by Lucy | Nov 8, 2013 | biblical counseling, emotions |
Bad attitude. A woman I’ll call Miranda had a real bad one.
Her words belittled her kids. “Don’t eat that. You look like a whale.” “Katie, you spilled your juice again. Can’t you do anything right?”
They sliced and diced her husband. She shared, “When he gets home, he goes on the iPad and plays games. “He doesn’t spend time with me. I need help around here.”
She wore a scowl. Her family noticeable cringed when she walked in the room.
What a Bad Attitude Looks Like
A bad attitude may show itself as sharp words and an angry face. Or as complaints and ingratitude. Or self-pity. I’m guilty of the latter. Thank God he keep his promises and helped me and the women I counsel find hope and healing. You’ll hear the solution to a bad attitude in a moment.
First, a snippet of my story.
When my husband and I adopted our first child, we were beyond excited. We had pictured a happy baby who sometimes pooped, occasionally cried and always wanted snuggles.
And for the first three weeks of her little life, Laura did just that.
But then, on DAY 22, Laura became a monster, also known as a colicky baby. Equally bad, I turned on my husband and he ragged me.
When she screamed, my hubby glared at me and gave advice. Don’t some guys think their the next Dr. Phil? He said I might be holding her wrong or giving her too much milk, or too little, or playing with her too much or not enough. Or. Or. Or.
I turned inward: “Bad mother, bad mother.” Oh, how I quadrupled my emotional pain with name-calling. Have you called yourself names too?
My real problem: a bad attitude.
My focus was on me, me and me.
Yet the Bible says, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5). I had read this verse but failed to put it into action. I held tight to selfish negativity and toxic thoughts.
Why do we women tear ourselves to pieces? What negative words do you say to yourself?
Hope to the Rescue
A bad attitude signals a deeper problem. Your deeper problem is NOT:
- Tons of debt
- Health problems
- Nasty office politics
- A messy home
- Bad upbringing
- Barak Obama or the Republicans or the Tea Party
Sure, these things influence your attitude. However, they do not determine it.
This is fantabulous news!
Honest. It means you can exchange a bad attitude for the good and experience inner contentment.
Thousands of women I’ve counseled by Skype, in person, and through my blog and social media now know the this truth and are applying it to their lives daily.
The Killing Solution
1. Recognize the real problem. The real problem is sin, or the poverty of love. It is a refusal — conscious or nonconscious — to love God and our neighbor.
2. Stop listening to the world’s lies. That if only you were smarter or prettier or healthier or richer, your bad attitude would magically disappear. You might want to try choosing uplifting TV, movies, and books.
3. Know your identity in Christ. The Bible teaches that the gospel of Jesus Christ — the good news of what he has already done for us — transforms our lives.
Did you know that many Christians forget this? We get so busy at home and church that we take our eyes off Jesus.
The distraction of busyness is among Satan’s prettiest temptations and ugliest lies.
4. Keep reminding yourself of God’s truth. We who look to Jesus to supply Real Hope for Real Hurts are beautiful in God’s eyes. We are saints. We are blessed. We are loved. We are forgiven. We are righteous.
Even when we mess up.
You are God’s beloved daughter, sweet sister. You make God smile.
Now What?
I want to leave you with two practical suggestions to help kill your bad attitude.
Today select your favorite Bible verse on God’s love and say it to yourself a bunch of times. I really like John 10:10. It shows me where I was then and whose I am now.
The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I(Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Listen to your self-talk. Whenever your self-talk reveals a bad attitude, tell yourself God’s truth. You might repeat the Bible verse you chose or you might listen to praise music, reach out to a godly girlfriend and talk about your attitude, or pray.
You also have the option of biblical counseling, which is loving, effective, and God-honoring.
Sweet sister, please stop by my Facebook Page and let me see your beautiful smile.
photo credit: toffehoff via photopin cc
by Lucy | Oct 17, 2013 | emotions, whole health wellness |
Would you like a complimentary almost-published ebook? It’s titled 7 Minutes to a Mind Makeover: Creating a Focused Life of Calm and Contentment and it’s almost finished.
What I need: Your feedback.
What you get: The ebook for free!
The goal is making this ebook a great tool for women who want to change their thoughts from toxic to triumphant using a biblical approach.
A Brief Overview
Each day for 30 days, you’ll receive an email from me, beginning on Monday, Oct. 21.
In the email is an assignment that takes no longer than 7 minutes to complete. You may choose to spend longer than 7 minutes if you please.
Day 1 is the Book Overview.
Days 2 to 8 cover Thought Focus. Days 9 to 15 delve into Write Thought. Days 16 to 22 are on Thought Rewiring. Days 23 to 29 cover Do the Thought.
Day 30 is the Book Wrap-up.
You’ll need a journal with blank pages or simply blank paper, and a pen and pencil. Some assignments invite you to use color, so it’s nice to have colored pencils or thin markers on hand. Some office stores are selling these cheaply now to rid school supply overstock.
Finally. . .
To get ebook emails, you need to do two things now while it’s on your mind.
1. Send me your email address privately! Go here and tell me your email address.
2. Subscribe to my blog for more offers. Go here to my About page and scroll down. After my bio you’ll see a box titled, “Do you want to receive this post directly?” Fill in your email — which I will never ever sell to spammers — and then zip to your email box and activate your subscription.
Counseling Hope to Your Heart,
by Lucy | Oct 3, 2013 | biblical counseling
Kim de Blecourt experienced real hurts in a most unusual way.
She traveled to Ukraine to adopt her little boy. And then. . .
Paperwork disappeared. A strange, old woman wielding a cane assaulted her near a McDonald’s. The police arrested her while trying to cross a border into a safer Eastern European nation.
Her months of loneliness and fear drove her to the real hurt of spiritual despair.
Are you experiencing loneliness and fear? How about spiritual despair?
God pulled Kim close. She breathed hope. Again.
Give-Away Celebration!
Celebrating my website’s new look — and soon-to-release “Real Hurt, Real Hope” resources for you — I chose this true-to-life story proving that God’s light shines in the deepest darkness as this month’s giveaway. I’ve received great comments on last week’s posts inviting YOUR SUGGESTIONS for improving this website, here and here.
God’s light shines in the deepest darkness. #RealHopeForYou
Now add your comment. When you comment, you’re automatically entered in the giveaway for Kim’s book. Simply scroll to the bottom of this post, click “Comments,” and make a suggestion. 🙂 Easy, fast, fun.
PTSD Experience
Kim experienced symptoms fitting the psychological diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder during her 11 months in Ukraine. The flashbacks and other anxiety symptoms carried on once home in Michigan.
We’ll cross into politically IN-correct ground and ask, “What does the Bible say about PTSD?” and “What are bible-based solutions to it?”
God sprinkles your hurting heart with a rain shower of hope.
Meanwhile, I’ll finish my “FearLess” hope booklet and share it with you soon.
God sprinkles your hurting hear with a rain shower of hope. Lift your face. Know your Creator loves loves loves you, right here right now.
by Lucy | Sep 18, 2013 | whole health wellness
Too little money is a huge hurt for women and kids.
It hurts to need medicine for a child and have little money to pay for it. Sure, you can put medicine or a doctor visit or dental checkup or a lab test on your credit card.
Then your monster credit card debt mangles your peace.
And you and your husband, if you’re married, might argue and name-call and blame-shift. Ugh!
What if you could save money on medical costs?
Would you? I would, and I have. 🙂
My Son’s Story
When my husband and I adopted our son from Russia about 14 years ago, we knew he had medical problems. The costs added up. At first our income and savings handled them.
Then it got too much.
A family member told us about WellCard Savings. We signed up. It has no membership fee. ONLY SAVINGS.
One of our son’s medications costs about $350 a month without the WellCard, or $4,200 a year. A skyscraper of dollars, yes?
With the WellCard, this expensive medication is $36 a month. Our budget can handle that.
The WellCard doesn’t cost us a penny! Not a single cent! I kid you not.
And I’d like to give you the benefit of WellCard Savings too.
At no cost.
Helping you with your money pain is something I can do. This is not a hand out. It’s a hand up. It’s tangible help on health costs. Taking care of yourself is godly. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
The Lord encourages his followers to help one another. Galatians 6:2
How Does WellCard Savings Work?
The WellCard is not insurance. It’s a discount card on things like prescription drugs, doctor visits, dental and vision checkups, eye glasses, lab work, and other health care needs.
The family member who told me about WellCard Savings also was in a position to give me my own WellCard Savings “group.”
This group is named LAMOLLGRP. Remember this group ID. You’ll need those nine letters to sign up at no cost. There are no costs later on for WellCard Savings either.
To start saving, go to the WellCard Savings website. Click here to get started.
How to Get Your WellCard
Follow these steps at the WellCard Savings website.
1. On the left you see “New Users” and “Click Here to Get Started.” Go ahead and click. This takes you to the sign up page.
2. Type in the “Group ID.” Do you remember it? It’s LAMOLLGRP — got it? You have my permission to share this Group ID with your friends and family. Click “Continue.”
3. Now you’re at the official sign up page. Type in your information including your email address and a password that you choose. Click “continue.” WellCard Savings says it doesn’t distribute or sell your information to unaffiliated third parties. I’ve used it for about three years and have had no problem.
4. Now you’re at the page where you can print your WellCard Savings card. Go ahead and print a few. If you lose it for any reason, you can log in and print more.
When you have time, look around the site. Click on medical network or vision care or pharmacies or any tab and see which ones honor WellCard Savings. Our nearby pharmacies and dentist do. When my husband used the WellCard for dental work, he needed to print out a letter on the WellCard Savings website and give it to the dentist receptionist to get his savings. We saved about 30 percent on the bill.
photo credit: 401(K) 2013 via photopin cc
by Lucy | Aug 27, 2013 | emotions
Do you want an awesome marriage? Of course you do. You married your guy for better or worse.
Now it’s “worse” and you want “better.”
The super news: God wants to awesome-ize your marriage too!
I’ve been there. From good to worse to better to awesome. Sometimes my marriage slinks back to blah, giving me more practice to awesome-ize my marriage. 🙂
Marriage Ain’t Easy
Let’s get real. No marriage is perfect. Guess what? The neighbor lady who says her marriage is perfect? She’s lying.
There’s no sense comparing yours to hers. You’d fume and sulk and eat gallons of ice cream. Don’t go there. Choose a better way.
The better way:
1. Picture the marriage God wants you to have. (Hint: Unity)
2. Consider the state of your marriage now. Write down 3 to 5 things you’d like to change.
3. Make a reasonable plan.
Picture the Marriage God Wants You to Have
Take a moment and picture the marriage God wants you to have. You and your guy won’t always agree but you can try to work out your differences, right? When you both reach an impasse you may agree to disagree.
In your picture, do you pray with your guy? Great.
Does he give up drinking? Or saying mean things to you or the kids? Wonderful.
Does he choose you over the ball game? Amazing.
Take a moment a describe the picture of the marriage God wants you to have.
Consider the Current State of Your Marriage
This is un-fun yet necessary.
Think of words or phrases describing your marriage now. Is your marriage lonely? Full of angst? Two ships passing in the night? Dangerous? (If you are in an abusive relationship, please contact your local authorities or a women’s shelter for help and safety.)
The top reason married women seek me for biblical counseling is loneliness in their marriage. They want a better husband and happiness. Some look for relief in wine or work or the wily world of the online media.
[tweetthis]When you’re unhappy in marriage, your response reveals a lot about your belief in God. [/tweetthis]
Make a Reasonable Plan
Why reasonable? He’s not perfect. You’re not perfect. God is letting your marriage show you things about yourself and about God’s faithfulness.
Before getting to the plan, listen to these two true stories. Names and some details have been changed. The spouses are Christians.
A Stinky Story
Jessica’s husband stinks. Though in his 50s, he has bad breath that could slay a monster. He not only stinks but also is a mess; a highly educated mess:
He leaves out dishes. He misses the toilet and fails to wipe the tinkle.
What’s worse, he flirts with pretty ladies right in front of her.
Jessica has had numerous sit-downs with her husband about other women, personal hygiene, and sloppiness. He deflects her comments, saying that she can clean his dishes and urine since it bothers her, not him, and that she can leave the conversation when he flirts.
A #1 Son Story
Susanna’s husband has a best friend and it’s not her. The best friend is their 30-something, college-educated son who lives at home. She thinks their son should move out. Her husband says he should stay and that she should: do the son’s laundry and make his lunches that he totes to work.
The son doesn’t pay rent, contribute to the bills, or help around the house or yard.
Susanna deeply loves her son and wants the best for him, and she knows his leeching is not only wrong, but also damaging to him and to her marriage.
What’s Your Recommendation?
If these women came to you for marital help, what would advise?
Speaking the truth in love?
Prayer?
Reaching out to trustworthy female Christian friends for encouragement?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Now make your list. List specific things you can do.
Examples:
“Talk to my husband about the mean things he said the other night and how I felt hurt.”
“Sit with my husband and watch football together.”
“Text him ‘I love you’ every day for a week.”
“Initiate lovemaking one time this week.”
What About His Role?
At the core of each women’s plight in the two stories is failure of the husband to heed biblical commands to love his wife.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Eph. 5:31-33, NIV).
Also,
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves himself loves his wife (Eph. 5:25-28).
Without a doubt Jessica’s and Susanna’s husbands are not demonstrating love as God commands. I’m certain both men, and the grown son, have many fine qualities; otherwise, the women would not have married them. However, sin now entangles them.
These wives have erred too; generally, women in problem marriages sin (or make an ugly choice contrary to God’s commands) when they fail to speak the truth in love. Some speak words that cut, nag, and belittle. Others remain silent; the growing resentment becomes deafening.
The Take-Away
You cannot change your guy; this is the work of the Holy Spirit. You can want what God wants for your marriage and take steps from awful to awesome.
Never give up. God loves you and is with you. He values marriage!
Scripture says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'” (2 Cor. 12:9).
God can redeem your marriage. Go to him. He loves to talk with you.
AN OFFER: You can get a no-cost consultation from me. I am a certified biblical counselor who’s helped thousands of women find real hope for their real hurts. Click: Contact me. Let’s seek God together.
photo credit: clevercupcakes via photopin cc
Counseling Hope to Your Heart<
