Did I ever tell you that in my family, I am the mom, yes, but I’m also the second daughter?

First Laura.

Then me, three years later.

Then Julia, three years later.

John is the caboose (yep, three years later).

God let me be my own mother. But if I am the mother to me as child Lucy then, doesn’t this make me my own grandma?

If you’re thinking that a country song abot a grandpa that warbles along those lines, you are so right. Here’s the link to watch the music video. It’s a riot.

In my counseling, many of us had to parent ourselves. Me included.

Question: Have you? Please comment.

A serpent slithered to Eve, eyeing her with intent to kill.

Did she run? Squeak out, “Help me, Adam”? Nope! She and the serpent chatted up storm that crashed into her world. . .and yours. Fear debuted. It has had center stage ever since.

Fear. It’s a quirky emotion. It has its protective side. A pitbull charges and you wisely hurdle a fence like a world‐class Olympian. Fear also has its scary sides. It may stalk you, steal your peace, and imprison you. This is bad fear, sinful fear.

How do you respond to bad fear? Hide in your work or shop until you drop another grand? Shut down, blow up, or freak out?

A Healthy Fear

Do you know that God commands us to fear? “Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name” (Deuteronomy 6:13, NIV).

Page after page of Scripture echoes this command to fear — but why? In this context, fear means to revere, to have awe. God wants us to put him first, recognizing that he alone is worthy of worship. When we choose to love him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, we develop a healthy fear of God. He gets bigger in our minds, our fears shrink.

Not so with bad fear.

At the core of bad fear is shame. Shame whispers lies: “You’re inherently worthless and defective. You’re junk.”

Believers have heard shame speak, too. And some of us grew up in homes where we were told through word or action that we “should never have been born.” Shame makes us want to hide, to cover up, to strategically place fig leaves over depression, laziness and apathy, the idols of self‐worship and pleasure‐seeking, envy, hatred and unforgiveness, and sexual sins such as lust, sleeping around, adultery, and homosexuality.

Turning Fear to Faith: 3 Steps

Troubled by sinful fear? Here’s an effective plan:

1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the answer to this question: What am I hiding? Chances are, he’ll pinpoint areas of pain generated from fear. Example: You feel hurt that your loved one forgot to call you, and you fear rejection even though God says he’ll never leave you.

2. Do a U-Turn. Repent (or a 180-degree turn) of your sins including ungodly fear. Ask God for help. He will help you.

3. Replace fear with faithful choices. Let’s say that you are afraid to confront a co-worker who is misrepresenting you to your supervisor OR  the woman who is gossipping about you at church. Choose to follow God’s instructions in the Bible, and go to her and speak to her privately, lovingly and truthfully.

I grant you, this is easier said than done.

OR let’s say you’re terribly afraid of driving and don’t visit friends even though you really, really want to. What should you do?

The short answer: Believe God is in control and he’ll protect you. . .even from debilitating fear.

The long answer: Pause, step back and discern why you have this fear then ask the Holy Spirit to renew your mind to you think well.

Again, easier said than done.

I know, I’ve been there.

If you’d like a biblical counselor to help you replace your fear with faith, please contact me. If you want only complimentary “Think Well” charts write “Think Well.” I want to help you be all who God made you to be.

When you hopscotched on the school playground, secrets fluttered about like butterflies.

“Hey, Suzie, guess which boy in class likes you?”

“Who?’

“I’m not suppose to tell you. It’s a secret.” The friend looks over her shoulder and whispers a name in Suzie’s ear.

“Really? He’s cute.”

FAST FORWARD TEN YEARS.

“Terri, you’ll never guess who got so drunk she did it with lots of guys at Sam’s party?”

“Who?”

“I really shouldn’t tell you. She wouldn’t want you to know.”

“C’mon, who?”

“Your sister.”

Every person has shameful secrets that she doesn’t want anyone to know.

The difference between secret and confidence is Grand Canyon huge. A confidence is a private matter that should be kept quiet. For instance, what you paid for your house is between you, the seller and the bank. Feel free to keep it private. A secret, however, may be shared appropriately. Underline appropriately.

Here’s an example.

Seeking guidance, a close friend shares with me that she suspects her teenage son is downloading pornography from the Internet. While it was OK for her to share her secret with me (because we are very close friends and she is emotionally hurt by the situation), I ask her if she has talked with her husband. She has not. I encourage her to talk with him, and together talk with their son. The family secret must get out in the open. The son needs help.

If your son or daughter has a friend who is suicidal, tell them it’s right to tell an adult and get help.

Keep a confidence, sweet sister. A dangerous secret? Tell someone who is trustworthy and who can help.

Rest. You need it, right?

Jesus knows you do.

He told his followers, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you willl find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11: 28,29 NIV).

We all need pillow time. Dismantling the difficulties of life zaps energy — physical, emotional and spiritual.

So what’s a girl to do? Let yourself go to the One who knows best, get cuddly and rest.

No fretting.

No whining.

No worries.

God knows life throws rocks, even boulders, at you. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV).

The New King James version uses a word in place of “trouble”: tribulation. And this brings me to a story, unfunny then, now I laugh.

A dear person and I worked out at the gym, pumping iron, sweating, grunting, doing all those things weight-lifters do. I had left my daughter in the gym’s childcare staff. While she played upstairs, we began to fight downstairs. A verbal bash. He felt frustrated with me.

In a way I don’t blame him. I was going through the tough stuff of revisiting childhood pain. Still, I didn’t care for this dear one’s innuendo that true Christians ought to handle their problems better than I handled mine.

Ooh, that got me.

All growls, teeth and claws, I snarled, “The Bible says that in this world you will have tribulation. And. I. Am. TRIBULATING.”

Question: What stops you from getting the rest you need? Please leave a comment. Thanks bunches.