It is a well-known fact among men that women

can,

at times,

be moody.

Men don’t get us. Even married guys don’t get their wives.

Really, how hard can it be?

If you could see me now, my mischievous smile (think: Cheshire cat) and wink would tell you I’m kidding.

But you knew that already.

Because you’ve been there.

I’m comfortable with crazy. The Hubs is not. I think he thinks I’m two Romaine leaves short of a Caesar salad. Bad joke.

He’d use other words:

All meant lovingly.

Of course.

Didya see that wink again?

“Why are you slamming cabinet doors, Lucy. You’ll break the hinges.”

So you care more about stupid hinges than my feelings.

SLAM. SLAM.  

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting.”

SLAM. SLAM.

No, I’m not overreacting.

SLAM.

I hurt. I can’t be a robot like you. Just because I feel emotions, Mr. Robot, doesn’t mean I’m weak or volatile or PMSing.

It means I’m real

and

I’m sick of stuffing emotions because stuffing emotions makes me sick

and I want to be whole

and hugged.

I need a sense of belonging.

Bad.

Question: What about you? Do you need a hug?

The provacative memoir Scandalon, Running from Shame & Finding God’s Scandalous Love by Susan Elaine Jenkins angered me.

– that the author’s parents, a pastor and his wife, failed to teach her boundaries. She had to be the “yes” pastor’s kid.

– that her husband refused to love her the way she needed him, turning to pornography instead.

– that her pastor/boss manipulated her and used her for his sexual pleasures.

Scandalous!

I felt comforted too. . .that she discovered deep truths about herself in God in a mystical land: China. In her book she brings China, its ordinary people and its customs alive.

 Now I want to go to China.

After I summer in Tahiti.

Here is an interview excerpt with the author. If you’ve ever experienced pain in a church, you need to read Scandalon.
Q: Tell us a bit about yourself.

Susan: I am a teacher. I was born into a family of preachers and teachers, and I always had a keen desire to teach. After teaching in California private schools for 19 years, I moved to China, where I have focused on teaching performing arts in three different international schools. I am a seasoned foreign expatriate these days and yet, the daily adventures of living in Asia continue to surprise me.

Q: It seems that some parts of your book were passages right out of your journals through the years. Is that right?

Yes, they were taken directly from my journals — especially the conversations between Dr. John Travis [her pastor/boss, not his real name] and me. Those three difficult months were mind-numbing days. Writing everything that happened at the end of every confusing day helped me make more sense of it all.

Once I was in China, the conversations with Ouyang [her friend who became like a brother] were important to me, as well, and I also kept detailed accounts. I knew I needed to have those talks recorded somewhere where I could retrieve them — they were too special to forget.

Q: Was there any deciding factor that made you think you should try compiling your notes into a book and to try to get it published?

A friend from the UK convinced me to begin a blog. The idea of sharing my stories was inconceivable, at first, but as time went by, I got to know my readers. Little by little, I opened up the pages of my journals with them, interspersed with a few of the details of daily life in Asia. To my surprise, my online friends began commenting and sending me private letters filled with their own pain. I wanted to let them know that there really is healing and light ahead, that God’s promise really is authentic: He is a God who heals.

Q: Are there any character embellishments? Some people in your book seem almost larger than life.

No, the characters are written exactly as they are. Conversations are word for word, in most cases. I wanted to present the strong and good qualities of my former husband, Kyle, for example, as well as the perplexing reality of our marriage. The words of Dr. Travis were etched deeply into my memory, of course, as those were life-changing words of an experienced sexual predator — impossible to forget, much as I tried.

And then the amazing friends I met in China were such distinctive people! I remember thinking: How can I tell the world about Mrs. Hua and her cozy dinner parties with fish swimming laps in the bathtub? How can I explain how marvelous Apple is, with her heart that simply listens to God as she finds her way around the French Riviera? I wanted to share the story of Angel’s frustration at being 30 years old and single in the Chinese culture. These are incredibly real and strong people who desire the same things we do in America. They taught me so much.

Q: Why a book about China?

Well, this particular story began to be written in the summer of 1992. My friend, David, gave me the keys to his beach house in Pebble Beach, and it began pouring out, as I walked along the ocean and typed in his massive kitchen. At the end of the summer, I returned the rented computer, put all the pages into a plain cardboard box and shoved it into a closet. It wasn’t until five years later, in 1997, that I realized the story was not going to rest quietly, just gathering dust. It was almost as if it had a life of its own, and refused to be forgotten, so I took the box to China with me and kept writing for the next ten years. It seemed to evolve into a book that is really a combination of two lives: my life in California and my life in Asia; two very different worlds.

I think it seemed very natural at some point, to write of a remarkably poignant journey that met in a healing point while living in a crumbled country, broken by its own history. My life at that point seemed very much the same - broken, falling apart, and dark.

Q: You moved to China to get away from memories that were haunting you?

A great job offer came up, and yes, I was anxious to have a completely new start. Before I left for China, someone told me, “Susan, you can never get away from this. Sooner or later, you will need to face all that’s happened in your life. You will need to go through the grieving process and admit that you have lost so much.” He was right. I did have to face it, but that happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, over a long period of time. Being in China helped me gain perspective of what God wanted to do in me and through me.

I guess it was near the end of my first school year that I realized China had become a second home. I was walking along the hot, muggy streets with Ouyang, and I realized I was reluctant to go back to America. He said, “Do you have to go back? Why don’t you just stay?” That possibility hadn’t occurred to me until that point.

I think the idea of feeling at home in China has to do with the fact that I began feeling “at home” with God. And that, for me, involved a great spiritual healing and coming back to a point of rest within God’s heart; being glad to be in His loving presence; knowing that all my sins are utterly forgiven and cast away; and, sensing His divine heart of grace. Home has literally — for me — become His own heart.

What gives the teaching of Jesus its power? What distinguishes it from the teachings of the Koran, Buddha, New Age, or anything else?

The risen Christ does.

Believing in the risen Christ is radical.

Yep, radical.

A guy bops back to life, hangs with his buddies, broils fish on the beach for breakfast, and believes he is who he says he is: the Way, the Truth, the Life.

What guts! What glory!

What a gamble.

A gamble? To believe God is who he says he is means that you are who God says you are. . .and most of us women have trouble accepting that we are beautiful princesses now. Tough to believe, but

 true

 true

 true.

Our Lord is the King of Kings. He has conquered death. Past tense! And yet. . .our enemy wants you to think Jesus is still in the tomb.

Not!

Our risen Christ has rescued us from the dungeons of despair and has clothed us beautifully.

Radical. Real. And risen.

Thank you, King Jesus.

Question: What interferes with your belief in the risen Jesus?

Whether life is fine or you hurt, Scripture heals. God’s Word packs power. Please is my Counselors’ Coach column at Take Root & Write, a Christian women’s digital magazine with more than 1,000 readers.

I show how to prayer-walk Scripture. Practical.

You also may find solutions to other problems you face. I am the host of an online radio talk show called “The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors.”

Here are the links for the first three weeks.

1. Special guest Diana Scimone, founder of Born2Fly, Int., shares how she (and you) may prevent the trafficking of children for sex. (Please note that due to a technical glitch the interview begins soon after the two-minute mark.) The link to the radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2010/02/09/the-sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

2. Special guest Angela Briedenbach, the current Mrs. Montana, tells how survived growing up with a paranoid schizophrenic mother, battled her pirates (her metaphor for negative/destructive thinking) and won. The link to the radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2010/02/16/the-sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

3. Special guest Tiffany Stuart courageously shares her abortion story in hopes that women who’ve also aborted a child — a hush hush topic in most churches — will find healing like her. The link to the radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2010/02/23/the-sisterhood-of-beautiful-warriors

4. On Tuesday, March 2, I interview Sharla Fritz, a woman whose nest now is empty. Find out how she found meaning after 15 years of homeschooling two children, one now in college and the other married with children. Discover how the afternoon of life has affected her marriage and her hormones and her dreams. Her first book publishes this spring.

To listen live to my show “The Sisterhood of Beautiful Warriors” on BlogTalkRadio, do two simple things:

First, go to http://blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio at the time of my show. 1 p.m. Central on Tuesdays.

Second, click the big yellow square that says “Listen live.”‘

Question: What problems/solutions would you like me to talk about on the radio? Feel free to suggest an interviewee.