This is the fourth of several posts on Sex Solutions for the UnSexy. Please read the earlier ones too.

Okay, I gotta be honest.

What I’m about to say will make some readers – possibly you — uncomfortable. We women may nod when a speaker says, “Sex is a gift from God,” but the thought of God

in the bedroom

when the Hubs and you are doing it

may seem unChristian or unladylike

or just plain wrong.

If you grew up in a rigid, narrow religious background, you undoubtedly received messages, spoken or unspoken, about the sinfulness of sex. Even if your parents put sex in positive terms, you got mixed-up signals from the media, especially television, the movies, music and now, of course, the Internet.

Among the false notions:

Sex is the ultimate experience.

Everyone has great sex on the honeymoon.

The more partners, the better lover you’ll be.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I mean: NOT FUNNY! 

All three statements are lies. And so is another: God has no place in the bedroom.

He does. He designed sex. He made you a sexual being. Sex is made for pleasure. (You probably know that a women’s clitoris has no other function than to provide good sexual sensations. Why oh why would He outfit you and me with pleasure equipment? Oh, yeah, for our pleasure.)

Yet so much goes wrong in the bedroom. This is a future post. ;-)

What can you do to help things go right?

1. Thank God for any sexual feelings you experience throughout the day.

2. When you and the Hubs begin to make love, offer a silent prayer thanking Him for the delightful sensations.

3. Acknowledge in your mind and heart that God approves of these exciting feelings.

4. Pray with the Hubs before or even during lovemaking — did I hear a gasp?! — as a way of acknowledging that the enjoyment of sex is part of your Christian life.

Hey, did you know that God is in the bedroom whether you invite Him or not?

So you might as well send Him an invite.

He will RSVP.  

You Are Loved, Lucy 

p.s. Join the conversation and leave a comment on the post or on someone else’s comment. May God continue to bless you as I know he will. Ephesians 1:3

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Hi friends,

I take a break from my series on sex — start with “Keep the Devil Out of Bed”  — and introduce you to Sacred Friendships, Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith. Written by Robert W. Kellemen, Ph.D. and Susan M. Ellis, this easy-to-read book reveal the stories of more than 50 Christian women — yes, women. Some you may have heard about, most you haven’t.

And if you leave a comment after you read this post, you may win a free autographed copy of Sacred Friendships. Bob and Susan say that they will randomly select five readers of the 20-plus blogs participating in this blog tour.

The authors write, “Our purpose is to uncover the buried treasure of wisdom about soul care and spiritual direction as practiced by women throughout the history of Christianity. Christian women from all races and nationalities have always helped hurting hardened people through the personal ministries of sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding.”

Are you convinced that women have much to teach men and women about life and ministry?

(Yes, women.) 

Then you want to read Sacred Friendships. It poses this provocative question, and it equips you to change lives as you learn from the women you went before you.

Among the stories are better-known women like Susannah Spurgeon and Sojourner Truth and those whose names you may have never heard but whose lives have much to teach about Christ-likeness. My personal favorite: Elizabeth Keckley, a black woman who sustained Mary Lincoln after the assassination of her husband and the president, Abraham Lincoln.

Another bright spot of Sacred Friendships: each chapter’s Q & A called “Learning Together from Our Great Cloud of Witnesses.” You can use this in a Bible study group or for personal study.

To read a free sample chapter, please visit: http://bit.ly/1S1haj and be empowered by the ministries of Margaret Baxter and Susannah Wesley.

To order your copy of Sacred Friendships at 40% off for only $12.99 please visit: http://bit.ly/MG1l5.

You Are Loved, Lucy

Psst: Remember to comment and you may get a free autographed copy from the authors of Sacred Friendships.

This is the third of several posts on “Sex Solutions for the UnSexy.” Next post: What If I Still Feel Dirty. Come on back and join the conversation.

Medically speaking, once you — or your daughter, granddaughter or niece – has had sex, she is no longer a virgin.

But this is not a medical blog. This is a heart blog. This is a hope blog. An our-hope-is-in-Christ place for you to come, relax and sip a latte of love.

OK. Enough gush.

Is a second (or third) virginity possible? Based on who God is, I must say “Yes,” sweet one. Our God is a God of second chances. Moses murdered, yet he’s listed among the faithful in Hebrews 11. Rahab too. Rahab who? Rahab the prostitute who took the leap of faith.

Yep, second chances.

Women and girls who have sex before marriage fall in one of two camps: 1) they were molested/raped or 2) they willingly shared their bodies. Either way, sex before marriage gets in the way of our sexual freedom with our husbands once we’re married. So while you can experience a second or third viginity, there is a cost.

Briefly – watch for  a longer post in next week – a girl who’s been molested/raped often becomes confused about sexuality. When an adult plays with a child’s genitals, she usually has some good sexual feelings while experiencing deep fear. This leads to turmoil, even intense guilt, as though she were responsible. She is not. A similar experience of good sexual feelings combined with fear may also occur in teens and in adult women who are molested/raped.

I don’t know if a girl or a women ever gets over her stolen virginity.

However, to receive healing, you need to bring your pain into the light. Speak with a trusted female Christian friend or a female biblical counselor. As long as the victim keeps her secret, the awful feelings of guilt, anger, embarassment and disgust will keeps its hold on her and intrude in her marriage and her sex life with her husband.

The horrible memories interfere with a pleasurable sharing of bodies as God intended. Sex is good when expressed between a husband and a wife.

 My love dare: Read the exciting poetry of Song of Songs. It depicts a man and his bride in full-throttle love.

Steamy.

Onto the second case of  sex before marriage.

Girls and women who willingly have even one sexual partner before marriage may get flooded with thoughts of their previous sexual experiences while making love to The Hubs. She too may feel guilt and disgust, and needs to discuss her feelings surrounding premarital activities and realize that God deeply loves her.

The best person to talk with: your husband, a trusted female friend or a female biblical counselor.

The reason you (or your daughter, granddaughter or niece) feels guilt or similar negative emotions: She disobeyed God’s command, for sexual intimacy belongs between a husband and wife only.

What do you do with the guilt? Agree with God that you made an ugly choice, which the Bible calls “sin,” determine to remain pure and accept God’s gift of forgiveness.

Cleansed by God, you may now enjoy this purity. If you’re unmarried, claim it as your second (or third) virginity. Go ahead. Take the leap of faith and believe.

Next post: What If I Still Feel Dirty

You Are Loved, Lucy

This is the second of several posts on sex and relationships. The first post uncovered this truth: Before marriage the devil will do all he can to get you into bed with a guy. Read it.

Nowadays, some 75 percent of guys and gals have sex by the time the hit 20 years old. The numbers for the genders are nearly even, so don’t get thinking that a whole bunch of guys are “doing it” with a few promiscuous gals. Today the females are hot for sex too.

Even junior high girls — you know, the ones who only recently bought their first bras — are hooking up with “hotties” (whom they may have just met) and bragging about it to their BFFs and anyone else in the school hallways and on MySpace. For those with daughters not yet in upper elementary school OR out of college, the term “hooking up” may sound innocent. It’s not. It’s horrible.

Now I don’t want to pin all this on Bill Clinton. Certainly no one man can claim full responsibility for rampant sex among young people and affairs among married couples . Yet his adultery with a White House intern figures in. It used to be that we all knew oral sex is sex. Now it’s not. Amazing how folks redefine words to cover up their messes.

Yet ever since Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, covering up has become our obsession.

Shame is one of many fall-outs of crawling in bed with the devil, who’d love you — or your daughters, granddaughters and nieces — to “get it on.” The biblical word is fornication. But no one uses this F word any more. It soooo out of fashion.

A gal who has sex outside off bounds sets herself up to feeling awful about her bad choices and about herself. Feeling bad about what you do is guilt. Guilt serves a holy purpose; it brings us to repentance: a U-turn. But shame is feeling bad about who you are.

Our enemy uses the foothold of shame to connive us into the slimy pit of addiction. To numb her pain, a woman may turn to drug use: alcohol and other mind-altering garbage. However, the most common addiction I see as a counselor to Christian women in a crazy world is approval-seeking.

Do you know where a bed-hopping girl/woman usually looks for approval? In the arms of yet another guy and another and another.

I have also seen what I call “the reversal” — also sick. The girl/woman who has hooked up decides that she never ever wants a boyfriend or one-night stand again so she eats herself into obesity. She wants to repel the opposite sex so she builds a wall of flesh, literally.

What’s the better way?

The better way is not easy, and healing takes time. But hope is near.

Admit your pain to God. He’ll listen. Talk with a godly friend. Choose to see a lie for what it is: death. Agree with God to embrace truth.

Now enjoy a “second virginity.”

What is a “second virginity”? Can a woman really come clean after sexually immorality? Or will her stain never wash out?

Came back to Real Hurts, Real Hope for the next post in this series: A Second (or Third!) Virginity.

You Are Loved, Lucy