Overcoming a Phobia, Part 1

Overcoming a Phobia, Part 1

Did you know that nearly one in ten Americans have a phobia? (Check this out.)

Since the pandemic began, germs have been at the center of our national conversation. Now it is coupled with the political turmoil of our day. All the talk about COVID-19 has created anxiety in many people; and it’s no wonder—this microorganism that causes the disease is invisible, silent, and sometimes deadly.

The pandemic has targeted its terror on germaphobes, that is people who have germaphobia (also spelled germophobia). However, people with an intense fear of germs have a lot of company; there are millions of us who have a phobia of some sort.

Take courage. You can overcome a phobia.

We will consider the prevalence and type of phobias and their signs and symptoms in Part One of this two-part series and then discuss biblical solutions in Part Two. It appeared first here at the Biblical Counseling Coalition and has been updated.

Thousands of Phobias!

Germaphobia is one of many thousands of phobias. Here is a long list of them.

What they have in common is an intense, irrational fear of something that poses little or no actual danger. The word phobia comes from the Greek word “phobos,” which means fear or terror. For instance, hydrophobia literally means the fear of water, aerophobia is the fear of flying, and glossophobia is the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general.

In Scripture, phobos has two primary meanings: sometimes, it is positive and speaks of awe or respect, as in Acts 2:43, but usually, it refers to withdrawal from the Lord’s will. Here is an example of the latter: “They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (Mark 4:41, NIV).

Types of Phobias

DSM-5, used by health professionals to describe and diagnose mental health conditions, lists phobias in categories: specific phobias, social anxiety disorder (formerly social phobias), and agoraphobia.

While DSM-5 describes phobias and other anxieties, it falls short in addressing the deepest needs of the human heart and soul. Therefore, counselors who desire to minister to the heart of people they counsel offer remedies that differ from the medical mainstream. As a biblical counselor, my goal is to point fellow strugglers to the changeless truth of God’s Word, which speaks to fear and how to handle it biblically, the topic of Part Two of this article.

Specific phobias zero in on one fear like the fear of germs. Other common specific phobias are fear of heights, elevators, dentists, and thunderstorms. The National Institute of Mental Health reported that 9.1 percent of U.S. adults had a specific phobia in the past year and that 12.5 percent of U.S. adults experience a specific phobia at some point in their lives.

Social anxiety disorder (formerly called social phobia) involves fear of embarrassment or humiliation in situations where you may be noticed or scrutinized. Common social phobias are fear of crowds, fear of spilling food while eating in public, and, of course, fear of public speaking.

Agoraphobia is the mother of all phobias, as it has been described as “the fear of fear.” Folks with this phobia often avoid grocery stores, movie theaters, restaurants, and public transportation. Approximately 0.9 percent of U.S. adults had agoraphobia in the past year, with the degree of their problem varying from mild (28.7%) to moderate (30.7%) to serious (40.6%).

Signs and Symptoms of a Phobia

Someone with a phobia may experience mild apprehension toward the feared object or situation or may have a full-blown panic attack. Bodily sensations of a phobia may include these:

  • difficulty breathing
  • a racing heart
  • chest tightness
  • perspiration
  • trembling
  • tingling in the hands and feet
  • nausea.

Emotional effects of a phobia include fear of losing control or going crazy and feeling an intense need to escape. The more symptoms, the greater the fear and the greater the likelihood that panic attacks may develop.

I describe a specific phobia of highway driving that led to my experience of panic attacks in my mini-book Help! I Get Panic Attacks.

An Invitation

Are you sick of fear? If so please contact me for a complimentary phone consult to see if biblical counseling through Telehealth would help you. I’ve counseled women and their families by Telehealth and Skype since 2008 all over the world. I’d love to help you too. Biblical counseling by video is effective, affordable, and convenient.

Afraid? A Method to Calm Your Fear

Afraid? A Method to Calm Your Fear

When fear gets the upper hand, and we struggle to know what to do, it may help to have a plan in place. This method helps to calm your anxious feelings that flow from your thoughts. Does it “work” every time you’re afraid? No, of course not. Will is help you understand your emotion and learn how to respond to it wisely? Yes!

MAIN POINT: We can learn to conquer fear as we trust God and apply his truth to our minds. 

This article appeared first here at Biblical Counseling Center, where I am on staff providing counseling by video to people all over the world.

Where fear flourishes, there your heart will be also.

From a mild sense of unease to full-blown panic, fear is an emotion most of us would rather live without. It communicates that someone or something we care about is being threatened or that we might lose it. Fear shows us what we value most.

Consider these three folks who are afraid.

In each case, try to figure out what they each value most.

  • Dolores’s elderly mother has dementia and is in the memory care unit of a health facility, which so far has kept its patients and workers safe from COVID-19. Nonetheless, she loses sleep worrying night after night, fearing for her mother’s well-being.
  • Breanna has packed her high school schedule with advanced placement and dual-credit classes, hoping to gain admission to a high-ranking university. She fears her friends might make fun of her if she attends a community college.
  • John just learned that his company is hiring new workers in his department and is wondering if he’ll be laid off. If he lost his job, how would he make rent and pay utilities?

Fear is very real, and it can keep us from functioning in our daily lives. So how can we calm our fears?

1. Identify your emotion as fear.

Sometimes, identifying an emotion is not as easy as it sounds. You may feel uneasy or nervous or freaked out; you may also feel overwhelmed or hurt. Is fear the most accurate descriptor?

If you’re not sure, ask yourself if you feel like pulling away from people or clinging to them. This reaction is a hallmark of fear: it prods us to seek safety, security, and certainty.

EXAMPLES: A teen who’s afraid of getting judged by friends at church may decide to skip the in-person service and watch the live stream instead; A guy who fears that his girlfriend is going to dump him may respond by showering her with gifts and sending her one text after another.

2. Examine your fear like a scientist.

Once you’ve identified your emotion as fear, examine what is going on by asking yourself a host of questions (you may discover it helps to write down your answers):

Is there a place connected to the fear? Perhaps it is linked to your workplace or to a room in your home, or a place in your town. For the longest time, after I was attacked by a dog at age 8, I could not walk down Bellforte Avenue, near where it happened. Just going near that street caused my heart to pound like a drum.

Is there a certain time that unnerves you? Some of us don’t like a certain holiday or the anniversary of a family member’s death date because it brings uneasy memories of painful events.

Is there a type of activity or a particular person linked to the fear you feel? One of the people I counseled told me she becomes greatly alarmed when she hears sirens. She connects the sound of them to the untimely death of her baby.

3. Evaluate your fear.

Begin by considering your reaction. Ask yourself, is my reaction godly and constructive, or is it sinful and destructive? An example of constructive concern is studying for an algebra exam. You want a good grade so you memorize formulas and rework problems until you are confident you know the material.

In a similar way, David in the Old Testament had a constructive reaction when he faced Goliath (1 Sam. 17). He chose the best weapon for him to defeat the giant (a sling and five smooth stones), and he came in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, who had promised victory over the Philistines. His courageous reaction to Goliath sharply contrasted the reaction of the army of Israel, who cowered in fear.

Biblical truth gives us reason to hope and teaches us to turn to God. “No matter what the danger or what we are valuing, God can be trusted with our treasures, and every fear ought to drive us straight toward the Lord in prayer, obedience, and fellowship!” [2]

Next, ask yourself how likely it is that what you fear will actually happen? Let’s say you fear that a routine medical exam might suggest the presence of cancer. Consider the likeliness of a bad result; while possible, it is very low, and worrying about it would be a waste of your energy (Matt. 6:34).

Finally, ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen? When my relatively new refrigerator needed repair for the third time three months in a row, I asked myself this exact question and realized that the worst was the hassle of another repair or getting another fridge, which was under warranty (thankfully). My evaluation gave me a sense of relief, not dread.

4. Act wisely in response to your emotion.

When you identify, examine, and evaluate your fear, you may come to a realization that it was not a big deal after all.

Conversely, you may detect a troubling pattern. For instance, you may notice you have a tendency to worry, to look to people for their approval, to avoid certain situations (e.g., riding an elevator) for fear of a panic attack, and so on.

In any case, it is wise to act in response to fear in godly ways. Here are a few of them:

Train yourself to turn to Scripture. A few excellent passages to read regularly are Phil. 4:4-9, Matt. 6:25-34, Luke 12:22-34, Psalm 23, and Psalm 27.

Practice deep breathing and other healthy habits. Inhaling and exhaling slowly helps us to relax. Other healthy habits are giving yourself ample time to get from place to place, unplugging from the internet, and steering clear of computer screens late in the day, which may interrupt sleep. Additionally, you might incorporate or begin regular exercise (as always, check with your doctor), good nutrition, and a bedtime routine. You’ve already heard healthy tips; decide which one you’ll begin to make a habit.

Face your fears wisely. Are you afraid to ask your boss for a raise? Are you avoiding a family member who unnerves you? Does the idea of flying in an airplane cause your heart to skip a beat? To face your fears wisely, be sure to examine and evaluate them, and have a thought-out plan. Discuss your plan with a trusted Christian friend and loved ones who can support you. You may also consider talking with a biblical counselor.

Hope for a Peace-Filled Life

What you fear need not rule your life. A method to calm your fears helps you to understand that fear reveals your treasure and provides a plan to identify, examine, and evaluate it and to respond to it wisely in accordance with Scripture.

When you handle this negative emotion in the right way, your trust in God increases, and others will begin to ask you the secret that the Apostle Paul had come to know.

“The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (Phil. 4:9).


[1] This quote comes from the excellent book Untangling Emotions by J. Alasdair Groves and Winston T. Smith (Wheaton, IL: Crossway), 2019, 153. It is a play on Matthew 6:21, which reads, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The book presents an identify-examine-evaluate-act approach to engaging every emotion. I highly recommend it to those who provide and receive counseling.

[2] Ibid., 160.

Loneliness: Is there REALLY hope at Christmas?

Loneliness: Is there REALLY hope at Christmas?

When Christmas cheer brings on isolating loneliness, how can your survive, even thrive?

This short article shows that you really can find God in your loneliness at Christmas! And it’s NOT another tiresome to-do list!

Loneliness at Christmas, or any time of the year, unsettles us. It’s uncomfortable and unwanted. It may drive us to seek false comforts: TV, Facebook, sleep, food, booze, sex. It often turns us inward, compounding the lonely ache in our hearts.

Consider Lydia Brownback’s description of loneliness at Christmas.

“Looks like winter is here!” Brownback called to the mom next door as she and her neighbors cleared their cars and walkways.

“Indeed it is!” the neighbor responded. “And the timing of all this snow is perfect. After supper we’re going to make hot chocolate and decorate the Christmas tree. The kids are really excited.” Picturing her neighbor spending quality time with family sparked a deep sense of loneliness in Brownback. She had no one to share the festivities with, and it hurt, she shared in her book, Finding God in My Loneliness.[1]

The good news is that when we seek God as our true treasure, we find what we’ve been looking for all along: Him.

What Is Loneliness?

Loneliness is “an emotionally painful sense of not being connected to others. The lonely person may feel unwanted, isolated, and left out.”[2] It is a pain of disconnect. It is not social isolation, per se.

There are many people who love their alone time and do not feel lonely. Rather, it is the distress of what one has and what one wants, played out in the arena of social relationships. David Powlison pinpointed this disconnect: “Fear and desire are two sides of the same coin. A sinful fear is a craving for something not to happen… If I long to be loved, I’m terrified of rejection. If I fear pain or hardship, I crave comfort and pleasure.”[3]

Loneliness Is Common

Married or single, young or old, male or female, counselor or counselee–we all have suffered this empty feeling of disconnectedness at some point. For some of us, it’s chronic and unrelenting. Loneliness may affect three out of four Americans, a 2018 survey revealsAnd it’s bad for our health, social scientists claim.

Connecting through social media doesn’t help. In fact, it may worsen it. It appears that many people are substituting online connections for in-person connections.

What Does Loneliness Reveal?

The reason we feel lonely is God created us for community with Him and others. He fills the lonely ache in our heart.

Loneliness began in the Garden long ago when the first couple rebelled against God and looked for fulfillment apart from Him. Their sinful declaration of independence separated them from God and one another. It brought Adam and Eve fear, shame, guilt, and loneliness.

The good news is that God had a plan from the beginning to restore man to a personal relationship with Him. Indeed, God made us with the capacity for loneliness to point us to Him, and we find what our hearts desire only in Him.

“And in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority” (Col. 2:10).

Man’s False Solutions

The earthly solutions for loneliness fail to bring real and lasting change. Among them are:

  • baking another batch of holiday cookies
  • jamming the calendar with activities
  • scrolling Facebook and Instagram
  • binging on Hallmark Christmas movies

When we choose our own solutions over God’s, our loneliness deepens. In contrast, God’s solutions for loneliness draw us to Him and others.

God’s True Solution

We were created for a deep, personal relationship with God that cannot be satisfied through work, hobbies, marriage, or anything else. Keeping our eyes focused on Jesus and serving others solves our loneliness problem. We must resist focusing inward when we feel disconnected.

To get to the root, the lonely person might seek the answers to these two questions:

  • Who am I focusing on?
  • What am I living for?

There are two choices: God or self. Matthew 10:39 clarifies our need for God’s remedy. It reads, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

With this in mind, we find God in our loneliness. We can admit that when we turn to our own solutions for loneliness, we are looking to self for completion. In addition, we can choose to seek to treasure Him above all.

Keep Doing These 4 Things 

1. Spend time in the Word daily helps us know Him.

2. Prayer.

3. Attend a Bible-believing church allows us to hear the gospel preached and to know and serve other believers.

4. Intentionally serve others in our families and neighborhoods through volunteering. And volunteering need not be formal; simply listening deeply is a gift.

Most of all, we recognize that our loneliness is pointing us to God. So, during the holidays, when loneliness may become particularly painful, resist turning inward. Rather, let this unwanted feeling help you realize something’s missing. That something is found in Jesus alone.

Those who belong to Jesus are never truly alone. He has the remedy for loneliness at Christmas and all year long.

[1] Lydia Brownback, Finding God in My Loneliness, (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2017), 13.

[2] Mary Somerville, “Coping with Loneliness,” National Association of Nouthetic Counselors, Annual Conference, 2005, mp3.

[3] David Powlison, “Dynamics of Biblical Change,” class notes, Christian Education and Educational Foundation (CCEF), 2002. Quoted in Lydia Brownback, Finding God in My Loneliness, (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2017), 25.

This article appeared first here at The Biblical Counseling Coalition. Minor edits for space.

2 Steps to Get Unstuck

2 Steps to Get Unstuck

You need to repent of idols of the heart. Idols of the heart are ruling desires of your heart. Begin by identifying the heart with these two questions:

1. Is your desire, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42, NIV)?

2. Or does your cry sound more like demands for security, approval, comfort, and love? 

When you want security, approval, comfort, and love, and get want you demand, pride will fill you. Underneath the veneer of pride and self-righteousness are emotions like anxiety, anger, and discouragement and actions like seething, shouting, nail-biting, insomnia, overeating, and self-loathing.

Just as the prodigal son demanded his way, just as the older son self-righteously sneered at his brother when he returned home, chances are you too have ruling desires of the heart that are unholy.

Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you negative thoughts, critical speech, gossip, bitterness, immorality, and anything else that exposes a self-ruled heart.

You may want to jot down what the Holy Spirit reveals to you. What are the “rotten fruit” that expose the ruling desires of your heart?

Did you know that what rules your heart, rules you?

Faithfully yours,

Lucy

Why I Wrote HELP! I Get Panic Attacks

Why I Wrote HELP! I Get Panic Attacks

In this article, I talk about victory over panic attacks and share an excerpt from my new book HELP! I Get Panic Attacks, available as a paperback and in Kindle. If you or a loved one gets panic attacks, learn how to find increasing victory and make progress even when panic attacks seem to have the upper hand.

This article appeared here at Biblical Counseling Center, where I’m on staff and offer counseling by video-conferencing worldwide

What? A biblical counselor who gets panic attacks? Yes, panic attacks can happen even to faithful Christians. I had full-blown, heart-pounding panic on and off for many years, though now this experience is rare for me.

In HELP! I Get Panic Attacks I share how my panic attacks began along with God’s solutions and practical assignments for you to use. The mini-book just came out this month and is available at Amazon and Shepherd Press. I wrote it to help panic attack sufferers (and their loved ones) know that there really is freedom from the terror that interferes with normal life and kills hope. There’s also a short section on the use of medication, reviewed by a medical doctor.

Here’s an excerpt. I hope it helps you. Please feel free to contact me with your questions.

My panic attacks started with a job promotion

My panic attacks started with a job promotion. When I became the new managing editor of a health and food magazine, Suzy, whom I replaced, advanced to the role of executive editor. This was a happy day for both of us, right? Wrong! On promotion day, Suzy gave me unsettling, steely stares all day.

Did I do something wrong? Why is she acting so weird? Does she hate me? Will I lose my dream job already?

Confused, hurt, and fearing Suzy’s disapproval, I practically sprinted from the office at 5 p.m. Once behind the wheel of my blue hatchback, I cranked up the tunes and zoomed toward the six-lane freeway that would take me to my “safe place”: a cozy Cape Cod house that I shared with my husband, Steve, and our fluffy feline. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I repeated, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”

As I drove, I tried to forget Suzy’s disapproving stares, but they stuck in my head like superglue. Then, suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, my heart beat triple-time. Sweat beaded on my forehead. I swallowed a lump in my throat. My knees became wobbly, like Jell-O. A horrific sense of impending doom settled on me. Then my mind went wacko as I came to a tight curve: Drive into the ditch, Lucy. Drive into the ditch. Drive into the ditch.  In panicky desperation, I spoke back to the crazy thoughts filling my mind: What’s wrong with me? Dear God, am I suicidal? Stay on the highway, Lucy. Just stay on the highway. Your exit is a mile ahead. You can make it. You can make it. What’s wrong with me? God, help me!

Panic attacks are terrifying. But you already know this, since you picked up this mini-book. If you don’t experience them yourself, you’re surely aware of how they affect someone you know. As I share my story and the extreme fear experiences of a few others, I want to help you understand three truths that have helped me. 

3 truths that helped me

First, you are not the only one who struggles with panic attacks. 

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

This Bible verse teaches that we all struggle, including those of us who are “fearful”—that is, who have a propensity for anxiety. The intensity and frequency of our fears may differ, but everyone at some point has freaked out.

Second, panic attacks often proceed from faulty thinking. But by God’s grace, you can change fearful thinking patterns into God-transformed, faithful thinking. This will require a willingness to trust and obey God, as well as perseverance. Your faulty thinking didn’t develop overnight, so it most likely won’t go away overnight. Mine didn’t.

Third, God promises to help you overcome the fear that precipitates your panic attacks, assuming they don’t have an organic, physical cause (more on this later). When you learn to realign your thoughts with God’s thoughts, your panic attacks can become a thing of the past. This is hopeful, isn’t it? 

God can also use your panic attacks for good

God can also use your panic attacks for good. Like me, you might begin encouraging others who have panic attacks by listening to them and by sharing your story. This verse in 2 Corinthians is dear to my heart because it gives meaning to my struggle, and I hope it will help you too:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3–4)

Perhaps this is difficult for you to believe, but God knows your fears and is able to deliver you from all of them. As you read this mini-book, you will learn practical ways to turn fear into faith. Will it be easy? No. It will require diligent effort. Will it be worth it? Yes. Your fears are one means God can use to help you learn to trust him and depend on him. Addressed biblically, they can become a doorway to experiencing the peace of God which comes through the Prince of Peace who conquers fear.

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