Do you miss your dad? Whether your dad has passed away or you have a poor or no relationship with him, your Heavenly Father is near. He comforts you. In this precious post by Shirley Crowder, a Heart2Heart Counselor, she helps us understand the true meaning of Dad. It appeared first here on Shirley’s website and is used with permission. Edited for space.
It is hard to believe that my Dad, Ray Crowder, died 26 years ago. This photo, circa 1976, taken at Little River Canyon, is one of my favorites.
I use Father, Dad, and Daddy, at different times to speak of him. I began thinking about why I call him different titles. Below you will find the Merriam-Webster.com definitions of Father, Dad, and Daddy, followed by my connotation for each term, and a memory.
What Is a Father?
- Father – a formal title for “a male parent” or “someone who has begotten a child.”
When I refer to him with this title, it is referring to his parental, and maybe even authoritative, disciplinary role in my life. So, I saw him as Father a lot during my childhood and teen days!
When my Father told me to do something, I was to do it immediately, joyfully, and completely, or there would be consequences (aka discipline). I remember one Saturday when Mom left to go grocery shopping that my Father told me I could not go play with my friend Donna until I cleaned up my room and put the dishes in the dishwasher. He immediately left to visit someone in the hospital, which I, of course, took as my cue to go play with Donna.
After some time had passed, I heard my Father calling—OK, yelling, “SHIRLEY JEANNE!” You know you’re in trouble when they use the first and middle names, don’t you?
I was grounded. This meant I could not play with friends. . .or my own brother! In addition, for a whole week, I was to do the laundry (under mom’s or his supervision, of course), vacuum the entire house everyday, and help Mom with meal preparation, serving, and clean-up. I could, of course, go to Sunday School, Sunday morning service, Training Union, and Wednesday night prayer meeting. I could also walk directly to school and home again.
That was my Father loving me enough to teach me to be submissive to authority. I learned that every decision I make has a consequence.
What Is a Dad?
- Dad – an informal title for “a person’s father.” A handwritten note in a file I have on Fathering reads: “Being a dad means ‘being there’ for your child(ren).” (Unfortunately I did not notate the source.)
I began referring to him as Dad in my teen years. It is more informal and indicative of me becoming more independent of my parents, of my becoming more mature. OK, maybe older is more accurate! Perhaps the best marker of this shift was learning to discuss and debate things with him.
One Saturday night when I was in high school, friends invited me to go to a movie. Since Dad knew those going, he gave me permission. He told me to return home right after the movie.
Well, of course, after the movie the group decided we should go to El Burrito, and I didn’t want to miss out on anything! When I didn’t get home around the time Dad expected me, he told mom, “They wanted to get something to eat. I’m sure that’s where she is.”
(Now, before you think my Dad was an unconcerned parent, everyone in the city of Gadsden knew Ray Crowder. So, if we had been in a wreck someone would have called him.)
When I walked in the house, there sat Dad at the kitchen table. Being a discerning teenager, I could tell immediately that I was in big trouble! He wasn’t reading the paper, or drinking iced sweet tea, or eating a snack. He didn’t even look angry, he was just sitting there looking at me.
I sat down in a chair directly across from him. He continued sitting motionlessly and silently, and just looked straight in my eyes. Although mom said it was not more than a minute, it seemed like an eternity to me.
Dad Said ‘Sweetheart’
Finally, Dad said, “Sweetheart” and inhaled deeply. He did not raised his voice. Rather, he spoke in that measured and controlled tone of voice indicating to me that my social life had ended—FOREVER! Mom joined us at the table.
Dad reminded me how I was continually telling him that I was a teenager, old enough to have more freedom, to make decisions on my own, and that I knew what was right and wrong.” Yep, of one thing I was certain—NO MORE SOCIAL LIFE FOR ME!
Since it was evident, at least to Dad and Mom, that I did not understand the difference in right and wrong; we spent the next hour or so making sure that I knew how the Bible, Dad and Mom defined right and wrong. And the consequences of sinning against God and disobeying my parents.
Forty-one years later, I remember that discussion almost word for word. I learned the definitions of right and wrong, although my actions since then have shown that I don’t really understand, for if I did, I would have made much different choices in myriad situations!
Who Is Daddy?
- Daddy – a title for “a person’s father – used especially by young children.”
Of course I called him Daddy as a child. Even in my early thirties (when he died), I would refer to him as “Daddy.” Now, when I speak of certain memories, or I am really missing him, “Daddy” comes to mind.
I must have been seven- or eight-years old when I took it upon myself to get something unplugged from an electrical outlet in the wall. I do not remember what I thought must be unplugged, but, it would not come out. So, being the brilliant youngster I was, I went into the kitchen, got a knife …
Yes, the shock knocked the breath out of me as I landed on my rear end, and it scared me!
When I screamed bloody murder, my Daddy (and my Mommy and brother, Tim) came running! Before he reached me, Daddy saw the knife on the floor near the outlet and realized what had happened. Daddy scooped me up into his arms. He and mommy checked my hands for burns, and asked me questions so they could determine if I had fried my brain.
Meanwhile, Daddy held me tightly while whispering comforting words: “Daddy’s got you.” “You’re OK.” “Ssshhhh.” Click & Tweet! “Mommy and Daddy are here.”
They declared me to be OK. Then my Daddy carefully and tenderly ensured I understood what happened so I wouldn’t repeat it!
Our Heavenly Father
Thinking about all of this brought to mind the following passage:
And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement
that addresses you as a father addresses his son?
It says, ‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.,
– Hebrews 12:5-6
I am all too often reminded of my earthly Father as I remember lessons I learned through the discipline I received from him.
I hear or read things all the time that I wish I could discuss with my Dad, and I wonder, “What would Dad think about this?”
All too often, I miss my Daddy, for he protected me, kept me safe (when I allowed him to), and made everything better (and so many other things)!
Remembering my Father, Dad, and Daddy always evokes myriad emotions, and sometimes leaves me feeling very unprotected and alone.
The Lord’s Precious Reminders
Yet, in His grace, the Lord reminds me:
- I have a Heavenly Father, Who forgave my sin and saved me from an eternity of punishment through His wrath.
- This same Father God (Savior, Lord) created me to live in intimate relationship with Him. As I read, study, meditate upon, memorize, and listen to preaching of the Holy-Spirit-inspired Word, and through prayer.
- This same Abba Father lovingly and protectively holds me securely in the grip of his grace.
While Ray Crowder was far from perfect, I am blessed to have had an earthly Father, Dad, and Daddy, from whom I learned about my Heavenly Father, Savior, Lord, and Comforter.
I miss my Daddy and am comforted by my Lord! Click & Tweet!Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. – Deuteronomy 4:9
Join In!
Did Shirley’s stories remind you of your dad? What are one or two thinks you think of when you hear the words Father, Dad, and Daddy? If you didn’t have a father in your life, what words do you share with your Heavenly Father? –LAM
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
Thank you for this post. My dad died when I was seven years old so I certainly miss all the years I didn’t have his wisdom, protection, and love.
I do remember tender moments when I was hurt and he comforted me. One such time was when I cut my leg and needed stitches. He carried me from the car to the house and I felt like a princess being carried by her prince.
I remember another time I had fallen off the top bunk in the middle of the night. He comforted me until I fell asleep.
He had nicknames for all ten of his children. Mine was poodles because of my naturally curly hair. In first grade it was “A in arithmetic” because he loved the way I listed through that word and was proud of the A.
Right before he died, the cancer had moved from his lung to his brain and he lost some of his vision. At that time he called me “Little Red Fire Engine” because I raced past him in my red pajamas on my way to the bathroom. He could see the red color and knew it was me.
I miss my dad. But my Heavenly Father has been my prince and my comforter and He knows my name and the color of my PJ’S. I am so thankful for the way He loves me.
Gigi, thanks for sharing! I am so sorry for your loss and am happy you shared many beautiful memories of your dad.
Yes, your Heavenly Father is your comforter and knows the color of your PJs! 🙂 I love how you added that detail! Beautiful. God bless you, Gigi!
Hugs, Lucy
Shirley had an incredible father and to think that the Heavenly Father is incomprehensibly better! We are so blessed to call Him “Abba Father.” Thanks for sharing your earthly father with us and demonstrating your Heavenly Father’s amazing grace!
I was encouraged by Shirley’s story too. She is one of the counselors listed in Heart2Heart Counselor Directory here at LucyAnnMoll.com. What a gem!