Emotions: 4 Steps to Emotional Wellness

emotionsEmotions can sometimes wreck your day, can’t they? In this brief article, you’ll learn

  1. You are not alone,
  2. Emotions — including the hard ones — assist in your sanctification.
  3. 4 steps to emotional wellness

You Are Not Alone

Meet a former counselee I’ll call Linda, who feels like a twisted piece of metal. Among her emotional wreckedness: rebellious teen, overworked husband, tight finances, loneliness.

And weariness. Deep weariness. Sound familiar?

Her teenage son is a Christian but runs with the beer-drinking crowd and stopped attending church. Linda fears he may get in a car crash. Just as bad, her husband is travels for work most of the week. So loneliness darkens her days and nights. In addition, household finances are tight, and the roof is beginning to leak.

And her emotions have affected her psysically. She sleeps poorly, gets migraines, and feels anxious all day.

I and other biblical counselors — some are listed on my Heart2Heart Counselor Directory, by state and specialies — come alongside the hurting every day, listening, giving hope, isolating the problem, determining direction, and helping them implement God-honoring solutions that result in peace and contentment, and most important, God’s glory.

Emotions Help You Grow Spiritually

Emotions tell us something about our hearts. They are neither morally good nor morally bad. Consider Jesus. He expressed emotions and never sinned.

  • ANGER: Jesus felt righteous anger while he turned over money-changers’ tables who were making his Father’s house a “den of robbers” (Matthew 21:13).
  • SADNESS: He sorrowed over the death of his friend Lazarus. (John 11:35)
  • FEAR: He feared the pain of dying on the cross. (Luke 22:42-44)

While Jesus felt a myriad of emotions and did not sin, you and I know that we often have ungodly thoughts (“Jerk, why don’t you learn how to drive?” or “No one loves me”) and act in ungodly ways (yell, pout, slam doors,  and so on).

To help you achieve emotional wellness, may I share a four-step plan (adapted from Elyse Fitzpatrick, a leading biblical counselor)? It skims the surface. So if you you desire biblical counseling via Skype or in person, check out my counseling info page. We can work together on your emotional wellness.

4 Steps to Emotional Self-Care

God wants to free you from the emotions that lead to sin. So here are four steps to emotional wellness.

1. Agree with God that your current way of handling negative emotions is sinful and cease from it. The one who changes your emotions is the Holy Spirit as you cooperate with him.

2. Be convinced that God’s way of becoming emotionally healthy are right and begin practicing them. Again, this is accomplishes through relying on the power, strenth, and grace of the Holy Spirit, who cares for you and you enables you to achieve God’s purposes in you.

3. Seek to change the way you think and become conformed to God’s will, especially in the emotions you struggle with. Yes, God is able to change you and heal your emotions. Yes, he wants to.

4. Continue to engage in your new godly thoughts and behaviors even when you fail and need to repent.

Achieving emotional self-care is never easy, and in giving four steps, I do not imply that is is. Becoming emotionally well is contrary to “the natural man.” Indeed, it means saying, “Lord, your will be done” when our easy-to-deceive hearts insist, “My will be done.”

The Good News

The good news is, you CAN know peace and contentment. You CAN put away selfishness, fear, and your need to control. And you CAN fight anger and win. Yes, you CAN fall into the arms on God, not the pit of despair. All because of Jesus and his redeeming love shown on the cross.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3

May I pray for you?

Heavenly Father, this one needs your touch. She needs to know you are real and you care and you love her. You know her struggles. You desire to heal her. May your will be done. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

Celebrate friends IRL. . .and Online!

Celebrate Friends IRL. . .and Online!

Friends are water to the soul. They lift you up and nourish you. Which is better for your overall well-being? In-real-life (IRL) friends or online friends? Or does it matter?

Friendships! Research shows that mutually supportive, caring friendships give us a sense a belonging, reduce stress, and increase longevity. They make life richer.

A scare-your-pants-off article in Newsweek hints that online friendships can be bad for you. Why? Spending time online — and thus sites like Facebook — may rewire your brain, resulting in loneliness, depression, even psychosis. Is this true?

Are online friendships bad for your health? Put another way, should you close your Facebook account? Today?

Ah, no.

Here is the view of another journalist who also looked at the scary research and takes a common-sense approach to spending time online.

What God Says

More important, what does God say about friendships?

Listen to this:

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

and this:

The righteous choose their friends carefully,

but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26)

and this verse too:

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God —I say this to your shame. (1 Corinthians 15:33,34)

By the way, there is no biblical command to avoid online friends. . .for good reason. 😉

Choose Friends Wisely

The meaning of these bible verses is clear: Spend your time with friends who are becoming more and more like Christ. You and I tend to model the words, actions, and thinking of the people we hang with. Of course, it’s all right — even good — to be in the company of sinners. Jesus was. This brief passage shows him breaking bread with messy people.

Like Jesus, when you and I have friends who do not love Jesus, our purpose needs to be this: putting their most important need first, that is, knowing Christ.

What if your best friend is your husband and he’s an unbeliever? God provides this comfort and instruction.

In Real Life

Nothing beats a hug from a reach-out-and-touch friend in good times and in tough times, and ((((hug))))) typed in a Facebook status is nice but not the same. Agree?

Also, in the bible, we hear this instruction:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24,25).

The upshot: Make and keep Christian girlfriends.

Online Friends

Check out these stories of my kids’ assertion that my Facebook friend aren’t real friends AND how I met an online girlfriend in person and why it was meaningful to me. Hugs, tears, and more hugs, more tears. . .and my husband’s Cheshire cat smile.

Friends, please stop by my Facebook page — Lucy Ann Moll, Christian Counselor

Let’s Chat

What influence has Facebook and other “friend” sites has on your IRL (in real life) friendships?

God Wants You to Take Care of You, Too!

hands-butterfly-healthWe women can stumble into a dangerous trap as we help others.

The pitfall of self neglect.

It may seem holy and right to neglect your own needs as you care for others, but is it?

Scripture presupposes you love yourself.

Of course, loving God is most important. As you love God, you’ll want to love others and yourself. Listen.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher, he asked, What must I do to inherit eternal life?

‘What is written in the Law?’ he replied. ‘How do you read it?’

He answered, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

‘You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’ (Luke 10:25-28, NIV)

Love God and love your neighbor as yourself — this imperative has a curious phrase at the end: “as yourself.” It suggests you care for, protect, preserve, and nurture yourself. Some women have a problem with this.

How can you help a hurting friend when you’re falling to pieces?

Your Body

You know the basics of physical health: eat well, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Have you considered play?

Among the mommy perks was going down slides, swinging high and jumping into sand, and getting dizzy on the merry-go-round. And laughing. I played like a kid, and no one looked at me funny.

As my kids became older and less interested in playgrounds, I found other playful outlets like karate.

Do you include play in your schedule? Think of one or two ways you can “play” this week. Write them on your calendar.

Your Emotions

Emotions are neither morally good nor bad. Jesus expressed emotions — from grief and joy, to anger and anxiety. What matters is how you express them.

  1. Picture a two-year old throwing a tantrum. She is angry and acting out.
  2. How about a sullen sixth-grader? He allows sadness swallow his joy.
  3. Then there’s a twenty-something full of fear. She’s afraid to get a job or to make new friends because she may face rejection.

An insightful scripture in dealing with emotions is Ephesians 4:14,15:

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

In this word picture the waves and winds of life upset believers. Influencing their emotions are bad teaching and nasty scheming. To grow up and express emotions appropriately, this Scripture says to speak the truth in love.

In my biblical counseling to women, many discover how to do this and have turned around relationships with spouses and adult children.  How does speaking the truth in love steady your emotions?

Your Spirit

Loving God and yourself means spending time with your Maker. You know the common ways: reading Scripture, praying, and worshiping in church. An overlooked yet life-changing way to touch God: Christian meditation.

It differs from Eastern or New Age meditation, in which the goal of meditation is emptying one’s mind of all thought. Christian meditation is thinking on a particular Scripture. You fill your mind with God’s truth.

Do you meditate on Scripture? How has meditation helped you worship God?

The other day, I opened to Genesis and read the first chapter. I focused on two scriptures: 1:1 and the phrase, “And there was evening, and there was morning — the first day” (1:5). And the second day, the third day and so on.

As I meditated, I felt an amazing sense of peace. He reassured me that he’s in charge, has a plan, and can handle anything. Meditation led to an expression of praise through worship.

When you love God first, you want to love your neighbor and yourself too.

SPECIAL OFFER: Need biblical help losing weight and getting fit for life? Purchase my e-book Fit for Life. Easy download. Just $3.50.

photo credit: Beverly & Pack via photopin cc
Hope and Blessings!

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Super Self Care Top Posts!

WELCOME back to my SUPER SELF CARE series! Today is the finale. I pray you enjoyed reading this series as much as I loved writing it. Keep reading to hear the name of the big book giveaway AND a special announcement.

During this eight-week series, I promised a big book giveaway of five books Christian women love to a reader who left at least one comment on a SUPER SELF CARE post and whose name I chose randomly. (Each comment counted as one entry into the giveaway.) And the winner is. . .

Becca!

A Southern gal who loves Jesus, dogs, and her friends, Becca commented on several posts in the series, increasing her chances to win. Her name was drawn by random. Congrats, Becca. The box of five books Christian women love will land at your home next week.

The Top 3

Here are links to the most popular posts in the eight week series, based on page views. They are:

1.  Celebrate Friends IRL. . .and On-line — With over 4,400 views, it is my best-read post ever.

2. Is It Sinful to Diet?

3. A No-Stress Budget?

Special Announcement 

With a personal concern for self care — remember, self care is NOT selfish as long as you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus — I’m making a special offer:

A 20-minute counseling intro with me at no cost to you.

If you’re considering this free offer, please stop by my counseling information page. You’ll gain a better understanding of biblical counseling and why it’s powerful and effective in hope and healing the heart. Send me a message and say why you want to try biblical counseling. I’ll contact you within the week. To send a message, click here.

May I pray for you?

Heavenly Father, your daughter is wonderfully and fearfully made. She is your masterpiece, fashioned to do good works that you’ve planned for her in advance. Help your daughter to reach out for godly counsel if this is your will for her now. Give her peace that surpasses understanding. May she know true contentment in you and experience the abundant life you have for her. Amen.

 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

is God too BUSY to care? NO! (SUPER SELF CARE 8)

WELCOME to week 8 of my SUPER SELF CARE series! This week’s emphasis: Is God too busy to care? Find out how to becoming spiritually fit, beginning with one of the most common questions: “Why, God?”

NEXT WEDNESDAY: Book giveaway winner reveal AND a special announcement. Sign up for my blog posts so you don’t miss it.

“God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with Him.” ~Jorgen Moltmann

“Why, God?” is the heart’s cry of untold numbers of Christian women.

Carol and her husband want a baby desperately, and they’re seeing a fertility specialist. With help from medication, she becomes pregnant then miscarries. Again.

A young couple receives the news that their little girl has a congenital disease: Cystic Fibrosis. Every day Bella has to take medication to help her digest her food properly. By age 8, her mom needs to pat her back every evening to loosen phlegm in her lungs. At age 10, she fights pneumonia regularly.

Amy loses her job. She has been unemployed for two years and moves back in with her parents. Christine finished her degree in elementary teaching with high hopes. With cuts in the state budget, she cannot find a teaching job and works at Target.

Vicki’s husband died a year ago. A fatal heart attack at age 54. She misses her best friend. She misses dreaming of going on trips with him and visiting their grandchildren. She misses holding his hand.

Pain Begets Suffering

When faced with suffering, some folks — even Christians — begin to doubt that God cares. The thinking goes like, “If God cares, He would not have let this happen.” They may become unwilling to believe that God, who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving, would sit back and do nothing while one of His children suffers. They may even question His existence.

Yet other Christians move toward God.

They let their “Why, God?” become a prayer — a heartbeat of yearning — to know God better.

The Point of Problems

The Bible says the God uses problems in at least three ways for your spiritual health.

1. God uses pain to direct you. “May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance” 2 Thessalonians 3:5.

2. God uses pain to correct you. “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees” Psalms 119:71.

3. God uses pain to perfect you. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.

What About YOU?

Do you have an uneasy sense that God doesn’t or care or is too busy elsewhere? Know this, sweet sister in Christ: God loves you. You matter. He wants you to come to him and tell him your fears and disappointments. He wants to heal you spiritually. If you have questions about spiritual and emotional healing, please feel free to contact me at Lucy@LucyAnnMoll.com.

Book Giveaway — You Last Chance!

Next Wednesday, I’ll announce the winner of the five-book giveaway to one of the women who has commented on a post in this series.

You can enter the giveaway today by leaving a comment on this post and on any post in the SUPER SELF CARE series. You can read the other posts here. The more posts you leave a comment, the greater your chance of winning the giveaway of five books Christian women love to read. It’s not to late to enter! I’ll make my selection, using a random method, on Monday, August 6.

Please join me the conversation on my Facebook page too. You find a fun question to answer. Fast, easy. Be heard. Check out all the posts in this series HERE.

With Joy Overflowing!

 

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