Have a Truly Beautiful Christmas!

Have a Truly Beautiful Christmas!

Does a truly beautiful Christmas mean newly fallen snow, gingerbread houses, and piles of sparkly presents under the tree? Of course not. A truly beautiful Christmas is so much more.

God adorns you on the inside, beginning in your thoughts. Yucky, God-dismissing thoughts are disgusting like dirty snow. But beautiful God-glorifying thoughts spill into new attitudes and new actions.

What’s truly beautiful: a Christ-focused Christian woman!

But how do we get from ugly, dirty snow thinking to the truly beautiful? This is a favorite question, one I use to counsel my own heart and to help my counselees. Indeed, if we don’t know our hope, then how can we get there?

In today’s enouragement…

truly beautiful Christmas

You’ll see how to focus your thoughts on God’s glory, which in turn changes your attitude and actions. And, dear sister, if now you have crummy thoughts and a humbug attitude, please keep reading because these words are for you.  

1. Focus on God in Your Thoughts

A truly beautiful Christmas begins with thinking on the truth that we love God because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). We couldn’t save ourselves. We need a Savior, born in a manger long, long ago, God’s answer to our deepest problem. That is, sin.

And this is important: we choose to focus on God’s glory with our minds, not our feelings. Please don’t let emotions rule you. For when you do, you may soar like an eagle one moment but drop like a stone the next.

Instead, focus on his glory no matter your feelings. As you do, nasty thoughts lessen in intensity and duration and new, God-glorifying thoughts take their place.

OUT GOES 

Jealousy, bitterness, sadness, anxiety, doubt

IN COMES

Generosity, kindness, contentment, peace, confidence

2. Focus on God in Your Attitude

A truly beautiful Christmas becomes an amazing attitude. You see, as think on the God’s truth and agree with it, your attitude renews. To illustrate, let’s look at 1 Thessalonians 5:18 with my counselees. This verse says,

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

As you might expect, most of my counselees deal with tough stuff. Who wants to give thanks for the hard? No one, right? But this isn’t what the verse says. It says to give thanks in all circumstances.

Yes, it’s horrible to learn a husband looks at porn. And it’s awful a teen daughter skips class or that you may lose your job. But you can be thankful that God is in control and is working out all things even when you cannot see it (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Are you beginning to see how your attitude changes as you focus on God? No one is a lost cause, no situation is hopeless. To the contrary! If you need help to improve your thinking, contact me.

Focus on God in Your Actions

A truly beatiful Christmas also means new God-glorifying actions, whether in word or deed. But each of us are weighed down, right? The single mom, the empty nester, the woman in chronic pain, the perfectionist, and on and on and on.

And modern-day, busy-busy Christmas makes demands on our schedules and energy, and sometimes in the middle of it all, our thoughts go south and our attitudes stink. But when we focus on God, our actions and words can display Christ beautifully.

Remember, change does NOT start with behavior modificaiton. Rather, as mentioned, it begins with your thoughts. So if you (or a friend) notice you spoke sharply or complained about snow or lack thereof, or if you’re dissatisfied, choose to think about your thoughts.

Ask yourself–

  • What thoughts just ran though my mind?

Then condider–

  • Do my thoughts honor God? Do they line up with the Word?

If not, then determine to change them.

  • First, identify right thinking.
  • Second, agree with God to renew your thoughts.
  • Third, ask his help to change.
  • And finally, thank him for what he’ll do even before he does it. This is faith!

Indeed, focusing on God in your thoughts, attitudes, and actions ensures a truly beautiful Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Yearning for a Happy Home at Christmas

homeDoesn’t everyone want a happy home at Christmas? As we rush to finish shopping and baking and wrapping, did you know you have the better home?

This better home is your life in Christ.

You can experience this life in Christ at Christmas and all through the year even if you had a hard home life growing up. It’s just a little bit of heaven, a foreshadow of the best.

Happy Home?

My counselee “Suzie” balks at the word home. Many many years ago, her Christmas at her house was not cookies and hot chocolate, evergreens and gifts–or Jesus. Rather, her parent’s friends came over to party hard, just as they did every day. She felt unsafe, forgotten, and unloved.

As a kid, Suzie tried the booze that littered her house. By middle school, she looked for a safe place in one guy’s arms then another’s. That didn’t satisfy either. To forget her lack of a happy home, she drank and smoked dope and discovered a counterfeit happiness in “not feeling a thing.” Did you experience a difficult upbringing too? Where did you look for happiness? For hope?

We all seek a place to belong, a place of safety.

Home Came to Us

In a dream, an angel told Joseph, who was pledged to wed Mary, “She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” The day of his birth is the wonderful day we celebrate Christmas.

Jesus made his home among us with a purpose. Counselor Paul Tripp says,

The whole redemptive story marches toward Immanuel, the Redeemer who would destroy sin’s dominion in our hearts by making our hearts the place where he, in his power, wisdom, and glory, would dwell.

When you find your home in Jesus, you have rest. You rest from striving to earn salvation.  Sometimes it’s difficult to believe you don’t have to do more or be perfect to get on God’s good side, isn’t it?

Home = Jesus

In Jesus you find true belonging and safety. A warm place to be real and breathe deep.

1. Belonging
Home is the place where your belong and find your identity. In Christ, you are a new creation ( 2 Cor. 5:17) and a child of God (Rom. 8:15).

2. Safety
Your home protects your from the cold and keeps you safe. Jesus is your true place of safety. When Jesus conquered sin and death, nothing can separate us from him, not even death.

Romans 8:38-39 proclaims,

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As you yearn for a happy home this Christmas, remember you have your true home in Jesus. You belong to him, he is your safe place.

Suzie embraced this truth in an unlikely place: a 12-step group. She walked in addicted to booze, met a new friend there — a young Christian woman who had a spare room for her to live — and left with hope. The friend told her about Jesus’ love for her. Suzie said, “Yes, Lord.”

This is the true happy home she yearned for. What about you? Are you searching for your true home–a place of safety and belonging? Feel free to contact me and share your story.

Merry Christmas!

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Help! I’m So Lonely! 10 Practical Suggestions

lonelyAre you lonely? During the holidays, lonely folks–and Christians get lonely too!–are as numerous as snowflakes in a Minnesota blizzard. Still, knowing this fact doesn’t take away the emptiness, does it? So what helps? Pastor Paul Tautges shares part of the booklet “Help! I’m So Lonely” by biblical counselor Deborah Howard, RN, an article that appeared first on his website. He is the editor of the Help! series.

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Loneliness takes many forms and its causes are almost endless. There’s loneliness from. . .

  • Losing a spouse or other loved one.
  • Being alone in a new environment.
  • Being single in what seems like a world full of couples.
  • Being in a loveless or troubled marriage.
  • Being married to someone who, through debilitating illness, is a shadow of his/her former self.
  • Being elderly, often starved for companionship or a friendly touch.
  • Being exceptional—whether exceptionally beautiful or plain, exceptionally intelligent or cognitively challenged, exceptionally fat/skinny, exceptionally tall/short, exceptionally famous or seemingly invisible.
  • Anything that sets us apart from others can cause us to feel disconnected and isolated.

Not only are there different causes, but loneliness varies in other ways. Some loneliness is temporary; some is long-term. Some is deep and aching; some is merely unsettling. Some causes minor discomfort; some causes major dysfunction.

Deborah Howard, RN, penned the wonderful mini-book HELP! I’m So Lonely. In it she explains why loneliness is an age-old problem and how God ministers to us in our loneliness.

10 Practical Suggestions

But what practical suggestions could help us in our loneliness? And what help could we give to lonely people? Deborah gives the following bits of counsel in her final chapter. The following is a brief summary of her counsel.

1: Spend Time with People When You’re Lonely

Spend time with people. Whether you realize it or not, you need people. Loneliness and grief shouldn’t be kept to yourself. Perhaps you don’t want to be in big crowds. Fine. Then spend one-on-one time with someone you care about. Schedule lunch with a friend and notice the taste of the food, the décor, the waiter/waitress—try to live “in the moment.”

2: Listen Closely 

Listen closely to your lunch companion’s conversation. The first few times you do it may seem empty and unfulfilling. But keep doing it.

3: It’s OK to Cry When You’re Lonely

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry. Crying can be therapeutic. It may make other people uncomfortable, but that’s their issue, not yours. Tears are a healthy response to loss. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust the Lord or that your faith is weak. It simply means your heart is breaking and your body is responding appropriately for you!

4:  Spend Time Outside

Enjoy some peace and quiet in nature. If you prefer spending time alone, don’t do it locked up in your house. Get outside. Surround yourself with nature. It’s amazing how the Lord ministers to us through His creation. Even something as simple as sitting outside, enjoying the sunshine or a gentle breeze can be amazingly restorative and uplifting.

5: Take Care of Yourself When You’re Lonely

Take care of yourself. Basically, this means doing the things that ensure your overall physical well-being. Grieving people sometimes forget or skip the simplest tasks. Eat regular, healthy meals. True, cooking nutritious meals for one isn’t easy.

But don’t just eat “easy” stuff—take-out, fast food, or microwave meals—and miss out on important nutrition (in fact, watching a person’s weight is a good way to determine how well they are coping with loss). So try to eat regularly, even if food seems to have lost its taste and appeal. You need it to get better.

6: Try Something New!

Cultivate new interests. Get involved in meaningful activities. This may mean taking a cooking or art class. Helping others can be fulfilling, so you might consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, church, hospital or hospice. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn another language, or how to garden, play tennis or the violin. Do it now.

7: Journal When You’re Lonely

Keep a daily journal of your thoughts. Set daily goals and meet them. No one else has to ever see your work. But writing is a way to express the inner workings of your heart/mind. It can be therapeutic to put your thoughts on paper, to review them periodically and see the progression of the healing process.

lonely8: Hello, Fido! Hello, Fluffy!

Consider getting a pet. It’s amazing how much company a pet provides. Pet ownership provides unconditional love, a reason to get out of bed, something to be responsible for, and a continual source of amusement.

9: Hang with Your Church Family When You’re Lonely

Don’t abandon the people of God. The church can be of significant value to those who are hurting and lonely. In a way, the body of Christ (His church) is like arms that can embrace you, hands that can serve you, expressions of empathy that can comfort you. Don’t turn your back on that kind of support. Sometimes a person becomes angry at his circumstances and angry at God. As a result, he becomes lonelier.

10: Stay in the Word

I’ll end this list of suggestions with this one. Even if you know the Bible well, you’ll need to stay in the word. It reminds us of truths we need to meditate upon. The scriptures help us keep the big picture in perspective. We must constantly remember who we are and Who He is! We must constantly be reminded of His love, His justice, His sovereignty, His patience with us. By keeping our minds focused on His word, we can do this. Stay in the word. Devour it. Trust it. Lean upon it. It will provide all we need to live our lives responsibly, lovingly, and obediently.

Resources!

If you are struggling with loneliness (or are concerned about a friend), seek counsel in Deborah’s mini-book, HELP! I’m So Lonely.

You also may like to check out all of the books in the Help! series. Click here to see them.

Counseling Hearts to Hope (and healing!),

3 Myths About Depression (part 3)

3 Myths About Depression (part 3)

DEPRESSION: Many of us feel depressed around Christmas. Did you know scientists and biblical counselors recognize at least three myths about depression?

In part 3 of this three-part series, learn the truth about medication for depression. Part 1 looked at . . .  Part 2 covered diagnosis and the Bible. This post first appeared here on CareLeader.org, June 29, 2016, and is used with permisison.

Would you like caring biblical counseling for depression? I offer counseling by Skype and in person. Contact me. Let’s set up a short complimentary consultation. Don’t go it alone.

Myth #3: Medication Doesn’t Help Treat Depression

Some people are under the impression that depression is purely a spiritual issue and that medication isn’t effective or needed in treating depression. Some who cite the ineffectiveness of antidepressants claim that they are slightly more effective than a placebo.

A fact sheet produced by MIT explains the origin of that idea:

Clinicians began hearing this question from patients after news articles reported on a 2002 analysis of published and unpublished studies submitted to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as part of the approval process for several new types of antidepressant medication. This analysis concluded that the newer types of antidepressants are only marginally more effective than placebo.

However, these analyses do not reflect how antidepressants are used in actual practice. Drug trials measure only how a person responds to a single medication taken at a specific dose for a limited time. In clinical practice, however, the patient and clinician work together to find the dose and the medication or combination of medications most effective for you. Most clinicians believe that this process results in much better results than these analyses imply.

Medication: A Wisdom Issue

Dr. Michael Emlet, in an interview for our DivorceCare and Single & Parenting projects, pointed out that the Bible doesn’t prohibit taking medications for psychiatric disorders. He said,

When Jesus came, He not only forgave sin but He also healed disease. He also relieved suffering. Medications may be one way that suffering is relieved…. I would say medication is a wisdom issue. It’s going to vary from individual to individual whether or not medications may be wise.

I think some people want to rush too quickly to medications. Other people refuse to even consider the possibility of medications. Both of those positions could be problematic because they reflect motives of the heart that may be off base.

Dr. Emlet reminds us of the importance of remembering the limitations of medicine:

Medication can help treat depression and shouldn’t be written off as one of the ways that God can bring healing and relief to a person’s life. For example, with stabilized emotions and higher energy, people can be enabled to make needed changes in their lives.

But people need more than drugs. Drugs, as helpful as they can be, do have limitations. They don’t treat any of the underlying spiritual or environmental issues that contribute to a depression.

Some people may not require medication to treat their depression at all. Less severe cases can be treated with nonmedicinal approaches and basic behavior changes. For example, one study reported by Reuters found that simply getting active three times a week reduces the risk of depression in adults by 16 percent, and additional exercise reduces the risk even more. You can also suggest that a person try a change in diet, since a lack of essential vitamins and minerals can result in depressive symptoms.

Conclusion

A strategy for effective care begins with an accurate understanding of the person’s problem. For more on how to understand depression from a biblical perspective, see Jeff Forrey’s article How pastors can help the depressed. It will help you understand the unique role pastors play in helping people deal with depression.

Also check out Kathy Leonard’s article 3 reasons depression is complicated, which features interviews with counselor Leslie Vernick and Dr. Robert Kellemen. It’s a great post to share with your church leaders to help them understand why we shouldn’t use simplistic reasons to explain depression.

Now What?

Be sure to subscribe to my blog for resources that help you. Below is the sign up. When you sign up, you get a free resource from me, dropped in your email..

Struggling? Make an appointment (in person or by Skype). The Lord has effective and caring solutions to depression.–LAM

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Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

 

Reclaiming the HOLY of Christmas

holy

A merry and holy Christmas to you, dear friends. This article by yours truly first appeared here at the Biblical Counseling Coalition website that reaches tens of thousands of Christians who love the hurting and the people who care for them. I encourage you to visit its website.

Who stole the HOLY of Christmas? How can we Christians reclaim it?

What changed in our hearts that many of us willingly trade the holy for the jostling in store lines and for the cyber-shopping?

Piercing questions. Yet. . .

Be encouraged that our Lord designed a peace-filled and HOLY day this holiday for you.

In this short article, let’s consider:

  1. Holy thievery
  2. Christmas restoration

Who Stole the Holy of Christmas?

The day after Thanksgiving before sunrise, the line snaked around an electonics store, with promises of deals on flat screen TVs, laptops, and smart phones. Shoppers waited, expectantly. Some cozied up in sleeping bags, others sipped overpriced coffee. Another hummed the haunting “So This Is Chrismas” by John Lennon.

Then doors flew open, people pushed, angry voices told line-jumpers to stand down. Or else.

Is this what Christmas has become?

So who stole the Christ of Christmas? One might blame stores, commercialism, atheists, or the ACLU. But it’s deeper and darker, really.

 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. John 10:10a, ESV

What happened to change our hearts from celebrating Christmas as a holy day into a commercialized experience?

Evil forces still want to swipe your Jesus joy.

Satan’s tactics today are subtle. Busyness and busyness and. . .frustration, dread, and wanting. Lots of wanting. Thankfully God empowers you to escape the temptation of replacing Christ with conterfeit desires (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Satan is a defeated foe. We are more than conquerors through him who loved us, the Bible trumpets.

We are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39, ESV

Reclaiming the Holy

To reclaim the holy of this holiday, why not find some quiet and focus on Christ? Isaiah prophesies about the birth of Jesus in this verse.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6, NIV

Doesn’t your heart warm to this real meaning of Christmas?

Christ will be called:

Wonderful
Mighty
Everlasting
Peace

What a stark contrast from today’s chaotic Christmas! Why not ponder each word and reclaim the holy over the hectic? In the pondering as God transforms your mind, expect heart change (Romans 12:2).

Wonderful

This term Wonderful Counselor suggests a presence of comfort. The babe in the manger is the wonderful promise of wisdom to we who follow him.

He is wonderful in counsel and excellent in wisdom. Isaiah 28:29, ESV

Mighty 

The Jews in Jesus’ day looked for a mighty warrior to rescue them from Roman oppression. Rather, the King of Kings came as vulnerable baby born to poor parents. No fanfair. Just a smelly barn and hay for a bed.

And yet this Mighty God, he defeated death.

But it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 2 Timothy 1:10, NIV

Everlasting

Seated at the right hand of the Everlasting Father, Jesus offers the gift of eternal life (John 3:16) and the Father continuously and compassionately cares for his people.

As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:13, ESV

Peace

Doesn’t your soul long for the Lord’s peace this Christmas? The Prince of Peace promises you peace as you focus your heart and mind on him, and not on the things of this world that money can buy. Consider this verse:

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

And this:

You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3, ESV

So when the lines at Best Buy or Walmart are long, when a family member shows his mad, when you’ve run out of energy, this this:

  • Remember who Jesus is: the Prince of Peace.
  • Pray for the difficult people in your life.
  • Say “Merry Christmas” often.
  • Give generously.
  • Sing.
  • Listen to Jesus.

And ponder the promises given by the Prince of Peace.

Wishing You a Merry Christmas,

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