A recovering perfectionist: That’s me.
And so the book It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive to Hard to Make It Just Right attracted me as a Merry Maid to a speck of dirt.
Before I say more, this announcement:
Leave a comment on this post and you WILL be entered into a drawing to WIN an autographed copy of this book, snail-mailed to your door. 🙂
After much head-banging, I realized to be “perfect” I must embrace my imperfection and recognize only God is perfect.
Get it?
No?
I’m okay with that. Really.
Years ago, everything important to me had to be “just right.” I got it from my mom, whose alcoholic mom ran a chaotic home. I’m named after “grandma,” by the way. For those not in the know, a person who grows up amidst alcoholism tries oh-so-hard to control life. It doesn’t work. Still, she tries.
And I tried.
And so did Joan C. Webb, the Imperfect Life author who delievers entertaining/thoughtful readings that follow a story-prayer-application format to start your day, end your day, or whatever. (See, I remain deep in recovery. Yay, me.)
Joan breaks her 163 readings, a wonderfully uneven number, into eight categories. Among the categories are “The Relief of Imperfect Emotions, Minds and Bodies: Exquisitely Intertwined,” “The Relief of Imperfect Churches and Cultures: No Formula Solutions” and “The Promise of Relief: Breathing Room for Your Soul.”
Joan writes in the opener to the first section,
“My third-grade teacher warned my mother that I’d have a nervous breakdown by the age of 18. Gratefully, she was wrong!
“However, I did burn out before reaching 40, oblivious that the internal and external unreasonable expectations I had about work, play, relationships, appearance and spirituality were depleting me. There’s a freedom-robbing misconception floating about our homes, schools, businesses, chursches and culture. It permeates our families, emotions, ministries, dreams and faith.
“This misconception? That people, things, organizations and circumstances have the capacity to be just right (that is, flawless).”
So why do Joan or I or you keep trying to achieve the impossible?
Hmm. I’m not sure. (Did I admit I don’t have all the answers? Phew.)
Could it be that I wanted to play God? You know. . .make life painless and fulfilling and just like Christmas morn every day and NOT gain a pound or get the flu? Could it be I wanted life on my perfect terms as I defined them?
In It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, Joan reveals what perfectionism truly brings. Imbalance. Pain. Strife. Ulcers. Depression. Anxiety. And worse.
So what’s a girl to do?
How’s this: Learn to live with your humanness and thus escape your striving-too-hard-to-make-it-all-just-right mindset, as Joan advises.
What a relief.
It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive to Hard to Make It Just Right by Joan C. Webb.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
Leave a comment to be entered into the drawing to win Joan’s book. Someone’s gotta win. It might as well be you.
This definitely speaks to me. I grew up in an alcoholic home and you are correct when you say it is very chaotic. I tried for many years to keep everything under control (can you say Control Freak?), and it all fell apart quite quickly. My motto now is Let go and let God.
Hi Lucy
It’s great to meet you here! I popped over from Want What You Have….
I am an absolute perfectionist. I’ve been through much counselling to try to let go a little but I still have a long way to go. Would love to win a copy. I live in Australia though, can I still enter?
Blessings
Narelle
http://www.momentsformum.com
love this! I wish there was a site like this for men!
Narelle,
Of course, you Down Under folks may enter the contest. I’m curious, What is an absolute perfectionist?
If you need biblical counseling, we can do this. It’s highly effective, quick (four to eight sessions) and affordable. Zip me an email at Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com if you want to know more.
Blessing after blessing,
Lucy
Nancy,
You got that right, girl!
Blessings, Lucy
I struggle with perfectionism, and I recently realized that some of it comes out of a desire to keep from being criticized or getting into trouble in some way. I think its the result of growing up with a mentally ill dad. Just the existence of the book is comforting. I can only imagine how much more so reading it…
Karen,
I so understand. My dad is mentally ill too. Bipolar illness, type 2. He was diagnosed when I was age 14. I had thought if I were perfect, then my dad would be happy. It didn’t work. Why would it?
Back then I just wanted his approval and maybe a hug or a smile.
Love, Lucy
Hi Lucy and all!
Lucy, thanks for your great book review and posting about my new devotional book, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life.
I so appreciate you sharing part of your story. There’s such power in it. You wrote, “For those not in the know, a person who grows up amidst alcoholism tries oh-so-hard to control life. It doesn’t work. Still, she tries.”
I’m sure you see from your Biblical Counseling (I do from my Life Coaching) that many are deeply impacted (and conditioned) through negative experiences in their pasts. We can change, though. And you’re an example of that. Love it! Thanks, God.
Lucy, thanks for being the 2nd stop on my Wonderful (Imperfect) BLOG TOUR. Tomorrow’s stop is: http://womenbygrace.com
I look forward to meeting face-to-face sometime, Lucy.
Relief blessings,
Joan
I struggle with control (perfectionism) because I think (falsely) that if I can keep everything under control, nothing too bad can happen. For me this led to depression where I thought (felt) that if I would just sit still, nothing too bad could happen. I worked for Sandra Felton a number of years ago (author of the Messies Manual) and discovered that I am a perfectionist messy. I want things (my surroundings) to be perfect, but I can’t make them perfect so I let things be messy. I always felt that it was safer (not better – just safer) not do something than to do it and fail. I think perfectionism and fear of failure go hand in hand.
I just looked at the comment above; as a child I felt that if I could be perfect or really, really good, I could make my Dad happy. I didn’t have that kind of power though, and I felt like I had failed him.
Carolyn
Joan,
I’d love to meet you too. Your book will do great despite the economy. It speaks to women’s souls. Thank you for it.
Blessings, Lucy
Carolyn,
You are so right. Perfectionism and fear of failure do go together. I speak about fear of failure on BlogTalkRadio with author Donna Partow. If you want the link, email me. Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com
God is continually blessing you. He loves you dearly.
Blessing after blessing, Lucy
I seek to be perfect but in my perfectionism I desire to please the people around me. If I please 1, there are 2 more that are displeased. It’s not possible. But it is hard to break out of that mind set. This book looks like a wonderful, imperfect read.
This book sounds so wonderful! A must-read! Thanks for the review. Hugs, Cheri
This book sounds inspiring. I too have struggled with perfectionism. I think it all started when I came home with A’s on my report card and my mom said, “Why didn’t you get A+s?” (Both my mom and I are first-borns–that probably has something to do with it!) For a long time I thought people would only like me if I appeared to be perfect. Then I realized that the people I liked the most were not perfect and not afraid to admit it. That really changed me!
Hi Lucy
I probably used ‘absolute’ a little loosely. I am a melancholy personality and do aim high for perfection in the things I do. I also like to control my environment etc. Now that I am married and have 2 children I have had to ‘loosen’ up so much! Hubby says I’m ‘much better’ than I used to be. It’s hard not to expect too much of myself and of those around me. I tend to feel let down quite frequently.
I’ve had lots of Christian counselling in the past which has helped enormously. I will definately email you though if ever I need some more help.
I purchased your e-book through the week which has been helpful – thanks 🙂 I ‘reviewed’ you on my blog this week too 🙂
Many thanks – glad I found you here!
Love Narelle
I so agre with Carolyn who commented above. I also am a perfectionist messy. I spend each day beating myself up for it. I want that perfection that often comes SO close, only to fail again…and be reminded by others of how I’ve failed. RRR
Lisa and everyone,
God doesn’t want you to beat yourself up. It is not his will for you. There’s a better way, the narrow way.
I can put it here in a phrase — believe you are who God says you are — but this is easier said than done. If you’d like me to counsel you you biblically then please contact me. My email is Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com. The Lord truly loves you. . .just as you are, Lisa.
Blessings, Lucy
Perfectionism, sigh! Just about the time I think I have recovered it seems
to rear it’s ugly head. This book sounds like it could be life-changing for me. Thanks for sharing it!
Hi Lucy, I also grew up in an alcoholic home where no mention of God existed except as a swear word. Chaotic is a gentle word to explain our homelife. It was scary!
When I found Christ, my whole world and perspective in life changed. I knew I was loved and I wasn’t alone anymore. I met a wonderful Christian man in college and together we entered the ministry.
My dreams for the happy “Christmas morning every day” mentality for my family almost ruined me. My oldest child entered full blown rebellion at the age of 13. I could not process the concept of having raised my family with all the nurture and love and stability provided in our home – so different from my homelife could produce such a child. Yes, I tried to control with my intellegence, resource capabilities, books, my own wisom – but NOTHING helped – NOTHING! Until I released and surrendered to God. He took me one finger at a time and released my white knuckled grip on my son. It was definately a God thing because I could not do it. As God helped me release my son to His care and take my hands off – I saw the miracles begin and Praise God – I have a son who loves the Lord and has a heart of compassion.
Thank you for this website Lucy and God Bless you for your vision and heart for the hurting women of this world.
Perfectionist? You bet! Does it work? No…but that hasn’t stopped me from trying It adds to my insecurities immensely and it things aren’t “just so” then I am not fit for the day. Maybe this is something I really need to read to understand….I am who I am and God loves me anyway