Sexually abused in childhood? Nothing penetrates the core of a child like sexual abuse.
Even the most caring parents cannot always protect their children from evil-hearted sex abusers. Could Jaycee Dugard‘s family have stopped her abduction? Doubtful.
In this short article, you’ll hear:
- Stories of survival
- Emotional cost of abuse in childhood
- Biblical solutions for abuse in childhood
Stories of Abuse in Childhood
Eleven-year-old Jaycee was walking to her busstop on a June morning when a man in a car reached out, grabbed her, and zapped her with a stun gun, then held her captive for 18 years, stealing her childhood.
In her memoir A Stolen Life, she writes:
In the summer of 1991 I was a normal kid. I did normal things. I had friends and a mother who loved me. I was just like you. Until the day my life was stolen.
For eighteen year I was a prisoner. I was an object for someone to use and abuse. . . .For eighteen years I survived an impossible situation.
Jaycee’s story seems extreme, and it some ways it is; few people remain in captivity for many years and live to tell about it and write a second book titled Freedom, My Book of Firsts on rebuilding a life.
But isn’t all abuse wrong? Molestation by a dad, stepdad, or neighbor is horrible too, isn’t it? The typical course of childhood sexual abuse is seduction (becoming the child’s friend), stimulation (touch: at first “innocent” such as a back rub, progressing to sexual), and silence (“this is our little secret”).
The sexually abued may have lifelong problems.
Each woman responds differently. Here are composites of women I’ve counseled.
- A 30-year-old was abused in her preteens by a Christian camp director. In high school — with little sense of her value to God — she had sex with any guy who asked. Later she married and was unfaithful to her husband.
- A middle-aged wife stares at her bedroom ceiling, her husband at her side. He desires sexual intimacy; her mind replays the times a family member sexually abused her.
- A mother of two feels shame on the anniversary of the day she slipped into an abortion clinic, pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby, and left empty. She now runs a ministry for women who’ve aborted babies.
The Emotional Cost
The emotional cost of sexual abuse in childhood includes anger, bitterness, shame, anxiety, depression, and other emotions, often leading to idol worship. Idol worship is making something else more important than God.
Another emotional cost is confusion about sexuality and relationships with others and with God. A few examples are sex before marriage (fornication), adultery, homosexuality, and pornography.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say a Christian woman I’ll call Kayla decides that sex before marriage is okay if she loves the guy. Rather than recognizing her identity as God’s precious child and resting in this relationship, she looks to men and sex to give her security–a false sense of security.
Often she will recognize her mistake and have emotional pain. She may not choose to talk to God, confess, and repent. She may seek a way to numb her pain.
Kayla turns to food. Eating comfort foods calms her and helps her forget her mistake. Without recognizing it at the time, she overeats in order to become obese and less attractive to men.
God’s Solution
God is tender toward the hurting. The Bible uses words like affliced, weak, oppressed, helpless, and brokenhearted to describe those who have been sinned against.
Why not check out these verses?
- Afflicted. Psalm 9:12
- Weak. Psalm 82:3-4
- Oppressed. Psalm 10:18
- Helpless. Psalm 41:1
- Brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18
The Bible encourages Christians to be compassionate and empathetic toward the abused.
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 1 Thessalonians 5:14
Women abused in childhood need hope. They also need to return to faithful service in her family and to God. Are you overprotective of your children? Do you think that sex with your husband is wrong? Do you self-indulge in food, alcohol, or shopping?
Are you ready to grow through your suffering? If not, what’s getting in the way? Fear?
What’s Next?
If you need counseling, please contact me . A certified biblical counselor, I can meet with you in person in the Chicago area or by Skype.
Sharing Hope with Your Heart,
