, call police immediately.)

Resource for Victims

How to Develop a Safety Plan for Domestic Violence by Brad Hambrick

Join the Discussion

  1. What action steps can the church take to communicate to perpetrators that their sin will not be kept hidden?
  2. What action steps can the church take to proactively minister to the domestic abuse victim?

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

Gossips: Which Type Are You?

gossipsGossips! Oh my, who hasn’t been burned by gossiping people? And if you and I are brutally honest, we’ll admit we’ve gossiped too! In this short post, you’ll meet the five types of gossips and learn to identify yourself.

Quick, What Is Gossip?

In Matt Mitchell’s book Resisting Gossip, he says gossip is “bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of bad heart.” It is living out Satan’s schemes to tear down and rip apart. But isn’t it hard to resist saying things about other people that you wouldn’t say to their face?

5 Types of Gossips

In Mitchell’s “gallery of gossips,” meet five types of gossiping people. See if you can identify a gossip in your family, church, or workplace. See if you can identify yourself.

#1: The Spy

In Proverbs 11:13, the Hebrew word translated “gossip” means “‘a peddler (of secrets), a huckster/hawker, deceiver, or spy.’ This type of gossip is an informer. She convinces us to tell her our story then share it without permission.

A gossip betrays a confidence,
    but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. Prov. 11:13

#2: The Grumbler

Another Hebrew word commonly translated “gossip” refers to a whisperer. Whisperers murmur about another person to others; she shies away from open complaints about the person.

resisting gossip book#3: The Backstabber

Backstabbing gossip overflows from a revengeful heart. The backstabber wants to hurt you. The backstabber typically spreads lie after lie. It is a smear campaign.

#4: The Chameleon

A chameleon goes along with gossip to to fit into the crowd. She is motivated by fear and is afraid of what others will think, say, or do if she doesn’t join in. The fear of man keeps her in this prison (Prov. 29:25).

#5: The Busybody

The busybody meddles in other people’s buisess. She gossips for personal entertainment and to live vicariously through the stories of others.

Please leave a comment or question at this blog post if you have a sec. I’d love to hear your thoughts and pray for you. You may also send me a message, if you prefer.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

 

Why Didn’t I Listen?

silent-saying

WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN to my hurting friend’s heart when she had a terrible secret? How can I listen better next time? In this short article, you’ll learn at least two things:

1) How I failed my friend.

2) Steps we women can take in our churches to help others who are afraid to speak.

My college-bound high school friend Lynn aborted her baby at age 18. I said nothing to intervene, to comfort. I learned of her plans through a mutual friend. But Lynn was my good friend too. I could have spoken up, right?

Her mistake: Staying silent and telling only her boyfriend and our mutual friend. (And, of course, abortion is the killing of the unborn. At that time she supported the pro-choice agenda.)

Mine: Failing to speak up. Tangled inside, I didn’t want to force my beliefs on my friend.  I believed abortion was morally wrong, though I wasn’t yet a Christ follower, but I chose to clamp my mouth shut.

I’ve wondered why she had the abortion and I said nothing. Were we. . .

a) Proud

b) Embarrassed

c) Shamed

d) All of the above

What’s another reason people choose silence? 

Why Choose Silence?

Another reason you and I do not speak may be ignorance; more likely it’s selfishness. Lynn didn’t want a baby; it was an inconvenience. I didn’t want to rock a friendship so I comforted her through silence.

This silence? Was it real comfort?

It seemed to make things better. I didn’t know then what I know now: Women who have abortions are in desperate need of healing. If I had known the devastation to women, I would have said something, anything, to discourage her. She would have spoken; I would have listened.

I admit I messed up. And I can’t my sin of silence.

Can you think of a time you messed up too? Were you able to make it better?

Where Churches Can Help (or Hurt)

In many churches today, women very rarely share secrets of their abortions or depression or prostitution or drug use. One reason is fear of condemnation from her Christian sisters.

The good news: You can help make your church a safe place to share painful secrets. How?

1. Begin with prayer. Ask God to bring a hurting woman into your life.

2. Be patient. A hurting woman won’t tell you her pain at first. She needs to know she can trust you. She need to know you won’t condemn her. The Bible says,

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

3. Share compassionate comfort and hope. Let her know that nothing can separate her from God’s love. Show her this verse.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Finding Real Peace

When you’ve sinned, you’ll find peace when you go to God and agree with him that what you did was wrong. God wants you to move toward him, not seclude yourself or think you are “less than.” He listens!

And he affirms you in the best way possible. At Calvary, Jesus was your substitute for all of your screw-ups — past, present and future. Don’t believe Satan’s lie that your mistakes are unforgivable.

Your mistakes do not define you. Your identity as a child of God does.

Contact me and I’ll share a wonderful, free resource with you. Simply say “Indentity in Christ” resource and I’ll send it to you. That simple.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

God Loves to Love Messy!

Embrace the messy, sweet sister. 

Our perfect God loves to love messy women like us. I’ve stuggled with anxiety. Even panic attacks. And maybe you have too. But God is with me. I know this because he keeps his promises! Always. Don’t you have messy struggles too?

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5b

Have you experienced messy emotions? How about loneliness or messy relationships? Maybe your adult child ignores you. Maybe a dear friend won’t return your phone calls. Perhaps your gasoline tank is on empty and you have no idea where you’ll get money to pay for gas.

Remember, you are not alone!

In this short article, you’re reminded of 3 truths for every Christ follower:

  1. God values you.
  2. He understands your hurt.
  3. He offers healing.

God Values You

God gets it, this hurt that weighs you down. And he offers you peace through Jesus Christ. Your past failures don’t push him away, nor do your present mistakes. Do you have any idea how much God values you?

Soak in God’s truth that you are valued, significant, and loved. Our God is tender toward you. He is Emmanuel — God with you. He calls you. . .Beloved.

Would you like my free ebooklet “5 Amazing Names God Calls You”?

To get it, click here. Fast, simple. And no spam. Ever.

God Understands Your Pain

Everyone has a story of pain. I’ll share one of mine. Would you like to share one of yours with me too? Feel free to send me a message.

Back in the early 1990’s, depression clawed my mind and darkened my mood. Anxiety rattled me too. Difficult memories storm-surged. Yes, there was my parents’ divorce but something even worse. Something I had never told anyone, not ever. And then I sought counseling.

I asked myself, how could I tell anyone my pain? Especially women in the church who seemed to have it all together?

Fast forward to 2000, the year of God’s specific call on my life.

A summer day. Sunny, a soft breeze. Me alone, in prayer. And God impressed on my heart this . . .

“Lucy, comfort my sheep who are hurting with the comfort you’ve received from me.”

“Who me?” I asked

“Trust me, Lucy.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Trust me.”

Like the fuzz of a dandelion, my worries flew away. “Okay, Lord.” Just as God understood my pain, he understands yours too. And he offers healing. Sometimes God’s healing comes quickly, but sometimes it seems as slow as molasses, don’t you agree?

And sometimes God heals us this side of heaven.

God Offers Healing

God cherishes you and wants to heal you. He is our hope. Will you choose hope?

To help hurting Christian I went to seminary, read shelves of books, and became certified in biblical counseling. Now I’m furthering my education, working toward a doctorate in biblical counseling.

Over the years I’ve counseled Christian women and the leaders who serve them. Fearful women. Lonely women. Abused women. Women caught in addiction: shopping, alcohol, pornography. Women who’ve committed adultery. Women with hard pasts.

Women like me. Like you. We’re messy, right?

God accepts you just as you are. Like the woman at the well (John 4), an outcast among outcasts, you are loved by the One who ribbons the sky with rainbows. He want to embrace you, to heal you.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4:13-15

Are you thirsty for living water? Do you ache to know the answer of hope for your heart?

Contact me with your questions and prayer requests. There’s hope.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

 

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5 AMAZING NAMES GOD CALLS YOU!

Blessed, Daughter, Saint, and more!

In this delightful, four-color ebook, you’ll discover the precious names God calls you. Today so many Christian women don’t fully know their wonderful identity in Christ. Isn’t a time to know yours? Filled with scripture, photography, personal stories, and encouragement!

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