A recovering perfectionist: That’s me.

And so the book It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive to Hard to Make It Just Right attracted me as a Merry Maid to a speck of dirt.

Before I say more, this announcement:

Leave a comment on this post and you WILL be entered into a drawing to WIN an autographed copy of this book, snail-mailed to your door.

After much head-banging, I realized to be “perfect” I must embrace my imperfection and recognize only God is perfect.

Get it?

No?

I’m okay with that. Really.

Years ago, everything important to me had to be “just right.” I got it from my mom, whose alcoholic mom ran a chaotic home. I’m named after “grandma,” by the way. For those not in the know, a person who grows up amidst alcoholism tries oh-so-hard to control life. It doesn’t work. Still, she tries.

And I tried.

And so did Joan C. Webb, the Imperfect Life author who delievers entertaining/thoughtful readings that follow a story-prayer-application format to start your day, end your day, or whatever. (See, I remain deep in recovery. Yay, me.)

Joan breaks her 163 readings, a wonderfully uneven number, into eight categories. Among the categories are ”The Relief of Imperfect Emotions, Minds and Bodies: Exquisitely Intertwined,” “The Relief of Imperfect Churches and Cultures: No Formula Solutions” and “The Promise of Relief: Breathing Room for Your Soul.”

Joan writes in the opener to the first section,

“My third-grade teacher warned my mother that I’d have a nervous breakdown by the age of 18. Gratefully, she was wrong!

“However, I did burn out before reaching 40, oblivious that the internal and external unreasonable expectations I had about work, play, relationships, appearance and spirituality were depleting me. There’s a freedom-robbing misconception floating about our homes, schools, businesses, chursches and culture. It permeates our families, emotions, ministries, dreams and faith.

“This misconception? That people, things, organizations and circumstances have the capacity to be just right (that is, flawless).”

So why do Joan or I or you keep trying to achieve the impossible?

Hmm. I’m not sure. (Did I admit I don’t have all the answers? Phew.) 

Could it be that I wanted to play God? You know. . .make life painless and fulfilling and just like Christmas morn every day and NOT gain a pound or get the flu? Could it be I wanted life on my perfect terms as I defined them?

In It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, Joan reveals what perfectionism truly brings. Imbalance. Pain. Strife. Ulcers. Depression. Anxiety. And worse.

So what’s a girl to do?

How’s this: Learn to live with your humanness and thus escape your striving-too-hard-to-make-it-all-just-right mindset, as Joan advises.

What a relief.

It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive to Hard to Make It Just Right by Joan C. Webb.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Leave a comment to be entered into the drawing to win Joan’s book. Someone’s gotta win. It might as well be you.

You Are Loved, Lucy 

Natalie stared at her half-naked body in the bathroom mirror. “Uggh! I’m so fat. I hate myself,” she thought. She stepped on the scale. It flashed 92. At five feet four inches, Natalie looked as emaciated as a prisoner in a concentration camp. She had all but stopped eating.

Her problem? An addiction to perfectionism.

Once her son hopped on the school bus, Karrie began to feel an adrenaline rush. Today she was going shopping! She told herself she’d buy one and only one outfit for her seven-year-old. She had made the same promise last week and broke it. “I can do it this time,” Karrie pep-talked. Three hours and many shopping bags later, she collapsed on her couch and cried. “You can’t do anything right,” she muttered to herself.

Her problem? An addiction to shopping.

Suzanne picked up after her kids in a flurry. Ben would be home any minute, usually in a bad mood, and she didn’t want to make it worse. As she scooped toys and kept on eye on dinner, negative thoughts attacked her–again. “I do everything I can to keep him happy. I wash his clothes. Make his dinner. Keep the kids quiet. Share his bed. But does he care about us? No! Just him and the remote and his twelve-pack of beer. Sometimes I wish he were dead.” She tossed another block in the toy box.

Her problem? An addiction to codependency.

In general terms, an addiction is a recurring compulsion to engage in a specific activity, to the point of harm. Numerous types of addictions take a heavy toll on the lives of men, women and children in the United States and across the globe. These addictions include uncontrolled, compulsive use of drugs (illicit and prescription), alcohol, gambling, tobacco, work, sex, pornography, overeating, codependency, perfectionism, cutting, shopping, the Internet, video games, exercise and religion. Addictions hit every ethnic and socioeconomic group.

Where Experts Disagree

The people who study addictions differ on its exact cause and best treatment. Most scientists say it’s a chronic, often relapsing brain disease that can be treated successfully with medication and behavioral therapy, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

Neil T. Anderson and numerous other Christians in the field say it’s a spiritual problem at its core. He calls it spiritual bondage. He says in Freedom from Addiction, “You are not a derelict, you are not a bum, you are not a drunkard, you are not a pervert, you are not an alcoholic, you are not a drug addict, and you are not a pimp–you are a child of God. Knowing that wonderful truth and everything it implies provides the only real answer and lasting hope [you] need to overcome bondage.”

Anderson says people become addicts in order to ease the pain or fill a void that only Jesus can meet. And, he emphasizes, the answer is not salvation alone, but understanding one’s identity in Christ so the addict behaves in accordance with who she truly is: a saint.

Unlike secular scientists and counselors, Christian professionals who agree with Anderson frown on working an AA-type program to understand the reason for and treatment of an addiction of any sort. Rather they say what’s missing from addicts’ lives is a correct, healthy view of God.

A Vicious Cycle

Addiction interferes tremendously with the life of the addict and with the lives of the people who love her. She very often feels hopeless, guilt-ridden, full of shame and despondent. Caught in a vicious cycle like a hamster running a wheel, she turns to her addiction of choice to feel pleasure or relief, but succumbing to her addiction fills her with self-hate, so she seeks pleasure or relief, and the cycle continues.

Typically, the first signs of addiction are subtle and the addict believes she can stop the behavior. As the addiction progresses and affects family members, the addict may desire help.

An example: Karrie has a challenging home life. Her son has mental retardation, and her husband works long hours, often coming home after 9 p.m. To ease the pain of loneliness, she turns to shopping. “I love finding cool stuff for my little guy,” she says. “But once I’m in the store, it’s hard to quit buying. Shopping gives me a rush.” Her irresponsible use of credit cards has put her family in deep debt and caused arguments with her husband. Karrie has tried to stick to a budget and has enrolled in financial classes at her church. Nothing has worked. Now she turns to other women for solace and advice.

Like Suzanne and Natalie, Karrie is a Christian who regularly attends church.

Each can share a clear testimony of how they put their trust in Jesus as Savior. So if they know Jesus as Savior, why the addictions?

To read the rest of “Hope for the Hooked” go to my website and click free stuff. You may download the PDF file for personal use or to share with your Bible study, church or friends.

You Are Loved, Lucy