Sex: What If You Still Feel Dirty?
This is the fifth of several posts on Sex Solutions for the UnSexy. Be sure to check out the earier posts. 
I used to feel dirty and unsexy and ugly but NO MORE.
I got clean.
Moving from the mud puddle to pristine waters was one of the very very very hardest changes I’ve ever made. And, of course, I needed help. Mr. Clean (aka Jesus) scrubbed me clean, one layer of dirt at a time.
I don’t remember how I slid in the mud puddle.
Maybe one too many steamy scenes from “Dark Shadows,” an old soap my mom used to watch as I toddled in diapers, did me in.
Or not.
Maybe I slid in the puddle when my older female cousin showed me her Playgirl magazine, like Playboy but for women. Strangely enticing and repulsive!
Or not.
But I do remember a time at age 14 that I said “No” but should have said “Yes” and another time at age 19 when I said “Yes” but should have said “No.”
Yes, no, no, yes. How confusing!
Confusion is just the state Satan wants you. Upside-down, inside-out, topsy-turvy thinking run amuk. Yuck!
Pause. . .I have free Think Well charts for the asking; email me at Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com. . .Unpause.
I felt dirty even though I was a believer in the beautifully biblical sense of the word. Our Lord Jesus died for every one of my ugly choices, including my sexual sins, and his resurrection proved his victory over death.
He redeemed me and I still felt dirty.
God adopted me as his child and I still felt dirty.
He gave me every spiritual blessing is the heavenlies and I still felt dirty.
Why? Why did I cling to my grime like a lover?
Like many sex-stained women, I believed two lies straight from hell:
1) I was so far gone that even God couldn’t cleanse me, and
2) I wouldn’t be free until I forgave myself.
In the first case, I doubted God’s power. In the second, I thought too much of myself, my power, my pride.
Me,
me
and me.
Did you know that know verse in the Bible says, “Thou must forgive thyself”? Look. You won’t find it.
I know because I looked. And so I had a choice:
Believe the gospel according to Lucy and live a joyless life while Satan snickered.
Or accept Jesus’ gift of forgiveness for my dirty bad and live in clean victory.
I’m spotless. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you want to shower in Jesus’ forgiveness too?
You Are Loved, Lucy
P.S. As a trained biblical counselor, I offer a free 30-minute consultation (no obligation) to Christian or spiritually seeking women who have hurts. Email me at Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com to find out if biblical counseling is for you. Request the free eReport “You Are Beautiful.”
Tags: forgiveness, sex
November 11th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Lucy,
This is an awesome series. Thank you!
A few years back, I renounced Satan’s lies and showered in Jesus’ forgiveness too.
To make that decision concrete, I wrote the sins that I was holding against myself on a piece of paper, and I burned them in the backyard, after praying and thanking Jesus for His forgiveness. Then I gathered the ashes and put them in a little vial, which sits on the table beside my bed.
Now, whenever the enemy tempts me to “hate” myself again, I just look at that vial, my memorial, and remember what Jesus did for me on the cross, remember that I am forgiven, that I am beautiful in God’s eyes.
This was freeing, and it was hard work to come to this place.
Blessings,
Cheri